Willie Nelson Quotes


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The Quotable Willie Nelson
flixster.actor.standard.02.162652911 - flixster

We create our own unhappiness. The purpose of suffering is to help us understand we are the ones who cause it.

-Willie Nelson-

Willie Nelson's Famous Lines
flixster.actor.standard.02.162652911 - flixsterMovie/TV title:
The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)
Character name:
Uncle Jesse Duke
Quote(s):

Uncle Jesse: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
Luke Duke: What?
Uncle Jesse: A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.

Daisy Duke:
You know what's gonna happen. They're gonna get caught and get thrown in jail. Then I'm gonna have to shake my ass at somebody to get them out.
Uncle Jesse: That's why we love ya, honey.

Uncle Jesse: What do you call a farmer with a sheep under each arm?
Luke Duke: What?
Uncle Jesse: A playboy.

Uncle Jesse: Why are divorces so expensive?
Luke Duke: Why?
Uncle Jesse: 'Cause they're *worth* it!

Uncle Jesse: [after Luke crashes through a police roadblock] Give me your goddamn licence!
Luke Duke: What license?

Uncle Jesse: How's it lookin, good lookin?

Luke Duke: You thinkin' about throwin' that?
Uncle Jesse: Oh, I'm gonna throw it... I was thinkin' about pussy.

Uncle Jesse: You know what happens when a politician takes Viagra? He gets taller!

Uncle Jesse: Here's another one; drunk walks out of a bar and runs into a guy carrying an antique grandfather clock. The guy drops the clock, breaking into a million pieces. He looks at the drunk and says, "Why don't you watch where you're going?" The drunk looks at him and says, "Why don't you carry a wristwatch like everybody else?"

Daisy Duke: [Boss Hogg has just had Bo and Luke arrested] Wait a minute, the governor has something to say.
Governor Jim Applewhite: What do I have to say?
Daisy Duke: You know, about how these boys are environmentalist heroes for stopping the strip mining of Hazzard County and how in return you're going to pardon them for all of their crimes.
Governor Jim Applewhite: Okay, friends, as you know, I've always been a friend of the environment and since these boys just saved this area from being exploited and strip mined, I've decided to pardon them for any and all crimes they have committed in the great state of Georgia.
Uncle Jesse: Wait a minute; I wanna thank you for pardoning me too.
Governor Jim Applewhite: What am I pardoning you for?
Uncle Jesse: For this!
[Uncle Jesse slugs Boss Hogg, knocking him out]

Luke Duke: [Uncle Jesse takes a big gulp of moonshine while being pursued by the police] Stop that! Why are doin' that?
Uncle Jesse: What I'm about to do, I don't want to remember a lot of it.
[lights a wick in the jar and throws it at the police car chasing them]

Pauline: An apple?
Uncle Jesse: An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Uncle Jesse: Just the good ol' boys/Never meanin' no harm/Beats all you never saw/Been in trouble with the law since the day they was born/Straightenin' the curves/Flattenin' the hills/Someday the mountain might get 'em but the law never will/Makin' their way the only way they know how/That's just a little bit more than the law would allow/Just the good ol' boys/Wouldn't change if they could/ Fightin' the system like a true modern day Robin Hood

Uncle Jesse: [Luke and Bo just failed a moonshine delivery] How many Dukes does it take to screw up a moonshine delivery?
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Willie Nelson Quotes
Help construct the ultimate crib sheet of quotes about career, costars, the Hollywood fame game, and more! Add an attribution, when possible.
I was raised in a Christian atmosphere and church and raised in a Methodist Church for a long time, and then switched to the Baptist. I remember one time I was a disc jockey down in Pleasanton, Texas, and every Sunday morning there would be about four or five different denominations come through there and do there radio show and they were all looking right at me. So I got preached to be every denomination imaginable, and I’ve been around Gospel music all my life.
Willie Nelson

