 Movie/TV title:
Van Wilder
Character name:
Van Wilder
Quote(s):
Van Wilder: Are you stalking me? Because that would be super.
Van Wilder: [while standing pantless next to the freshman] But you know what I've learned in my seven years here at Coolidge, Timmy? I've learned that you can't treat every situation as a life-and-death matter because you'll die a lot of times. Write that down.
Suicidal Freshman: I don't have a pen.
Van Wilder: Well remember that then. And you know something, Timmy? I think you've got the balls to make it here. Call me nuts, but I believe in you.
Van Wilder: Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you... even if you know its someplace you know you're not suppossed to be.
Gwen: And how many times has your heart led you into the women's locker room?
Van Wilder: This would be a first.
Gwen: Why do I find that hard to believe?
Van Wilder: I'm not saying this is the first time I've been in here, just usually it is another part of my anatomy that does the leading.
Van Wilder: All you need is scented candles, massage oil, and Barry White. Write that down. Look at me, No. Cock. Pump.
Taj: No Cock Pump Barry White.
Van Wilder: Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
Van Wilder: The first day of spring semester. A time to say goodbye to the parents once again, and say hello to a few new student bodies.
Van Wilder: Don't be a fool, stay in school!
Van Wilder: What is wrong with people today?
Hutch: [taking a hit from a bong] It's the internet, it fries their brain cells.
Taj: I would like very much to spend my remaining days here as your assistant.
Van Wilder: Okay, we're just going do a little word association. Say the first thing that comes to your mind. Milk.
Taj: Tit! Oh, mommy. Most Indians would say "cow" because they are sacred, but I hear "milk," I think giant jugs. You see, I cannot go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving. To smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand! You know, I wanted to, how is it, park the porpoise. You know? I want to take it through the car wash, baby. And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it! You know, and air dry. Air dry that shit, yeah! And I would like to be your assistant very much, Mr. Van Wilder.
Van Wilder: Take your clothes off.
Gwen: I'm not taking off my clothes.
Van Wilder: Well it is the naked mile run, everybody else is in their birthday suit.
[a hairy naked guy runs by]
Van Wilder: Except that guy.
[after a stripper farts in their face]
Van Wilder: Congratulations Taj, your first blow job!
Van Wilder: Don't be a fool and wrap your tool.
Van Wilder: Crazy kids with their crazy VDs.
Van Wilder: I know Ms. Pac-Man is special. She's fun. She's cute. She swallows.
Van Wilder: I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri. Two girls utterly infatuated with men who have larger than normal... medulla oblongata's.
Van Wilder: Her name's Naomi. That's "I moan" backwards.
Van Wilder: Whoa, trick or treat. What's going on?
Richard: This vaginal discharge won't let us partake in the party.
Van Wilder: Graphic.
Van Wilder: Wow, If he's here, who's running hell?
Gwen: I'm doing a human interest piece... on you.
Van Wilder: I'm flattered, I'd love for your piece to be on me.
Van Wilder: But sadly I don't do interviews, never have, never will. Do lunch though.
Van Wilder: I want you all over that ball like a fat kid on a cupcake!
Van Wilder: It's a date.
Gwen: It's an interview.
Van Wilder: Gwen,first dates are interviews.
Van Wilder: Dinner for two. Clothing optional.
Van Wilder: You think about the future too much and you kinda forget about the present. Obviously.
Van Wilder: Hey look. I read the damn article all right. But don't tell anyone because if word gets out that I read my reputation shot to hell.
Van Wilder: We'll be accepting donations in the form of cash, visa, and full frontal nudity.
Van Wilder: What's that intoxicating scent you're wearing Doris?
Ms. Doris Haver: I have cats.
Van Wilder: Meow!
McDoogle: I've been waiting all these years for you to realize your potential.
Van Wilder: That's why you and I had friction? God, I always thought it was 'cause, 'cause I fooled around with your daughter freshman year.
McDoogle: Why, what... You fooled around with my daughter?
Van Wilder: What?
Van Wilder: I'm all out of love. I'm so lost without you. I know you were right. Believing for so long.
Sally: Dope song. What's it called?
