"Friends: The One with the Stripper"
Season 8 Episode 8 – 2001
Dr. Leonard Green: What's new with you?
Rachel: Um... I got TiVo!
Dr. Leonard Green: What's TiVo?
Phoebe: It's slang for pregnant.
Phoebe: I'm sorry I won't be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but I'm really busy that day. I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun bar mitzvah.
Dr. Leonard Green: So what's new with you?
Rachel: *hesitating* Uhh, well, I got TiVo...!
Dr. Leonard Green: *confused* What's TiVo?
Phoebe: It's slang for pregnant!
Phoebe: *Rachel has lied to her father about her upcoming marriage to Ross* I'd like to attend your imaginary wedding; but I'm really busy that day. I have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun Bar Mitzvah.
Dr. Leonard Green: *Rachel has asked Phoebe to go to dinner to help her tell her father she is pregnant* Why don't I order everyone the Mandarin chicken?
Phoebe: I don't eat meat.
Dr. Leonard Green: It's chicken!
Phoebe: Yeah, well, I don't eat that either.
Dr. Leonard Green: *shaking his head* I'll never understand you lesbians.
"Friends: The One with the Rumor"
Season 8 Episode 9 – 2001
Monica: Also, just so you know, I'm not making a turkey this year.
Joey: What?
Monica: Well, Phoebe doesn't eat turkey...
Joey: Phoebe.
Phoebe: Turkeys are beautiful, intelligent animals.
Joey: No, they're not. They're ugly and stupid and delicious.
Phoebe: *hugging Will* It's just like I imagined.
Phoebe: Will, just take off your shirt and tell us.
Chandler: It's been a while since we've yelled something... Maybe we should... No.
Phoebe: What? No. Damn you ref. Burn in hell.
Rachel: Do you have a problem with me?
Will: I dunno... do I, do I?
Phoebe: I think you do!
"Friends: The One Where Chandler Can't Cry"
Season 6 Episode 14 – 2000
Phoebe: You're trying to remember where you know me from? All right, I'll give you a hint... FROM PORN. Yeah, your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie.
Phoebe: *watching E.T* You know what's sadder than this? Bambi. I cried for 3 days to that. No, 2. Cause on the third day my mother killed herself, so I was partly crying for that.
Chandler: See now that I can understand crying over, but Bambi is a cartoon.
Joey: You didn't cry when Bambi's mom died?
Chandler: Yes it was very sad, when the guy stopped drawing the deer.
Ursula Buffay: *Ursula stars in a porno film* At last, I've found you, Nosfera-tool!
The Vampire: Phoebe, are you going plunge that stake into my dark places?
Ursula Buffay: Actually, I was hoping it might be the other way around!
Joey: *Joey thinks Phoebe has been acting in porno videos* A guy in the coffee shop told me he was a fan of Phoebe's. I thought he was talking about her singing, but he claims she is a porn star. So, I went to the adult video store and picked this up.
Ross: *taking the video* Let me see that. 'Buffay, the Vampire Layer' starring Phoebe Buffay. All right, let's check it out!
Joey: Guys, Phoebe is our friend. I refuse to watch this.
*goes over and sits at the table with his back to the TV*
Ross: Wow! I didn't know Pheebs had that particular talent.
Rachel: Wait a minute; Phoebe doesn't have a tattoo on her ankle! My God, that's Ursula!
Joey: *jumping up from the table* Ursula! Alright! Run it back! Run it back!
Ross: Boy, Phoebe is going to be pissed. Why is Ursula using Phoebe's name?
Phoebe: *coming in the apartment* Hi everybody, what are you ...
*screams and points at the TV*
Phoebe: Ahhhhhhh! What am I doing?
"Friends: The One with Monica and Chandler's Wedding: Part 1"
Season 7 Episode 23 - 2001
Rachel Green: OK, promise not to freak out. We can't find Chandler.
*Phoebe walks in. Gives a thumbs up*
Rachel Green: er's vest. We can't find Chandler's vest?
Monica Geller: Oh, my God! Are you serious.
Phoebe Buffay: Don't worry. We found the vest. Although, we're going to have to keep an eye on it before it runs away again.
Monica Geller: *laughing* OK. Don't scare me like that. For a second I was like "Oh, my God! The worst has happened".
Ross: Chandler's missing.
*Ross and Rachel are in Monic'a doorway. Phoebe comes up*
Phoebe Buffay: What's going on?
