Movie/TV title:
The Thin Blue Line
British TV Sitcom (1995-1996)
Character name:
Inspector Richard C. Fowler
Quote(s):
Inspector Raymond C. Fowler: Start stringing words together willy-nilly and it can lead to no end of confusion. Constable Kray let me have your notebook.
*Takes notebook and starts to read*
Inspector Raymond C. Fowler: . Look here. "The criminal ran round my side and out the back at a colossal lick". Jumble up the words and suddenly you have "The criminal licked out my colossal round backside and ran."
Sergent Patricia Dawkins: We are not the first, and we won't be the last couple to have problems with our sex life.
Inspector Raymond C. Fowler: We do not have a problem.
Sergent Patricia Dawkins: We don't have a sex life!
Inspector Raymond C. Fowler: Exactly, so I can hardly see how there could be a problem with it!
Sergent Patricia Dawkins: We are not the first, and we won't be the last couple to have problems with our sex life.
Inspector Raymond C. Fowler: We do not have a problem.
Sergent Patricia Dawkins: We don't have a sex life!
Inspector Raymond C. Fowler: Exactly, so I can hardly see how there could be a problem with it!
Inspector Raymond C. Fowler: I doubt Constable Goody would "get it", if it came in a large bag marked, "IT".
Inspector Raymond C. Fowler: *talking about drugs* When I was a teenager, my idea of chemical stimulation was sucking on a Fisherman's Friend!
*P.C. Goody and P.C. Habib start chuckling*
Inspector Raymond C. Fowler: What is so funny, goody?
P.C. Goody: Well sir, you just said your idea of chemical stimulation was sucking on a Fisherman's Friend!
Inspector Raymond C. Fowler: So?
P.C. Goody: Well, everyone knows they're AWFUL!
Inspector Raymond C. Fowler: Keen of eye, swift of thought, and regular of bowel. |
| Movie/TV title:
Johnny English (2003)
 | Character name:
Johnny English
 |
Quote(s):
Johnny English: Ah, the Heckler and Koch G-36. Quite deadly in the right hands.
Pegasus: We can't afford any mistakes, English, not tonight.
Johnny English: The word "mistake", Sir, is not one that appears in my dictionary.
Johnny English: Do you or do you not have tattooed on your bottom the words "Jesus is coming, look busy"?
Archbishop of Canterbury: Are you insane?
Johnny English: Well, let's find out, shall we?
Johnny English: All right, so I was wrong about the Archbishop's bottom.
Johnny English: My *bottom* will be king of England before you are.
Bough: Shall we call for back up sir?
Johnny English: What? And watch some fat-bottomed bobby make our arrest for us? I don't think so.
Johnny English: A good agent doesn't need gadgets. The only gadgets I've ever needed are a sharp eye, sensitive hearing and a whole bunch of bigger brains.
Johnny English: The only thing that France is adept at hosting is an invasion.
Johnny English: Look pull yourself together, it's only a bit of poo.
Lorna Campbell: I can't hear anything.
Johnny English: I'm into ultrasonic.
Bough: Are you all right, sir?
Johnny English: Yes, I landed on something soft.
Bough: That was me, sir.
Johnny English: Ah. Good.
Johnny English: It may be pitch black, but we can still see.
Bough: Can we, sir? How?
Johnny English: The Bedouin monks of the Al Maghreb mountains developed a system of sonic chanting.
Bough: I see, sir.
Johnny English: The sound of their chanting would bounce back off any obstacles, and using their highly tuned ears they could paint a mental picture of the path ahead.
Bough: Brilliant, sir.
Johnny English: However, you must always sing in E-flat.
Johnny English: *singing* Thank you for the music / The songs I'm singing
Bough: Is it working, sir?
Johnny English: Extremely well, thank you, Bough.
Johnny English: *singing* Thanks for all the joy that...
*Johnny hits the tunnel wall*
Johnny English: Ow!
Lorna Campbell: *seeing Sauvage the Frenchman standing just behind English, who thinks that he's just another waiter in the party; not knowing that it's truly Sauvage, who also listens to everything they say* You obviously haven't met our host, Monsieur Savage.
Johnny English: No, thank God! You know, I think I'd rather have my bottom impaled on a giant cactus than exchange pleasantries with that jumped-up Frenchman. As far as I'm concerned, the only thing the French should be allowed to host is an invasion.
*he chuckles, then attemps to take a drink out of his glass, but just then notices Sauvage standing right behind him, not realizing that it's actually him instead of just one of the waiters, who even just heard his insult*
Johnny English: *looking over at him* Sorry, can I help?
