Movie/TV title: Freaked
Character name: Ricky Coogan
Quote(s):
? Ricky Coogan: I wonder if I they're still casting "Gremlins 3"...
Ricky Coogan: [on Zygrot 24] I heard that shit's lethal.
Elijah C. Skuggs: Do I seem like a weirdo?
Ricky Coogan: Nope. You seem like a regular dumbshit old redneck to me
| Movie/TV title: Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
Character name: Bill S. Preston, Esq. Quote(s):
Bill: It is indeed a pleasure to introduce to you a gentleman we picked up in medieval Mongolia in the year 1269.
Ted: Please welcome, the very excellent barbarian...
Ted, Bill: ...MR. GENGHIS KHAN!
[All the students applaud wildly for Khan]
Ted: This is a dude who, 700 years ago, totally ravaged China, and who, we were told, 2 hours ago, totally ravaged Oshman's Sporting Goods.
[Bill and Ted are working on their history report]
Bill: Okay, Ted, George Washington. One: the father of our country.
Ted: Two: born on President's Day.
Bill: Three: the dollar bill guy.
Ted: Bill, you ever made a mushroom out of his head? It's like, just like...
Bill: Ted. Alaska.
Ted: Okay. Um... Had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick.
Bill: That's Captain Ahab, dude.
[an early morning jam]
Bill: I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire!
Ted: And I'm Ted Theo-
[realizes *he's* holding the camera]
Ted: Hold on. Bill, here. You take it.
Bill: Okay.
Ted: And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan!
[Bill puts the camera on the table]
Bill, Ted: And we're... WYLD STALLYNS!
Missy: Hi, Bill. Want a ride?
Bill: Sure, Missy.
[she draws a blank stare at Bill]
Bill: I mean, mom.
[she smiles and puts on her Ray-Bans]
Ted: [whispering to Bill] Your stepmom's cute.
Bill: Shut up, Ted.
Ted: Remember when she was a senior and we were freshmen?
Bill: Shut up, Ted!
[Bill thought Ted was killed]
Bill: Whoa! Ted! You're alive!
Ted: Yeah! I fell out of my suit when I hit the floor.
[they hug]
Bill, Ted: [to each other] Fag!
One Of The Three Most Important People in the World: It's you!
Ted: Yeah! It's us!
[to Bill]
Ted: Who are we?
[the strangers start playing air guitar, so Bill & Ted play also; more people come out and join them]
Ted: Bill, I think they want us to say something.
Bill: What should I say?
Ted: [shrugs] Make something up.
Bill: Be excellent to each other.
[room murmurs appreciatively]
Ted: Party on, dudes!
[room approves]
Bill: [to Ted] Good one, dude.
[to room]
Bill: Well, we gotta get back to our report.
Ted: Yeah. We'd take you with us, but it's a history report, not a future report.
Bill: Later.
All Three Most Important People in the World: Later.
Bill: Dude, you gotta have a poker face, like me.
[Ted stops grinning at his cards, Bill looks at his own cards]
Bill: Whoa, three aces!
Bearded Cowboy: What the hell's going on here, Billy?
Old West Ugly Dude: Are you a-cheatin' us kid?
Billy the Kid: [sweating] Cheating? Me?
[leaps up/flips table over screaming]
Billy the Kid: Aah!
[after seeing the Princesses Joanna and Elizabeth]
Bill: Ted?
Ted: I'm in love, dude.
Bill: Whoa. Those must be the princesses you told yourself about at the Circle-K. We gotta go. It's a history report, not a babe report.
Ted: But, Bill, those are historical babes.
Bill: Okay, you're the ladies' man. How we gonna meet 'em?
Bill: You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!
[Bill and Ted are in Ancient Greece]
Bill: [approaching Socrates] How's it going? I'm Bill, this is Ted. We're from the future.
Socrates: Socrates.
Ted: [whispering to Bill] Now what?
Bill: I dunno. Philosophize with him!
Ted: [clears his throat, to Socrates] "All we are is dust in the wind," dude.
[Socrates gives them a blank stare]
Bill: [scoops up a pile of dust from the basin before them and lets it run out of his hand] Dust.
