 Movie/TV title:
The Cell
(2000)
Character name:
Carl Stargher
Quote(s):
Carl Stargher: And what world do you live in?
Carl Stargher: Where do you come from?
Carl Stargher: You can not kill me.
Carl Stargher: Mares eat oats, and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy. A kid'll eat ivy, too. Wouldn't you?
Carl Stargher: Why are you here, don't lie.
Catharine Deane: I came to help you.
Carl Stargher: Bitch, whore...
Catharine Deane: You sound like your father.
Carl Stargher: [in a monster's voice] He was nothing, he is nothing!
|  Movie/TV title:
Men in Black
(1997)
Character name:
Edgar
Quote(s):
Edgar: I go out, I work my butt off to make a living, all I want is to come home to a nice clean house with a nice fat steak on the table, but instead I get this. It looks like poison. Don't you take that away, I'm eating that, damn it. It is poison, isn't it? I swear to God I would not be surprised if it was, the way you skulk around here like a dog that's been hit too much or ain't been hit enough, I can't make up my mind. You're useless, Beatrice. The only thing that pulls its weight around here is my goddamn truck.
[Just then, a flying saucer smashes his truck, and Edgar comes out of the house to look at the damage]
Edgar: Figures.
Bug: Place projectile weapon on the ground.
Edgar: You can have my gun, when you pry it from my cold dead fingers.
Bug: Your proposal is acceptable.
Edgar: You idiots! You don't get it - I've won! It's over! You're milksuckers! You don't matter; in fact, in just a few seconds you won't even be matter!
Edgar/Bug: Y'know, I've noticed an infestation here. Everywhere I look, in fact. Nothing but undeveloped, unevolved, barely conscious pond scum, totally convinced of their own superiority as they scurry about their short, pointless lives.
Zap-Em Man: Well, yeah. Uh... don't you want to get rid of 'em?
Edgar/Bug: Ah... in the worst way.
[the Bug takes Dr. Weaver with him into the flying saucer]
Edgar: You're coming with me.
Dr. Weaver: What?
Edgar: It's a long trip. I'll need a snack.
Dr. Weaver: You don't want to eat me. I'm a very important person on my planet. Like a queen, a goddess even. There are those who worship me. I'm not saying this to impress you, I'm just warning you it could start a war.
Edgar: War? Good. That means more food for my family. All 78 million of them. That's a lot of mouths to feed, Highness.
Dr. Weaver: You're a wonderful dad, but I'm staying here!
|  Movie/TV title:
Full Metal Jacket
(1987)
Character name:
Pvt. Pyle
Quote(s):
Private Joker: Are those... live rounds?
Private Gomer Pyle: Seven-six-two millimeter. Full. Metal. Jacket.
Private Joker: Leonard, if Hartman finds us here, we'll be in a world of shit.
Private Gomer Pyle: I am in a world of shit.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Do you think I'm cute, Private Pyle? Do you think I'm funny?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then wipe that disgusting grin off your face.
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir.
[tries to stop smiling]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well, any fucking time, sweetheart!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I'm trying, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle I'm gonna give you three seconds; exactly three-fucking-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you! ONE! TWO! THREE!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I can't help it, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit! Get on your knees scumbag!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [Pyle drops down to his knees]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Now choke yourself.
Private Gomer Pyle: [Pyle wraps his own hands around his throat]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Goddamn it, with MY hand, numb-nuts!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [Pyle reaches for Hartman's hand]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Don't pull my fucking hand over there! I said choke yourself; now lean forward and choke yourself!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [choking Pyle] Are you through grinning?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit, I can't hear you!
Private Gomer Pyle: [louder] Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit, I STILL can't hear you! Sound off like you've got a pair!
Private Gomer Pyle: SIR, YES, SIR!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: That's enough; get on your feet. Private Pyle you had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir.
[Gunnery Sgt. Hartman walks toward Pvt. Pyle; Pyle holds up his rifle]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How many counts in that movement you just executed?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, 4 counts, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: What's the idea of looking down in the chamber?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, that is to guarantee that the private is not giving the inspecting officer a loaded weapon, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: What's your fifth general order?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, the private's fifth general order is to quit my post only when properly relieved, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: What's this weapon's name, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, the private's weapon's name is Charlene, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle, you are definitely born again hard. Hell, I may even allow you to serve as a rifleman in my beloved Corps.