*reading the note*
Phoebe Buffay: "Tell Monica I'm sorry"
*Phoebe looks up at Ross, then back at the note, then back to Ross*
Phoebe Buffay: Tell her yourself.
Rachel Green: Maybe it means "Tell Monica I'm sorry I drank that kast of the milk" or maybe "Tell Monica I'm sorry I used your tweezers to pluck my nose hair"
*Ross and Phoebe stare at Rachel*
Rachel Green: He does. I've seen him.
Phoebe Buffay: Maybe he's writing to tell her he changed his name. Like "Tell Monica I'm Sorry".
Ross: I think it means he freaked out.
Phoebe Buffay: Don't be so negative. Isn't it possible that Sorry's in there right now.
"Friends: The One with the Ring"
Season 6 Episode 23" 2000
Chandler: No, I don't want to tell anybody else because I don't want Monica to find out.
Phoebe: You told me.
Chandler: Well, it's because I trust you, you're one of my best friends, and you walked in on me when I was looking at ring brochures.
Phoebe: Yeah well, once again not knocking pays off. I only wish you hadn't been on the toilet.
Chandler: Me too.
Chandler: Sir, would you mind if you held out that ring and asked my to marry you?
Jeweler: OK... Will you marry me?
Chandler: Oh my God, that's it, that's the ring. How much is it?
Phoebe: Wait, Chandler, I'll handle this. How much IS it?
Jeweler: $8,600.
Phoebe: We will give you ten dollars.
Chandler: *about the guy who bought the engagement ring Chandler had chosen* All right, where was he going?
Phoebe: Yeah, it's a restaurant, it's... the Rainbow something.
Chandler: Rainbow Room?
Phoebe: No.
Chandler: Rainbow Grill?
Phoebe: No.
Chandler: Somewhere over the...?
Phoebe: L'Espace.
Chandler: Rainbow L'Espace!
Phoebe: No, no. Just L'Espace.
Chandler: *thinking* I would love to know how you got from Rainbow to L'Espace.
Phoebe: No, you wouldn't. You don't want to get in here
*pointing to her head*
Phoebe: ...
"Friends: The One with Phoebe's Cookies"
Season 7 Episode 3 – 2000
Phoebe: I just went to my old apartment to get you the-the cookie recipe and the stupid fire burned it up.
Monica: No. Why didn't you make a copy and-and keep it in a fireproof box and keep it at least a hundred yards from the original?
Phoebe: *pauses* Because I'm normal.
Rachel: Y'know Joey, I could teach you to sail if you want.
Joey: You could?
Rachel: Yeah. I've been sailing my whole life. When I was fifteen my dad bought me my own boat.
Phoebe: Your own boat?
Rachel: What? What? He was trying to cheer me up. My pony was sick.
Monica: Wow, I haven't made this many cookies since the 8th grade!
Phoebe: What was that, for a bake sale or something?
Monica: No, just a Friday night
"Friends: The One with the Engagement Picture"
Season 7 Episode 5 – 2000
Phoebe: You think he is emotionally unavailable?
Ross: I think he can be.
Phoebe: Well, he wouldn't be if she hadn't brought her office home every night.
Ross: Well, excuse her for knowing what she wants to do with her life!
Phoebe: Well, she certainly knew what she was doing New Years Eve, 1997.
Ross: I knew you were going to throw that in my face! That was three years ago. She apologized and apologized. What more do you want?
Phoebe: We want the last six years back!
Ross: So do we! So do we!
Coffee people: *looking at Ross*
Ross: I'm sorry you had to see that.
Phoebe: So, How are things going with Crazy? Has she cooked your rabbit yet?
Ross: You are hearing one side of the story. And FYI, she must have shown him over 30 paint samples and his response to each one was "I don't give a tiny rat's ass!"
Phoebe: Well, She should have spent less time decorating and more time in the bedroom.
Phoebe: Maybe you guys can get portraits done at a professional photographer.
Monica Geller: That's a great idea. And maybe they'll have one of those wind machines and I can go like...
*Monica starts waving her head and flipping her hair*
Phoebe: That's great. Next to that, Chandler won't look so stupid.
"Friends: The One with Unagi"
Season 6 Episode 17 – 2000
*Later Ross has bragged about having "unagi"*
Phoebe, Rachel: *sneaking up from behind Ross, shouting* Danger!