Van Wilder: Gwen Used Me For Her Story, Then Married an Ass Wipe... and Ran Over My Heart With a Big Metaphorical Truck. Originally performed by Air Supply.
Van Wilder: I'm sorry, Taj. I'm gonna have to let you go. I don't have the resources to pay for your services anymore.
Taj: A good soldier does not leave his commander just because he lies wounded, arms torn off at the sockets, intestines spilling out onto the mud, picked at by the birds. I will stay on at no charge.
|  Movie/TV title:
Blade: Trinity
Character name:
Hannibal King
Quote(s):
Hannibal King: Her name is Danica Talos. You met her earlier. And unlike typical vampires, her fangs are located in her vagina.
[uncomfortable pause]
Hannibal King: Moving on...
Hannibal King: [after watching Blade casually kill a familiar] You know, at some point, you, uh, you might wanna consider sitting down with somebody. You know, have a little share time? Kick back. Get in touch with your inner child, that sorta thing. Also, just a thought, but you might wanna consider blinking once in a while.
[Blade stops and slowly turns to look at Hannibal]
Hannibal King: I'm sorry, I, uh... I ate a lot of sugar today.
Hannibal King: We're still trying to sort out fact from fiction when it comes to Dracula. Turning into mist? Kinda doubt it. But general shape-shifting? Maybe.
Hedges: Not into a bat or a wolf or anything like that, but, another human, uh, with practice, could be possible. Because he wouldn't have a-a traditional skeletal structure. Something more like a snake's, with thousands of, uh, tiny bones, and...
Hannibal King: I have a - I have a question about that, Hedges. Have you ever been laid?
Hedges: Many times... with ladies.
Danica Talos: Enough! It's not funny anymore!
Hannibal King: No, it's not, you horse-humping bitch! But it will be a few seconds from now. See, that tickle that you're feeling in the back of your throat right now?
[Asher, Jarko, and Danica start coughing]
Hannibal King: That's atomized colloidal silver. It's being pumped through the building's air conditioning system, you cock-juggling thundercunt!
[Jarko and Asher cough harder]
Hannibal King: Which means the fat lady should be singing, right... about... now!
[pause where nothing happens]
Hannibal King: Heh, this is awkward.
[still nothing]
Hannibal King: Do you have a cell phone?
[Jarko punches King]
Hannibal King: Ooh, gonna be sorry you did that.
Asher Talos: Why? Nobody's coming for you, King-shit.
Hannibal King: Sure they are.
[in pain]
Hannibal King: God! See, one of the things you fuckheads need to know about us Nightstalkers is that when you join our club, you get all sorts of groovy little door prizes, and one of them is this nifty little tracking node surgically implanted in your body.
Jarko Grimwood: Bullshit.
Hannibal King: Yeah. See, when one of us goes missing, the others, they just dial up the satellite... which is in space. And then presto. Instant cavalry.
Hannibal King: You like that, huh? Go fuck your sister
Danica Talos: Okay King, where is this tracking node of yours?
Hannibal King: It's in my left ass cheek.
[Danica slaps King in the face]
Hannibal King: Fine. It's in my right ass cheek.
[Danica slaps King in the face again]
Hannibal King: Okay, I'm - okay, seriously now. It's in the meat of my butt, just below the Hello Kitty tattoo.
[Danica kicks King in the groin]
Hannibal King: Seriously, just pull down my tighty-whities and see for yourself.
Hannibal King: Hey Blade, I got a question for you. Say we're successful, say we wipe out all the vampires. What then? Huh? Ever ask yourself that? I mean, somehow I don't picture you teaching Karate at the local Y.
[Blade just walks off]
Hannibal King: He hates me, doesn't he?
Abigail Whistler: Yeah.
Hannibal King: Back off, pooch.
[the dog opens its three-jawed mouth, showing vampire fangs and a Reaper-style tongue]
Hannibal King: Jesus Christ!
Hannibal King: What the f*ck?
Asher Talos: Good dog.
Hannibal King: What the f*ck?
Asher Talos: His name's Pac-Man. We've been porting the vampire gene into other species, experimenting.
Hannibal King: You made a goddamn vampire Pomeranian?