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Did your parents have any children that lived?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, Yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I bet they regret that? You're so ugly you can be a modern art master piece! What's your name fat buddy?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, Leonard Lawrence, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Lawrence? Lawrence what... of Arabia?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, No, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: That name sounds like royalty. Are you royalty?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, No, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Do you suck dicks?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, No, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit. I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, No, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I don't like the name Lawrence, only faggots and sailors are called Lawrence. From now on you're Gomer Pyle.
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, Yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Holy Jesus! What is that? What the fuck is that? WHAT IS THAT, PRIVATE PYLE?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, a jelly doughnut, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: A jelly doughnut?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How did it get here?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I took it from the mess hall, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Is chow allowed in the barracks, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you allowed to eat jelly doughnuts, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: And why not, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, because I'm too heavy, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Because you are a disgusting fat body, Private Pyle!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then why did you try to sneak a jelly doughnut in your foot locker, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, because I was hungry, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Because you were hungry..
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle!
Private Gomer Pyle: Private Pyle reporting as ordered, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle, Private Joker is your new squad leader, and you WILL bunk with him! He'll teach you everything; he'll teach you how to pee!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, aye aye, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker, he's silly and he's ignorant, but he's got guts and guts is enough. Now you two ladies carry on!
Private Gomer Pyle, Private Joker: Sir, aye aye, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [after discovering Private Pyle's unlocked footlocker] Jesus H Christ. Private Pyle, why is your footlocker unlocked?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I don't know, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle, if there is one thing in this world that I hate, it is an unlocked footlocker! You know that don't you?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: If it wasn't for dickheads like you, there wouldn't be any thievery in this world, would there?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: GET DOWN!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [calling out to platoon] Left shoulder, hut!
[Pyle accidentally puts his rifle on his right shoulder, then corrects quickly, but not before Hartman sees it. He walks up on him]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle, what are you trying to do to my beloved Corps?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I don't know, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You are dumb, Private Pyle, but do you expect me to believe that you don't know left from right?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then you did that on purpose! You wanna be different!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [slaps Pyle hard on the left hand side of his face] What side was that, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, left side, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [shouts] Are you sure, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [slaps him hard again, this time on right side of his face, knocking his hat off]
[shouts]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: What side was that, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: [nearly in tears] Sir, right side, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Don't fuck with me again, Pyle! Pick up your fuckin' cover!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
|  Movie/TV title:
Law & Order: Criminal Intent
(2001-2009)
Character name:
Detective Robert Goren
Quote(s):
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Lady's Man (#8.11)" (2009)
Detective Robert Goren: Carl Jung believed that rage is the ,um, female side of our nature. Anima - an aggregate of all the women in our lives. Gives us strength. Makes us strong.
Detective Alexandra Eames: [looks under sheet, at murder victim's groin] So where is his - ?
Detective Robert Goren: Killer might've taken it. Fetish.
Detective Robert Goren: [looks out at beach, sea, and sky] Seagulls are always hungry.
Faith Yancy: I'm not going to dignify that with a response.
Detective Robert Goren: You just did.
Bartender: They had white wine and bourbon. I never forget a drink.
Detective Robert Goren: [referring to Eames] She likes wine, huh?
Bartender: She was the bourbon.
Detective Robert Goren: [poking around ADA Mulroney's office, delightedly] Is this a closet?
Detective Robert Goren: [apparently tipsy, to ADA Mulrooney] You might as well be working in traffic court!
[Goren laughs uproariously]
Detective Robert Goren: [looking in ADA Mulrooney's bedroom closet] It's like two different people live here.
Detective Alexandra Eames: It won't be pleasant for me.
Detective Robert Goren: Mm-mmm.
Detective Alexandra Eames: It's about getting him, right?
Detective Robert Goren: Mm-hmm.
Detective Alexandra Eames: So what's the problem.
Kevin Mulrooney: You're looking for a woman.
Detective Robert Goren: We found a woman.
