Crap Movies

I walked out of the theater. I usually love this kind of movie. What another major disappointment for a Stephen King adaptation. Screw this movie. What crap.

For being so hot, this movie was one of the biggest pieces of crap I have ever seen.

They made 4 of these things? Need to add to my crap movies

Nick Cage is gets my vote to replace the Crypt Keeper in any new Tales from the Crypt series. I spent the whole movie trying to figure out why/how he became so freaky looking. After every lame line I expected a shrieking cackle. And this movie was lame, lame, lame. I swear they copied cliched lines from other crappy movies: "This is what I do..." oh very scary. "I didn't kill him because I looked into his eyes and saw...myself." GASP. I am surprised I didn't get a "I've got a bad feeling about this...". This movie was just plain awful. Acting was horrible, plot was horrible, dialogue was horrible...
I used to like Cage, I may have been one of the only people to defend him as Johnny Blaze & I really liked Next. I see that Nick is slated to star in 4-5 movies in 2009. Is he trying to get as many out as possible before his face dissolves?

My God! I got sucked into buying this load of crap. I forgot to check the director EWE BOLL is by far the worst director EVER. Do not watch any movie he has any involvement in. I saw this thing up for the Razzies including most of the major stars Burt Reynolds, LeeLee chickie, Ewe Boll, and the movie itself. How did Jason Stratham get sucked into this porker...and even Hellboy, Ron Perlman? Abosolutely miserable movie...The actual only bright spot as I saw it was Mathew Lillard, you know, SHAGGY, he acted well as the little weasel. Beastmaster from the early 80's had a much better plot, effects, and acting. This would not make the worst of episodes of Xena: Warrior Chick

You conned me again Shamalongadingdong. Got me all excited and turned on with the previews at the theater...Oooh that looks good, Shamalamadingdong is directing it, you know, Sixth Sense guy, movie twist guy. Thanks for pouring ice water on my crotch again with this crap movie. Shove your movies Dingdong! I will never pay to watch youcrap again. Keep your stupid twist endings in your jacked up head and quit making movies. The special effects were barely better than what you would find on the Sci-Fi channel.

...damn John Carpenter. He made a miserable movie from an absolutely fantastic book by John Steakley. Acting was miserable - James Woods & Daniel Baldwin need to be punched in the yambag and never allowed to act again except maybe a guest appearance on 24 or something. Hopefully a scene which results in decapitation. I dare you to name me one John Carpenter movie that is any good.

READ THIS BOOK by John Steakley - ...damn John Carpenter

I was really excited to see this UNTIL I saw M. Night Shamalamadingdong is directing it. The previews for every one of his movies had me excited though...I only liked the Sixth Sense. I liked Unbreakable until the end. Signs??? Aliens Achilles heel is f'n H2O?? Come on. The Village sucked spit. Lady in the Water BAH. I wonder if his wife is disappointed since the first time she showed him her "O" face. Since then he has pushed her almost to the edge...then nothing...Good on the foreplay...PISS poor finisher. Only director worse is Uwe Boll, but at least he doesn't tease you and get you all lathered up before he dishes up a pile of dog crap. Well I finally saw this, not as bad as I thought it would be but not much better. Poor story, poor dialogue...Its netflix or nothing for this one.

Everyone has seen this thing by now so I don't feel bad saying...WATER??? Shamalamalicious must be outhisdamnmind. Aliens that have mastered faster than light space travel done in by water? Or getting trapped in the closet? And people actually think this is plausible even in a fantasy movie? It's laughable that my nephew could hold off the entire invasion with a water weenie! Well you did it again McKnight Shamalamadouchebag(TM). I really enjoyed the first half of the movie, maybe the first 3/4. Then you go and jack it up again. Maybe you could direct the first half of your movies and then hand the reins to a finisher...Like Ron Jeremy or Peter North. At least we would get a happy ending!

