 Movie/TV title: Jennifer's Body
Character name:Nikolai
Quote(s):
Nikolai Wolf: I think it's important to reach out to our fans in the shitty areas, too.
Nikolai Wolf: Do you know how hard it is to make it as an indie band these days? There are so many of us, and we're all so cute and it's like if you don't get on Letterman or some retarded soundtrack, you're screwed, okay? Satan is our only hope. | Movie/TV title: In The Land Of Women
Character name: Carter Webb
Quote(s):
Carter Webb: Hey Grandma, not okay to answer the door when you're not wearing clothes.
Carter Webb: I pride myself on being this great listener, but whenever I meet somebody new I find I'm doing all the talking.
Sarah Hardwicke: Maybe you're not really such a great listener.
Carter Webb: Hmm?
Sarah Hardwicke: Maybe you're not such a great listener.
Carter Webb: No that's not it, I'm a great listener.
Carter Webb: I am mysterious.
Paige Hardwicke: Oh, let's see the new Colin Farrell movie!
Carter Webb: Oh, let's not!
Phyllis: Carter, I'm 133 years old.
Carter Webb: Grandma, that's not possible.
Phyllis: Hm?
Carter Webb: I didn't say anything.
Gabe Foley: You think you can step into my 'hood, slinging game at my girl, drinkin' my boy's brew, and expect not to be scrappin' directly?
Carter Webb: What?
Gabe Foley: Are you deaf and stupid? I said...
Carter Webb: - Don't repeat all that. Please. I think the answer to your question depends on whether you have, like, a learning disability, or you're just an average moron.
Carter Webb: [after Gabe punches Carter] OK, above-average moron.
Sarah Hardwicke: Listen, Carter I need to tell you something.
Carter Webb: Good because I need to tell you something too.
Sarah Hardwicke: You first.
Carter Webb: I think your husband must be out of his mind... now what was it you had to say?
Sarah Hardwicke: Oh, it was nothing important.
Paige Hardwicke: Carter?
Carter Webb: [turns around] Hmm?
Paige Hardwicke: [sleepily] Will you marry me?
Carter Webb: Yes.
Lucy Hardwicke: You know that was really hard for me to say? I mean what are you trying to do scare me? Well congratulations!
Carter Webb: I'm trying to wake you up! There's a big fucking world out there. It's messy, and it's chaotic, and it's never, it's never ever the thing you'd expect. It's ok to be scared but you cannot allow your fears to turn you into an asshole, not when it comes to the people that really love you, the people that need you.
Lucy Hardwicke: So I guess we're done right?
Carter Webb: Yeah, we're done.
Carter Webb: There's a big fucking world out there. It's messy, and it's chaotic, and it's never, never ever the thing you'd expect. It is ok to be scared, but you cannot allow your fears to turn you into an asshole, not when it comes to the people that love you, the people that need you.
Carter Webb: I've been trying to write this letter for a while now, the kind you said you'd never received. The kind I've been working on my whole life. I remember being 13 years old, sitting in my room all night, listening to the same song over and over. I thought that if I could write something beautiful, something honest, I could make someone love me. I've taken a lot for granted. I've never tried too hard; always avoided responsibility. I came here because I was running away, 'cause I wanted to be alone. Instead I met you and you weren't taking anything for granted. I hope you get all the moments you deserve. I hope you go back to NY and sit in the met in the room with the painting of the Hudson river, and I hope when you do, you take Lucy with you cause I know she'd love it. I'm sorry if I've made your life complicated. I'm sorry for a lot of things, but most of all that I never got the chance to tell you that, no matter what happens next, I'll never be anything but grateful for every moment I spent with you. And even though I keep fumbling for the right words, all I really wanted to say was thank you.
Carter Webb: I'm on the plane out here, and I open my computer and I start reading these emails that I sent her, like 30 or more maybe, over the course of our relationship. And not just short messages, I'm talking about long, involved love letters. Like, desperately trying to be romantic and poetic, whatever and embarassing as it is, it's also like, kind of the best stuff I've ever written. Because it's got this naive idealism thing going on where ours is going to be one of the greatest love stories ever told, and I'm writing it. So I'm sitting there and I'm reading these emails and there's some turbulance, and I start to have this massive panic attack, like nothing I've ever had, and I think it's happening because I can never imagine feeling that way about anybody else, ever again.
Carter Webb: Sophia dumped me
Agnes Webb: Are You kidding me? When?
Carter Webb: About an hour and a half ago, I've been in traffic
Carter Webb: What is it?
Phyllis: It's possible, I think maybe, my toilet might be stopped up
Carter Webb: Maybe? What's the variable?
Phyllis: Water is running over the top. The carpet is all wet!
Carter Webb: Well I'll take a look, first I just gotta stop off at my room and kill myself! | Movie/TV title: Thank You For Smoking
Character name: Jack
Quote(s):
Jack: Okay, I'm gonna bring your dad in now. Is there anything I can get you, like an orange juice, or a coffee, or a Red Bull?
Joey Naylor: No, thanks.
Jack: Okay.
[High fives Joey]
Jack: [In Elevator] Did you hear that?
Nick Naylor: [pause] No.