Detective Robert Goren: She's a big girl. Confident. Struts her stuff.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Self-made (#7.7)" (2007)
Detective Robert Goren: [up-ends a soft drink can, from which a marijuana cigarette falls] You've got roaches.
Lionel Shill: [referring to Gareth Sage] A snake of a man.
Detective Robert Goren: A snake? So he's an agent.
Detective Robert Goren: You're a fake. A hack...
Lionel Shill: And you're being hyperbolic, detective.
Detective Robert Goren: [shouting] I'm not done!
Paige Aldwyn: He was... really black.
Detective Robert Goren: "Really black"? You mean, obsidian?
Detective Robert Goren: [waving one hand tauntingly in TJ Hawkins's face] Sorry about the flies, they're all over the place.
Detective Robert Goren: He stole her voice and her life.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Cold Comfort (#2.17)" (2003)
Detective Alexandra Eames: This wasn't a robbery gone bad.
Detective Robert Goren: It's murder gone good.
Detective Robert Goren: But then, you'd be worth bringing back.
Spencer Durning: I don't plan on dying.
Detective Robert Goren: Will a show-and-tell help?
Detective Robert Goren: His future? Your future! You don't plan on dying, remember? You want to be immortal, you got to be immortal! And not in a, a tub of nitrogen, no! Your vessel to eternity is the Durning Foundation. To carry your legacy burning bright through the centuries. No, it's not enough for you to be humanitarian of the year; you got to be humanitarian of the millennium.
Detective Robert Goren: [disgusted] Shame on you.... Humanitarian... to everything and everyone, except your son... your son's tragedy. Because, Spence, however much you may like humanity, it's people that you can't stand.
Detective Robert Goren: [about the travel arrangements for Miss Kittridge's remains] Private jet? Yeah, man, even dead these people go first class, huh.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Untethered (#7.9)" (2007)
Detective Robert Goren: I was willing to take the investigation to the end of the line.
Detective Robert Goren: [to a panhandler] Excuse me, sir. I have twenty dollars. I could use a brick like that.
Detective Robert Goren: Frank is not in program. Frank talks program.
Captain Danny Ross: I know you're worried about your nephew's safety and mental health. I'm worried about yours.
Detective Robert Goren: I'm fine. How are you?
Detective Robert Goren: [to prison doctor] If I take those pills, you'll put batteries in me.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Con-Text (#2.10)" (2003)
Detective Robert Goren: They use the same psychological coercion as cults.
Detective Alexandra Eames: So did the guy who sold me my car.
Detective Robert Goren: You wanted to transform your context.
Doug Morgan: Yes. That's what I did.
Detective Robert Goren: What's a context, Doug?
Doug Morgan: [looks flustered, stutters] I... It's - it's hard to say.
Detective Robert Goren: It's in your letter; you don't know what it means?
[Goren and Eames are pretending to be a civilian married couple interested in attending a self-help seminar]
Detective Robert Goren: Mr. Fuller, we were invited by someone here who works for you.
Detective Alexandra Eames: We don't know that, honey.
Detective Robert Goren: Anyway, no one seems to know her, uh...
[pauses, looks directly at Fuller]
Detective Robert Goren: You made us, didn't you? What gave us away?
Randall Fuller: Her sensible shoes. And her sleeve. It's, uh, shiny from rubbing against her holster.
[He looks at Goren]
Randall Fuller: Oh, and your belt is scratched where you clip your badge.
Detective Alexandra Eames: He's good.
Detective Robert Goren: Look, strip down all their double-talk. What is it that Randall Fuller really said to those people?
[paraphrasing]
Detective Robert Goren: "Everything you've done is wrong." "Everything you are is false."
Detective Alexandra Eames: "But it wasn't your fault; you were 'programmed' that way."
Detective Robert Goren: "Leave it to Grace Note to give you back your life." It's *very* seductive.
Detective Robert Goren: And that's when you overcame your biggest fear. You changed your way of being.
Doug Morgan: Yes!
Detective Robert Goren: You killed your dad and transformed your life.
Doug Morgan: [nods, smiling] Yes, I did.
Detective Alexandra Eames: And you killed your brother for the same reason.