(on Emmy nomintations)
I've always believed in the fact that when you're nominated, you've won. As far as I'm concerned, everybody that's nominated is a winner.
And beyond that, it doesn't really matter that much.
Willie Nelson

(on writing songs)
The obvious reasons would be that I only write so many, and there is an unlimited amount of standards out there that a guy could sing. Honestly, I did most of my own songs until I started running out, and then I did the Stardust album. And after that I did the Lefty Frizzell album, and then Faron Young, and Webb Pierce and Roger Miller and Ray Price. In the meantime I was writing new stuff, so that gave me time to come up with "On the Road Again" and "Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground" and things like that. But I was glad to know that there was some great standards out there to do until I could come up with some new ones of my own.
Willie Nelson

Honestly I haven't heard a lot on the radio these days that I felt like I wanted to go record, unless I was listening to one of the old traditional stations where one of the old hit songs from the '40s or '50s would come along and I'd go, "Oh yeah, there's one that's ready to come back." Like "Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain," for instance.
Willie Nelson

(on listening to his on music)
I listen to them a lot as I'm doing them. And then once I get through with them, you get to the point where you don't want to hear it again for a while, and then you start working on something else.
Willie Nelson

(on writing songs)
It's unpredictable. The last thing that I've written was the "The Great Divide," and that was, well, no, that's not true. I wrote a couple in Maui a few weeks ago. But the last thing anybody's heard was "The Great Divide." I'm not that much of a quantity writer. I don't feel like I have to write something every day. I used to worry about it when I hadn't written anything in a while, and Roger Miller used to tell me, "Don¹t worry about it. When the well runs dry you have to wait for awhile for it fill up again."
Willie Nelson

Back before "Whiskey River" came along, I used to open with "Mr. Record Man." And I would close with "The Party's Over." But when "Whiskey River" came along I started working up an arrangement on it, and I worked it into a sort of a rock & roll, uptempo, good starting-type song. And I tried opening up with it a couple of times and it worked, so I never did really quit.
Willie Nelson

(how he stays inspired)

Well the soundchecks are really good for us, because we build up some confidence. We haven't played together now in six weeks, so before we play our first gig I really want to get together for a good long rehearsal. It's a lot of fun to play if you're hot and the band is clicking and things are going well, but it's really a bummer if you get out there and things don't happen. So we do a lot of songs and a lot of different styles and keys, a lot of spontaneous stuff, because I like to make sure that me and the band are real sharp.
Willie Nelson

(about a reggae album release)
It's still coming out. It's all done, ready to go. And then I just did a Ray Price album. And then there's another album I did over in Nacodogches with Paul Buskirk and the guys, and then an album I did with Larry Butler of all Hank Williams songs. So I'm thinking about just putting them all in a box set and putting them all out at once next year.
Willie Nelson

(about his book The Facts of Life and Other Dirty Jokes)
It took me about 45 days to finish it, and the rest of the time was just putting in the pictures and lyrics and everything. It's just a little journal of a 30-day tour. I'd write a little bit each day, and tell a joke every now and then to break the monotony. It's like the old saying, "If you've heard this, don't stop me ­ I want to hear it again myself."
Willie Nelson

One thing that always used to upset me is to have a fat doctor sitting there with a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other and tell me to quit smoking and running. There are some good doctors out there that tell you the right thing, but if they tell you not to exercise, boy I'd change doctors, because I know how important that is to get out and get a little exercise.
Willie Nelson

(on keeping in contact with friends)

I talk to Kris probably more than I do anybody. I talked to Wayon's wife a couple of days ago, and Johnny Cash's wife maybe a month or so ago. Kris was telling them about my black belt, and John was saying, "Oh, that ain't nothing ­ I know a 74 year-old woman with a black belt." So I told 'em "Bring her on!"
Willie Nelson