*Ross screams*
Rachel: Ah, salmon skin roll.
Phoebe: Now, we can kick anybody's ass!
Rachel: Yeah!
Ross: After one class? I don't think so.
Rachel: What? You want to see me self-defend myself? Go over there and pretend you're a sexual predator! Go on! I dare ya!
Ross: Well, of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, that's not enough. Look, I studied karate for a long time, and there's a concept you should really be familiar with. It's what the Japanese call unagi.
Rachel: Isn't that a kind of sushi?
Ross: No, it's a concept.
Phoebe: Yeah, it is! It is! It's freshwater eel.
Ross: All right, maybe it means that too.
Rachel: Ooh! I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now.
Ross: Y'know what? Fine! Get attacked! I don't even care!
Phoebe: *after Chandler mentions he and Monica will make anniversary gifts for each other* So what did you make Chandler?
Chandler Bing: Oh, I made a 'flablarghaargh'...
Phoebe: What is that?
Chandler Bing: Nothing!
"Friends: The One with Princess Consuela"
Season 10 Episode 14 - 2004
Phoebe: Rita is a massage client.
Mike Hanigan: Oh, why don't you introduce me?
Phoebe: Rita, this is my husband.
Mike Hanigan: Why don't you tell her my name?
Phoebe: Ok, I will. This is... this is my husband, Crap Bag.
Rita - Massage Client: Crap Bag.
Mike Hanigan: If you need an easy way to remember it just think of a bag of crap.
*Phoebe changes her name after marrying Mike*
Monica: Hello, Miss Buffay.
Phoebe: Oh, that's not my name any more.
Monica: Oh, you changed it? Congratulations, Mrs. Hannigan.
Phoebe: No, that's not my name either.
Monica: What did you change your name to?
Phoebe: Princess Consuela Bananahammock.
Chandler: That's what we were gonna name the baby.
"Friends: The One with Ross's Inappropriate Song"
Season 9 Episode 7 - 2002
Rachel Greene: Take it from me. Mothers love me. Ross' mom actually said that I'm like the daughter that she never had.
Monica Geller-Bing: She said WHAT?
Phoebe Buffay: That she's like the daughter that she never had. Listen.
*Monica looks at Phoebe angrily*
Phoebe: Hi.
Monica, Rachel: Hey!
Phoebe: Listen, you have to help me pick a dress 'cause I'm meeting Mike's parents tonight!
Monica: Wow, the boyfriend's parents, that's a big step.
Phoebe: Really? That hadn't occured to me.
Monica: Sweetie, they're gonna love you. Just be yourself.
Phoebe: They live on the upper East side on Park Avenue!
Rachel: Oh, yeah, she can't be herself...
Phoebe: Alright, so, which dress?
*shows them two dresses*
Phoebe: *long pause* You can say neither...
Monica, Rachel: Oh God, neither!
Monica: I'm sorry honey, we're gonna take you shopping, it's gonna be fine.
Rachel: Yeah, totally, you are in such good hands and I am so good with meeting parents. With the father, you know, you wanna flirt a little bit but not in a gross way, just kind of like "Oh, Mr Pinser, I can see where Wallas gets his good looks from."
Monica: You went out with Wallas Pinser?
Rachel: Ah, he took the SAT's for me.
Monica: I knew you didn't get a 1400!
Rachel: *scoffs* Well, duh!
"Friends: The One with the Red Sweater"
Season 8 Episode 2 - 2001
*Joey thinks that Phoebe is pregnant and proposes to her*
Monica Geller-Bing: Joey, you can't marry her.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey, lady, your day's over. It's my time now.
Joey Tribbiani: Rachel, will you marry me?
Rachel Green: What?
Monica Geller-Bing: What?
Phoebe Buffay: WHAT!
"Friends: The One in Barbados: Part 2"
Season 9 Episode 24 - 2003
Mike Hannigan: *to Phoebe* Phoebe, I love you. I mean... I missed you so much these past few months, and I thought we were apart for a good reason, but then... I suddenly realized that... there was no reason good enough to keep me from spending the rest of my life with you.
David: *interrupts* Kind of a step from the toes of what I was gonna say.
Mike Hannigan: *to David* Sorry David, but she really has to know this.
David: *to Mike* Alright, but after this, I want to see you outside...
*Glances out the window*
David: If the rain stops...