Pascal Sauvage: *into English's face* Pascal Sauvage.
*then faces and reaches his hand out to shake Ms. Cambell's hand*
Pascal Sauvage: The jumped-up Frenchman.
Lorna Campbell: Lorna Campbell. I've been so looking forward to meeting you.
Pascal Sauvage: Enchanté.
*English is now looking dumbstruck and stammering in embarrassment*
Pascal Sauvage: Of course, you are Johnny English. I've heard all about you.
Pegasus: It's an unmitigated disaster, English.
Johnny English: I couldn't agree more, sir.
Pegasus: Well, we need to get these jewels back, English, and fast. Now tell me about this assailant. Because when they searched the room later, there was no sign of him.
Johnny English: Well, the man was clearly a professional. He must have escaped while the Queen was being sedated.
Pegasus: But he's the only lead we've got, English. We have to find him. Now, come in. This is - This is Roger from Data Support. Please sit down. He'll produce a likeness based on your description. So tell us, what did this man look like?
Johnny English: Um... Well... He was... big.
Roger: Hair colour?
Johnny English: Um... orange.
Pegasus: Orange?
Johnny English: Mmm. And curly. Well, frizzy, actually. Frizzy sort of thing.
Roger: Frizzy.
Johnny English: An eye patch. Broken nose. Very few teeth. Two, I would say the most. And a scar on his cheek in the shape... of a banana.
Roger: Which cheek?
Johnny English: Both cheeks. They sort of met in the middle.
Pegasus: Are you sure about this, English?
*Pegasus shows him what Roger has done on his computer of the assailant Johnny had described and he gasps*
Johnny English: Oh, yes, that's him. An uncanny resemblance. Why, it's just as if he's in the room with us. |
| Movie/TV title:
Rat Race (2001)
 | Character name:
Enrico Pollini
 |
Quote(s):
Enrico Pollini: I am Enrico Pollini. Now, I know what you are thinking... Enrico is a girl's name.
Owen Templeton: No I wasn't.
Enrico Pollini: No pun intended.
Owen Templeton: What pun was that?
Enrico Pollini: Food. Look at all this food!
*gasps*
Enrico Pollini: Little Cock doggies!
Merrill: They're called cocktail weenies.
Enrico Pollini: Weenies! Ha! I'm so sorry. My English is not so good. But I'm learning!
Enrico Pollini: I have lost my heart many times before.
*Laughs*
Enrico Pollini: I make a joke to help you forget how screwed you are.
Enrico Pollini: Look at us go! We're zooming!
Zack Mallozzi: I told you! We're hauling ass!
Enrico Pollini: We're hauling ass! All righty!
Zack Mallozzi: Guess what I got back there.
Enrico Pollini: You just told me. Ass! We're hauling ass!
Enrico Pollini: It's a race!
Enrico Pollini: *sees the other contestants on the floor* I'm winning! |
| Movie/TV title:
The Lion King (1994)
 | Character name:
Zazu
 |
Quote(s):
Zazu: What's going on?
Mufasa: A pouncing lesson.
Zazu: Oh, very good. Pouncing. *Pouncing*? Oh, no, Sire, you can't be serious...
*Mufasa signs for "turn around"*
Zazu: This is so humiliating.
*talking about Scar*
Mufasa: What am I going to do with him?
Zazu: He'd make a very handsome throw rug.
Mufasa: *childing* Zazu.
Zazu: And just think, whenever he gets dirty you can take him out and beat him.
Zazu: Ix-nay on the oopid-stay...
Banzai: Who're you callin' "oopid-stay?"
Zazu: Oh, my, my, my. Look at the sun. It's time to go!
Zazu: Oh, just look at you two. Little seeds of romance blossoming in the savannah. Your parents will be thrilled, what with your being betrothed and all.
Young Simba: Be-what?
Zazu: Betrothed. Intended. Affianced.
Young Nala: Meaning...?
Zazu: One day, you two are going to be married.
Young Simba: Yuck.
Young Nala: Ewww.
Young Simba: I can't marry her. She's my friend.
Young Nala: Yeah. It'd be so weird.
Zazu: Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but you two turtle-doves have no choice. It's a tradition that goes back generations.
Young Simba: Well, when I'm king, that'll be the first thing to go.
Zazu: Not so long as I'm around.
Young Simba: Well, in that case, you're fired.
Zazu: Hmmm... Nice try, but only the king can do that.
Young Nala: Well, he's the future king.