Hannibal King: She's making playlists. She likes to listen to MP3s when she hunts. It's like her own internal soundtrack, you know? Dark core, trip-hop, whatever kids are listening to these days. Me, I'm more of a David Hasselhof fan, you know?
Hannibal King: We call ourselves the Nightstalkers.
Blade: Hmm. Sounds like rejects from a Saturday morning cartoon.
Hannibal King: Well, we were gonna go with the Care Bears, but, uh, that was taken.
Danica Talos: Tell us about Blade, King. What's this weapon he's been planning?
Hannibal King: I can tell you two things. One, your hairdo is ridiculous. Two, I ate a lot of garlic, and I just farted. Silent but deadly.
Hannibal King: [about Danica] You know the kind of woman that just screams trouble? You see her, and every warning bell in your brain starts going off, but you still manage to ask for her number? Well, that's all I ever hook up with. But this betty... whoa! She blew them all away in the shitstorm sweepstakes.
Hannibal King: I picked Danica up in a bar, and spent the next five years playing hide-and-go-suck as her little vampire cabana boy. Eventually, Abigail found me, Sommerfield managed to treat me with a cure, and now I kill them. And that's basically turning a frown upside down.
Blade: What the hell makes you think you know about huntin' vampires?
Hannibal King: Well, here's for starters.
[shows Vampire tattoo]
Hannibal King: I used to be one.
Hannibal King: Do I pass the audition?
[first lines]
Hannibal King: In the movies, Dracula wears a cape, and some old English guy always manages to save the day at the last minute with crosses and holy water. But everybody knows the movies are full of shit. The truth is, it started with Blade, and it ended with him. The rest of us were just along for the ride.
Hannibal King: Welcome to the honeycomb hideout.
Blade: How do you bankroll this operation?
Hannibal King: I date a lot of older men.
[last lines]
Hannibal King: Blade was still out there somewhere, doing what he did best. He was a weapon. His life was a war. And everybody knows the war never ends.
|  Movie/TV title:
The Amityville Horror
Character name:
George Lutz
Quote(s):
George Lutz: Houses don't kill people. People kill people.
Michael Lutz: We're rich!
George Lutz: Rich off of somethin', but it ain't money.
Realtor: We're happy?
Kathy Lutz: Yes, we're happy.
George Lutz: She's happy. I'm broke.
George Lutz: [to Billy] You sure you don't want a babysitter?
George Lutz: Goddamn babysitter's an idiot.
George Lutz: Do I look nuts to you?
George Lutz: Wipe that stupid look off your face and got to bed... run.
George Lutz: These kids are out of control.
George Lutz: Uh... this, this is a mistake.
Realtor: How's that?
George Lutz: No, I mean your ad in the paper. Uh... this is a... It's gotta be a misprint, cause I'm a contractor, and I know what a place like this should cost. And, you know, if this is... Well, if this is true, then this is a... the deal of a lifetime.
Realtor: And what is wrong with that?
George Lutz: So, look, I gotta ask what's the catch? There's always a catch.
Realtor: There was a tragedy, a crime... a murder.
George Lutz: When the body suffers... the spirit flowers.
George Lutz: Home, sweet, home.
George Lutz: I think she misses her daddy. Don't you?
Kathy Lutz: Give me back my daughter.
|  Movie/TV title:
Chaos Theory
Character name:
Frank Allen
Quote(s):
Frank Allen: You caught me reminiscing. A lot of memories here. Buy you a drink?
Ed: Oh, I'd love to Frank, but uh... I'm kind of... I'm... I'm in a bit of a rush.
Frank Allen: I insist. After all, it is the traditional function of the father of the bride.
Ed: What is?
Frank Allen: Keeping the groom away from back exits.
Frank Allen: What about that thing with Jake Lee?
Ed: [horrified] She told you that?
Frank Allen: Two weeks, last year.
Ed: Two weeks? She told me a week!
Frank Allen: One, two, most of Lent. It's hardly the point.
Frank Allen: Do you know what doctors call riders that don't wear a helmet?
Buddy Endrow: A hotel?
Frank Allen: Organ donors.
Jesse Allen: I wish I wish upon the sun that my wish is number one.
Frank Allen: And what'd you wish for?