Mike Hannigan: *to Phoebe* You're the most incredible woman I've ever met. How could I lose you? Now... I don't actually have a ring.
David: *interrupts* Uh... I have a ring.
Chandler Bing: *reminds David about his 1/70th of a carat diamond ring* I wouldn't brag too much about that thing big guy.
Mike Hannigan: *to Phoebe* Phoebe, will you marry me?
Phoebe Buffay: ...No
David: *ridicules Mike* Um... Ha Ha
Phoebe Buffay: *to Mike* I love you. I never needed a proposal from you. I just needed to know that we were heading somewhere... that we had a future...
Mike Hannigan: *to Phoebe* We can have any future you want.
David: *after a brief moment of silence; interrupts* 'Kay well I'm uh... I'm gonna take off
Mike Hannigan: *to David* David, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry!
David: Just so I know, uh, if I had asked first...
Phoebe Buffay: I... would have said yes, but that would have been wrong.
David: Please, you don't have to explain... I mean... perhaps I hadn't gone to Minsk, things would have worked out for us. And I wouldn't have ruined my career, or lost that toe to frostbite. It was a good trip!
*walks away*
David: *to Phoebe* Um, Phoebe, um... I have uh... something I wanna to say...
Monica Geller-Bing: *Eavesdropping over at the next table; To Chandler* Oh my God, he's gonna do it now. Please, I cannot watch this. Lets go.
Chandler Bing: *to Monica* I think we have some time. Have you ever heard him talk? "Uh... Phoebe, um... I would be honored if uh...” Spit it out, David!
David: *to Phoebe* Um... Phoebe, um...
*Chandler smacks himself in the face out of pity*
David: You're an amazing woman, and the time we spent apart was... unbearable. Of course the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn't help.
Phoebe Buffay: *Nods in agreement* Sure, okay, yeah.
David: But um... well now that we're together again, I don't ever want to be apart, so to that end...
*pulls out a ring from his pocket*
Phoebe Buffay: *Seeing Mike walk into the restaurant* Oh my God, Mike!
David: It's David, actually.
Phoebe Buffay: No, Mike's here.
David: *Turns around* Oh, hey Mike!
Mike Hannigan: Hey, David, Chandler, Monic - whoa
*upon seeing the unpleasantness of Monica's hair*
Monica Geller-Bing: *Cries in anger* It's the humidity!
Mike Hannigan: *to Phoebe* Hi, Phoebe.
Phoebe Buffay: *to Mike* What... are you doing here?
Mike Hannigan: I have a question I need to ask you.
David: *to Mike* I have a question that I was going to ask her myself.
Mike Hannigan: *to David* Yea, I understand, but before you do, she really needs to hear this.
David: *Sarcastically* Okay! Would you care for my seat as well?
Mike Hannigan: Actually yeah, that'd be great.
David: Well that's fair you've had a long trip.
"Friends: The One Where Chandler Takes a Bath"
Season 8 Episode 13 - 2002
*Phoebe thinks Joey has a crush on her*
Phoebe: Look, Joey, I know about your feelings.
Joey: Oh, you do?
Phoebe: Yeah, and I don't think it could happen.
Joey: I know. I mean it's Rachel. Not just my friend Rachel, it's my pregnant with Ross's child friend Rachel.
Phoebe: Ohh... Yeah, Rachel, I mean you two are friends.
*under her breath*
Phoebe: Beat me over the head with it, why don't you.
Joey: What?
Phoebe: Nothing. You know, maybe it's just a crush, it doesn't mean you love her.
Joey: You think?
Phoebe: Yeah. I mean I've had them for all you guys... except for Ross and Chandler. I'm sure you had them for us girls, right?
Joey: No, not really.
Phoebe: *under her breath* Throw me a friggin' bone here, will ya?
Phoebe: Look, Joey, I know.
Joey: What?
Phoebe: I knooow.
Joey: Whaaaat?
"Friends: The One Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs"
Season 7 Episode 8 - 2000
Chandler: Time's up. Pheebs, how many you got?
Phoebe: Well, I started naming states, but then I got tired of it. So, I started naming different types of celery. So far I only got one- regular celery.
Chandler: ...Okay, Phoebe's got the lead in vegetables. Rach?
Rachel: 48.
Chandler: Not bad. Joey?
Joey: Behold the new champion of Chandler's stupid state game.
Ross: How many you got?
