 Movie/TV title:xXx: State of the Union (2005)
Character name:
Darius Stone / XXX
Quote(s):
Darius Stone: Wars come and go, but my soldier stay eternal.
Agent Augustus Gibbons: I like that. Who said it? Jefferson? Patton?
Darius Stone: Tupac.
Darius Stone: The fate of the free world in the hands of a bunch of hustlers and thieves.
Agent Kyle Steele: Why should tonight be any different?
Darius Stone: Welcome to the first tank-jackin' in history.
Darius Stone: [Darius is speaking to Lola, a car shop owner and his ex-girlfriend, about the need for a new truck] Besides, if we're gonna roll, we're gonna need something with a little more muscle. Somethin' nasty.
Lola Jackson: [smirks] I can do nasty.
Darius Stone: [smiles at Lola] I know you can.
Darius Stone: [to Toby] We need firepower. Do you have anything that shoots bullets?
Darius Stone: [Darius is waiting for Toby to hack into the Dept. of Defense at Lola's car shop. Lola is waiting with them] You know, you don't have to wait up.
Lola Jackson: You think I'd leave you alone with my car?
Darius Stone: How's the jaw, General?
Gen. George Octavius Deckert: I think of you every time I chew steak!
Darius Stone: And I thought of you every night I spent in prison!
Uptight Businessman: You got any advice for us?
Darius Stone: Well, Dick, perhaps you could tell your members to stop buyin' country music, stop burnin' crosses, and stop shootin' black folks. Hear me? Now, if that don't work, try a cookout with free food. Preferably fried.
Darius Stone: [after Charlie tells him she will give him "anything" he wants] The things I can't do for my country.
Toby Lee Shavers: You want me to hack in? Into The U.S. Department of Defense? We're talking 500 acres of hardware. Cray supercomputers, encryption chips, not to mention more firewalls than the NSA, CIA and the IRS combined.
Darius Stone: Exactly.
[hands his bag of chips to Lola]
Toby Lee Shavers: Hold my chips.
[Zeke and Darius are inspecting a truck full of weapons they've just commandeered]
Zeke: What you think D? This enough bang for you?
Darius Stone: [Picks up an M249 SAW] God bless America.
[Darius tries to persuade Zeke to help him and Gibbons to rescue the president]
Darius Stone: Don't do it for the red, white and blue! Do it for yourself! Do it for the right to hack and jack outside the White House!
|  
Movie/TV title:
Are We There Yet? (2005)
Are We Done Yet? (2007)
Character name:
Nick Persons
Quote(s):
Chuck Mitchell, Jr.: You've got dry rust.
Nick Persons: Dry what?
Nick Persons: Hey, there little buddy. I could use a...
Nick Persons: Hey man, I'm right here.
Nick Persons: I got it. Did I get him?
Lindsey Persons, Kevin Persons: No.
Nick Persons: You need to get some fresh air and a few open spaces.
Suzanne Persons: I think I'm gonna be sick right now.
Nick Persons: Pregnant lady coming through.
Nick Persons: I can do the fixing.
Nick Persons: We'll take it.
Nick Persons: You're the local real estate guy.
Chuck Mitchell, Jr.: I'm also the local contractor.
Nick Persons: It's you and me, there's nothing to be scared of. But that.
Suzanne Persons: Honey, what was that?
Nick Persons: A raccoon.
Are We There Yet? (2005)
Nick Persons: [on a horse next to a moving train] I'm gonna have to hop on!
Kevin Kingston: I don't think that's a good idea!
Nick Persons: Says who?
Kevin Kingston: Says the guy who put all that junk on the road!
Nick Persons: Oh snap!
Nick Persons: Come on, you're driving like a old lady.
Ernst: No, no, you watch. Ernst knows how to drive.
Nick Persons: Oh Damn! Boy Didn't you hear what I just said?
Lindsey Kingston: Ooh, you just swore.