(on his performance of "America the Beautiful" on the America: A Tribute to Heroes)
It was a highly emotional, well it had been a highly emotional several days since the 11th. And when they called me to come do it, naturally I was glad to go do it, but I wasn't really sure about anything. I knew "America the Beautiful" was a great song and they requested that I do that, but I had no idea where I was going to be in the show or anything. And then I turned up at the end of the show, which in a way it was great to be in that spot, but on the other hand I was there for awhile and it was highly emotional just listening to everyone do what they did. It was such a spontaneous, no audience type show ­ it was unusual and highly effective, as far as I was concerned. So by the time I got around to doing my part I was really into it emotionally.
Willie Nelson

(on the Bush administration after 9/11)
I think they've done as best as they could do. I think they were probably correct in not sending a bunch of ground troops over there, not because our guys aren't good, but when you're fighting somebody on their own turf on the ground and they know the terrain and you don't. I just thought it probably wise not to send 100,000 of our guys over there to try and find Bin Laden. I regret all the collateral damage as they call it ­ I would have liked to have seen them maybe specialize a little bit more and go in there and look for Osama. But we haven't found him yet. Maybe we will.
Willie Nelson

I love Austin. The crowds there are great, and they always have been as far as I can remember. So Texas, and from there, New York's great. Colorado, California. I love to play in Europe. I love Amsterdam. There's just a lot of good places to play.
Willie Nelson

(on any career regrets)

I don't think so. I can't think of any. I might not have always done the right thing, but good things came from it. I've always been pretty much satisfied with the decisions that I've made.
Willie Nelson

(on what he'd still like to do)

If you'd asked me that five, 10, 15, 20 years ago, I'd probably have the same answer. Things have all been pretty good for a long time. I wouldn't want to ask for any more, except I'll be glad to take it if it comes along. I've sung with a lot of the best singers in the world. Some of my greatest friends, some of my heroes. I got to do an album with Webb Pierce, Faron Young, Hank Snow, Roger Miller, Ray Price. A lot of people can't say that. So there's nothing that I really have a burning desire to do because I've been fortunate enough to do a lot of things.
Willie Nelson

(about the song What Would Willie Do)
It's a great song, but there's a couple of funny spots in there. Of course it's a great compliment. I carry it around with me and I play it for people when they give me any shit.
Willie Nelson

I started writing poems at four or five years old. I learned to play guitar at six years old, then I started putting melodies to those poems.
Willie Nelson

I’d listen to the radio at night. I’d hear everything that was there. I listened to the Grand Ole Opry out of Nashville, WSM. I listened to WLS in Chicago. I listened to all kinds of music growing up.
Willie Nelson

My sister and I played together when we were growing up. She played piano and organ, and I played guitar. I’d sit on the piano stool and play along with her. We did that for years. Then we got in school, and we played the study hall periods, things like that. I put together a band a little later on I was in high school and I’ve had one ever since.
Willie Nelson

I was living in L.A., in an apartment, right underneath the apartment of Booker T. Jones. He was married to Rita Coolidge’s sister at the time, Priscilla. He and I hung out together a lot, and the more I got to know him, the more I realized that this was the time to do the Stardust album. I’d wanted to do all those songs for a long time, but I just didn’t find the right producer and arranger. I knew that in order to do songs like that, I would need to have someone in there, who knew everything there was to know about writing and arranging. Booker T. was the guy that I felt could do it. Sure enough, he was the guy.
Willie Nelson

I was watching Live Aid, that Bob Geldof put on many, many years ago. I was at some Holiday Inn somewhere. Bob Dylan said, “Wouldn’t it be nice if some of this money stayed here for our family farmers?” I started checking around, and sure enough, there was a problem. So, I was having a beer and chili on the bus with Governor Jim Thompson of Illinois, in Springfield, and I was asking him about it. He said, “Yeah, it’s a real problem.” He helped me find the first venue, which was the University in Champaign, and we did our first Farm Aid there.
Willie Nelson

(on how the Highwaymen project come about)
Johnny Cash and I, and Waylon Jennings and Kris Kristofferson, were all doing Johnny’s Christmas special in Switzerland. John and I talked about going in the studio. The more we talked, and the more we toured over there, we thought it would be a great idea to get everybody in there. Not only us, but we got Johnny Rodriguez, who came in and did a song on the album. One thing led to another.
Willie Nelson