This movie is an indepent film (European) about some psycho chick who sleeps with everybody. Chick jumps on every jock that walks by but REALLY loves her boyfriend. You may ask why I bothered to watch this at all - well as it is European there are some sex scenes in there. If you fast forward just to the sex scenes I suppose it is worth 2 stars. I suppose women who are having problems with their feelings would enjoy watching this to see someone more screwed up than you are.

Don't know or care if this movie sends a great message or not. I just can't stand Sean Penn. Spicoli yes, everything else - absolutley not. Also, This movie won Oscars and deals with feelings throughout so I feel that I would hate this movie. Movies that win Oscars that talk about feelings but also have large explosions I can take. Like Lord of the Rings...or Titanic...Forrest Gump & Clint Eastwood movies. Can't think of anything else.

What a lump of crap. I see the so-called super reviewers on this movie don't even know the difference between the new Keanu Reeves movie and this crapfest. OK guys, 2 totally different movies, TWO different titles. Super Reviewer my ass.

This brings you to a whole new level of crap C. Thomas Howell. What happened to your good roles in the Outsiders and Red Dawn? Now all you do is C movies based on blockbusters? War of the Worlds? The Posiedon Adventure? I couldn't make it through the first half hour! What is funny is that enough people like this that someone somewhere felt it warrented a sequel! War of Crappy remakes II.

Kiss it C. Thomas Howell. 'Pologize.

Don't know much what this movie besides it was in some foreigner language. Two teenagers who don't like to leave themselves alone, especially in each others company get to hang out with a sexy older woman Meribel...(ahh who cares what her name is). She ends up giving it up for both kids...which was nice of her. Makes this a coming of age story for someone. The rest of the story went exactly like this BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Any questions?

WTF? Really WTF??? Why do I keep watching these stupid movies Hollywood thinks is fantastic. Hated this movie, thought it was moronic with the slight exception of Brad Pitt who was moderately amusing. I would not have watched it all but I am in FL for work stuck in a freaking hotel and I was too lazy to get up and manually fast forward since I left the damn remote to the portab le DVD player at home...WTF?

Trys to Rip off the original Night of the living dead buts sucks badly.

I don't know which one of you crackheads recommended this big pile o'crap to me but if I find out I will...hmm start rcommending Uwe Boll movies to you! Even if you love kung fu/martial arts movies, I wouldn't recommend this crap to the evil chinese wizard in Big Trouble in Little China or even Dolph Lundgrun in Showdown in Little Tokyo. SUCKS

I can't believe Slater used to be good. Tara Reid (described in the synopsis as a young genius anthropologist with an incredible memory - High Unintentional Comedy) is the worst actress...EVER. Putting these two together has made this Ewe Boll's masterpiece of shit. And Ewe Boll has a long line of crap he has put out there, but this one takes the cake.

Putting Christian Slater AND Tara Reid together?? Abosolute Anti-Genius. This is like Wile E. Coyote walking up to Bugs Bunny's hole in the ground, pushing the buzzer, and introducing himself as Wile E. Coyote, SUPER Genius....by the end of the movie, he introduces himself as MUD (spelled backwards is dum).

P-Uwe Boll is Wile E. Coyote!


HOLY CRAP, Someone made a SEQUEL!

I actually though this would be good - I guess I CAN be wrong once in a while...sucked balls! Best part of this movie is the first five minutes when the Hero arrives to save everyones ass!

Is it possible to give less than 1/2 a star?

I actually bought this movie from Blockbuster on one of those 5 for $20 racks...big mistake. This was my first exposure to the director (and I use that term very loosely) That is P_Uwe Boll. If you in anyway found this movie entertaining...well, I don't know what as I believe it is impossible.

HA - I read a real critics review on this versus Alone in the Dark: Saying Alone in the dark is better than House of the Dead is like saying Syphalis is better than HIV.

Does anyone even remember watching this?

Mildly amusing, mainly sick Gross out jokes that made you shake your head and think "did they just go to showing a guy peeing out of a straw?" Oh Yes, they went there.

This Trevor Moore guy tries to channel Jim Carrey as Ace Venture and really doesn't pull it off. Horsedick.mpeg is kinda funny just for the absurdity.

final verdict, you can do with out this.