| Movie/TV title
The Comic Strip Presents: Five go mad in Dorest
Character name
Dick
"Oh wizard!"
"Thanks Anne, you really are a proper little housewife, not like George. She still thinks she's a boy."
"Really George! It's about time you gave up thinking you are as good as a boy. I mean, Anne is just a girl and she doesn't mind"
"You really are a brick"
"We're so greedy, aren't we?!"
"We'll! I feel pretty hot and sticky after all that! Who's coming for a dip?"
"I'm sorry Ju, it's ... I didn't mean to let you down like that, it's just growing up feelings and relationships that's all"
"Adventures! But thats all we ever have. Always hearing secret conversations, digging up buried treasure, chasing people down tunnels. Why can't we do something else for a change?"
"Buck up Toby. I think you're quite nice. Come on, let's do something exciting under water."
"It must be awful being a girl and having to do all the work"
"It's no good uncle Quentin, you're a queer and that's the end of it!"
"Well that was an adventure and a half!"
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| Movie/TV title
The Young Ones
Character name
Vyvyan
"I've been to the Morgue!"
Vyvyan: I've got a leg!
Mike: Hey, Vyvyan, that's not unusual
Vyvyan: No, no look [brings out leg wrapped in paper] I am supposed to write an essay on it but I think I am just gonna stick it on the bonnet of my car.
Rick: I think Special Patrol Group is a stupid name for a hamster!
Vyvyan: Alright, I'll change it then! Hello, Cliff Richard!"
Vyvyan: I thought you were dead.
Neil: Well that's no reason to hassle me on the toilet Viv!
"Some of these bricks explode! That's good innit?
Mike: It's nice to have a front door!
Vyvyan: We had a front door at the last house.
Rick: Yes, Vyvyan, but it was nailed to the ceiling in the living room!
Mike: It had to be done
Vyvyan: Yeah! I had to! I was drunk!
Vyvyan and Rick: Neil, your bedroom's on fire!
"Neil, let's not beat around the bush. Are you going to make supper or am I going to have to kick your teeth in?!"
TV announcer: And don't forget to unplug your set.
Vyvyan: Why?
TV announcer: Because it will blow up you silly boy
Vyvyan: Great!!
"I as playing 'Murder in the Dark' in the cellar, and I was getting really bored. So I thought, I know, I'll crack the floor with my head"
"Viva El Presidente!"
"I've finished the new car competition. I'm gonna win a Ford Tippex any minute. It's quite easy really. All you gotta do is match up six pictures of famous noses with six pictures of famous boogies. Thought that would shock you, well it's not true, beca]use then you gotta say in ten words "What cornflakes mean to you". So I out "Cornflakes. Cornflakes, Cornflakes, Cornflakes, Cornflakes ... Cornflakes, Cornflakes, Cornflakes, Cornflakes.
[playing monopoly]
Vyvyan: You've won second prize in a beauty contest
Rick: Ha ha ha!
Vyvyan: ... smash Rick over the head with the bank!
"This is my favourite programme. It'd be just typical if it was interupted by a newsflash about a seige or something like that" [a newsflash about a siege comes on]
"It's alright lads. I stole some money from Ricks bedroom this morning, so I'll get these!"
"Mine's a babysham!"
Vyvyans mum: Well aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?
Vyvyan: Oh yeah. Uh, this is a friend of mine called Mike ... uh... this is a friend of mine called Neil
Neil: Hello
Vyvyan: And thats a complete bastard I know called Rick.
"Look! Watch my trick you bastards or I'll kill you!"
Vyvyan: It's incredible, isn't it Mike? That although one goes to bed apparently free of grit, when you get up in the morning, your bed is always full of bits!
Mike: No time to comment Vyv, I can never see my matching undersheet for chicks
Vyvyan: Yeah! I have the same problem with fleas. You see, without my spectacles, fleas and bit's are almost identical. Not that a flea is going to be wearing my spectacles.
"Cornflakes for breakfast! That's disgusting Neil!"
"There just so happens to be an atom bomb in front of the door"
Vyvyan: What are you going to do Rick? Burn your bra?
