Action Hero: Dolph Lundgren

FUCK YES!!!!!!!!

The Expendables could be the movie event I've been waiting for, for my entire life. As an action fan since the womb, it has been my fondest dream to behold a film such as this.

Why is this going to rock? Well c'mon, look at the smegging cast!

SYLVESTER STALLONE! JASON STATHAM! JET LI! DOLPH LUNDGREN! MICKEY ROURKE! "STONE COLD" STEVEN AUSTIN! RANDY COUTURE! DANNY TREJO! ERIC ROBERTS! GARY DANIELS! TERRY CREWS! ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER!!!

Other names include Brittany Murphy, Charisma Carpenter and David Zayas.

As for the plot...ooo this is a humdinger:

A group of mercenaries led by Barney Ross (Sly Stallone) take on the job of eliminating GENERAL GARZA, the brutal, tyrannical head of the tiny country of Corza, for businessman MR. CHURCH, who allegedly wants vengeance on Garza's murder of his grandson. However, as Barney and his "Expendables" do their due-diligence, it turns out that Garza is under the protection of the CIA, and the whole mission becomes much more complex and deadly...

Here's Eric Roberts describing his first day on set:

"Today I was attacked by Jason Statham (Lee Christmas) firing a machine gun from a dive-bombing fighter plane, nearly burned alive by napalm and had to leap into the freezing Bay of Mangaratiba to save my ass. And how was your day???"

Word from Sylvester Stallone describing the event: "This movie has enough testosterone and ego to float an entire continent full of elephants."

Every single day leading up to this film's release date will be absolutely excruciating. The Expendables is going to rock my world and scratch every itch in my action fan body.

Sylvester Stallone is a living God walking amongst men.

I'm following this production on Twitter and an anonymous blog, as well as constantly checking the IMDb message boards to find out about the latest set pics, news, etc. Expect most new pics to be uploaded by yours truly :D

"We'll have to stop these motherfuckers ourselves!"

The tagline reads "Rock N' Load", the synopsis suggests an '80s-style Die Hard emulation, and the star and director is none other than action guru Dolph Lundgren. With the above in mind, how could you possibly pass up the opportunity to watch Command Performance? Of course, no-one would watch such a movie in the hope of experiencing intelligent plotting, witty dialogue or anything remotely cerebral...this film instead exists to assuage viewers craving action. Command Performance fortunately delivers virtually everything an action-lover is seeking, while also supplying very little of the hindrances one would expect to put up with (there are only minor plot holes, the action is usually grounded, the acting is pretty good, and the dialogue isn't too dumb). This is definitely one of the Dolphster's best movies.

Throughout the lead-up to this movie's release, it was hailed as "Die Hard at a Rock Concert". Lo and behold, Command Performance is precisely that. The story concerns a terrorist takeover of a Moscow charity concert; an event attended by the Russian President (Shopov). The President and his family are taken hostage (along with a number of other important people), and the heavily armed terrorists demand a substantial amount of ransom money. The task of saving the day is left to a heavy metal drummer named Joe (Lundgren) and a young Russian security agent (Baharov), both of whom managed to evade the terrorists' grasp.

It doesn't take long for Command Performance to hit its stride. After barely 10 minutes (in which slender characterisations and requisite fragments of plot are set up), the terrorists take over the concert in the most violent fashion imaginable (innocent civilians are even slaughtered!). In typical Die Hard tradition, the film then proceeds to alternate between bursts of ultra-violence and exposition. The laundry list of Die Hard clichés is also present, ranging from the inept law enforcement officials to the hero who can only endure flesh-wounds when shot, and even the bad guys who are unable to shoot straight. However, to be fair, this is all part of the '80s vibe. Right from the outset it's in full '80s mode: cheesy rock music, frequently hilarious one-liners, extreme violence, one-note villains, hostage situations and snobby journalists. Amusingly, the Russian characters are even given clichéd Russian names - there's Oleg, Mikhail, Alexi and so on.

One thing's for sure: Dolph Lundgren can direct the hell out of an action sequence. But for his previous work, Dolph has relied on irritating visual gimmicks, such as flash, shaky cam and rapid cutting (like Tony Scott, except not that extreme). While Dolph and cinematographer Marc Windon employ these techniques for Command Performance, they're only a mild bother (it isn't as indecipherable as a Michael Bay film). As a matter of fact, this style generates a welcome amount of kinetic energy. For the most part the movie looks very competent (especially considering the low budget) and Dolph has the good grace to ensure a viewer always knows what's going on during the action. The main attraction of Command Performance is, naturally, the promise of bloody violence. And boy, Dolph doesn't disappoint. Throats are slit, blood squibs explode, and there are big explosions. The spirit of the '80s lives on! Dolph is simply one of the best action directors of the 2000s - his films are refreshingly gritty, violent and old-school.

In addition to directing and starring, Dolph Lundgren also conceived the story and wrote the script with Steve Latshaw. The script plays out more or less how one would expect it to - there are laughable contrivances (the security is surprisingly low for a concert being attended by the fucking Russian President!), and the outcome is predictable. It all comes with the territory. However, considering this is a throwback to the action films of the '80s, there's potential tied to the concert setting that's never realised in Command Performance. For instance, there are rock concert clichés which would've made amusing one-liners (some of the more obvious ones are used, however), and there are instruments that could cause a satisfyingly gory death (though Dolph does at one stage kill a guy with a drumstick).