Nick Persons: Your damn right I swore, that's about $400 dollars worth of damage to my new car!
Lindsey Kingston: That's twice! Now you have to put two dollars in the swear jar.
Nick Persons: [about the music Lindsey wants to listen to] If you listened to this stuff in my neighborhood, you'd get shot.
Lindsey Kingston: We don't live in the ghetto.
[Nick's car is burning up]
Nick Persons: Oh man! I never even got to read the manual!
Nick Persons: [wanting new tires] Look, I'll pay you extra. See? Yao Ming! Rookie card.
Car Mechanic: Oh, I see. You think because I am Chinese that you can get me to do anythi - OOOO! Hologram!
Nick Persons: Kiss my 330 cubic inches of V8 power, sucker!
[a pair of young shoplifters enter the store, one of them walks up to the counter where Nick awaits]
Shoplifter: Hey, Mister, you got any 'Yu-Gi-Oh!'?
Nick Persons: What you think?
Shoplifter: You got any Dragonball GT?
Nick Persons: [furiously] Look. You come in here every day, askin' the same questions. We ain't got no Pokemon, no Digimon, no Buffy, no SpongeBob, no Beanie Babies...
[sees the other shoplifter trying to take a rare baseball card]
Nick Persons: And no shoplifters!
[he chucks a football at the shoplifter, who drops the card, then leaves with his partner]
Nick Persons: Now, get! BOTH OF Y'ALL! GET!'!'!
|  Movie/TV title:
Barbershop (2002)
Barbershop 2: Back in Business (2004)
Character name:
Calvin Palmer
Quote(s):
Barbershop (2002)
Calvin: Ray! I told you to stop coming in here soliciting. Are you retarded or something?
Ray-Ray: No.
Calvin: Are you stupid, simple, or slow; which one?
Terri: Who drank my goddamn apple juice?
Calvin: Whoa! Terri, stop cussing. This ain't Def Comedy Jam!
Calvin: You see that? That right there is Oprah's house.
[Hustling his goods]
Ray-Ray: DVDs! CDs!
Calvin: Not today, man...
Ray-Ray: Got Cristal, MoÎt! Whatever you want, man!
[DMX impersonation]
Ray-Ray: Got dat new DMX, baby!
Jimmy: Let me tell you somethin'... you will *never* own a Black barbershop!
Isaac: I will if I want to.
Terri: If Tony Roma can make ribs better than Black people, Isaac can own a Black barbershop...
Calvin: Wait a minute...”ribs better than Black people?"
Jimmy: Tony Roma boils his ribs! That is *not* authentic!
Dinka: Tony Roma is delicious! I don't see White or Black... I just see red sauce on everyt'ing!
Barbershop 2: Back in Business (2004)
[Calvin is about to eat a biscuit]
Miss Emma: Say grace first!
Calvin: Oh, uh..."Jesus wept".
Miss Emma: Why?
Calvin: Why what?
Miss Emma: Why did Jesus weep?
Calvin: 'Cuz he was sad.
Miss Emma: *Why* was he sad?
Calvin: 'Cuz he was sad 'cuz they ain't let him eat his biscuit...
Calvin: [to his calm baby son] One day this shop's gonna be yours.
[his baby son starts to cry loudly]
|
Movie/TV title:
Friday (1995)
Next Friday (2000)
Friday After Next (2002)
Character name:
Craig Jones
Quote(s):
Friday (1995)
Mrs. Jones: Craig, you know what your problem is? You have no game.
Craig Jones: What do you know about game? I got ALL the game.
Mrs. Jones: Now your father... he has game.
Mr. Jones: [coming out of the bathroom] Don't nobody go in the bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes. Somebody open up a window.
Craig Jones: You call that game?
Craig Jones: [points across the street to Mrs. Parker] Look, look, she's bendin' over!
Pastor Clever: Lord have mercy! God is my shepherd, and he knows what I want!