Joey: 56.
Rachel: If a guy just broke up with his girlfriend, how long do you think is an appropriate time to wait before you... make a move?
Phoebe: I'd say about, a month.
Monica: Really? I'd say three or four.
Joey: Half hour.
Rachel: Interesting.
"Friends: The One with Rachel's Assistant"
Season 7 Episode 4 - 2000
Tag Jones: Phoebe? Wow... that's a great name.
Phoebe: Oh you like that? You should hear my phone number...
Phoebe: Joey, do you think your favorite animal says a lot about you?
Joey: No, 'cause goats can't talk.
"Friends: The One with Ross's Tan"
Season 10 Episode 3 - 2003
Amanda Buffamonteezi: Oh, bugger! Should I not have said that? I feel like a perfect arse.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, in America you're just an ass.
*Phoebe & Monica are trying to avoid seeing their former neighbor Amanda, and Monica is on the phone with Amanda*
Monica: Hi Amanda. Uh, actually, now is not a good time.
*Phoebe give Monica thumbs-up*
Monica: Dinner tomorrow night?
*Phoebe gestures and mouths 'no'*
Monica: Okay, Phoebe and I will see you then.
*Hangs up phone*
Phoebe: Why, why, why didn't you just say no?
Monica: Well, I said no to her coming over now. I couldn't say no twice. I've got this uncontrollable need to please people.
Phoebe: Fine, fine.
*Walking into kitchen, visibly angry*
Phoebe: You would not hold up well under torture.
Monica: Oh, and you would?
Phoebe: *Quickly turns around* I did.
*Monica looks extremely surprised*
"Friends: The One with Christmas in Tulsa"
Season 9 Episode 10 - 2002
Phoebe: You know, Chandler, you being here is the best gift I could ask for Christmas.
Chandler: Aww. Thanks Pheebs.
Phoebe: Ok, now where's my real present?
Monica: *hugs Chandler* Honey, I am so happy you are home.
Phoebe: Yes, Chandler, you being here is the best gift you could ever give me.
Chandler: Thanks, Pheebs.
Phoebe: Now, give me my real present.
"Friends: The One with Rachel's Big Kiss"
Season 7 Episode 20 - 2001
*Rachel is telling a story of how she once kissed another girl and Phoebe doesn't believe her*
Phoebe: Okay it just seems a little wild and you're so... vanilla.
Rachel: Vanilla? I'm not vanilla. I've done lots of crazy things. I mean I got drunk and married in Vegas.
Phoebe: To Ross.
Melissa Warburton: Phoebe, were you ever in a sorority?
Phoebe: Of course. Yeah. I was a... Thigh Mega Tampon.
Melissa Warburton: What one?
Phoebe: Yeah, you know, we were really huge too. But then they had to shut us down when Regina Phalangie died of alcohol poisoning.
"Friends: The One with the Cheap Wedding Dress"
Season 7 Episode 17- 2001
Meagan Bailey: *after having exchanged information with Monica about their wedding dates and photographer* Oh, who's your band? Monica Geller: My fiancé wants the Swing Kings. Meagan Bailey: Oh, you’re so lucky. My fiancé wants the heavy metal band, Carcass. Phoebe Buffay: *excitedly* Oh, is that spelled with a "C" or a "K"? Oh my god, it doesn't matter, they're both great! Phoebe Buffay: *somebody has just called Monica, told her something shocking and has then cut her off before she has had the chance to respond. Phoebe can't fathom what has happened.* Wh-what? Monica Geller: That was that girl Megan. She booked the Swing Kings on the day of our wedding and said I couldn't have them back unless I gave her the dress! Phoebe Buffay: *shocked* Ooh! *then excitedly* Phoebe Buffay: Does that mean Carcass is available?
"Friends: The One Where Estelle Dies"
Season 10 Episode 15" - 2004
*to Joey*
Phoebe: A promise between friends means never having to give a reason.
Joey: *about Estelle* I'm going to call her and hire her again.
Phoebe: No, don't call her! Wait for her to call you.
Joey: Why?
Phoebe: Because... Patience is the road to understanding, which is the key to a happy heart.
Joey: You blow me away.
"Friends: The One with Monica's Boots"
Season 8 Episode 10 - 2001
Phoebe: Where are the seats exactly? Ross: Middle balcony. Phoebe: Now would you say that that's more than fifty yards away from Sting, his wife, or a member of his family? Ross: Yeah. Phoebe: Than it's not breaking the law. I can go.