Within Command Performance one will also experience some catchy music - Melissa Smith performs one of her own songs, and Dolph is given a number of opportunities to flaunt his drumming skills (one of the reasons he decided to make this movie). All other technical credits are excellent - Adam Nordén's score is suitably intense and thrilling, while Peter Hollywood's editing is of a uniformly high standard.

On the acting front, there's the Dolphster playing his usual screen persona. Dolph never displays a great degree of emotional depth, but his stoic line delivery works in the context of this type of action movie. He's certainly more skilled than, say, Steven Seagal or Jean-Claude Van Damme.
Melissa Smith's acting skills aren't exactly brilliant (she's more of a singer than an actress), but she accomplishes all that's required of her without coming off as grating. Dave Legeno is disappointing as the main villain of the film. His Russian accent is flat, and his performance is instantly forgettable instead of boundlessly menacing. Command Performance needed a stronger villain (after all, Die Hard wouldn't be half as good without Alan Rickman). The rest of the cast fares better - Hristo Shopov is an amiable Russian President, and Zahary Baharov proves a worthy partner for Dolph's Joe. The camaraderie between Baharov and Lundgren gives the movie a nice spark. One should also keep an eye out for Ida Lundgren (Dolph's daughter), who appears as one of the President's daughters (the older one).

Dolph is fully aware of the type of movies that'll placate his unfinicky fanbase, and with strong creative control he has delivered one hell of an awesome ride here. It's a shame that (like the majority of Dolph's recent films) Command Performance bypassed cinemas, since it's one of the purest and most enjoyable action films of recent years. It rocks! (Excuse the pun)

"Michael Riggins. Ex Marine Corps. Weapons transporter. Honorable Discharge. Prison time. Solitary. Guy's a goddamn out of control mercenary! This is worse than we thought!!"

Direct Contact is just another standard "if you've seen one, you've seen 'em all" direct-to-DVD action flick. Aging action star Dolph Lundgren is this picture's focal selling point - without a performer like Lundgren, there'd be nothing of any interest to anybody since the cast is filled with small-time actors no-one gives a damn about. To the credit of director Danny Lerner and writer Les Weldon, Direct Contact assuredly entertains with a non-stop string of incredibly violent action sequences. As long as you're prepared to suspend your disbelief (describing this film as preposterous is an understatement) and overlook general filmmaking incompetency, this low-budget actioner delivers precisely what you'd expect. Direct Contact was purportedly a mere stepping stone for the Dolphster - he was compelled to appear, and the production company (Nu Image) in return allowed him to direct and star in Command Performance.

The protagonist here is Mike Riggins (Lundgren); a lethal black ops soldier caught smuggling and dumped in a Russian prison for perpetuity. He lands a Get Out of Jail Free card when an American diplomat (Paré) negotiates his release, offering Mike freedom and $100,000 to rescue a woman named Ana (May) who was kidnapped by a ruthless war lord in Eastern Europe. Mike promptly carries out his orders, but after killing a bunch of incompetent soldiers and saving Ana, he realises he's been snookered. Both Ana and Mike are then hunted by tonnes of seriously ill-tempered, heavily-armed bad guys.

The story is strictly well-worn territory. The plot is also thin, incredibly lazy, and non-existent yet unfathomable at the same time. Nothing is ever set up, and plot elements are just glossed over. It seems everything apart from the action is an inconvenience to the filmmakers. This story is a trite waste of time driven by plot holes and unbelievable contrivances.

The characters are all clichéd and one-dimensional. Gina May's performance is easier on the eyes than the ears - she's a woeful actress whose performance is complemented with horrid dialogue. The film's villainous cohorts are tediously contrived and evil in the most stereotypical of ways. Michael Paré has become an Uwe Boll regular, thus for the performer to feature in a low-rent actioner is forgivable. James Chalke is notably awful; awkwardly fumbling around, playing one of the worst screen villains ever committed to celluloid. At least Dolph Lundgren manages to provide his fans with a few thrills. He's a pretty stoic performer, but Lundgren packs a serious punch for a guy in his fifties. Director Danny Lerner isn't exactly known for high-calibre screenplays (he has penned a few Steven Seagal films) or top-quality features (he directed Shark in Venice and Raging Sharks), so it comes as no surprise that Direct Contact is pretty bad. He simply can't pry decent performances out of his actors, and he's unable to write dialogue that doesn't sound forced and/or clichéd. Even worse, Lundgren and Gina exhibit zero chemistry, and it's disconcerting to portray the two of them in a romantic fashion considering that they could pass off as father and daughter.

Direct Contact is at least very violent, and the main bad guy succumbs to a legendary death sequence. When the Dolphster is granted the opportunity to fire upon his enemies with an array of firearms, loaded blood squibs explode with reckless abandon. This is an unapologetically hard-R picture, gleefully embracing its hyper-violent late '80s action pedigree. Sinew blasts from the ruined uniforms of soldiers during the rampant gunplay exchanges, bringing back memories of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Commando in several ways. The majority of the budget was clearly blown on both blood squibs and pyrotechnics. Even the abandoned building in which the climax takes place is packed with a convenient stash of gas barrels just lying around, waiting to explode. Direct Contact is incredibly stupid as well, with Dolph's Mike Riggins walking out into the open during multiple action sequences when he has guns trained on him! Throughout virtually every action sequence, soldiers have clear shots at their target but conveniently miss. The only hit Mike ends up sustaining is a conveniently-placed flesh-wound which is used to create a tired set-up for a love scene later in the film.