Pastor Clever: [running across the street] Excuse me, Mrs. Parker? Mrs. Parker!
Craig Jones: You better get your ass off your shoulders and make that money.
Smokey: Older the berry, the sweeter the juice.
Craig Jones: Man, it's the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice.
Smokey: Yeah, well she blacker than a motherfucker too.
Craig Jones: We ain't got no sugar.
Smokey: No sugar? Damn. Y'all ain't never got two things that match. Either y'all got Kool-aid, no sugar. Peanut butter, no jelly. Ham, no burger. Daaamn.
Smokey: Man that fool just playin' man, I ain't trippin.
Craig Jones: That's yo problem. Aint' nobody playin' but you. You walk up and down the street all day playin'. He aint' playin' you think he playin' 'bout his money? He know where my momma stay know where you momma stay. He say he had a gun when you seen him right?
Smokey: Yeah
Craig Jones: Well name one person in the hood that play like that!
Craig Jones: I felt sorry for Smokey, 'cause peer pressure is a motherfucker.
Craig Jones: For most people, Friday's just the day before the weekend. But after this Friday, the neighborhood'll never be the same.
Craig Jones: What I'm trippin on, is how you gonna sell bud, when you smoke it?
Smokey: I don't know. That's my only problem.
Craig Jones: Big Worm gonna fuck you up.
Smokey: Big Worm ain't gonna do a goddamn thing, man.
Craig Jones: All right...
Smokey: Why you not goin' to work?
Craig Jones: I got fired yesterday.
Smokey: No shit? I thought you had the day off yesterday.
Craig Jones: I did. I went in to pick up my check, came home, my supervisor called me about four o'clock, told me he got me on tape stealing boxes.
Smokey: The fuck you stealing boxes for? What you trying to build, a clubhouse?
Pastor Clever: [at Smokey] Excuse me brother, what we call drugs at the 74th Street Baptist Church we call the sin of sin sins.
Smokey: Well round here, between Normandie and Western, we call this here a little twenty twen twen...
Craig Jones: Right...
Smokey: Nigga...
Pastor Clever: Give me a little for my cataracts.
Smokey: You didn't put in on this man.
Red: [after having his necklace snatched by Deebo] Hey, man, why didn't y'all help me!
Smokey: [slouching in his chair] Man, I'm high.
Red: Man, that's fucked up. If it was y'all, I would've helped y'all.
Craig Jones: What about the time he tried to choke me in Smoke's backyard?
Red: [pause, thinks about it] Oh, that was different.
Craig Jones: Mom, loan me 200 dollars.
Mrs. Jones: Craig, I wouldn't feel comfortable lending you money without a job.
Craig Jones: If I had a job, I wouldn't need to borrow any money.
Mrs. Jones: Exactly.
Craig Jones: Baby you got some money?
Joi: Some huh! Umm... Nigga how much you need?
Craig Jones: About $200.
Joi: mm... I guess... What you gon give me?
Felisha: Craig
[clap clap]
Felisha: , Craig
Craig Jones: What!
Felisha: Can I borrow y'all VCR? I need to dub a tape...
Craig Jones: Hell Naw
[Walkin away]
Felisha: Its "The Mack"!
Joi: Um... who the fuck is that bitch... fuck u mothafucka... u think u slick... gon come ova here and ask me for some money... well ask that bitch for some money
[scurrrrrrrrr goes the car]
Mr. Jones: Now when I went to bed last night. Didn't I tell you take out the trash?
Craig Jones: Yeah.
Mr. Jones: So, why didn't you do it?
Craig Jones: I fell asleep.
Mr. Jones: I wish you was sleeping right now, I knock you upside your head with a left hook make your ass wake up and take out that damn trash.
Craig Jones: [Craig goes to the trash can to dump out his cereal]
Mr. Jones: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! What are you doing?