Detective Robert Goren: The brother who had loved you, who watched over you.
Doug Morgan: It's wasn't real love. The context wasn't authentic. He watched out for me out of guilt. It's old stuff.
Detective Robert Goren: It's in the past. You killed your dad and you... let it go.
Doug Morgan: Yes!
Detective Robert Goren: Well, so then you became everything that Grace Note promised you. I mean, like it says here in the brochure, look! You became creator of your own destiny! Wow, look at you! You're a success story!
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Vanishing Act (#7.17)" (2008)
Detective Robert Goren: It's the classic misdirect, right?
Detective Robert Goren: We saw your show and... Well, you were phoning it in.
Dean Holiday: What about you, detective? Lost a step or two over the years, or still think you can pull off the big solve?
Detective Robert Goren: [to Dean Holiday] You leave your eyes open when you do a read. That's your tell.
Detective Robert Goren: You need to take him down; there's only one way.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Crazy (#1.12)" (2002)
Detective Robert Goren: Nobody's reasonable when they're in love. That's the whole point of it!
Detective Robert Goren: [discussing a murder victim] Alimony orders: Feldman was pulling down $700,000 a year, and the judge awarded Mrs. Feldman $1,000 a month. Out of five million in community assets, Mrs. Feldman gets $300,000.
Detective Alexandra Eames: Who *is* this judge, the Honorable O.J.?
Detective Robert Goren: But she wasn't loving you back, and you thought that maybe you weren't man enough, didn't you. You had to show her that you were man enough, so you dug into your reptilian brain, and this is what you came up with: Kill the wolf at the door! Throw the body at her feet, and gates of paradise will open wide! She will give herself to you! You'll be "King of the World!" instead of a scared, old, man.
Detective Robert Goren: I've been there; every man in this room has. You were sixteen again, in your new *sweet* car. You never felt better in your life! You *had* to have her.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Chinoiserie (#2.5)" (2002)
Detective Robert Goren: You don't look so plump and happy now, George.
Detective Robert Goren: This must be some kind of situation you've got on your hands.
Stuart Gaston: Why do you say that?
Detective Robert Goren: Well, you've loosened your tie, you've got a drink on your desk, you've got three phone lines blinking, and you're chewing the inside of your cheeks like some kind of frantic chipmunk.
Detective Robert Goren: [pauses, Stuart looks flustered] Are you under a lot of stress?
Detective Robert Goren: We are - discreet - with innocent victims... if they behave like innocent victims.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: The Pardoner's Tale (#1.8)" (2001)
Detective Robert Goren: I could get someone in so deep, even I couldn't find them.
Detective Robert Goren: That's not going along, Larry, that's stickin' it to ya!
Detective Robert Goren: Boo! Made ya look!
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: The Unblinking Eye (#4.21)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: [while observing a suspect in the interrogation room] She rages on, inspite of all the evidence against her.
Detective Alexandra Eames: She could confess, but where's the fun in that?
Detective Robert Goren: When was the last time you went on a treasure hunt?
Detective Alexandra Eames: How 'bout never.
Michael Pike: I lost my fiancée.
Detective Robert Goren: But you got a new agent and a lot of auditions.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Undaunted Mettle (#3.1)" (2003)
Detective Robert Goren: She was the tail wagging the dog.
[last lines]
Detective Robert Goren: Buildings may crumble, but infamy's forever.
Detective Alexandra Eames: He gave me a big hug. He said it was a great thing I was doing for my sister, and he said when the time comes, he'll hook you up with a temporary partner.
Detective Robert Goren: Oh no. I didn't even think of that. Well, what'd you say?
Detective Alexandra Eames: I pitied the fool.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Slither (#5.11)" (2006)
Detective Robert Goren: He was Nicole's boyfriend. He taught her how to kill... He's the "School of Murder".
Detective Robert Goren: [to Bernard Fremont] I guess I ask myself how Nicole would have turned out if she hadn't run into you.
Detective Alexandra Eames: [referring to Bernard Fremont] What is it that women see in him?
Detective Robert Goren: The door to another world.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: The Third Horseman (#1.11)" (2002)
Detective Robert Goren: Kill one, scare a thousand.