The action is thankfully more 'old school' - it's devoid of silly split-second editing that plagues most action films of the current era. While the imagery is admittedly infused with at least some degree of flair, the filming/editing collaboration is simply woeful, generating constant continuity errors. Probably the worst action sequence in the film occurs at a stadium - choppy beyond all belief. The car chases are also a bit too standard and lack energy, not to mention a lot of the footage has quite obviously been sped up. The result is a merely watchable actioner.

Fundamentally an amalgam of Commando and the Dolphster's own The Mechanik (a.k.a. The Russian Specialist), Direct Contact is a flawed but enjoyable action film. It's taut and brisk at about 85 minutes, and it provides bagfuls of blood and gore, but all elements of this film are mediocre at best. Still, Dolph Lundgren kicks things up a notch and holds your attention with a kung-fu grip. The aging but still awesome Dolph partaking in some entertaining action sequences makes Direct Contact exciting enough to ensure it's at least worth watching.

Jarfe: "That's impossible, it can't be you..."

Ryde: "It's me."

As washed-up '80s action stars churn out an endless selection of below-par, low-budget, direct-to-DVD action flicks, you can at least admire them for their persistence. In recent years, Dolph Lundgren has demonstrated his competence as not only an actor but also a director. Following the astonishingly positive reception of his second directorial outing, The Mechanik (also known as The Russian Specialist), in 2005, Dolph went on to helm Missionary Man - this stylish, albeit unoriginal and mundane contemporary Western that pays tribute to such classics as High Plains Drifter and Pale Rider. It's your conventional "tough guy rides in to clean up a corrupt town" story, primarily following the DTD formula to the letter. On the cover/poster for Missionary Man Dolph Lundgren is heavily armed, there's an explosion in the background, and the tagline reads "No sin shall go unpunished" - judge the book by its cover, as what you see is pretty much what you get.

The story is set on a Native American Indian reservation where a gang of sadistic palefaces rule through violence and corruption. An enigmatic stranger known only as Ryder (Lundgren), rolls into town with a Bible and a score to settle. Ryder's character is unmistakably established as being some sort of enigmatic badass after he drinks straight tequila (no salt, no lime) and reads various verses of the Bible. His business in town is to attend the funeral of an old acquaintance known as J.J., who had recently drowned. However, J.J.'s family refuse to believe his death was an accident, and blame malicious local oppressor John Reno (Tompkins) for the murder. Ryder - the tall, blonde-haired stranger - begins befriending members of the local Indian community, and causes problems for Reno when he defeats hired hands and interferes with his underhanded practises. Tensions rise between Reno and Ryder, and the possibilities for a violent showdown continue to elevate.

Missionary Man is just a forgettable shoot-'em-up action romp, featuring an aging Dolph Lundgren taking on countless enemies (sometimes simultaneously) with unwavering efficiency. Dolph (who also co-wrote the script) unfortunately takes things far too seriously. The film aspires to be an incisive character study, but Dolph lacks the requisite skill as a writer, director and star to pull this off successfully. Dialogue is fairly humdrum, and clichés proliferate, not to mention the air of unreserved seriousness is never (purposely) breached. Silly events and corny dialogue unfortunately prompt derisory chortles. Some scenes do work, especially when the hulking Ryder (remaining nameless, in an ostensible homage to Clint Eastwood) demonstrates his ability as a fighter. The photography is also endlessly stylish (due to an error during the DVD mastering, the colours are washed-out, giving the film an almost mythical look). Nevertheless, the overall lack of unique action scenes (not to mention action scenes in general are in short supply, instead opting to develop a dreary congregation of characters) as well as noteworthy storytelling prevent Missionary Man from rising above the usual low standard for DTD action flicks.

The cinematography is of a satisfactory standard. Adhering to the widespread plague of contemporary action flicks, the camera suffers an epileptic attack whenever an action scene takes place. Shaky cam syndrome does no wonders on the cinematography front, ultimately coming across as cheap and disorientating. However, cinematographer Bing Rao's work isn't a total dud. The first ten minutes in particular is intriguingly shot, using clever camera angles and (thanks to nice lighting) usually clouding Ryder in darkness. Elia Cmiral's music to complement the photography is, of course, atmospheric and effective.

Even at 50 years old, Dolph Lundgren never fails as a badass. He certainly looks the part, donning an outfit extremely appropriate for his character. Ryder is a one-dimensional hero - i.e. he lacks a weighty back-story. What's missing is acceptable motivation and reasoning for his return to the town. Conveniently, Ryder had an altercation in the past with a few members of this quiet town and returns purely for vengeance-related reasons. But no explanation is offered regarding events that had previously transpired. An air of mystery surrounding the protagonist is usually a great decision, but at least a little motivation would've proved advantageous.

The supporting cast is generally populated by little-known actors. There's a bunch of performances of questionable quality, but they're uniformly watchable at least. Matthew Tompkins appears to give it his all as the despicable John Reno. He's the proverbial genre villain - outwardly appealing, but shady and corrupt, and has plenty of hired guns on standby to unleash upon the hero.

