Most Stupid Characters

Freddy Kreuger has to be the most un-scary thing ever to hit horror-movies. I mean, the guy can teleport, he can make himself come through walls, objects and do all these kinds of cool things. But once he gets near Nancy, he just flails his arms and the most damage he could do was scratch her on her cheek. That is soooooo scary..... NOT!!!

I hate this movie so much, I hate John Carpenter. I hate Kurt Russel's character so much I can't watch Kurt in ANY movie anymore without thinking about MacReady and wanting Kurt Russel to get off the screen or his character getting hit by lightning and dying on the spot. It really is that bad. I get so mad when I think about how this movie was handled!

*****SPOILER WARNING****

So 12 men are trapped in Antarctica with a thing-monster that spills some DNA and, oops, suddenly somebody is infected and then they randomly turn into a monster to make the few outstanding special effects this movie has to offer.

So the OBVIOUS thing would be sticking together at all times, always keeping the flamethrowers with you and make sure nothing gets contaminated?
Not these guys.

The problem is, I LIKED the characters (except for Macready and Garry), they all seemed really interesting with good qualitys. Especially Windows and Nauls are my favorite because they seemed like very caring and fun to be with persons, my third favorite is Palmer because he is just too cool.
The rest of the characters are hard to find things to like about, because they are not given much personality. Childs seemed to be a cool character, but he rarely gets any lines and he dosen't do much. In the original script for the movie (which I've read), he is a COMPLEYELY different person.

Anyway, just leave it at that I liked the characters and want them to survive.
Except for Macready and Garry. Garry is so ¤%#¤% stupid, he shoots a Norwegian dead.

The movie starts off with "a thing" clone kills almost all the dogs, the monster gets burned and people go back to normal, but they agree to always stay together. (which is, surprisingly, Macreadys suggestion)

The first thing they do is starting to leave characters by themselves. DUH!
Bennings and Windows leaves a body they found at a camp in a shed and Windows leaves, leaving Bennings alone. He gets instantly "copied" and becomes a monster. Windows discovers him and gets Macready and the others.
The monster hasn't completely copied Bennings, so they start burning him.

The scene cuts to Macready getting some more gasoline and some more flamethrowers, because he loves frying people (ironi).
Garry comes in and tells him that he and Bennings have been best friends for 10 years (which you could NEVER guess, because you only see them together when they play some cardgame for a couple of seconds, and you can only tell Garry is by the table if you want to notice)
Macready says they have to burn the monster - what does Garry do?
NOTHING!!!!
He just kind of accept they will burn his friend!!!
That is so stupid and unrealistic, it also makes me angry with John Carpenter. Would he REALLY not care about his best friend dying this way?
So they just burn Bennings and he is never mentioned again for the remainder of the movie.

Then I don't remember in which order things happen, but they discuss a blood test on how to find out people are this thing.
Now here is a mayor plot hole.
Later in the movie Palmer is discovered to be the monster, but they don't show where he is, he dosen't do much things, he has 2 small arguments with Windows, that's about it.
Anyway, they have another group discussion and they discover the blood has been contaminated and the blood test can't be done.
Windows runs away in fear.
Now here it proves just how bad John Carpenter is at character development. If you've watched "other movies with Windows actor, you know Thomas Waites can act. In one movie, his character panics, sits in a corner with a gun and cries.
Carpenter was obviously inspiried by this, Winows runs away, grabs a gun and refuses to put it down. They just randomly talks him out of it and he puts the gun on the floor.
No crying, because John Carpenter don't want to show men crying, so Windows just stands there quiet until they leave.

Many clues are left that indicates that Macready is the monster, but of course Macready can't die, because John Carpenter loves him, so anytime anybody accuses Macready, it is instantly forgotten.