"Friends: The One in Massapequa"
Season 8 Episode 18 - 2002
Parker: I'm sorry if I put a good spin on everything. It's who I am, I'm a positive person.
Phoebe: No, I'm a positive person. You're like Santa Claus... on prozac... in Disney Land... getting laid.
"Friends: The One in Barbados: Part 1"
Season 9 Episode 23 - 2003
Phoebe: *watching Monica and Mike play table tennis* My God, it's like watching porn!
"Friends: The One Where Joey Speaks French"
Season 10 Episode 13 - 2004
Phoebe: Well this looks pretty simple. Ok repeat after me, Je ma appelle Claude.
Joey: Answers, Je de coupe plough!
"Friends: The One with the Halloween Party"
Season 8 Episode 6- 2001
*Halloween costumes; Monica's Cat Woman and Phoebe's Super Girl*
Phoebe: Ah so we meet again oh Cat Woman
Monica: So we do oh Super Girl.
Phoebe: *laughs* It's me, Phoebe.
"Friends: The One with Ross' Library Book"
Season 7 Episode 7 - 2000
Rachel Green: Wow. I guess it wasn't Cupid that brought her here.
Phoebe Buffay: No, just a regular old flying elf.
"Friends: The One Where Rachel's Sister Babysits"
Season 10 Episode 5 - 2003
Phoebe: Ugh. I just had the worst anniversary dinner ever!
Chandler: Really? Tell her about us, last year.
Monica: I bought Chandler a five hundred dollar watch and he wrote me a Rap song.
Ross: Really?
Chandler: Word.
"Friends: The One Where They All Turn Thirty"
Season 7 Episode 14 - 2001
Phoebe Buffay: Your middle name is Pamela?
Ursula Buffay: Uh-huh.
Phoebe Buffay: Wow. I never knew my middle name. Oh! Do you know my middle name?
Ursula Buffay: Yeah!
*Thinks.*
Ursula Buffay: Phoebe.
Phoebe Buffay: Phoebe is my first name.
Ursula Buffay: Oh! Okay. Then no.
"Friends: The One Where Chandler Gets Caught"
Season 10 Episode 10 - 2004
*first lines*
Rachel Green: You gotta see these latest pictures of Emma.
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh how cute. She looks just like a little doll.
Rachel Green: Oh, no no! That is a doll.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh thank God because that thing is really creepy.
"Friends: The One with the Cooking Class"
Season 8 Episode 21 - 2002
Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God! A woman flirting with a single man? We MUST alert the church elders!
"Friends: The One with the Lottery"
Season 9 Episode 18" 2003
Dr. Ross Geller: Although if we're gonna do that, we should probably call me "Daddy" too.
Phoebe Buffay: *sexy tone* Oooh, I like that, "Daddy".
Dr. Ross Geller: I... I was just talking about Rachel.
Phoebe Buffay: Oooh, is Daddy getting angry? Is Daddy gonna spank me?
Dr. Ross Geller: *trying to be sexy* Well that depends, have you been a baaad gi...
*stops*
Dr. Ross Geller: no I can't.
"Friends: The One with the Memorial Service"
Season 9 Episode 17" 2003
Phoebe Buffay: Damn you Monica Geller hyphen Bing.
"Friends: The One Where Rachel Goes Back to Work"
Season 9 Episode 11" 2003
Phoebe Buffay: Who's going to die?
Joey Tribbiani: Um...Man with Eyepatch!
"Friends: The One Where Rachel Tells..."
Season 8 Episode 3" 2001
Ross: Rachel's pregnant.
Phoebe, Joey: Oh my goodness! What?
Ross: With my child!
Phoebe: *Joey gasps* That is brand new information!
"Friends: The One with the Home Study"
Season 10 Episode 7" 2003
Phoebe Buffay: Hello, is this the crazy residence?
"Friends: The One with Rachel's Other Sister"
Season 9 Episode 8" 2002
Monica: Hey, Amy. Is this the first time you see Emma?
Amy: I think so...
*looks at Phoebe*
Amy: Hi Emma.
Phoebe: Phoebe.
Amy: That's a funny noise.
"Friends: The One Where Monica Sings"
Season 9 Episode 13" 2003
Phoebe: *while Monica sings at Mike's Piano Bar the spotlight hits her and everyone can see through her shirt* Can you totally see through her shirt?