Rick: Well someone's got to do it, Vyvyan! it's easy to sit on your backside, isn't it?
Vyvyan: Not if you haven't got a bottom!
Mike: Vyy?! Eat the telly!
Vyvyan: That's a completely brilliant idea Mike. I've been waiting to do this for a long time!
Vyvyan: [smashes bottle over atom bomb] Why won't it go off Mike?
Mike: Why do you want it to go off?
Vyvyan: Who can tell?
"What I need is the drill, the hedge trimmers and some ordinary household bleach!"
"Why won't you let me set off the bomb, you bastards??"
Vyvyan: I've been wrecking the bathroom.
Punk #1: Terriffic
Punk #3: But its your house Vyv.
Vyvyan: Yeah, but it's a party, init!?
Rick: Why can't they have stories about love and peace?
Vyvyan: Because it's sissy, you girly!
Vyvyan: Wait a minute! Is your the stuff with the sticky labels with 'Rick' written on it?
Rick: Yes
Vyvyan: [mock remorse] Oh. sod it! I'm very sorry, Rick! I didn't know! I tought it was mine, and I've eaten it! Every last bit!
"it's a potion I've invented where when the patient drinks it he turns into an axe-wielding homicidal maniac! It's basically a cure. For not being an axe-wielding homicidal maniac!"
Rick: Well, why don't you put your money where your mouth is and go to the shops yourself?
Neil: Yeah!
Vyvyan: Because I don't want my forehead to rust!
***Series two coming soon***
|
| Movie/TV Title
The Comic Strip Presents - War
Character name
Mike, Hatchett, Julio, Bolson, Man in Cage, Jenkins and Zarkoff
***Slideshow coming soon***
"Have you ever seen a dead baby?"
"Ok, now remember! You're the toughest, hardest ... cruelest, umm, stupidest guys in the whole God-damned war and don't you forget it!"
"Yes, umm, you look like the young executive type to me. Probably lives in Malden, drives a volvo ... beats his wife at the weekend!"
|
| Movie/TV Title
The Comic Strip Presents - Beat Generation
Character name
Desmond
"We can all have a crazy time because my parents have gone away"
"I'm turning into an Italian. Look! Pointed shoes!"
"I want to do it to you!"
"Everyone is having a pretty groovy time"
"We're all crazy poets"
[Talking about his poem] "This one is about my first trauma. My girlfriend had just come back from boarding school and her pony bimbo died.Its called 'Oh Crikey'"
"I'm not a virgin, OK!"
|
| Movie/TV Title
The Comic Strip Presents - Bad News Tour
Character name
Vim Fuego
***Quotes coming soon*** |
| Movie/TV Title
The Comic Strip Presents - Summer School
Character name
Peter
***Coming Soon***
|
| Movie/TV Title
The Comic Strip Presents - Five go mad on Mescalin
Character name
Dick
***Coming Soon***
|
| Movie/TV Title
The Comic Strip Presents - Dirty Movie
Character name
Bean
***Coming Soon***
|
| Movie/TV Title
The Comic Strip Presents - Susie
Character name
Martin
***Coming Soon***
|
| Movie/TV Title
The Comic Strip Presents -Fistfull of Travellers' Cheques
Character name
Billy
***Coming Soon***
|
| Movie/TV Title
The Comic Strip Presents - Gino: Full Story and Pics
Character name
Gordon/Bill
|
| Movie/TV Title
The Comic Strip Presents - Eddie Monsoon, a life
Character name
Eddie Monsoon |
| Movie/TV Title The Comic Strip Presents - Slags Character name Ace |
"My life was hell. You made me suffer every possible indignity. "These are my four pretty little granddaughters you would say to your friends, "and that's a total bastard that lives with us called Guy"
"I only want to be loved Grandma!"
"Bloody ha ha ha with nobs on!"
Guy: My cars going rusty because my grandfathers died.
Doctor de Quincy: Oh I am sorry, what was it
Guy: A mini!
"Shut up and listen you half witted peasant!"
Guy: You've been laughing at me
Edith: Yes I have
Guy: Because I still have feelings? Because I'm still ... human?
Edith: No! Because your a prat! Simply being human isn't a good enough joke, everyone can do it!