Jesse Allen: That Mary Vose will get hit by a truck.
Frank Allen: Well that's not very nice. I thought Mary was your best friend.
Jesse Allen: I divorced her.
Frank Allen: You can't divorce a friend.
Jesse Allen: Why not?
Frank Allen: Because divorce is for married people.
Jesse Allen: That's okay, as long as the truck hits her.
Frank Allen: [giving speech] The relationship between time and you is always one of master and slave. List making - it is your anchor, your harbor in the storm of life. Start each morning with your wish for the day, and then move right on in into your daily goal list. Remember to keep them in behavorial terms and be specific. Why? Because a specific list is a happy list. And don't forget it's chaos out there. We conquer that by taking control, setting priorities. Life cannot be based on whim. Those who fail to control whim are destined to be controlled by it.
Frank Allen: Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to show up late to a lecture on the efficiency use of time?
Frank Allen: Nothing happened!
Susan Allen: How can you call a baby nothing?
Frank Allen: What baby?
Susan Allen: The baby at the hospital!
Frank Allen: Oh, that baby.
Damon: Stop worrying. If even half of what you say is true, there's no way that the mother or the hospital or the queen of England can prove that the child's actually yours in the court of law.
Frank Allen: I'm not worried about the court of law. I'm worried about the court of Susan.
Frank Allen: I've decided never to decide another thing again.
Frank Allen: Say yes to whim! Say yes to chance! Say yes to chaos!
Paula Crowe: Are you still a time tamer?
Frank Allen: Are you still a home-wrecking bitch?
Susan Allen: Why didn't you tell me?
Frank Allen: It's hard to talk with a knife in your back, Susan.
[last lines]
Frank Allen: You look beautiful.
Jesse Allen: I'm nervous, daddy.
Frank Allen: Jake loves you very much.
Jesse Allen: Ed.
Frank Allen: He loves you too, honey.
Frank Allen: Ever heard Chaos theory Ed! Its a science, tries to determine underlying patterns in chaotic systems like weather, ocean currents, blood flow sort of things. But it turns out that are few things more chaotic in the beat of a human heart. Its beating up, slowing down. Pretty face, flirty stares. Its always changing on whats happening to ourselves out there its erratic sound of a bitch. But underneath all of that bump to bump mess, there is in fact a pattern, the truth, and its love. Most important thing about love is that we choose to give it, and we choose to receive it. Making it the least random act in the entire Universe. It transcends blood, it transcends betrayal and all the dirt and makes us human.
|  Movie/TV title:
Definitely, Maybe
Character name:
Will Hayes
Quote(s):
Will Hayes: I had two serious girlfriends... and then some other smattering of other women.
Will Hayes: What?
Maya Hayes: What's the boy word for 'slut'?
Will Hayes: They still haven't come up with one yet. But I'm sure they're working on it.
Maya Hayes: What's a threesome?
Will Hayes: It's a game, that adults play sometimes... When they're bored.
Maya Hayes: Whatever.
April: You and me, it'd kinda be like cats and dogs.
Will Hayes: Oil and water.
April: Sand paper and bare ass.
Will Hayes: That's gross.
Will Hayes: Will you... um... marry me?
April: No. What do you mean, 'Will you, um, marry me?' I haven't seen you in weeks! You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! You're asking me to give up my - my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda?
Will Hayes: Oh! Oh, my God.
April: You should've got on your knee.
Will Hayes: Just shut up! Here - I wanna marry you because you're the first person I wanna look at when I wake up in the morning, and the only one I wanna kiss goodnight. Because the first time that I saw these hands, I couldn't imagine not being able to hold them. But mainly, when you love someone as much as I love you, getting married is the only thing left to do. So, will you, um, marry me?
April: Definitely. Maybe.
Summer Hartley: Dumped me for a sophomore. Told me it was for my own good.
Will Hayes: Everybody seems to be using that line these days.
Will Hayes: [hands Summer a bouquet of flowers] These are for you.
Summer Hartley: Oh, Will! Oh, they're beautiful. So are you.
Will Hayes: Summer. Don't mess with me. I can see where you're going with this. In a second you're going to say something impossibly charming.
