Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

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The Quotable Ellen DeGeneres

"People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant."
~*~ Ellen DeGeneres ~*~

Ellen DeGeneres' Famous Line

Movie/TV title: Finding Nemo
Character name: Dory

Quotes:

Dory: "Hey, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down do you know what you've gotta do?"
Marlin: "I don't wanna know what you gotta do."
Dory: [singing] "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim."
Marlin: "Dory, no singing."
Dory: [continuing] "Ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, hohh I love to swim. When you want to swim you want to be..."
Marlin: "See I'm gonna get stuck now with that song... now it's in my head. "
Dory: "Sorry."
------------------------------

Dory: "A boat? Hey I've seen a boat."
Marlin: "You have?"
Dory: "Uh huh, and it passed by not too long ago.
Marlin: "A white one?"
Dory: "Hi, I'm Dory."
Marlin: "Where? Which way!?"
Dory: "Oh, oh, oh, it uh it went this way, it went this way, follow me."
Marlin: "Thank you, thank you, thank you.."
Dory: "No problem."
[few seconds later, she starts zig-zagging in front of him and glancing back]
Dory: Will you quit it? Trying to swim here. What, the ocean isn't big enough for you or something like that? You got a problem buddy? Huh, huh? Do ya, do ya, do ya? You wanna piece of me? Yeah, yeah! Ooh, I'm scared now! What?
Marlin: "Wait a minute?"
Dory: "Stop following me okay."
Marlin: "What are you talking about, you're showing me which way the boat went."
Dory: "A boat. Hey, I've seen a boat. It passed by not too long ago. It went um... this way. It went this way. Follow me."
Marlin: "Wait a minute, wait a minute, what is going on, you already told me which way the boat was going."
Dory: "I did? Oh, no..."
Marlin: "If this is some kind of practical it's not funny. And I know funny...I'm a clown fish."
Dory: "No it's not, I know it's not, I..I'm so sorry. See, I suffer from short term memory loss."
Marlin: "Short term memory loss. I don't believe this."
Dory: "No it's true I forget things almost instantly, it runs in my family...well..I mean at least I think it does, hmm, where are they? [pauses, looks at Marlin] Can I help you?"
Marlin: "Something's wrong with you."
-----------------------------

Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

“Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.”

“In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better."

“I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.”

"I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like "shut up, shut up, shut up...blah blah blah blah blaaaaah."

“People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.”

"I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises."

“Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.”

“I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.”

“I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from... you heterosexuals.”

“Friends will write me letters. They run out of room on the front of the letter. They write 'over' on the bottom of the letter. Like I'm that much of a moron. Like I need that there. Because if it wasn't there, I'd get to the bottom of the page: 'And so Kathy and I went shopping and we--' That's the craziest thing! I don't know why she would just end it that way.”

"I swear if Colgate comes out with one more type of toothepaste. I just want clean teeth that's all I want. I don't want the tartar and I don't want the cavaties. And I want white teeth. How come I have to choose? And then they have the 'Colgate Total' that supposedly has everything in there. I don't believe that for one second. If it's all in the one, how come they make all the others? Who's going: "I don't mind the tartar so much."?"

"So, I bought a new cd and I was trying to get it open but couldn't with all the layers..I mean plastic and then tape and the tape is like government tape. It says open here..is that sarcasm?, and buy batteries and they are in there with layers and layers of cardboard and then scissors....you need scissors to get into scissors, what if you were buying them for the first time? you wouldnt be able to get them open. Then you try and buy a light bulb and it's this thin thin cardboard .....what are they thinking? "Ohh they'll be fine"

"I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: "Ohhh my God, you're thin."

“I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.”

“Our egos tells us we're the only ones that have any kind of feelings. We're the only ones with a relationship. We're the only ones with family. You know, I think that if you kill a spider, there is a relationship that you're ruining. There's a conversation going on outside with the other spiders. 'Did you hear about Chris?....Killed yeah....Sneaker. And now Stephanie has nine hundred babies to raise all alone. Well, she's got her legs full I'll tell you that right now. Chris was so kind, wouldn't hurt a fly. It's just been tough for them lately. They just lost their web last week. Those humans think they're so smart. Let them try shooting silk out of their butt and see what they can make.'"

"Then you have these people in the movie theaters that talk the whole time during the movie. You ever go with somebody like that to a movie but you don't realize until you get there that you're with somebody like that? Brand new movie. First day it's open. You're there together and the entire time they're sitting there: "Where's she going?....Why'd he do that?....Is he mad at her?" "I don't know, let's watch and find out together shall we?" You know who you are...You're denying it right now: "I do not do that...Why is she saying that?....What's she gonna say next?""

“The sixties were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the type of shows we had then, like The Flying Nun.”

Quotes About Ellen DeGeneres

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“Just go up to somebody on the street and say "You're it!" and just run away.”
~*~ Ellen DeGeneres ~*~

Last update: Mar 26 2009, 9:52 PM EDT by ed (content history | content tools) (help)

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