Nauls and Macready goes to Macreadys apartment, Nauls cuts him off and gets back. Of course Macready gets back safe, because WHY would the monster hurt Kurt Russel???
Anyway, big argument, Macready threathens to blow himself up and the others with dynamite.
Norris gets a heartattack, they take him to the infimary.
In the infirmary, Clark gets suspicious of Macready and tries stabbing him with a knife, macready shoots and kills him!!!
The famous "doctors arms get decapitated" scene happens, monster scene, then they burn Norris.
When he died, the first time I saw the movie, I cried so much I had to leave the room. Nobody in the movie cares though.

Oh yeah, Fuchs randomly commits suicide because HE IS LEFT ALONE!!!
Do I need to stress this enough???
And nobody cares.
And Blair is locked up in a shed, so of course he is a monster now.

Then they find out that they can do the blood test by cutting their fingers and get fresh blood. Palmer turns into the monster and attacks Windows.
Palmer dies because Macready kills him, then Windows starts turning into the thing and Macready kills him too.
That's three people!!!
Then they find out Clark wasn't a monster, but still human, so Macready murdered him and Clark was innocent.
But who cares? Because it's Kurt Russel!!!!

Anyway, then they decide to burn the whole camp down, because the monster don't like heat. Of course Macreadys idea.
And what do they do?
They are now 4 people left, of course THEY LEAVE CHILDS BEHIND!!!!!!!!!
***headesk x56 times!!***

Nauls, Garry and Macready goes to the shed, Blair is gone and they find a hole and go down. Blair-monster has started to repair its spaceship. How the hell did he do this in 1-2 days???
Where did it get the parts???
How did the UFO get there???
Anyway, guess what?
The men SEPEREATE.... walks DIFFERENT PATHS... and Blair kills Garry. What happens to Nauls is never shown, I guess Carpenter wanted to avoid racism, because nothing monster-like happen to the black men.

Anyway, of course Nauls and Garry die, but MACREADY, Kurt Russel, survives!!!
Then you expect a nice monster-scene for the ending because now you know Blair is the monster.
Well, the animation couldn't be done, so we see 4 seconds of Blair-monster, Macready says "go to hell" and blasts the monster to pieces.
Then Childs shows up, they talk.
The End.

This movie is just horrible, I only like the special effects, but the movie is so stupid I can't watch it.

Wow, watching this movie I was glad that I wasn't as stupid as the characters!!!

***SPOILER WARNING****

So we have 6 random people who decides to take a yacht out on the open sea. One guy forces his panicking girl into the water and she freaks out, then for some reason, EVERYBODY else also jumps into the water and the biggest problem these idiots face:
It's too high to get back up on the boat! What do we do now?

At this point I felt like smashing my head agasint the wall, but these characters prove to be even dumber.
First of all, they do not try to climb on top of each other to reach up to the boat.
Surely if 5 got into a group and one of them climbed on top of them she could jump onto the boat?
But guess what - they never try!
They make some random stupid attempts to get up on the boat, like tieing stuff together, but too bad, the guy slipped down when he was just about to get onto the boat. I guess if somebody LIGHTER would have tried she wouldn't have fallen down. *shakes head*

Anyway, then they are even more stupid.
The cell-phones in one of the guys pockets are calling and they desperately try to get it down.
You just know that they will, in some annoying way, break the phone by getting it wet... and they do!!!
As soon as the phone is down, everybody starts smashing and trying to grab the phone from the guy who has it and they end up getting it wet.
HELLO?????
The one of the guy confesses he never told anybody where they were going, so nobody knows where they are. *sigh*

Believe it or not, it gets dumber.
For some reason one of the guys take a knife and should do... something, under the boat. When he runs out of breath, he panicks and manages to bump his head on the boat so hard gets brainbleed.
For some reason though, he manages to swim up to the surface and stay afloat for another 30 minutes of the movies.

You could never guess this, but the most stupid part is yet to come.
Some guy gets mad because they don't get onto the boat, so he starts to hit the boat with the knife, in attempt to climb up by having the knife stuck onto it.
This is the smartest move yet, but you could never ever guess what another guy does.
He gets angry with the smart guy, attempts to get the knife from him... AND STABS HIM IN THE CHEST!!!!!
So the guy dies after he bleeds to death.