Detective Robert Goren: [Eames asks what he thinks about abortion] I'll tell you what I think when I get pregnant.
Detective Robert Goren: Life is full of uncertainty. People need to have options. Abortion has got to be one of those options.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Purgatory (#7.11)" (2008)
Detective Robert Goren: [the Chief wants Goren on a dangerous undercover job] Yeah, he's hoping I'll get myself killed.
Captain Danny Ross: The thought occurred to me.
Detective Robert Goren: [to Captain Danny Ross] Just get me back.
Detective Robert Goren: I'm a cop. I'm allowed to lie to criminals.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Mis-Labeled (#3.14)" (2004)
Detective Robert Goren: [to Buchanan about his secretary, Eric] Are you lovers?
Gordon Buchanan: Give me a little credit. I don't - chase after secretaries.
Detective Robert Goren: Someone is passing off human plasma as synthetic.
Detective Robert Goren: [about bad blood products] Doctor tell me something. When you decide to dump this stuff, what do you do? Flip a coin: heads Asia, tails Africa?
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Alpha Dog (#8.15)" (2009)
Detective Robert Goren: [referring to the murder victim] He embraced good causes.
Detective Alexandra Eames: He also embraced any woman who got close enough for a smell test.
Detective Robert Goren: I think his rage was greater than his desire.
Detective Robert Goren: [looking at a movie poster] "Venefica"... Ancient Roman sorceresses - they killed men by the act of love.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: But Not Forgotten (#3.4)" (2003)
Detective Robert Goren: [opening up a container of very nasty smelling cheese] That's Rogetta.
Detective Alexandra Eames: You can tell that just from the smell?
Detective Robert Goren: Label.
Detective Robert Goren: [entering a warehouse with a strong coffee smell] Do you smell it?
Detective Alexandra Eames: I'm getting a caffeine buzz just breathing it in.
Detective Robert Goren: Sweet... isn't it? Revenge.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Jones (#1.5)" (2001)
Detective Robert Goren: The only medical condition you have is denial.
Detective Robert Goren: Hey, Don Juan, you're under arrest.
Detective Robert Goren: Come on, you're a small guy. What size shoe do you wear?
[throws his leg up on the table]
Detective Robert Goren: I wear a 13.
[stands up and peers under the table]
Detective Robert Goren: You look like a 9, or... what, like an 8?
Henry Talbott: I'm an...
[waves his hands around]
Henry Talbott: Oh, God, why am I even, I don't want to talk to you about this! Don't drag me into this!
Detective Robert Goren: Ah! You've got small hands, too!
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Great Barrier (#4.4)" (2004)
Detective Alexandra Eames: Speaking of cradles, looks like you robbed one.
Detective Robert Goren: You're uh, looking for her, huh? You worried that you didn't inoculate her thoroughly enough against our tricks?
Nicole Wallace: She has a natural immunity to pathological liars.
Detective Robert Goren: Well, uh, I've never seen you so agitated.
Nicole Wallace: It must be all the pleasant memories this place brings back.
Nicole Wallace: [Nicole is seated across from Eames and Goren] You're both so transparent. Punishing Ella to get at me.
Detective Robert Goren: That's Nicole's maternal instinct, rearing its little head.
Detective Alexandra Eames: You can't deny those feelings, even if you can't have kids of your own.
Nicole Wallace: Yes, thank you. Not all of us can be blessed like you, with eggs ripe and ready for hire.
Detective Robert Goren: I smell blood in the water.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Grow (#5.1)" (2005)
Nicole Wallace: I thought this was the land of second chances.
Detective Robert Goren: There are no second chances for you, Nicole. Because wherever you go, people die.
Detective Robert Goren: A normal life is not for you, Nicole... Too much damage has been done.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Ill-Bred (#3.18)" (2004)
Detective Alexandra Eames: When I was a kid, I used to dream about living on a horse farm.
Detective Robert Goren: That's a nice dream - for a horse.
Detective Robert Goren: Maybe somebody else is pulling the reins.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Gemini (#3.2)" (2003)
Detective Robert Goren: Yeah, he may be crazy, but you're evil.