Young Simba: Yeah. So you have to do what I tell you.
Zazu: Not yet I don't. And with an attitude like that, I'm afraid you're shaping up to be a pretty pathetic king indeed.
Young Simba: Hmph. Not the way I see it. |
| Movie/TV title:
Blackadder (1983 -2008 )
Character name(s):
Blackadder, Sir Edmund Blackadder, Ebenezer Blackadder, Lord Edmund Blackadder, Cmdr. Edmund Blackadder, Edmund Blackadder, Esq., Edmund Blackadder, Centurion Blackadder, King Edmund III,
Capt. Edmund Blackadder, Lord Edmund Blackadder
Blackadder's Best Quote(s):
Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. Contemptible. Worth a try.
His Royal Highness, the Pinhead of Wales, summons me. I feel almost well-disposed towards him this morning. Utter chump though he may be, at least he's not French.
They have one great redeeming feature: their wallets. More capacious than an elephant's scrotum and just as difficult to get your hands on.
Blackadder: It is said, Percy, that the civilized man seeks out good and intelligent company so that by learned discourse he may rise above the savage and closer to God.
Lord Percy: *delighted* Yes, I'd heard that.
Blackadder: Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total dickhead to remind me I'm best.
Blackadder: Well done, Baldrick! I'm so pleased with, I'm going to give you a wage rise.
Baldrick: Thank you very much, my lord.
Blackadder: ...Well, perhaps not all year, but maybe something like a Christmas bonus.
Blackadder: ...Well, perhaps not actual money, but something else like a box of chocolates.
Blackadder: ...A chocolate.
Blackadder: ...After I've had a nibble of it myself.
To see more of Blackadder quotes click here. |
| Movie/TV title:
Mr. Bean (1990-2007)
Mr. Bean's Holiday
2007 | Bean
1997 | Mr. Bean
1990 - 1995
|
Character name:
Mr. Bean
Mr. Bean's Famous Quote(s):
Mr. Bean's Holiday - 2007
Vicar: The winner of this fabulous first prize is... number... 919
Mr. Bean: *looks at his card but sees it upside down and thinks it is 616* Oh Pssh!
*He throws the card in the air*
Vicar: 919? Anybody? We'll have to draw another one.
Mr. Bean: *sees his card again but right side up* Wait wait!
Mr. Bean: Back! Back! Back a bit...
Waitress on Train: Un caf?
Mr. Bean: Oui.
Waitress on Train: Du sucre?
Mr. Bean: Non.
Waitress on Train: You speak very good French.
Mr. Bean: Gracias!
Bean - 1997
Lt. Brutus: Mr. Bean, are you presently on any kind of medication?
Mr. Bean: Not that I know of.
Lt. Brutus: You certainly could use some.
David Langley: Doesn't it take, like, five hours?
Mr. Bean: ...not... necessarily
David Langley: I must admit, over the time you've been here, certain... suspicions have begun to gather in my mind. I'm going to be frank here... are you a doctor?
*at the virtual rollercoaster ride talking to David*
Mr. Bean: Brace yourself!
Mr. Bean: Hello, I'm Dr. Bean. Apparently. And my job is to sit and look at paintings. So, what have I learned that I can say about this painting? Well, firstly, it's quite big, which is excellent. If it were very small, microscopic, then hardly anyone would be able to see it. Which would be a shame. Secondly, and I'm getting quite near the end of this... analysis, secondly, why was it worth this man spending fifty million of your American dollars? And the answer to that is, that it's a picture of Whistler's mother. And as I've learned, staying with my best friend David Langley and his family, families are very important. Even though Mr. Whistler was obviously aware that his mother was a hideous old bat who looked like she'd had a cactus lodged up her backside, he stuck with her, and even took the time to paint this amazing picture of her. And that's marvellous. It's not just a painting. It's a picture of a mad old cow who he thought the world of. Well that's what I think.
Kevin Langley: I can't sleep. I can'e stop thinking about naked women. What about you?
Mr. Bean: Whistler's Mother.
Kevin Langley: Well, whatever turns you on!
TV Sitcom: "Mr. Bean: Mr. Bean"
Season 1 Episode 1 - 1990
Student: Done your revision?
Mr. Bean: Uh, oh yes. I concentrated on trigonomentry.
Student: I've done calculus, mainly.
Mr. Bean: Oh, I believe they concentrated on calculus last year.
Student: Oh! Oh dear.
*Mr. Bean sniggers* |
|  Movie/TV title:
Character name:
Quote(s): |
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