Summer Hartley: Really?
Will Hayes: Yeah, it's gonna be great. And then you're gonna sweep me off my feet, and we all know where that's going.
Summer Hartley: [laughing] Can't a girl miss a guy?
Will Hayes: Yeah she can, but I just don't really have time for the pain.
Will Hayes: Fine, I'm gonna tell you the story, but I'm not telling you who your mom is.
Maya Hayes: Fine!
Will Hayes: You're just gonna have to figure it out for yourself.
Maya Hayes: Good!
Will Hayes: And I'm changing all of the names, and some of the facts. I just decided that right now. Then we'll see how smart you are.
Maya Hayes: It like it, it's like a love story mystery.
Charlie: I can't believe you're letting him go. I mean, don't you know about New York girls? Besides being incredibly hot, they have no problem with casual sex, which by the way I totally respect.
Emily: What if Charlie's right?
Will Hayes: Charlie's never right. He's functionally retarded.
Maya Hayes: Hold it! Stop, stop right there! You smoked?
Will Hayes: No! Yeah. But, I didn't mean to tell you that. Listen, I was young and I was stupid, and I haven't smoked in years, I promise you.
Maya Hayes: Is there anything else you should tell me?
Will Hayes: Probably... not.
April: You're the toilet paper guy.
Will Hayes: Yes, I am in fact the toilet paper guy, but feel free to cal me the bagel-and-coffee guy. Or, Todd in accounting calls me Chrystal, which I'm pretty sure is a girl's name.
Will Hayes: That's Hampton Roth! He's an incredible writer! His book on the McGovern campaign is...
Summer Hartley: Yeah.
Will Hayes: And you...
Summer Hartley: Yeah. We do. Look, have you ever actually had sex with a sexagenarian?
Will Hayes: I haven't.
Summer Hartley: Well then, you shouldn't really judge.
Will Hayes: Well, actually, I'm not judging. Look at you. You're beautiful, you're sophisticated, you're a very talented writer.
Summer Hartley: Thank you.
Will Hayes: I mean, to please a woman like you it wouldn't obviously take a...
Summer Hartley: Real man.
Will Hayes: Exactly. Hard to compete with that.
Summer Hartley: Well, unless you're the competitive type.
April: Pack of American Eagles, blue, please.
Simon: 4.25.
Will Hayes: 4.25? You pay four dollars and twenty-five cents for a pack of cigarettes?
April: They don't put as many chemicals in them.
Will Hayes: So those are healthy cigarettes.
April: Something like that.
Will Hayes: So, if there's not as many chemicals in them they should cost less, not more, don't you think?
April: They put saltpeter in your cigarettes, which make them burn faster, which make you smoke more. Which means, at the end of the day, your cigarettes actually cost more, not less.
April: So Emily is what, like your college sweetheart?
Will Hayes: It's amazing how you do that.
April: What?
Will Hayes: The way you take the simplest statement and then you twist it with a completely negative connotation. It's really, actually, impressive.
April: I didn't mean to do that. I actually think it's very sweet.
Will Hayes: See, you did it again!
Will Hayes: You think it's ridiculous that I want to be a politician, don't you?
April: Yes.
Will Hayes: Thank you.
April: No, no, I get the whole politician thing. It's easy to like you.
Will Hayes: That's true, that's very true.
April: I just wonder if you want people to like you a little too much.
Will Hayes: That's also true. I should want them to hate me. I'm gonna start working on that right away, you got any tips for me?
April: No, you're off to a great start, I'm hating you already.
[after Emily turns down his proposal, and admits she slept with Will's roommate]
Will Hayes: I thought we had a plan.
Emily: No, Will, you had a plan. Will, you have a really big plan.
Will Hayes: No, I'm pretty sure we both had that plan...
Emily: I just can't keep pretending that I want to be part of it anymore.
Will Hayes: Uh, you were there when we made it, so...
Emily: And I didn't know how to tell you. How do you tell someone that you care about that you don't want the things that they want anymore?
Will Hayes: The best way? Definitely having sex with the roommate.
Emily: That was cowardly. And I'm sorry.
Will Hayes: Oh. Good. You're killing me.