Jack: Exactly.
Jack: That sand's not gonna rake itself, Hiroshi.
Jack: As you can see, Jeff just loves... Asian shit.
Jack: I'm going to impale your mom on a spike and feed her dead body to my dog with syphilis.
Brad: Ha, you got me!
Jack: [to Nick and Joey Naylor] Inside joke.
Jeff Megall: Oh, stop. Next thing I know, he'll be telling you what position I used to play for the Bruins.
Jack: Quarterback.
Jack: Alright come here, this is my favourite part. That one right there...
[points in pool of fish]
Jack: It's 7000 dollars.
Nick Naylor: 7000 for a fish?
Jack: Yep, kinda makes you wanna stop eating sushi, but I guess you kinda have to.
Jack: See that big white one right there?
[points again]
Jack: Swear to you, 12000, gift from Oprah. | Movie/TV title: Grid
Character name: Dustin Knight
Quote(s):
Dustin: Lil Bow Wow, you keep barkin', you and I are gonna take a one way walk into the woods.
Dustin: You know what, I remember Matt listening to your crap, and look where that got him. The guy is a complete stain.
Eric: That's where Matt deceives you.
Dustin: I don't think Matt deceives me.
Eric: Because in actuallity he really know's which end is up.
[Matt jumps off the roof of the house into the pool]
Dustin: [being hauled into the van to go on tour] I need to go back Eric; I need to get my special pillow.
Matt: It's the honeymoon suit.
[makes porn music sounds]
Matt: [Matt touches Dustin's nipple and Dustin punches him]
Eric: So there's only one bed and there's four guys.
[Matt and Dustin race to the bed where they start to pillow fight]
Dustin: This is my side. Get off me.
[Dustin pulls something from under the sheets]
Dustin: Ah! Man-ties!
[Dustin puts tighty-whities on Matt's head]
Matt: AHHH!
[matt pulls them off and throws them across the room while Dustin laughs histerically]
Matt: You did not just find those in that bed!
[Dustin is digging threw the garbage]
Little Kid: Whatch ya doin'?
Dustin: I dropped something and I'm looking for it.
Little Kid: I had chili chesse fries, lots of them, and a chocolate shake.
Dustin: Didn't your mom ever tell you not to talk to strangers?
[Little kid throws up on Dustin]
Dustin: I guess she didn't say anything about puking on them.
Little Kid: Ha!
[Dustin and Matt go on Jimmy's tour bus to put their demo tape on there]
Matt: I've been holdin' it for two days, dude. It's about to go downtown.
Dustin: That's a good idea; why don't you take a crap on his bus. He'd appcreciate that.
[Matt enters bathroom while Dustin changes tapes]
Dustin: [Matt starts to sing while he's pooping]
Dustin: Dude, let's go.
Matt: Whoa-ho! Dude, I might not get a piece of Jimmy Wilson, but he sure got a piece of me!
Dustin: Dude, that smells like hermit crap.
Dustin: So to recap, um, we smell like turds, we have no car, no Jimmy Wilson, and I'm broke. I guess you could call me stupid.
Matt: Hey Stupid.
Dustin: What?
Eric: Excuse me sir...
Scabby Security Guy: [turns around to reveal a nasty scab on his face]
Dustin, Eric, Matt: Good lord
[everyone screams, Matt grabs his own face]
Eric: Get it away
Scabby Security Guy: Yeah, what do you want?
Dustin: Excuse me sir we are just here to see Jimmy. Is he in the scar, the car, the bus is that where he is?
Scabby Security Guy: Thats a big no on Jimmy.
Dustin: Good, thank you.
Scabby Security Guy: [to Matt] What are you looking at pin-head.
Matt: No.
Dustin: oh... SO what is your name?
Hot Girl: No reply
Dustin: Wake up, and smell the desperation.
Matt: I'm in a dry spell.
Dustin: To be in a dry spell you have had to be in a wet spell.
Matt: I've had sex.
Dustin: With a human being?
Matt: Who's making up all these rules?
Dustin: Okay, you know what? I just got peed on.
Dustin: Dammit! Why?
Matt: Dude, I didn't even know it was going.
Dustin: Okay, you know what? I just got peed on.
[after being blown off by a girl at a club]
Dustin: Hold on, I'm gonna go get you another glass of bitch.
Dustin: [while Matt and Dustin are fighting in the van] I'm gonna snap your neck like a glow stick!
Dustin: [seeing Jimmy Wilson's tour bus] Oh, black leather. That's just how Snoop would do it.
Matt: [while changing blown tire on the van while Sweet Lou and the girl are in the van and it is rocking] Sweet Lou's all over this chick.
Dustin: Why does that bother you so much?
Matt: Because it's not happening to me.
Dustin: Dude, maybe if you changed your clothes like one time there might be a... I don't know.
Sweet Lou: It's tempting but uh... I don't know. And you know, school just let out and all.
Eric: Dude, didn't you graduate like six years ago?
Sweet Lou: Yea, but they didn't.
Dustin: Again, good point.
Dustin: [Wolf howling in background] We're not food here | Movie/TV title:
Character name:
Quote(s): | |