"Other peoples grannies knit them jumpers or bake them delicious cakes, you blew up my car!!"
"But do they all have attractive personalities? I do you see and I thought I might be able to use my considerable social charm to win her friendship"
"Hello lovely granny.Great news! I have made contact with Cassie. It's wonderful how like you she is. She has the same endearing habit of expressing her love for me through violence."
Guy: Hello matey boy. I'd like a ticket to France please.
Ticket man: This is Liverpool. The ferry doesn't go to France, it goes to Berkenhead.
Guy: Uh, umm ... well do you think you can drop me off?
"Housemaid is English slang for girls who like to kiss in a really dirty sort of way"
"And so granny dear, I've decided to show the postcards to the local village Priest. He's the first genuine Naziz I've ever met and I must admit I rather like him."
***More Quotes Coming Soon*** |
| Movie/TV Title The Comic Strip Presents - The Supergrass Character name Dennis Carter ***Coming Soon*** |
| Movie/TV Title The Comic Strip Presents - Consuela, or New Mrs Saunders Character name John ***Coming Soon*** |
| Movie/TV Title The Comic Strip Presents - Private Enterprise Character name Brian |
| Movie/TV Title
Flithy, Rich and Catflap
Character name
Edward Catflap
***Coming Soon***
|
| Movie/TV Title The Comic Strip Presents - The Strike Characters names Adrian, Slim and the policeman |
| Movie/TV Title The Comic Strip Presents - More Bad News Character name Vim Furgo |
| Movie/TV Title
The Comic Strip Presents - Mr Jolly Lives Next Door
Character name
|
| Movie/TV Title The Comic Strip Presents - The Yob Character name Micheal |
| Movie/TV Title
Blackadder goes forth
Character name
Baron Von Richthoven
***Slideshow Coming Soon***
"How lucky you English are to find the toilet so amusing. For us, it is a mundane and functional item. For you it is the basis of an entire culture."
"I can tell you are suffering by your long faeces."
Richthoven: Ah, and Lord Flashheart, this is indeed an honour. Finally the two greatest flyers in the vorld meet. Two men of honour who have jousted together in the cloud strewn glory of the skies are face to face at last. How often have a rehearsed this moment of destiny in my dreams. The valour we two encapsulate, the unspoken nobility of our comradeship, the [Flashheart shots him dead]
Flashheart: What a poof! Let's go!
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| Movie/TV Title The Comic Strip Presents - South Atlantic Raiders Character name Billy |
| Movie/TV Title The Comic Strip Presents - GLC: The Carnage Continues Characters names Billy, prince and Giles Cricket Bat |
| Movie/TV Title The Comic Strip Presents - Oxford Character name 2nd MI5 Man/Fan |
| Movie/TV Title Les Dogs Character name Bestman |
| Movie/TV Title The Pope Must Die Character name Father Rookie |
| Movie/TV Title
Bottom
Character name
Eddie Hitler
***Coming Soon***
|
| Movie/TV Title
The Comic Strip Presents - Red nose of Courage
Character
John Major, Coco the clown
|
| Movie/TV Title
The Comic Strip Presents - Space virgins from the planet sex
Character
'K', air traffic controller
|
| Movie/TV Title
The Comic Strip Presents - Gregory: Diary of a Nutcase
Character
Gregory
|
| Movie/TV Title
The Comic Strip Presents - Demonella
Character
Sid Vicious
|
| Movie/TV Title
If you see God tell him
Character
Gordan Spry
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| Movie/TV Title The Comic Strip Presents - Four men in a car Character Ian ***Coming Soon*** |
| Movie/TV Title French and Saunders - Titanic Character James Macaroon |
| Movie/TV Title The Comic Strip Presents - Four men in a plane Character Ian Crisp ***Coming Soon*** |
| Movie/TV Title Johnathan Creek Character name Brenda Baxter |
| Movie/TV Title
Celebrity Fame Academy
Character name
As himself "I'd really like to apologise to my teenage daughters cause it must be so embarrassing to have a dad as big a dick head as this!"