Mike Hanigan: Like an X-Ray.
"Friends: The One with Rachel's Sister"
Season 6 Episode 13" 2000
Rachel: Honey what are you doing here?
Phoebe: *to Ross* Which sister is this, the spoiled one or the one that bit her?
Jill Green: Daddy cut me off.
Phoebe: *to Ross* Never mind I got it.
Jill Green: And you know what I said to him? I said, I'm gonna hire a lawyer and I'm gonna sue you and take all your money and then cut *you* off.
Rachel: Wow. What did he say?
Jill Green: He said he wouldn't pay for my lawyer.
"Friends: The One with Monica's Thunder"
Season 7 Episode 1" 2000
Phoebe: Check it out! Okay, I can play this when guests are coming in. Okay
*singing*
Phoebe: 'First time I met Chandler, I thought he was gay But here I am singing on his wedding day!'
Monica: Phoebe!
Phoebe: If you would've let me finish, it goes on to say that he's probably not gay.
"Friends: The One with the Stain"
Season 8 Episode 7" 2001
Phoebe: *Phoebe returns to Eric's apartment after having to leave* Ready to pick up where we left off?
Eric: I don't know. I'm still kinda tired from this afternoon.
Phoebe: This afternoon?
Eric: Yeah, you know, all the sex this afternoon.
Phoebe: We did not have sex this afternoon!
Eric: Yes, we did!
Phoebe: No we didn't!
Eric: Well, it was either you or
*realization dawns*
Eric: someone who looked an awful lot like you.
Phoebe: Ew! You had sex with Ursula! Ew, ew, ew! This is just too weird!
"Friends: The One Where Rosita Dies"
Season 7 Episode 13" 2001
Phoebe Buffay: I'm hearing what you're saying, but at our prices everyone needs toner.
Earl: Not me.
Phoebe Buffay: May I ask why?
Earl: You wanna know why. You wanna know why?
Phoebe Buffay: I surely do!
Earl: Okay, I don't need any toner because I'm going to kill myself.
Phoebe Buffay: Um... is... is that because you're out of toner?
"Friends: The One with Ross and Monica's Cousin"
Season 7 Episode 19" 2001
Rachel Green: What should we do for the theme?
Phoebe Buffay: Lusts of the Flesh!
"Friends: The One with the Cake"
Season 10 Episode 4" 2003
Joey: Oh. I got it. Ok, everyone pick a number from one to ten. All right? Whoever gets the highest number gets to go first.
Monica: Ok, ten.
Joey: Okay, Monica picks ten, I call nine. Anyone else?
Phoebe: No, lets just draw straws.
Joey: Or... we could flip a coin, and then multiply the...
Chandler: I'm begging you stop.
"Friends: The One with Rachel's Phone Number"
Season 9 Episode 9" 2002
*on the phone*
Phoebe Buffay: Listen... is Ross near you?
Mike Hannigan: No, I just left.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, you have to go back in.
Mike Hannigan: What? Go back? To the land where time stands still?
"Friends: The One with the Apothecary Table"
Season 6 Episode 11" 2000
Phoebe Buffay: *Ross's apothecary table has just been revealed after Phoebe dragged the tablecloth off it with her feet* Ross, where'd you get this?
Dr. Ross Geller: *yelling* I got it at Pottery Barn, Okay?
"Friends: The One with the Joke"
Season 6 Episode 12" 2000
Monica: *Rachel, Phoebe & Monica are looking at the Playboy of the Month*
Rachel: See now, I would date this girl. She's cute, she's outdoorsy, see, & she knows how to build a fire, I mean that's got to come in handy!
Monica: Hey I've got a question. If you had to pick one of us to date, who would it be?
Rachel: *looking at Monica and Phoebe* I don't know...
Monica: *looking at Phoebe and Rachel* Yeah, me either...
Phoebe: *looking at Rachel and Monica* Rachel.
Monica: *Monica and Rachel both look at Phoebe* What?
Phoebe: I don't know... me neither
*Running off*
"Friends: The One with the Tea Leaves"
Season 8 Episode 17" 2002
Jim: I write... Erotic novels, for children.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God!
Jim: They're wildly unpopular... and it might interest you to know that I have a PhD.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh yeah?
Jim: Yup, A pretty *huge d…*