Craig Jones: I'm throwing this away. We ain't even got no milk.
Mr. Jones: You better put some water on that damn shit!
Craig Jones: Alright, I'll eat it.
Mr. Jones: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Take the garbage out front son!
Smokey: [tearing through Craig's open bedroom window curtain] Break yo' self Fool!
Craig Jones: Man, look what you did to my curtain. You better watch that window you climbing in fool 'fo you get blasted on.
Smokey: With what? You ain't got nothin' man.
Craig Jones: With this!
[pointing his Glock at Smokey]
Smokey: Man, Where you get that from?
Craig Jones: Yo Mama.
Smokey: Fuck you!
Craig Jones: Fuck you! He he he
[chuckling]
Smokey: Come on outside man, and stop playing.
Craig Jones: Gotta get dressed.
Smokey: Hurry Up!
Craig Jones: Don't tell me to hurry up!
Smokey: [calling Big Worm on his phone] Hey um, did somebody... page Smokey?
Big Worm: [v.o. on phone] Don't play dumb nigger, you know who the is! You got my money?
Smokey: I ain't got it, but I'm gonna get it.
[Big Worm hangs up]
Craig Jones: What happened?
Smokey: Man he just hung up... I think we better stay in the house.
Next Friday (2000)
Craig Jones: What's that smell?
Mr. Jones: Must be your upper lip, son, I don't smell nothing.
Craig Jones: Ew, I do! It smell like you didn't fall in no mud!
Mr. Jones: [while Spraying air freshener] Just use some of this spray, son.
Craig Jones: Aw, Too much!
[Trying to get the window open]
Craig Jones: What's worng with this window?
Mr. Jones: It's broken, remind me to get it fixed
Craig Jones: [Struggling to get the window open] Damn!
Craig Jones: Look, we cousins and everything, but don't be hooking me up with the *little* sister that's bigger than the *big* sister!
Mr. Jones: Now Craig, it's gonna be different living out here. Don't let your Uncle or your cousin get you in any shit. Now you hear me?
Craig Jones: Pops I'm grown now, can't nobody get me in trouble no more.
Mr. Jones: Well I'm glad you said that son, but since you grown, don't bring your black ass back home.
Day-Day: I got the BGs
Craig Jones: What's the BGs?
Day-Day: The bubble guts, I'm nervous and I'm bout to shit on my self
Mailman: So are you like a sports star or something?
Craig Jones: Yeah, I play for the Cucamunga Cracker-Killers. You want tickets?
Mailman: Hey easy bro! You don't need to call up your posse to do a 187 in my ass.
Mailman: [knocks on door] .
Mailman: Delivery, got a delivery.
[rings doorbell twice]
Craig Jones: Who is it?
Mailman: Got a delivery. Come on smart blood. Come on I got a delivery, its kind of hot out here buddy.
[Craig opens the door]
Mailman: Come on sparky.
Craig Jones: What's up!
Mailman: Nice house. I didn't expect you to answer it, but this is a fine place here. What are you, one of those uh, entertainer guys, huh. What do you play sports? What team do you play for?
Craig Jones: I play for the Cucamonga Cracker Killers. You want tickets...
Mailman: [waves his hand] Hey don't want any trouble with you. You don't have to send your posse out here to do a 187 in my ass. Just uh, got a little mail for you to sign.
[puts both hands up]
Mailman: Partner!
Craig Jones: What's this?
Mailman: Uh, that's what they call a delinquent property tax notice. I hope the crack killers pay well. Otherwise it's back to the ghetto you go. Uh, take it easy.
[starts singing a tune and walks away]
Craig Jones: Look, I'm your cousin an' ev'rything, but don't be hookin' me up with the little sister that's bigger than the big sister!
[discussion about Day-Day's ex]
Craig Jones: Psycho, huh? She must be worst than Left Eye from TLC or somethin'.
Day-Day: Yeah, well, this fat bitch ain't burnin'!