Craig: I like the fact that you made some very bold choices in the staging of it. I thought that was terrific
Adrian: That's a very kind way of saying it's crap isn't it?
"I like to move on stage. I don't like standing still cause then people see I'm a fat, balding bloke"
"Kevin had been teaching me some of James Browns moves, which I really cant do - whereas James Brown is the sort of Godfather of soul, I'm like the second cousin twice removed"
Carrie: You hate your song. You hate the fitness and you hated the music!
Adrian: Yeah! I'm looking forward to lunch though!
"I think I've misunderstood the game. I thought the more I drank the more money we raised for comic relief.
"Well we've had some complaints from the League Against Cruelty to Microphones and Microphone stands so tonight I am doing something completely different and not touching it."
"In this thing I'm just so different from the me that sits at home cause I've always been very private. When I perform I kind of become different."
Cat: Everybody has been saying that you have a read split personality. What is the difference between the Adrian at home and the Adrian on this stage?
Adrian: I think the Adrian on this stage is alot more nervous and the Adrian at home has apparently just had two lambs! YAY!!
"Yes. What a silly sausage! What a silly emotional sausage we can be ocassionally.
"I think everyone wants to live in a nice world and you do things that make your enviroment more pleasent for yourself don't you. That's my act. That's what I do. I've never had particularly good material - I just perform like an idiot.
"My job is just trying to speak common sence and jolly people along"
Cat: What are you missing most from home?
Adrian: The ability to pick my nose without being on television.
Edith: What's that?
Adrian: That's just my microphone!
Adrian: You seem to have forgotten your bra this evening
Cat: You know what the good thing is that I don't really need one so its ok actually. They just sort of stay up there on their own.
Adrian: I'm enjoying looking at them anyway.
Cat: I'm glad your hands are tied behind your back!
Cat: You said you've regressed to being 14 years old. Is that a coping mechanism for the whole Fame Academy?
Adrian: No. Thats just the best age to be in life I think.
"Can I just say to Lesley - you told me if I was naughty last night you'd come in and smack my bottom. What happened?
|
| Movie/TV title:
Holby City
Character name
Percy 'Abra' Durant
***Slideshow Coming Soon***
[sounding shocked] You know, sister Tyson thinks he's almost as sexy as me!!"
Dan: Oh, Percy, could I have a word?
Abra: I'm very busy
Dan: Uh, it's rather pressing
Abra: My tummy is very rumbly
"So this surgeon goes into a pub with a slab of tarmac under his arm and says "Beer please", and one for the road ...... cause he's got a bit of road!"
Patient: I want to live!!!!
Abra: I don't blame you!
"Your mum dumped me just like she dumped the booze. You can make your own mind up which was the worst addiction."
"Real life! What's that?"
Abra: So a consultant, a registra and an S.H.O. and a scotman go into a pub and the barman says ...
Kyla: Is this some kind of a joke?
Abra: Da Da! Now that's it! You've heard both my jokes!
"Everybody is sad. Get over it. Stuff happens"
"You'll like this one! This prostitute picks up a client and as they are doing it she can't help noticing he's whispering all the time. Whisper, whisper, whisper, and eventually she says, "look if you are gonna whisper at least whisper in my ear . So he leans forward and whispers in her ear and do you know what he is saying? "I've only got a fiver!""
"Apart from a broken heart I'm on top of the world"
Dan: Missionary zeal run in the family does it?
Abra: I'm more missionary position than zeal!
"You know there used to be a time when the worst you could sell was your dignity but now you can sell your body parts"
[when deciding who will do an emergency C-section] "If someone could find me another very small little drink, I might have a bash!"
Woman asking about patient: So, he's ok?
Abra: For a man with a shoe in his left ventricle ... yeah!
"I know this place that does fantastic fruit smoothies. Makes you feel so much better about ordering the full english breakfast afterwards"
[Abra and Dan go into Abra's office] So? What now? Are you going to take me roughly over the desk?
|
| Movie/TV Title
Teenage Kicks
Character name
Vernon
***Slideshow Coming Soon***
"I think my first priority is to get my leg over."
"I'm not bald, it's just that my face goes back a long way."