Missionary Man is a clear homage to the Westerns of old, communicating a contemporary version of a story wherein a stranger rides into town to save the day. Instead of horses, they ride motorcycles (at one stage Reno even tells Ryder to leave town on his "iron horse"). This isn't a necessarily bad movie...it's just a familiar DTD movie. Innovative this is not. However Dolph's religious one man army shtick is eye-catching, pairing a mainly silent performance with a charismatic swagger (the kind you generally don't witness in a mindless production like this). The only true flaws are a handful of shaky performances, the indiscriminate use of slow motion, and the fact it's bereft of anything truly worthwhile or memorable. For your basic DTD film, this isn't a total waste. The display of blood and guts is occasionally quite graphic (therefore enjoyable), and it offers Dolph Lundgren drinking tequila, riding a motorcycle and kicking ass. Let's face it: it's why you paid the money to see it in the first place.

Soldier. Fighter. Seeker. Legend.

Diamond Dogs delivers exactly what it promises - Dolph Lundgren kicking some ass! This is your standard direct-to-DVD action claptrap that strides through familiar territory. It could more or less be branded as a poor man's version of a modern-day Indiana Jones. On that note, it's endowed with a plot regarding an ancient Buddhist artefact (and the quest to find it), which adds further credence to the statement that Diamond Dogs aspires to be the next National Treasure or Raiders of the Lost Ark. It never quite reaches the level of these films it desires to emulate (not even close), but who cares? Once you learn to accept the below-par acting and the laughable plot contrivances, you can enjoy watching the Dolphster casually slaughtering bad guys. If you watch the film on its own terms, there's fun to be had - a substantial amount of it.

For this particular outing, the Dolphster is Xander Ronson; a former soldier now living in Inner Mongolia who has fallen on hard times. Ronson offers a security service, but hasn't had a client in two years and has been reduced to making money from fighting illegally in an underground fighting circuit (collaborating with a friend who bets on him to win, which he always does). Unfortunately, Ronson is heavily in debt and will be sent to prison if his debts aren't paid within a few weeks. Fortuitously for our brooding hero, he's approached by the wealthy Chambers (Shriver) - a fortune-seeking scumbag in search of an ancient (and extremely valuable) Buddhist artefact known as the Tangka. Chambers offers Ronson the job as head of security and guide for the trip, for which he will be paid extraordinarily well. Unfortunately for the whole group, not only is this bejewelled artefact supposedly cursed but a group of dastardly Russian mercenaries are also on a quest seeking the Tangka.

Diamond Dogs is primarily marred by its script, which is bereft of originality and overflowing with predictability. However, to be fair, these are no real biggies - after all, if you're in the mood for a Dolph Lundgren actioner you're obviously not seeking anything that will engage on a cerebral level. Therefore, the script is deeply flawed but considering its nature this is no surprise. However, Diamond Dogs does fail in the pacing department. The script contains usually tedious dialogue, and the gaps between action scenes are occasionally unforgivable. The lack of action is evidently due to the film's ambitions: to be considered in the same league as the Indiana Jones films, wherein exposition plays a crucial role. The story here, however, isn't interesting enough; in truth it's devoid of any possibilities for intellectual discussions or grandiose scenarios. The story also seems incomplete, as if missing a monologue concerning the background of the Tangka. This is why Indiana Jones always does it right - the protagonist knows what he's doing, and can reveal interesting trivia pertaining to the artefact in question in small bits scattered generously throughout each adventure. Diamond Dogs adheres strictly to B-movie conventions that dictate films of this disposition. In the film's defence, though, it does manage to circumvent various proverbial clichés of the genre. A young girl enters the picture, for instance, but she's no love interest.

Production for Diamond Dogs took place in Inner Mongolia, lending a strange otherworldliness to the movie. Beautiful vistas are on display as the treasure hunt transpires, and the action occurs on ideal terrain. It has also been bestowed with a certain grittiness not usually present in run of the mill DTD flicks. Unfortunately, when Ronson & company enter the ancient crypt said to contain the Tangka it lacks marvel and awe. It looks cheap, as if an old cellar populated by lawn ornaments. Elaborate booby-traps are non-existent...the only traps present are nothing special and barely threatening. The Tangka is merely glanced at, and what we see resembles cheap plastic beads glued to construction paper. Where's the shiny gold that catches our attention whenever it enters the frame? This was definitely made on the cheap!

Action sequences are somewhat competent, and are infused with Dolph's glorious directorial talents. They're very noisy and very violent. Bare-knuckle fights at the beginning are gritty, bloody and quite enthralling. The occasional shootouts are also something special. The low budget is only semi-obvious. There's enough blood being spilt and folks being violently dispatched to distract us from the evident budget problems. The body count is tremendously high, each death is exceedingly bloody, and only Xander steps out of the flames in one piece in a final scene that appears to pay homage to The Searchers. Perhaps most commendable is the lack of diabolical slow motion. I enjoyed indulging in this little guilty pleasure as the bloodshed satisfies and the action is exhilarating.

Dolph Lundgren is no stranger to this type of film as he also serves as executive producer and, to a minor extent, director (uncredited). It's difficult not to like the Dolphster as he wades through various battlefields and protects himself with an endless amount of bullets. Predictably, though, he's quite invincible and bullets magically skirt around him (even when his cover is poor).