I’ve been doing instrumentals ever since I can remember, but it’s not a very commercial idea, anymore, to have an instrumental album. The record companies wouldn’t jump up and down when you called them about it. [laughs] I had to wait until I had a way to get it out there. Fortunately, a couple of ways came by this small record label that a couple of guys were running, that was a way to get it out there.
Willie Nelson

All these blues pickers live there in Austin. I knew them all, and had a studio that was available, so we went in and cut some tracks, not having any idea what I was going to do with them. At that point, it was before I went with Island. Right after that, I went to down to talk with Island -- Spirit came out, Teatro came out, and the reggae album that we talked about originally was put on the back burner. I talked them into putting out the blues album. When they heard it, they were more than willing to do it, especially since they have some blues artists that we were glad to get on there, like Susan Tedeschi and Johnny Lang. That’s how that got started.
Willie Nelson

You know, one of my ex-father-in-laws, people would ask him for advice, and he’d say, “Take my advice and do what you want to.” We got a big laugh, but I think it’s pretty serious advice if you look at it from that angle. Do what you want to do. Just follow your heart. Listen to me, and then do what you want to do.
Willie Nelson

I’m real lucky. My health is as good as it’s ever been. My lungs are in good shape and there are lots of people all over the world wondering how that could be, like Michael Phelps.
Willie Nelson

It all fits together. Western swing is just jazz. The musicians Bob had, the musicians Asleep at the Wheel has these are jazz musicians who can play anything; it just so happens they settled in on western swing.
Willie Nelson

Of course I’m a huge Sinatra fan. There are other guys who’ve made great versions of that song: Vic Damone, some of those guys. It’s probably been recorded 1,000 times, but you always remember Sinatra.
Willie Nelson

I don't like to draw lines around musical styles or put them in boxes. I grew up in a little town in Texas, where I'd hear the Opry with Roy Acuff and Ernest Tubb. But I also listened to Django Reinhardt and Hank Garland.
Willie Nelson

I was lucky enough to work with record companies who kind of let me do what I wanted to do for the last several years, and that’s been good. Luke Lewis, who’s still at Lost Highway, has been great. I did a blues album. There’s an album with Buddy Cannon and Kenny Chesney that we just did, and me and Ray and Merle have an album. Luke was always open-minded and said, “Hey, if you want to put it out, we’ll put it out.” I’ve had that freedom all along, but this will give me a little extra maybe to put out some of the old stuff that I have and maybe find a new artist somewhere.
Willie Nelson

(on working with Kenny Chesney)
Oh, it’s great. He’s a good guy, a good artist, a good writer, good singer and good producer. He worked right along with Buddy Cannon, and every time Buddy was in the studio, Kenny Chesney was right in there, too, day or night. They’d call me here out on the road and say, “Did you get the new mix today?” He was great.
Willie Nelson

All I do is play music and golf - which one do you want me to give up?
Willie Nelson

As long as there's a few farmers out there, we'll keep fighting for them.
Willie Nelson

I been a long time leaving but I'm going to be a long time gone.
Willie Nelson

I didn't come here and I ain't leavin'.
Willie Nelson

I got along without you before I met you and I'll get along without you a long time after you're gone.
Willie Nelson

I like myself better when I'm writing regularly.
Willie Nelson

I never gave up on country music because I knew what I was doing was not that bad.
Willie Nelson

I think people need to be educated to the fact that marijuana is not a drug. Marijuana is an herb and a flower. God put it here. If He put it here and He wants it to grow, what gives the government the right to say that God is wrong?
Willie Nelson

I was influenced a lot by those around me, there was a lot of singing that went on in the cotton fields.
Willie Nelson

If you got the money honey I got the time and when you run out of money honey I run out of time.
Willie Nelson