Detective Robert Goren: You - you know, I - I find paranoid schizophrenics make excellent witnesses.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: A Person of Interest (#2.23)" (2003)
Detective Robert Goren: I believe there is a part of you, Nicole, that loves Gavin. In that bunker you call a heart.
[referring to notes on Goren's desk]
Detective Alexandra Eames: Admirers?
Detective Robert Goren: No, reporters. They want a comment.
Detective Alexandra Eames: Can they print a hand gesture?
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Please Note We Are No Longer Accepting Letters of Recommendation from Henry Kissinger (#7.15)" (2008)
Detective Robert Goren: Eleanor takes quite an interest in Henry. A second mom, really.
Marla Reynolds: [smiles] She's always there.
[Last lines]
Detective Robert Goren: [muttering to himself] They had kids, too.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Gone (#4.11)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: That's not eccentricity; it's mental illness.
[last lines]
Detective Robert Goren: See, that's what happens when you keep people from doing what they do best: It makes them insane.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Tomorrow (#2.7)" (2002)
Detective Robert Goren: Peas.
Detective Robert Goren: Who's the worst pro bono lawyer you know?
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Beast (#4.19)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: [admiring a murderer's modus operandi] So he killed her without touching her.
Detective Alexandra Eames: And they say all the good men are taken.
Detective Robert Goren: [Last lines] Beauty. It's a beast.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Zoonotic (#2.22)" (2003)
Dr. Scott Borman: You do know, of course, that "zoonotic" doesn't mean that the viruses came from the zoo.
Detective Robert Goren: It doesn't? Well, my partner was telling me that, but it doesn't make sense to me, because there's the word "zoo"...
Dr. Scott Borman: [Leers at Eames] Guys... we never listen.
Detective Robert Goren: [Moves to stand between half-naked Borman and Eames] You conducted seminars for 'Special Friends of the Zoo'.
Dr. Scott Borman: Well the directors think I'm a good ambassador, for the zoo.
Dr. Scott Borman: [Spits]
Detective Alexandra Eames: [Disgusted] Because you have so much in common with your animals?
Detective Robert Goren: [Talking about three-somes with Scott, Roger, and dates] Scott told us that your girlfriends had the time of their life with him.
Dr. Roger Stern: What are you talking about? They were debased, humiliated. I turned them into the corn cob in the pig sty, with that rutting hog on top of them. They'd look at me... wanting me to call him off!
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: In the Wee Small Hours: Part 2 (#5.7)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: [checking suspicious ink spills on a suspect's desk] I'm checking to see which ones are fresh.
Detective Alexandra Eames: They must love you in the produce section.
Detective Robert Goren: I am an acquired taste.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Smile (#7.3)" (2007)
Detective Robert Goren: [to deranged, knife-wielding woman] I lost my mom. I lost my mother recently. Can I get a glass of water from you?
Detective Robert Goren: He told you that people could die, and you saw it as a career opportunity.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Poison (#1.7)" (2001)
Detective Robert Goren: As Leonard Palmeranski might say, "Why me?"
Detective Robert Goren: [to DA Carver] Don't you have the grand jury eating out of your hand? I bet you could indict that clock.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Vacancy (#5.17)" (2006)
[last lines]
Detective Robert Goren: This search for the truth, it's... it's not for the faint-hearted.
Detective Robert Goren: [about Lester Summerhill's photo gallery] Half-naked women and animal carnage. It suggests violence against women without actually showing it.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: One (#1.1)" (2001)
Detective Robert Goren: Bad guys do what good guys dream.
Detective Alexandra Eames: She got her hands on this, why she didn't run?
Detective Robert Goren: It wasn't about that, it was about him.
Detective Alexandra Eames: Men come and go, but diamonds...
Detective Robert Goren: Diamonds don't keep you warm at night.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Brother's Keeper (#6.15)" (2007)
Detective Robert Goren: We can all read, Captain.
Detective Robert Goren: Reverend, your cup runneth over.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Badge (#1.20)" (2002)
Detective Robert Goren: You're in deep serious now, kid.
Detective Robert Goren: [Boston accent] Actually Randolph...
Terry Randolph: Detective, I'd like to be refered to by my rank.