Only 2 people survives this ordeal, which dosen't surprise me because of how stupid the character were.
So how do the last two characters get onto the boat?
The guy breaks some glass, stabs it onto the side of the boat and then holds his hands onto the glass and the girl climbs on top of him....
Not only is that extremely unrealistic, but why didn't they try this BEFORE?

Now this wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the most stupid reason... one of the girls have BABY on board, so when everybody jumps into the water to save her... THEY LEAVE THE BABY UNATTENDED ON THE BOAT!!!!
AND THEY CAN'T GET UP TO IT!!!!
*headdesk 37483 times*

The characters are so %&#%&"# stupid, you are going to a island filled with dinosaurs, who the %&#%&"# starts yelling in a megaphone?!
ARGH!!
And guess who was yelling in the megaphone?
Tea Leoni!
How she gets emplyed is a mystery to me...

And a 12 year old kid survives on the island alone, while several adults get killed off in second? Unrealistic.

Yes, I've watched this boredom from start to end and honestly wasn't as shocking as I expected from other reviews, which honestly dissapointed me.
The animal cruelty was totally uncalled for, it served no purpose and nothing you want to see.
It's most saddening that the animals had to die and the movie was bloody awful!
Also the cruelty towards women just made me angry.


***SPOILER WARNING****
There are many problems with this movie.
First of all, the reactions of people seem very limited and unrealistic.
The fact that some random people in an audience watches this "real tape" of people and animals being brutally killed and not reacting, just discussing "Oh, let's keep this part" was just disturbing.
As the story goes, some idiots take a videocamera to make a movie about cannibals, but then randomly decides to rape a woman, burn the village and then wonder "Hm, WHY would the cannibals want to kill us now?"
I seriously couldn't believe it!
And while making this "what they filmed", they stage animal cruelty in ways that makes you so angry.
The worst part, without a doubt, being the only female idiot, a spider has been placed on her shoulder and the guys should save her. So they poke the spider away with a stick and then kill it. It is obvious the spider was placed there on purpose.
It also seems to me that the actors enjoy killing animals, because they take a turtle out of the water and proceed to chop it to death by cutting off its heads & legs, then crack open the shell and show the intestines to the audience. Then they grill and eat it.
It amazes me that the director was brought to court because they fault he killed the actors, and not because of animal cruelty.

As for the movie itself, if you were to exclude the rape, sex and animal cruelty scenes, it just dosen't have much to offer.
The effects are very poor and are so obviously staged that it makes you snort at the thought that somebody honestly thought the actors were killed for real.
The idiots as I call them, they deliberetly piss off the cannibals, so you feel no sympathy for them when they die. You would actually cheer for the cannibals if it weren't for the fact that they are so cruel towards their own women.

I also MUST criticize the worst dubbing in history.
The footage of the idiots in the jungle have no sound, so the voices have been dubbed.
The voices are terrible. Especielly the girl-idiot annoyed me.
"LOOOK. A SNAKE....... LOOK OUT. NOW. GUYS... GET ON....THE BOAT. HELP."
Even the mother in Troll 2 acted better!
The dubbing really annoys you to the point that the movie becomes painful to listen to.

As I mentioned earlier, when the footage of the people who filmed the cannibals is found, some company wants to make a documentary about it. The unrealistic reaction makes you too not care about the idiots.
The acting is just so terrible!

This movie is just for brags, because if you have told anybody "I've seen Cannibal Holocaust", they're gonna think you are supercool because you have seen the most disturbing movie in history, but in reality, this movie is so f---ing bad you wish you hadn't because it is just terrible, not scary.

If I could only use ONE word except stupid, slow, unrealistic, crap-acting, crap-story... it would be pointless.
This movie was based on real events, but I don't think this movie did that story any justice AT ALL.

First of all, I want to warn people who are animal lovers and against animal cruelty to NOT see this movie, there is a very graphic scene were a lamb is being cut in a slaughterhouse.