The cast is filled with mainly disposable actors, with few exceptions (Dolph being one of them). Perhaps the biggest shock to me was how much I came to like the slightly effeminate William Shriver as Chambers. He's wholly believable in his role; coming across as a character from an 80's action flick (you know you love them). Every other member of the cast is quite talent deficient, however, especially Nan Yu as Chambers' step-daughter.

All in all, Diamond Dogs is among the better additions to Dolph Lundgren's résumé. Not as good as The Mechanik, but not as poor as Missionary Man. This is a fairly enjoyable, albeit clichéd action-adventure film. There are too many sluggish points with an inadequate amount of quality action to compensate, but this is still sufficient for wasting time while enjoying pizza and beer. Diamond Dogs was reportedly intended to be the first movie in a trilogy of films chronicling the escapades of Dolph Lundgren's Xander Ronson. The second film even entered the planning stages with Dolph attached to direct and star...however, the production of Diamond Dogs was beset with a huge manner of dilemmas, resulting in the script being retooled and Dolph Lundgren stepping in to direct (relieving credited director Shimon Dotan) after only a few days of filming! This ultimately prevented the trilogy from materialising.

While Diamond Dogs has its lethal flaws (including the fact the word "assistant" is consistently misspelled as "asstistant" throughout the end credits), it's still an entertaining diversion.

William Burton: "What's your plan?"
Nick Cherenko: "Kill them all."

Over recent years, washed-up '80s action heroes have earned their pay-checks by starring in low-budget direct-to-DVD action flicks, most of which of an unbelievably low standard. Steven Seagal, Chuck Norris, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Sylvester Stallone (momentarily) are a few names that immediately spring to mind. In addition to these names is Dolph Lundgren, whose CV includes such titles as Universal Soldier, The Punisher and Rocky IV. However, astonishing as it may seem, Dolph appears to have the potential to rise to star status once again (perhaps Sylvester Stallone's upcoming The Expendables will prove an appropriate vehicle). After demonstrating his surprisingly competent ability as a director with 2004's The Defender, Dolph has capitalised on his strengths behind the camera in creating The Mechanik (known more commonly by the generic and lousy title The Russian Specialist). This is a fun, entertaining, old-fashioned seventies-style shoot-'em-up revenge flick (think Death Wish), as well as a tight, stylised throwback to the hard-R action flicks of old. With The Mechanik, Dolph has dived into his second directorial gig with guns fully loaded...and has delivered a thrilling, hardcore ride into admittedly conventional territory.

Dolph Lundgren places forth a fairly standard performance as retired Russian Special Forces hitman Nikolai Cherenko. During a drug deal gone wrong, Nick witnesses his family being slaughtered by Russian gangsters. He illegally immigrates to the United States in order to commence a new life (free of violence and war) as a car mechanic in LA. However, his past catches up to him when Nick is approached by a woman who offers him a large sum of money to rescue her kidnapped daughter. Initially Nick is extremely reluctant to accept the job until he discovers the identity of the kidnappers...the same Russian gangsters who had murdered his family years earlier. Nick wakes up the cold-blooded soldier inside him in order to settle the score.

The Mechanik is merely a revenge saga. It pits Dolph's Nikolai Cherenko - a stoic, wordless, physical threat - against a cabal of unsavoury Russian gangsters (lead by the nefarious and seedy Ivan Petrushinov, who's very easy to hate). Several action sequences flow from this. The fact that Nick's objective is to rescue some hapless girl is beside the point - in actual fact, beyond a handful of brief dialogue exchanges, this relationship is fairly subdued. Like most similar action films, the girl's kidnapping is a means to an end...in this case, that end is a surplus of dead Russian gangsters. What prompts Nick to saddle up for an additional round of violence is not the virtuous, innocent face of Julia (in the photograph shown to him by her mother), but the ugly mug of her kidnapper - the man who killed his wife and child in cold blood. Nothing deep is at play here; basically, it's just Dolph with a shotgun, declaring "It's on!" (This could more or less be branded as The Punisher Goes To Russia.)

While Dolph's first effort as a director - The Defender - was a fun exercise in ultra-violence, he one ups himself with The Mechanik by helming and starring in a film featuring a lead character we can actually care about. Brief time allotted to revealing Nick's background is effective, allowing a viewer to be sympathetic to his cause despite his nasty, violent ways. Nick Cherenko is fundamentally a pleasing throwback to the cold-blooded, one-dimensional action heroes of the '80s... Dutch Schaeffer. John Matrix. John Rambo. Marion "Cobra" Cobretti... Cherenko is cut from the same cloth. If you want a deep characterisation of a tortured, multi-layered hero reluctant to use firearms, watch Batman Begins. For a nourishing dosage of alpha-male shotgunning, watch The Mechanik.

Naturally, the focus of The Mechanik is not on solid characterisations or a meaty narrative...Dolph channels his talents as a director into the action sequences. However, there are commendable scenes focusing on developing the characters...a quality rarely seen in this genre. Dolph directs action with style and a refreshingly blunt honesty. The action scenes are bullet-fuelled and extremely bloody. Elia Cmiral's accompanying music is suitably intense and riveting. The music is also atmospheric, effective and low-key, occasionally reminiscent of Cmiral's work on Ronin.

Several exciting set-pieces are strung together competently, barely stopping to allow a viewer to catch their breath. It's overflowing with gory shootouts galore, culminating in a blood-soaked finale that proves a satisfying way to round out the narrative. This 20-minute final shootout is an obvious homage to the Western genre, concluding with a startling exercise in gory dispatching. However, Dolph's over-reliance on flash (most notably during the first half) is detrimental, using too much slow motion and wacky colour saturation. It ultimately comes off as gimmicky (think Tony Scott meets John Woo).