Detective Robert Goren: [salutes, sarcasticly] Cluster, Sargent.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Enemy Within (#1.10)" (2001)
Detective Robert Goren: It's the perfect prescription for paranoia.
Detective Robert Goren: It's brilliant!
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: In the Dark (#4.6)" (2004)
Detective Robert Goren: Cat got your tongue?
[indicating one of several body parts in the anatomy lab]
Detective Robert Goren: Because there's an extra one here.
Detective Robert Goren: They're an interesting couple.
Detective Alexandra Eames: Yeah: The Killer and Mrs. Magoo.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Maledictus (#1.19)" (2002)
Detective Robert Goren: [Goren pulls a necklace out of the victim's mouth] What do you think this means?
Detective Alexandra Eames: Robbery wasn't the motive?
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Art (#1.2)" (2001)
Sylvia Moon: [crying] You don't know what it's like!
Detective Robert Goren: What, to work so hard?
Sylvia Moon: Yes.
Detective Robert Goren: And still be a nobody.
Sylvia Moon: Yes.
Detective Robert Goren: Welcome to the human race.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Wrongful Life (#5.15)" (2006)
Detective Robert Goren: [about Victoria Carson's "wrongful life" lawsuit] Maybe Lisa didn't think there was anything wrong with her life.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: The Insider (#1.13)" (2002)
Forensics Tech: Well I analyzed the saliva on the mugs. This one had traces of animal fat, mustard...
Detective Robert Goren: Uh, no. Not that one. I had pastrami for lunch.
Forensics Tech: Ahhh... that explains the antacid.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Seizure (#1.17)" (2002)
[last lines]
Detective Robert Goren: She wasn't driven to kill out of rage; she chose to kill out of love.
ADA Ron Carver: Love?
Detective Robert Goren: It's a many-splendored thing.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Yesterday (#1.18)" (2002)
[Eames, while examining a recently discovered, 20 year old partly decomposed corpse, realizes the victim was wearing a very rare mini skirt]
Detective Robert Goren: You wore one of those?
Detective Alexandra Eames: Looked good in it, too.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: The Extra Man (#1.6)" (2001)
Detective Robert Goren: You have one chance to take your chestnuts out of the fire.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: No Exit (#4.20)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: [about a "person of interest" in an investigation] He's just letting it all slide - even the things that matter to him. He's sinking into depression.
Detective Alexandra Eames: [holding up a will] Here's one thing he hasn't let slide.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: The Pilgrim (#2.8)" (2002)
[last lines]
Detective Alexandra Eames: God's will.
Detective Robert Goren: Let's hope so.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Suite Sorrow (#2.12)" (2003)
Detective Robert Goren: No, no, no! I know that anger! I should have seen it coming.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: A Murderer Among Us (#3.7)" (2003)
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: He killed her over a toy boat?
Detective Robert Goren: You know men, they get very attached to toys.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Malignant (#2.6)" (2002)
Detective Robert Goren: We did a little dumpster diving. It's pretty nasty.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Smothered (#1.3)" (2001)
Detective Alexandra Eames: What is that?
Detective Robert Goren: Fish scale.
Detective Alexandra Eames: Great, she was attacked by a shark.
Detective Robert Goren: Sharks don't have scales.
Detective Alexandra Eames: [rolls eyes]
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Shibboleth (#4.17)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: [parroting a suspect] "Pret-ty girls."
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Consumed (#3.21)" (2004)
[last lines]
Detective Robert Goren: So that's what vengence gets ya - a mouthful of ashes.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Proud Flesh (#5.13)" (2006)
Detective Robert Goren: [Goren asks Chinese shop owner a question in Chinese]
Shop owner: [in Chinese] You speak Chinese like my little dog!
Translator: She said...
Detective Robert Goren: [embarrassed] I know, I got it.
Detective Alexandra Eames: [amused] So did I.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Scared Crazy (#5.9)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: You just sidestepped our question.
Dr. Katrina Pynchon: [smiles] I thought it was more polite than saying, "It's none of your business."
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Phantom (#1.16)" (2002)
Detective Alexandra Eames: The only money I ever got from my family was the 50 bucks my Dad gave me for my prom dress.