Uncle Elroy: [Suga falls on Craig's lap, face down] Negro, what the hell you doing with my woman?
Craig: I don't know. I must have... shit.
Uncle Elroy: Suga? What the hell you doing with my nephew?
Suga: I'm sorry, baby. I thought it was you.
Uncle Elroy: Come on, baby. I'm faded, feeling X-rated. It's Mr. Nasty Time.
Suga: Mr. Nasty Time!
Uncle Elroy: Mr. Nasty Time. But take it easy on my back.
[to Craig]
Uncle Elroy: Make yourself at home, nephew.
Day-Day: Roach, if Pinky catches you doing that X-Games shit on the counter, we gon' be fired!
African: [walking in store] Hey, motherfuckers. You motherfuckers! What the fuck is this? You motherfuckers!
Day-Day: Can I help you, sir?
African: What the fuck is this? Huh? This is wack! I can't get jiggy with this shit! Where's your damn manager, that pink motherfucker?
Day-Day: He's not in the store right now. I'm in charge.
African: You look like the player-hater who sold me this shit. Give me back my damn money, and I don't have no damn receipt.
Day-Day: Do you have the case, sir?
African: I don't have no goddamn case! Kiss my ass, so what?
Day-Day: Can I see it sir?
[looks at CD]
Day-Day: What, were you chewing on this before you got here?
African: Bullshit, motherfucker! Do you know who you are fucking with?
Day-Day: Bishop Desmond Tutu?
African: Try again, motherfucker!
Day-Day: Winnie Mandela's lil'...
African: Try *again*, motherfucker!
Day-Day: Just an ugly ass black dude.
African: I'll go *postal* in this motherfucker!
Day-Day: Man, you better take your hostile black ass outta here!
African: [knocks down CD stand as Craig walks in] Ol' biatch...
[Craig shoves him into CD rack]
African: Oh, shit! Please, don't hurt me! Please! This's John Blaze; I can get jiggy with this!
Craig: Get your ass up outta here!
African: I'm just a bitch-ass nigga!
Pinky: [points a gun to Craig's head] Don't move! Or I'll blow your goddamn head smooth off. Now back up. Slowly! Don't say a word.
Craig Jones: But I was jus...
Pinky: [cuts Craig off] I said don't say a word!
Pinky: [giggles] Little muthafucka gonna try and rob me. Well I'ma show you how we do it here in Pinky's *noogah*.
Craig Jones: I wasn't trying to...
Pinky: [cuts Craig off] Shut up! Before I bust a cap in yo' ass. Now what'chu been done wit' Day-Day and Roach?
Craig Jones: Day-Day is my peep...
Pinky: [cuts Craig off] Shut up!
Pinky: Now who sent you, nigga?
Craig Jones: Nobody sen...
Pinky: [cuts Craig off] Shut the fu... Did I say... Ohhh, nigga! I'll... oh, shit! Say something! Say something else, nigga! I'ma tie yo' monkey ass up.
Deebo: Here come that dog truck. Shut your mouth! We about to fade to black.
Craig Jones: [as Craig notices Deebo standing in front of the truck] Daddy, Stop!
[Mr. Jones Screams]
Deebo: Get your punk-ass out of the car Craig, this is the re-match!
Deebo: Get out of the car!
Craig Jones: Punch It!
Tyrone: [as Mr. Jones drives away] Deebo! Help!
Craig Jones: Fake-Ass Suge Knight!
Deebo: [yelling out before kicking his brother in the stomach] You know I gonna find you and when I do, I'm gonna put my foot up in your ass!
[Looking down at his brother]
Deebo: Man get up!
Tyrone: Damn! Man, I'm tired. I'm goin to mommy's house.
Deebo: [pulling him by the chain on his leg] Come on!
Tyrone: [Yelling at Deebo] No!, No!
