Bottom of the Barrel
These are the movies I didn't even feel deserved a half-star rating. They're that bad in my eyes. Sadly, I have sat through all of these films in their entirety, so these reviews are based off the entire work.
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| eskaton666's Rating | My Rating | |
|---|---|---|
| 1 |
American Psycho (2000, R)
NO STARS! A horrible representation of the book! This should be destroyed. |
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| 2 |
The Sixth Sense (1999, PG-13)
NO STARS. The most overhyped, predictable piece of shit of its year. |
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| 3 |
Meet Joe Black (1998, PG-13)
NO STARS. A three hour movie that would have been too long at 20 minutes. |
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| 4 |
The Hills Have Eyes II (The Hills Have Eyes 2) (2007, R)
NO STARS. Waste of time, budget and film. |
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| 5 |
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006, R)
NO STARS. Nonsensical drivel. |
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| 6 |
Armageddon (1998, PG-13)
NO STARS. Horrible, overlong, trite Michael Bay schlock. |
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| 7 |
American Wedding (2003, R)
NO STARS. |
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| 8 |
Charlie's Angels - Full Throttle (2003, PG-13)
NO STARS. Overblown music video. Shite. |
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| 9 |
Casper (1995, PG)
NO STARS |
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| 10 |
The Grudge (2004, PG-13)
NO STARS. This is an AWFUL remake. |
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| 11 |
Bean (1997, PG-13)
NO STARS. Horrible film. |
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| 12 |
The Passion of the Christ (2004, R)
NO STARS. Mel Gibson's self-righteous Christian snuff. Awful. |
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| 13 |
Jerry Maguire (1996, R)
NO STARS |
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| 14 |
Chasing Amy (1997, R)
NO STARS. A Kevin Smith misfire of epic proportions. |
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| 15 |
Con Air (1997, R)
NO STARS. Flaming piece of dogshit, this one. |
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| 16 |
Not Another Teen Movie (2001, R)
NO STARS. Nothing funny about it. |
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| 17 |
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998, R)
NO STARS. Awful sequel to an awful movie. |
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| 18 |
Mystic River (2003, R)
NO STARS. What an overrated piece of shit this movie was! |
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| 19 |
Cruel Intentions (1999, R)
NO STARS. Completely laughable adaptation of Les Liasons Dangereuses |
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| 20 |
Planet of the Apes (2001, PG-13)
NO STARS. AWFUL remake. |
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| 21 |
Big Momma's House (2000, PG-13)
NO STARS. |
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| 22 |
Deep Impact (1998, PG-13)
NO STARS. Melodramatic disaster movie SHIT. |
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| 23 |
Independence Day (1996, PG-13)
NO STARS |
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| 24 |
Look Who's Talking, Too (1990, PG-13)
NO STARS |
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| 25 |
The Terminal (2004, PG-13)
NO STARS. Spielberg's a hack. |
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| 26 |
Never Been Kissed (1999, PG-13)
NO STARS. |
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| 27 |
Mrs. Doubtfire (1993, PG-13)
NO STARS |
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| 28 |
Volcano (1997, PG-13)
NO STARS |
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| 29 |
Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights (2002, PG-13)
NO STARS. Infantile piece of shite. |
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| 30 |
Wild Wild West (1999, PG-13)
NO STARS. Big waste of time and budget. |
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| 31 |
Crossroads (2002, PG-13)
NO STARS |
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| 32 |
Maid in Manhattan (2002, PG-13)
NO STARS. Shite. |
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| 33 |
Ace Ventura - When Nature Calls (1995, PG-13)
NO STARS |
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| 34 |
Uptown Girls (2003, PG-13)
NO STARS. Dakota Fanning must die. |
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| 35 |
Legally Blonde 2 - Red, White & Blonde (2003, PG-13)
NO STARS. Who thought the original was a good idea, let alone a sequel? |
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| 36 |
Honey (2003, PG-13)
NO STARS. Yeah, I'm sorry I sat through it, too. |
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| 37 |
Signs (2002, PG-13)
NO STARS |
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| 38 |
Unbreakable (2000, PG-13)
NO STARS. Half of a bad, predictable movie. |
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| 39 |
Lara Croft - Tomb Raider (2001, PG-13)
NO STARS. A waste of a lot of money and time. |
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| 40 |
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999, PG)
NO STARS! |
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| 41 |
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002, PG)
NO STARS |
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| 42 |
Grease (1978, PG)
NO STARS |
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| 43 |
Dumb and Dumber (1994, PG-13)
NO STARS |
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| 44 |
Are We There Yet? (2005, PG)
NO STARS. Insufferable. |
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| 45 |
Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005, R)
NO STARS. Painfully bad, and not funny in the least. |
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| 46 |
Doom (2005, R)
NO STARS. I'll play the game, thanks. |
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| 47 |
The Princess Diaries (2001, G)
NO STARS. I'm guessing Julie's check didn't bounce, seeing as there was a sequel to this drivel. |
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| 48 |
Monster-in-Law (2005, PG-13)
NO STARS. Yes, I saw it. There was nothing else on at the time and I was sick. I didn't know any better. |
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| 49 |
Deliverance (1972, R)
NO STARS. Stupid homophobic piece of shit movie. |
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| 50 |
The Haunting (1999, PG-13)
NO STARS. Pathetic remake. Shite. |
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| 51 |
The Ruins (2008, R)
NO STARS. If you thought 'The Happening' was an intelligent and riveting thriller, perhaps this one can trick you as well. Awful waste of time and money...If I had 1/10th the budget they spent on this I could make a film 1,000 times better. |
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| 52 |
Starship Troopers: Marauder (2008, Unrated)
NO STARS. This gargantuan pile of shit is completely unwatchable. The acting sucks, the effects are a joke, the story is lame, the whole tie-in with religion at the end is reprehensible...do I need to go on? Avoid this like the plague. |
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| 53 |
One Missed Call (2008, PG-13)
NO STARS. Wow. This was a gargantuan disappointment. I really enjoyed Takashi Miike's original film, even though it was done as a joke. This remake IS a joke, and a bad one at that. All the actors sleepwalk through this horrible adaptation which has nary a scare. Go seek out the original and don't waste your time with this pathetic excuse of a remake. |
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| 54 |
Married 2 Malcolm (2000, Unrated)
If it weren't for Mark Addy dolled up in S&M gear a few times in this movie...This headache inducing mess is the kind of film that any filmmaker worth his salt would deconstruct as what NOT to do when making a movie. C'mon Mark, you're so much better than this tripe. |
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| 55 |
10,000 B.C. (2008, PG-13)
NO STARS. Absolutely atrocious and ludicrous crap about...I don't even remember what. I extracted any memory of this pile from my brain after seeing it. Don't waste your time. |