Emily: No, I'm not. I'm letting you go. Cause if we stay together, Will, we're gonna be miserable. I'm gonna hold you back from all these incredible dreams that you have. And then eventually you're totally gonna hate me for it.
Will Hayes: No...
Emily: Yes! Will, I don't want that. And you don't want that. Trust me. You're gonna be just fine, Mr. Hayes. Without me.
Maya Hayes: I really liked Summer. I can't believe she turned out to be such a...
Will Hayes: Heartbreaker?
Maya Hayes: No...
Will Hayes: Opportunist?
Maya Hayes: Uh-uh...
Will Hayes: Double-crossing...
Maya Hayes: Bitch.
Will Hayes: Maya!
Maya Hayes: How could she do that to you?
Will Hayes: Like she said, if she didn't write it someone else would've. It was the truth.
Maya Hayes: So did she? Did she break it?
Will Hayes: What?
[Maya points to her heart. Will smiles and kisses her cheek]
Will Hayes: I haven't had sex since Clinton was re-elected.
April: Why bother? He's having enough sex for the entire country.
Summer Hartley: He died last year. You heard?
Will Hayes: I read about it in the Times. Died in his office. Heart attack?
Summer Hartley: Yeah.
Will Hayes: I always imagined that he'd make a more theatrical exit.
Summer Hartley: What they didn't say was he was on the couch with the dean's daughter.
Maya Hayes: Did you know that 35 people try to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge each year, most because of broken hearts?
Will Hayes: I'll keep that in mind.
April: Oooh? What are you gonna say?
Will Hayes: I'm still working on it I don't know
April: OH! You should work it on with me you should practice with me; I'm really good at that.
[Walks over to the railing]
April: I'll be Emily.
April: I'm Emily your college sweetheart is there something you wanted to ask me?
Will Hayes: Emily...
April: Wait! You gotta get down on your knee
Will Hayes: No I'm not getting down on my knee
April: [Walks towards Will] She'll like it; she'll like seeing you down on your knee...
Will Hayes: I'm not getting down on my knee
April: [Rolls her eyes and walks back to the railing and turns around] Such a mistake! Okay
Will Hayes: Emily...
April: Yes William?
Will Hayes: Don't make me laugh! Emily Will you... um... marry me?
April: No
Will Hayes: Oh my god...
April: What do you mean, 'Will you, um, marry me?' I haven't seen you in weeks! You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! You're asking me to give up my - my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfil an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda?
Will Hayes: Oh! Oh, my God.
April: You should've got on your knee.
Will Hayes: Just shut up! Here... I wanna marry you because you're the first person I wanna look at when I wake up in the morning, and the only one I wanna kiss goodnight. Because the first time that I saw these hands, I couldn't imagine not being able to hold them. But mainly, when you love someone as much as I love you, getting married is the only thing left to do. So, will you, um, marry me?
April: Definitely. Maybe.
Movie:
The Proposal
Charakter Name:
Andrew Paxton
Quote(s): Margaret Tate: What am I allergic to?
Andrew Paxton: Pine nuts, and the full spectrum of human emotion. Andrew Paxton: [about Margaret] Actually I picked up on all her little hints. This woman is about as subtle as a gun. Andrew Paxton: [upon seeing the puppy run out of the bathroom] Wow. Barely made it out with my life. I mean, did you see those teeth? Margaret Tate: I am not getting in that boat!
Andrew Paxton: Fine, see you in three days.
Margaret Tate: You know I can't swim!
Andrew Paxton: Hence... the *boat*.
Movie:
Wolverine
Charakter Name:
Wade Wilson
Quote(s): Wade Wilson: Great. Stuck in an elevator with five guys on a high-protein diet.
William Stryker: Oh, Wade.
Wade Wilson: Dreams really do come true.
William Stryker: Just shut it! You're up next.
Wade Wilson: Thank you, sir. You look really nice today. It's the green. It brings out the seriousness in your eyes.
Logan: Oh, my God. Do you ever shut up, pal?
Wade Wilson: No. Not when I'm awake. Wade Wilson: Okay. People are dead.
William Stryker: If you didn't have that mouth of yours, Wade, you'd be the perfect solider.
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