Mr. Jones: [on the way to Rancho Cucamonga] Did you see That! Those two niggas were acting like pit bull dogs!
Uncle Elroy: I bet you smoke a lil' weed, don't ya?
Craig Jones: Why do say that?
Uncle Elroy: [looks at him] Cause your lip's turnin' black!
Craig Jones: [in Craig's halluncination showing Karla giving him a lap dance] You heard of El Nino?
Karla Joker: [Speaking Seductively] Yeah...
Craig Jones: This is El Negro. Come on down here and let me tap that ass.
Friday After Next (2002)
Craig Jones: Ho-ho, Motherfucker!
Craig Jones: I convince Donna's fine ass to come back to the party. I got her in my room, slid the dresser behind the door, and got myself a early Christmas present.
[door closes]
Craig Jones: *You know*!
Craig Jones: [beaten up Moly walks in Barbeque restaurant] Daaaamn!
Day-Day: Someone call 9-1-1
Mr. Jones: Moly... you got knocked the fuck out!
Moly: Oh, good observation, buddy.
Moly: Where were you buddies, huh?
Craig Jones: We was on our lunch break.
Day-Day: Trying to get something to eat, so we can secure this nasty-ass lot.
Moly: Good, good, good... you were eating while I was getting beating.
Day-Day: Looks like somebody beat the bricks off your motherfucking ass.
Moly: You are supposed to be a security guard, buddy.
Day-Day: We are security, ain't that a bitch?
Craig Jones: We are security guards.
Damon: Craig and Day-Day.
Day-Day: Ohh...
Damon: Just the niggas I need to see.
Craig Jones: Yo, yo... what's up O.G. Triple O.G... O.G. triple... triple O.G.?
Day-Day: You got out last night?
Damon: I haven't seen ya'll in about 12 years, nigga.
Day-Day: I know, I was little...
Damon: You're grown up now, though. Give a nigga a hug, dog.
Day-Day: I'm about to go...
[Craig grabs Day-Day and runs him into Damon]
Damon: [Damnon grabs Day-Day] Yeah, man. It's cool, dog. It's cool. Come here. Yeah, right there.
Damon: [Damon looks at Craig] Group hug, nigga!
Day-Day: Come on, Craig!
[Craig walks to Damon]
Craig Jones: What's up, dog.
Damon: What's up, nigga.
Damon: It's good to be home. 'Cause in prison dog, hey... ain't nothing but fellows up in there.
Craig Jones: He looked like Bobby Brown in a goddamn Santa Claus suit.
Craig Jones: [to Officer A. Hole] Do your fuckin job!
Craig Jones: About a year ago, my pops quit his dog-catching job and went into business with my uncle Elroy. They ran this spot called Brothers Barbecue. Taste so good, make you wanna slap yo' mama. You might have seen the commercial.
Uncle Elroy: Ya'll tired of eatin' that barbecue from up the street? Where they give you more sauce than they give you meat? Then bring your big ass down to Bros. Barbecue, 15837 South Crenshaw Boulevard, that's right off Manchester. Bros. Barbecue, tastes so good, make you wanna slap yo' mama! Don't it, Willie?
Mr. Jones: Yeah, boy! Hey, mama?
Grandma Jones: What the hell you want, Willie?
[Willie slaps her]
Uncle Elroy: Ain't but one location, so it's nearest you.
Craig Jones: You might have missed it. They only had enough money for a 15-second spot. Well, my pops hooked us up with a job as Christmas help security.
Craig Jones: [walks into kitchen to discover Burglar dressed as Santa Claus eating a sandwich]
Craig Jones: What the hell you doing in my house; eating a big ass sandwich and shit?
Santa Claus: Nigga, I'm Santa Claus; where the FUCK the milk and cookies?
Craig Jones: That's right. Got my ass back in the projects. The only place where you get robbed by Santa Claus on Christmas Eve.
| Movie/TV title:
Character name:
Quote(s): |
|