Detective Robert Goren: Is that the same year you were selling apples in front of City Hall?
Detective Alexandra Eames: It was matchsticks, and it was snowing.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: View from Up Here (#4.10)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: [consoling a victimized woman] You're not stupid to have faith.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: The Good Child (#4.18)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: [laughing, to Detective Eames] She stole our stapler. Maureen stole our stapler! That's why she has all those knick-knacks. Interesting, huh?
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Eosphoros (#4.5)" (2004)
[last lines]
Detective Robert Goren: She didn't believe in Heaven or Hell, so how would she know that the Devil was massaging her neck?
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Stress Position (#4.13)" (2005)
Chocolate Jimmy: Kenna, yeah. I remember him. Sure.
Detective Alexandra Eames: You had a dust-up with him for wearing double clothes.
Chocolate Jimmy: He had me strip down to my kimono, so all the people in the galleries could see.
Chocolate Jimmy's Mom: You probably liked that.
Chocolate Jimmy: Shut up, Ma, they're talkin' to me!
Detective Robert Goren: Is your mom right, Jimmy? Or- or did you feel humiliated?
Chocolate Jimmy: I'm no Anna Nicole. I don't like bein' made a spectacle.
Detective Alexandra Eames: Then you'll be happy to know Guard Kenna was stabbed to death in his building two days ago.
Detective Robert Goren: Do you know anything about that, Jimmy?
Chocolate Jimmy's Mom: He doesn't know anything. He just sits around eating biscuits. "Get a hobby," I tell him.
Chocolate Jimmy: I know things, Ma!
Chocolate Jimmy's Mom: Ungrateful, biscuit-eating son of a bitch!
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Cherry Red (#2.19)" (2003)
A.D.A. Ron Carver: [rhetorically] What was it Clarence Darrow said? "The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children."
Detective Robert Goren: Only if you let them.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Acts of Contrition (#5.5)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: [trying to get a man's description] Was he big, like me?
Sister Edwina: Not so big. And not so... Caucasian.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Ex Stasis (#4.16)" (2005)
Detective Robert Goren: [appealing to criminal suspect] I mean, what's more selfish than the desire for personal freedom?
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: On Fire (#5.21)" (2006)
Charlie Taylor: [sees a race car wreck on TV; squeals] Woo-hoo! Look at that!
Detective Robert Goren: You like car races?
Charlie Taylor: Oh yeah! I got a need for speed! I'm, not that I break the law any more officer. I got plenty enough tickets to last me a life-time, but no DUI's. I don't drink. I got an allergy.
Detective Robert Goren: Your job. Your always climbing around in those vents, that's dangerous, huh?
Charlie Taylor: It's fun!
Detective Robert Goren: [to Eames] Dangerous and fun.
Detective Alexandra Eames: [deadpan] Woo-hoo.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Sound Bodies (#3.8)" (2003)
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: The gonorrhea of all three boys had the same DNA.
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: Could they have gotten from each other?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: No, it's doubtful. Autopsies showed no rectal or oral contact.
Detective Robert Goren: Well, they got it from the same girl.
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Unless toilet seats and doorknobs are making a comeback.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Semi-Professional (#1.15)" (2002)
Detective Robert Goren: Nobody's reasonable when they're in love. That's the whole point of it.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Semi-Detached (#4.1)" (2004)
Nelda Carlson: Robert, don't you care for me at all? You do. I saw it.
Detective Robert Goren: I didn't mean for you to see it.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: The Good Doctor (#1.9)" (2001)
Detective Robert Goren: She's like a little puppy in your hands, pissing all over herself with excitement.
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent: F.P.S. (#3.10)" (2004)
Captain James Deakins: This one knows about the tickets but not the money. This one knows about the money but not the tickets. These two clowns can't keep their stories straight.
Detective Robert Goren: They have access codes to hundreds of bank accounts, nearly two million dollars. And they only take $100,000.
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: Barely covers their overhead.
Captain James Deakins: Hmmm.
Detective Robert Goren: Now, $100,000 is just enough to catch our attention. Just enough to, um, lead us to these two.
Captain James Deakins: They've been set up.
Detective Robert Goren: So have we.
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