The Mechanik rises above the tragically low standard for direct-to-DVD action flicks, but it's nevertheless a fairly flawed movie. With the exception of Nick, most of the other characters are one-dimensional additions in order to offer a higher dosage of gory deaths. Also, every so often its $5 million budget (approximately) is relatively obvious. The gaps between action scenes bog on account of sluggish pacing, and therefore it fails to engage from time to time. The final climax (while still fun by all means) is far too long. A concise shootout was imperative to close the narrative, but this continued to drag out. Kudos to Dolph for exploring the possibilities of a battle in a small Russian village, but it isn't chaotic enough and it outstays its welcome. Interestingly, some of the rudimentary sound effects (city ambiance, door opening, gunshots, etc) seem cheap and recycled.

With Dolph Lundgren desperately requiring a suitable comeback to reignite his struggling career, it's baffling that Sony Pictures dumped this serviceable, entertaining actioner into the direct-to-DVD realm. Meanwhile, Sony allows nonsense such as Are We Done Yet? and Crossover to pollute theatres across the globe. The Mechanik isn't a perfect movie or even a masterpiece of its genre, but this could have been Dolph's much-awaited theatrical comeback if this film was given a bigger budget and further attention. Stallone fought his way out of the DTD plague, resurrecting his career with Rocky Balboa, so why can't Dolph be given the career resurrection he truly deserves?

Trust me: The Mechanik is far better than expected. As far as I'm concerned, Dolph Lundgren can continue churning out these ultra-violent actioners as his undemanding fans will most certainly enjoy them. With its decent script, stylish directing, above-average performances and unrestrained violence, The Mechanik supplies the best macho "you killed my family, now I kill you" experience in years. Dolph may not entirely circumvent the action movie clichés, but he's savvy enough to realise that nothing satisfies like a blood-soaked dosage of served-cold revenge yarn. While not groundbreaking by any means, The Mechanik is simply an action-packed expedition into clichéd domain.

Hollywood seriously needs to give Dolph the comeback he genuinely deserves!

You messed with the wrong country and you fucked the wrong President!

In an era of political unrest and global chaos, it's a small comfort - but a comfort nonetheless - that superstar Dolph Lundgren is still around to keep the world safe. For The Defender, Lundgren not only stars but also directs... And you know what? Despite the odds stacked against him, this flick doesn't suck, nor does Dolph's surprisingly decent direction. Certainly, The Defender is brainless, unrealistic and riddled with clichés...but it doesn't suck. In fact, this is an endlessly entertaining, straightforward shoot-'em-up action movie. It's overflowing with violence, shootouts and blood; reminding its target audience as to why we loved the brainless action films of the 1980s. Perhaps it comes as no shock that Lundgren's directorial debut is a low-budget direct-to-DVD affair, but - even for a picture inhabiting the suicidal DTD realm - The Defender looks surprisingly self-assured. With its top-notch action sequences and satisfactory acting, Lundgren's first effort as a director has a lot going for it. But alas, it's ultimately hamstrung by preposterous plotting.

As for the storyline: it's a tense time for the United States and its allies as they wage the War on Terror. The President of the United States (played by Jerry Springer...yes, that Jerry Springer is the President) has launched a new Peace Initiative. Unbeknownst to the general public, the National Security Advisor (Lee-Johnson) is making a secret trip to Romania to negotiate a peace agreement. To ensure this meeting runs smoothly, Gulf War veteran Lance Rockford (Ludgren) is employed as head of security, leading a few disposable agents. As the enigmatic meeting plays out, a group of armed militants attack Rockford and his team. The assault is relentless and never-ending (a little reminiscent of Assault on Precinct 13, actually), putting Rockford to the test as he works to protect both himself and the National Security Advisor.

Sidney J. Furie (the man behind 2003's Detention) was originally attached to direct The Defender, but fell ill during the pre-production period. Since Dolph Lundgren had worked closely with Furie beforehand (as well as a handful of other directors, ranging from John Woo to Roland Emmerich), and because the actor had worked with the screenwriter during development, the producers asked Dolph to step up and direct the picture. A few too many gimmicky shots and too much slow motion notwithstanding, Dolph has proved an excellent director with his first effort. The Defender is easily one of the most action-saturated shoot-'em-up action flicks of late. It's also leaps and bounds above anything Van Damme or Steven Seagal has featured in recently. After about twenty minutes of admittedly slow exposition, the flick goes balls-to-the-wall. Once the enemies fire their first shot, respite is infrequent as the movie propels through action sequence after action sequence.

This is hard R material as well. Massive kudos to Dolph for being unafraid to craft gritty, brutal, very violent shootouts! Bullets hit their targets, blood flows in torrents, necks are snapped and squibs detonate like crazy. The final hour is more or less an extended action sequence, and the action is simply sublime. Maxime Alexandre's wonderfully crisp and intense cinematography places a viewer in the action. There's also tight editing and great pacing as the kinetic energy barely lulls. The sound effects are also outstanding; easily one of the flick's biggest assets. However, one downfall is the dreadful music courtesy of Adam Nordén. The music reminds the audience they are watching a DTD affair. It's occasionally tense but at other times the music is grating for the ears.