[he blows the remainder away]
Bill: Wind.
Ted: [points at Socrates] Dude.
[Socrates gasps]
Billy the Kid: Not bad, eh, Socrates? Where are we, dude?
Bill: England, 15th century.
Ted: We are in most excellent shape for our report.
Bill: Yeah, all we need is one more speaker from medieval.
Billy the Kid: Excellent.
Bill: Billy, you are dealing with the oddity of time travel with the greatest of ease.
Billy the Kid: Here's the deal. What I win, I keep. What you win, I keep.
Bill, Ted: Sounds good, Mr. The Kid!
Bill: He's dead?
Mr. Ryan: So, Bill, what you're telling me, essentially, is that Napoleon was a short dead dude.
Bill: Well, yeah.
Ted: You totally blew it, dude.
Mr. Ryan: Ted, stand up.
Ted: Stand up?
Mr. Ryan: Yes, son. Stand up.
[Ted stands]
Mr. Ryan: Now, who was Joan of Arc?
Ted: [pauses] Noah's Wife?
[laughter, then bell]
Ted: [walking down the street with Bill in the west] Hey, Bill. This is just like Frontierland!
Bill: Yeah, but you can get shot here, Ted.
Ted: Oh.
Bill: So just try to act natural.
Ted: Okay. Howdy partner!
Old West Pedestrian: Howdy.
Bill: Watch out for the horse crap, Ted.
Ted: [sidestepping a big mound of horse excrement] Oh. Thanks, dude.
Bill: [responding to Freud's invitation to examine him] Nah. Just got a minor Oedipal complex.
Ted: Now your dad's going for it in your own room!
Bill: Shut up, Ted.
Ted: Your step-mom *is* cute, though.
Bill: Shut up, Ted!
Ted: Remember when I asked her to the prom?
Bill: [shouts] Shut up, Ted!
Bill, Ted: Excellent.
[as Genghis Khan shows off, Bill narrates]
Bill: As you can see, Genghis very much enjoys Twinkies because of the excellent sugar rush.
Bill, Ted: [both] Hows it goin' ladies?
Princess Elizabeth: Your the ones we saw in front of the castle.
Ted: I am Ted of San Dimas, and, uh, I bring to you a message of love.
Princess Elizabeth: [giggles] From who?
Ted: [thinking] From... from myself.
Princess Elizabeth: And what is this message you speak of?
Ted: Uh...
Bill: [whispers in ted's ear] Lyrics dude, recite them some lyrics.
Ted: Oh, you beautiful babes from England, for whom we have traveled through time... will you go to the prom with us in San Dimas? We will have a most triumphant time!
[princesses giggle]
Bill: Way to go, dude!
Bill: Ted, while I agree that, in time, our band will be most triumphant. The truth is, Wyld Stallyns will never be a super band until we have Eddie Van Halen on guitar.
Ted: Yes, Bill. But, I do not believe we will get Eddie Van Halen until we have a triumphant video.
Bill: Ted, it's pointless to have a triumphant video before we even have decent instruments.
Ted: Well, how can we have decent instruments when we don't really even know how to play?
Bill: That is why we NEED Eddie Van Halen!
Ted: And THAT is why we need a triumphant video.
Bill, Ted: EXCELLENT!
[air guitar, the clock chimes 8:00 am]
Bill: Uh oh, we're late!
Ted: For what?
Bill: For school, dude!
Ted: Oh yeah.
[Bill and Ted see they are about go into a loop in the Circuits of Time]
Ted: What's that?
Bill: I don't know.
Ted, Bill: [both screaming] Shit!
Ted: [they are about to be executed in medieval times] Bill?
Bill: What?
Ted: I believe our adventure through time has taken a most serious turn.
Bill: [after Ted was "killed" by a medieval soldier] Bogus. Heinous. Most non-triumphant. Ah, Ted, don't be dead, dude.
Bill: [reading a note] "Dear Bill and Ted, good luck on the report. Sincerely, Bill S. Preston, Esquire and Ted 'Theodore' Logan." That was nice of us. "P.S. Duck!"
Evil Duke: Put them in the iron maiden.
Ted: Iron Maiden?