Most of the stuff I've read about me has been true.
Willie Nelson

My doctor tells me I should start slowing it down - but there are more old drunks than there are old doctors so let's all have another round.
Willie Nelson

Ninety-nine percent of the world's lovers are not with their first choice. That's what makes the jukebox play.
Willie Nelson

Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.
Willie Nelson

The whole house came up and I came up with it... I was just praying to the Lord to take care of me.
Willie Nelson

We create our own unhappiness. The purpose of suffering is to help us understand we are the ones who cause it.
Willie Nelson

We're still here trying to get the word out that 330 farmers are quitting every week.
Willie Nelson

What has changed is that nothing has changed... that's what has made me more unhappy than everything else.
Willie Nelson

When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.
Willie Nelson

You know why divorces are so expensive? They're worth it.
Willie Nelson

I am not a pig farmer. The pigs had a great time, but I didn't make any money.
Willie Nelson

I think I'm basically the same guy I always was. Maybe I've learned, through experience, to rein in some of the anger and temper they say redheads normally have. My grandmother used to tell me that a hard head makes a sore ass.
Willie Nelson

I believe that all roads lead to the same place -- and that is wherever all roads lead to.
Willie Nelson

I like to play golf, but I don't play like Jack Nicklaus. I've been playing about twenty-five years. It's a difficult game to learn. You can't care too much. If you try too hard, you blow it. There's too much and too little. That's a good metaphor for a lot of things.
Willie Nelson

I don't think any person has any special knowledge about what God has planned for me and you any more than me and you do.
Willie Nelson

I started writing cheating songs when I was too young to have any idea what I was writing about broken hearts and things like that. I just think it was something I already knew, something I had experienced in another lifetime.
Willie Nelson

We've already been reincarnated about a million times, maybe. It doesn't make sense any other way. How can we be created equal if there's a guy over here sitting on the corner, blind, with no feet, trying to make it, and there's another guy out there running around in a new Cadillac with two girls on either side of him and millions of dollars coming in?
Willie Nelson

A guy named Ben Dorsey used to work for Johnny Cash, and he had a bunch of suits that Johnny had given him. He was walking down the street in Nashville in front of the Grand Ole Opry, and this guy came up with a guitar in his hand and thought Ben was one of the stars because he had on Cash's suit. He said, "How do you get started in this business?" And Ben said, "Ain't but one way, hoss. You start at the bottom, you go right to the top. Don't mess with that in-between shit."
Willie Nelson

Freedom is control in your own life. I have more control now than in the past, and I'm learning the value of saying no. That's very important.
Willie Nelson

Being open has helped me. With smoking pot or anything else. It's just a lot easier not to make excuses for who I am and what I do. It has to do with getting from point A to point B, retaining my sanity, and still progressing -- taking some lemons and making some lemonade.
Willie Nelson

Contradiction exists in everyone. There's really nothing wrong with the fact that the same people who sing "Whiskey River" at the show tonight also sing "Amazing Grace." When I was back teaching Sunday school, I used to teach the same people on Sunday mornings that I sang to on Saturday nights. Nothing wrong with that, either.
Willie Nelson

If you start out looking at somebody, wondering whether he's good or bad, I think you're starting out in the wrong direction. I think we're all good and we're all bad.
Willie Nelson

Cruelty is all out of ignorance. If you knew what was in store for you, you wouldn't hurt anybody, because whatever you do comes back much more forceful than you send it out.
Willie Nelson

There is no such thing as an ex-wife. If you had a relationship, just because you don't live with them anymore doesn't mean that they're a non-human being, and if they want to say hello, then there should be a hello.
Willie Nelson

You could try to live monogamously. Good luck. There's people who say thinking about cheating is just as bad as doing it, so if you start looking at it from that angle, they got us all.
Willie Nelson

A wise man, Ray Price, told me recently that there's one thing he's learned in life. In fact, he called me on the phone to tell me this, and I said, "What is it?" He said, "Money makes women horny."
Willie Nelson






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