Bolstering the exhilarating on-screen happenings is an unfortunately (yet quite unsurprisingly) trite story. Lots of questions go unanswered in the first hour; pretty much leaver a viewer in the dark. We have no idea what the meeting is for and who the National Security Advisor is meeting. For the first hour, a viewer can't help but be riveted as they await all the answers. However, when the revelations are finally unveiled they almost entirely nullify the prior plot developments. The whole point of the operation is absurd and on the verge of anticlimactic.

There are also a few too many overly dramatic moments scattered throughout the 90-minute duration. In addition, the film doesn't allow an audience to become attached to the characters. The protagonist is uninteresting and we simply don't care about him, nor do we care when a minor character is killed. The Defender is ultimately an action story that's solid on the action, but unrewarding on the story.

Cast-wise, things are fairly standard. Dolph Lundgren places forth a solid performance, although the part never calls for any overwhelming acting skills. Dolph enjoys wading through the scenarios, barking commands ("Open fire!" for instance) and saying clichéd things. Of course, in this particular production Dolph isn't the only big star. Jerry Springer stars as the President of the United States. Mercifully, Jerry is given less than 10 minutes of screen time (still enough to garner second billing, though). Surprisingly, Jerry makes for a moderately convincing presidential figure, although he hardly seems like a popular candidate. There's also Caroline Lee-Johnson as the National Security Advisor. Not a bad actress per se, but nothing special.

The rest of the cast are pretty much just the constituents of Dolph's team. Shakara Ledard, Thomas Lockyer, Gerald Kyd, Ian Porter, Howard Antony, etc. As a team they share adequate chemistry, exchanging occasionally witty banter.

As a shoot-'em-up actioner, The Defender is an enjoyable time waster. While nothing groundbreaking for action cinema, Dolph's first directorial outing is a success! If the plotting was a little less absurd and more substance was present, I'd be recommending this film to no end. As it stands, though, The Defender contains a lot of fun mayhem with the absurdity meter shooting up to 11 (like when a sniper is shot from afar with a Beretta pistol despite being, you know, a fucking sniper). It's painful to admit, but I really enjoyed this film despite its shortcomings. As long as Dolph continues to direct new movies I'll continue to watch them.

It was truly great to witness Dolph Lundgren and Jerry Springer featuring in a movie together...up next is Steven Seagal and Dr. Phil.

Soldier...teacher...hero!

Detention is simply a straightforward throwback to the ridiculously enjoyable '80s action pictures of old - a generic compound of action flick clichés that gleans various ingredients from Die Hard and The Breakfast Club (an odd amalgam, I know), minus the extravagant special effects of the former and the deep characterisations of the latter. This is the epitome of absurdity; a brisk 95-minute excursion into over-the-top theatrics, conventional scenarios, gaping plot holes and teenage pregnancy. Dolph Lundgren is growing old, but in an action arena he's commendably self-assured. Detention isn't a masterpiece by any means, nor does it redefine the majestic art of bullet ballet. It's brainless to extremes, but (like all action films should) it entertains to no end. This is exactly the type of action flick that would emerge during the '80s; therefore witnessing this style of old-school action is frankly revitalising a bit over a decade since the 1980s concluded.

Sam Decker (Lundgren) is a former Special Forces operative who's haunted following a tour of duty in Bosnia. Ten years following this fateful tour of duty, Sam has become a school teacher at a tough high school. He had aimed to make a difference, but he becomes frustrated and angered by a system that doesn't appear to work. Sam submits his letter of resignation, as he's been offered a better position elsewhere. Unfortunately, on his final day (Friday) he gets coerced into staying after school to manage a detention class. Unfortunately, too, a well-organised group of gunmen invade the supposedly deserted school to use it as a base of operations for an armed car robbery. These gunmen, however, didn't expect Sam and his detention class to still be on school grounds... Cue violence and carnage.

Detention adheres to the Die Hard formula, but it isn't loaded with any intelligence. Plot holes flourish, and the silliness of the entire affair is guaranteed to trigger bucket-loads of derisive sniggers. Guns fire an unlimited supply of ammunition (pistols sometimes fire off roughly 30 rounds at a time without reloading), bad guys can never shoot straight, the hero endures a few gunshots (to the arm, of course, as bullets can never hit anywhere else) but shrugs them off, and (naturally) the cops are a bit on the corrupt side. Also, how can a criminal mastermind not anticipate any after school activities? Why would the high school have a total lockdown mode, which locks even the emergency exits (which is illegal)? What if the security guard controlling the lockdown fell asleep or was killed and was unable to switch off the lockdown? If the school is locked down, how can the characters reach the roof during the climax? But hey - who needs logic and brains when you have shell casings continually being expended and large-scale shootouts?

On a positive note, Detention is extremely enjoyable on account of the competent filmmaking on display. Director Sidney J. Furie has been in the industry for many decades, and his direction is first-rate here. The action is filmed in an old-school fashion, using wide shots and pans as opposed to shaky cam and shots lasting a nanosecond. Detention is infused with everything 80s - an 80's-style formula, 80's-style characters, and 80's-style filmmaking techniques. This is great entertainment...you just need to leave your brain at the door and suspend your disbelief, and you'll be fine. In other words, it's a guilty pleasure. And a damn enjoyable one!