"Bloody women, they only ever want one thing, but they'll never tell you what it is!"
"I am a stud muffin!"
"I'm not suited for work. Some people are born to be boring suburban drones ... and some people are born to live on the edge, be free spirits. We're living your dreams. You should support us."
"I'm not angry, I'm just animated!"
"It wouldn't matter what I did would it? I'd never be good enough for you, because I'm your dad."
I admit it! I'm a rubbish dad! Because all dads are rubbish, and I'll tell you this - so are their kids!"
|
| Movie/TV Title
Miss Austen Regrets
Character name
Henry Austen
|
| Movie/TV Title
Hells Kitchen
Character name
as himself
"I've used abit of my own beef ... thats meat from a cow!"
"I love authority. I love challenging it. If there was no authority there'd be nothing to rebel against."
Marco: Ade, I like you
Ade: Thankyou!
Marco: Smiley
Ade: I'm a happy chap!
"Have you seen my blister? I does really hurt. Like proper burny hurt."
"I must say that with less swear words."
"Bizarre how frightening he [Marco Pierre White] is. Cause ... I think it's cause he is a huge physical presence and he's got a huge knife in his hand!"
Nick: [reading diners comments] Adrian. He is slightly haphazard and cheotic but one to remember.
Ade: That's what my wife says!
"It's not cheating! It's being creative!"
"Mr White showed us how to kill them [eel's] with one swift blow with the chopper. Ah, that's the sharp cleaver thing ... NOT his penis!!"
"Bruce's fart gag was one of the best. The fridge makes a funny noise. You see, bottom humour is good humour."
Ade: My wife's in tomorrow
Bruce: Do you wish for her to have a special meal?
Ade: Uh yeah, I think I'll probably be seeing her later! [laughs]
Nick: [reading diners comments] A nice bit of fish but it didn't blow me away.
Ade: It was dead!!
Marco: Has anyone been sacked before?
Ade: Yeah. I was sacked from a chrisp factory.
Anthea: What did you do Ade?
Ade: I got the timings wrong and peeled away most of the potato.
"When I was a kid there were six of us in our family and I was known as the dustbin because I was constantly hungry and I used to finish off everyones stuff and then an hour or two later say 'I'm hungry'"
"I'm a benine dictator. One of the nicest. If there is a rebellion I shall quell it viciously, savagely, instantly - probably with a very sharp knife."
"[To Danielle] Don't set fire to John Prescott. Marco will be very annoyed"
"It's for Jim Davidson so you can fuck it up if you want"
Linda: May we all have men who love us that much. It's beautiful to see.
Ade: I dont want a man to love me that much!
"Lambs are very very nice creatures. Much nicer than sheep, which are stupid and are always looking for new ways to die!"
" I would quite like to hear less of Anthea"
"I don't know what happens in the girls shower. They take alot longer to do everything. What are they doing? They've got less bits!"
"Johnny Depp with glasses is what I'm thinking. Odviously! Other people might be thinking Captain Mannering!"
"Ahhhh... Ahhhh ... I've got brain disease!"
"We've had our ups. We've had our downs. I've had my sideways which is interesting."
Marco: I can think of many reasons why they'd vote for you. You're funny, you're entertaining, you're carismatic, you're beautiful, you're intellectual.
Ade: You charmer
Marco: You're specia. You cook fish.
Ade: Alright, you can have me! Come on, chase me!!
"A cricket bat with roots is just a tree"
"Marco is incredibly sexy. I can see why the ladies would go for him. Theres something very sexy about people who can use their hands like that in that venal way, a kind of wild animal. I wouldn't be surprised if he dragged the odd person off by the hair to his office."
"Here we are, Linda Evans from Dynasty and me, the two front runners in a cooking competition. Who would have thought that would happen 25 years ago?"
"Marco's quite a good cook you know. No, he's scrubbing up really well. He'd be an asset to nearly any kitchen."
"My letter was from my Mrs. Just thinking about her made me rather weak and emotional."
"I am Marco's fish bitch. I cook his fish for him. He shouts at me for fish and I give it to him."
"God, I look so fat. I look fatter than I feel. The tele puts pounds on . I am actually quite slim.
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