Bill, Ted: Excellent!
[air guitar]
Evil Duke: Execute them.
Bill, Ted: Bogus!
[Bill and Ted meet themselves]
Ted: OK wait. If you guys are really us, what number are we thinking of?
Bill, Ted: 69, dudes.
Bill, Ted: Whoa.
[quadruple air guitar solo]
Ted: Dude, are you sure we should be doing this?
Bill: Ted, you and I have witnessed many things, but nothing as bodacious as what just happened. Besides, we told ourselves to listen to this guy.
Ted: What if we were lying?
Bill: Why would we lie to ourselves?
Bill: So-crates - "The only true wisdom consists in knowing that you know nothing".
Ted: That's us, dude.
[Bill and Ted have met themselves again]
Bill, Ted: Catch you later, Bill and Ted.
Bill: That conversation made more sense this time.
Ted: Dude, it's Sigmund Frood.
Bill: How much time we got left?
Ted: Tons. Why?
Bill: Extra credit, dude.
Ted: [to Freud] How's it goin', Frood-dude?
Capt. Logan: I wanna speak with you son.
[looks at Bill]
Capt. Logan: Alone, please, Bill.
[Bill goes outside]
Capt. Logan: Alright, sit down! What am I gonna do with you, huh? You can't be...
Bill: [outside] Great.
Capt. Logan: You lose my keys, you fail history, you spend all your time with your loser friend planning a band that'll never happen. Now, you're not to leave this house again until tommorow morning.
[the phone rings]
Capt. Logan: Yes?
Bill: Captain Logan? This is deputy Van Halen down at the station.
Capt. Logan: Deputy Van Halen?
[Ted sees Bill on the phone outside]
Bill: I'm new dude- sir. Look, we found your keys. If you want 'em, better come and get 'em.
[hangs up]
Capt. Logan: When I get back from the station, I want you packed and ready to go. Got it?
[Ted nods; Capt. Logan leaves]
Ted: [outside] We are in serious trouble. My dad already signed me up, my plane leaves tommorow night.
Bill: Only if we fail, dude.
[they look at the phone booth]
Bill, Ted: No way!
Ted: RUFUS.
Bill: Listen to this dude Rufus, he knows what he's talking about.
[Bill & Ted have just landed the booth in Bill's yard]
Ted: [to Missy] Uh, Ms. Preston. We'd like you to meet some of our... friends.
Bill: Yeah. This is Dave Beeth Oven.
[Beethoven kisses Missy's hand. She laughs]
Bill: And, uh, Maxine of Arc, Missy. Herman the Kid.
Ted: Bob "Genghis" Khan. So-crates Johnson. Dennis Frood. And uh, uh... Abraham Lincoln.
Bill: How's it going, royal ugly dudes?
Bill: You ditched Napoleon!
Ted: Deacon, do you realize you have just stranded one of Europe's greatest leaders in San Dimas?
Deacon: He was a dick.
Bill: Who are you guys?
Future Ted: We're you, dude.
Ted: No way. No... way.
Future Ted: Yes way.
Bill: Do you know where there are any personages of historical significance around here?
Ted: [both get served beers in a saloon bar] Whoa. He didn't even card us, dude.
Bill: Yeah, we have to remember this place.
[in Ancient Greece]
Bill: Socrates. Hey, we know that name!
Ted: Yeah! Hey,
[hands Bill the book]
Ted: look him up. Oh, it's under So-crates.
[upon meeting the "royal ugly dudes"]
Bill: I am the Earl of Preston.
Ted: And I am the Duke of Ted.
Bill: Okay, wait, if we were one of Europe's greatest leaders, and we were stranded in San Dimas for one day, where would we go?
Bill, Ted: [pause] Waterloo!
Ted: Okay, the lady in that car over there said that Marco Polo was in the year 1275.
Bill: It's not just a water sport, I knew it! | Movie/TV title: The lost boys
Character name: Marko
Quote(s):
David: Michael wants to know what's going on. Marco, what's going on?
Marko: I don't know. What's going on, Paul?
Paul: Wait a minute. Who wants to know?
Dwayne: Michael wants to know. | Movie/TV title:
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