Dolph Lundgren plays the typical trigger happy one-man army type very well, although he does appear to be operating on autopilot most of the time. There are a few notable moments for Dolph, especially his semi-amusing one-liners (after killing a corrupt cop, he exclaims "Now you're a deadbeat cop!")

Beside Dolph there's Alex Krazis as Chester Lamb; the mastermind behind the whole operation. The actor places forth an acceptable performance, harkening back to the golden age of the 80s. His character is poorly written, granted, but he's sinister when the occasion calls for it.

The cast is rounded out by various actors portraying the students who fight back against the troupe of gunmen. The bad guys, of course, are easy to despise.

All in all, Detention is simply a good old-fashioned, clichéd, 80's-style action flick, coated in a thick layer of cheese and silliness. From a critical standpoint this is an awful movie; however, every so often even a critic should just sit back and enjoy the ride. There's a lot of fun to be had in amongst the plethora of proficient action sequences and amusing one-liners. I enjoyed it from start to finish. If you're into bad action films, Detention is one to rent and/or perhaps add to your collection.

"You can open the safe with your balls or without 'em."

For fervent action buffs, Joshua Tree (also known as Army of One) is a definite must-see - it stars action icon Dolph Lundgren, and it's directed by legendary stunt coordinator Vic Armstrong. It's a breathless exercise in hardcore action violence, and it moves at such an exhilarating pace that its stupidity and conventionality can be easily overlooked for the sake of entertainment.

In Joshua Tree, the Dolphster plays former race car driver Wellman Santee. With his racing days long behind him, Santee's livelihood is now transporting exotic stolen cars. During a run-in with the police, however, his partner (Foree) is killed along with a highway police officer in a shootout, and Santee is framed for the policeman's murder. But while being transferred to prison, Santee escapes. He abducts a young woman named Rita (Alfonso), unaware that his hostage is actually a deputy sheriff. What ensues is a variety of action sequences as Santee struggles to clear his name.

Logic is disposed of fairly quickly into this feature (as is any sense of originality). For instance Rita looks surprisingly calm considering she has been kidnapped. She's also given endless opportunities to escape or turn the tables on her abductor, but she rarely capitalises on these opportunities. There's also the fact that police officers are unable to shoot properly (despite, you know, being trained to use firearms). During an encounter with Chinese gangsters at one stage in the film, cliché after cliché is doled out - the gangsters are incompetent shooters while Santee is a perfect marksman, and guns even run out of bullets at the most convenient of times. Stupidity really kicks in when the climax comes around. Said climax features a series of brutal hand-to-hand combat battles, but the combatants never succumb to any serious harm despite being pounded with fists and inanimate objects continuously. Some of the protagonists are shot too, but bullets don't seem to faze them. However, as these things are virtually unwritten requirements for action films of the '80s and '90s, they're somewhat forgivable.

Joshua Tree was written by Steve Pressfield, who had previously penned the Steven Seagal vehicle Above the Law. Pressfield takes a formulaic tale of dirty cops and a man out for revenge, and constructs a fairly involving narrative. The trajectory of the plotline is the very definition of predictability, but it's the action and the decent dialogue that hold our interest. Plus, we've come here to see the Dolphster kicking some butt...and in this respect, it delivers in spades! Another unwritten law for action films is one-liners - since a lot of actioners are hilariously ridiculous and tongue-in-cheek, humour is often employed to match the tone. Screenwriter Pressfield delivers in this aspect too.

With renowned stuntman and action director Vic Armstrong at the helm (a man who handled the stunts for the Indiana Jones films, a lot of the James Bond films, Starship Troopers, Patriot Games and Universal Soldier, just to name a few), one can expect Joshua Tree to deliver oodles of satisfying action, which it does! Armstrong delivers breathtaking, over-the-top action set-pieces, ranging from a John Woo-esque shootout in a warehouse to a high-octane car chase featuring a Ferrari and a Lamborghini. Blood squibs explode left, right and centre...this is an unapologetic R-rated action film. To top everything off, Joel Goldsmith has provided a terrific score - it features atmospheric background music for the quiet sections, and chest-thumping music for the action. But the editing is occasionally very choppy, and there are a number of technical faults in general.

Due to the excessive violence of Armstrong's directorial debut, the censors went bonkers and the film was edited down for a number of countries (like Britain, where it still received an '18' rating even after the graphic violence was toned down). Bizarrely, three different endings exist for this flick. Unfortunately (as of 2009), the version of the film containing the best ending (which wraps up everything) is yet to be released on any format (be it DVD or Blu-ray).

Dolph Lundgren earned his chops as an action star after his appearance in Rocky IV opposite Sylvester Stallone. Although Lundgren never truly acts much during the film (he merely says lines instead of meaning them), he's perfect for the role of Santee - he has the physique of an action hero, and he knows his way around an action sequence. Best of all, he's competent enough to hold our interest. Alongside the Dolphster is the duo of George Segal and Beau Starr as the main villains of the picture. It's easy to hate these guys, which makes Santee's plight easier to sympathise with. And as the trademark woman of the picture with the perfect body, there's Kristian Alfonso. Naturally, her character gets naked at one point (laughably gratuitous) and she ends up becoming the Dolphster's love interest.

At the end of the day, Joshua Tree is just a disposable '90s actioner that remains essential viewing for genre aficionados. This ain't anything groundbreaking, but it's definitely an entertaining distraction best enjoyed when the thinking side of your brain craves a rest.