***SPOILER WARNING**

So the story goes, two people, a guy and a girl, meet on the internet. He advertises he wants a girlfriend who is ready to do the "ultimate sacrifice for love" and of course a seemingly normal girl will think "Wow, this is totally my guy!"
Anyway, the movie is told in such a way that the girl (Noelle), is in a hospital and tells the story... sloooooooooooowly... to two detectives.
The movie consists of the same flashbacks over and over, minimal dialogue (which actually was a plus, because the actors were terrible) and a special effects that makes the movie look old with "white stripes" running across the scene in all the "memories of good times". Nice at first, but got old quickly. Just like the music, only the music was painful.

The problem with this movie is that you don't get to know the characters, the guy (who I don't remember what his name was) and Noelle, they are just two random people with very little background. Obviously the guy is very disturbed and has a vision of life that also is disturbed, but Ulli (the director) uses biblical references through-out the movie to "excuse" the cannibalism.
We don't ever get to know why he believes in the idea that cannibalism is the ultimate act of love, the way he convinces Noelle was also totally unbelievable and unrealistic.
The conversation goes something like this.
Guy: I want you to prove you love me.
Noelle: OK... um, is there a better way then saying I love you?
Guy whispers in her ear: I want you to eat my heart.
Noelle, suprised: Uh... what?
Guy: I want you to eat my heart, blah blah, that is the ultimate sacrifice.
Noelle: Uh... that's weird...
Guy: Nah, it ain't weird.
Noelle: OK, but um... I don't like the idea.
...
that's about it. Then she agrees to cut out his intestines and heart and eat it.
You just don't think "Oh well, I love him, I'll just eat his heart and we both will be happy!", if a guy who claimed loved me whispered in my ear he wanted to eat my heart, I would NEVER talk to him again. EVER.
The movie "hides" how the guy convinces her to truly go through with it with the limited dialogue, and not giving her any dialogue seems like she thinks it's alright to just cut somebody's heart out and grill it.
Come on, where is this girls family?
Dad we know is dead (or rather, we get to know that late in the movie), but what happened to mom?
Why was this girl allowed to meet with this obviously disturbed man without anybody noticing it?
I would think that a normal girl would show a complete change of personality that would alert her family.

I was also extremely annoyed that (told in text, like most things), Noelle is arrested, but not because she "only" cut of a guys head or ate his heart and intestines, she is not convicted because of cannibalism, but because she killed somebody for sexual desire.
I can understand this completely left out of dialogue - who in their right mind would put a cannibal amongst other criminals?!
Yes, she cuts his head off, she eats his intestines, but for some stupid reasons he is put in the same cell as some other girls who I don't know why they are there.
There's a reason Hannibal Lector wears a mask...

Anyway, while in prison, guys mom shows up and makes a deal with one of the in-mates to... and these are the exact words... "Get rid of her problem, Noelle."
So inmate is offered money, she and some other girls beat Noelle almost to death, and she is barely concious. She dies from her injuries later on after telling her story why... no wait, she just said what she did, and she did it out of "love".
The male detective is such a typical anti-woman that I got a headache from his attitude, the female detective says she really believes the girl really did what she did out of love, and you know, even if you don't believe in the act yourself, you can have an understanding why somebody else would do it.
The guy totally becomes an a-- about it, the female detective asks if he ever loved somebody, and he says "She really got you in her game.... typically women."
I felt the whole discussion was unneccessary and demeaning towards women.

So what was the motives of eating one another?
The guy seemed like a normal, decent guy with a loving mother he spends time with talking too.
Noelle?
She couldn't get over her dad dying from a disease, appareantly a letter written from him to her that "she should do anythign for the dream guy" means: EAT HIM!

If a much better director would have done this movie, I think this movie would have been excellent. Here it's just a mess. It's painfully boring and unrealistic.

Another problem with this movie is the pace. It takes FOREVER for them to actually get to the warehouse, and almost no dialogue was spoken... but honestly, the acting was so painfully bad I didn't mind it being quiet.
Flashbacks, memories, annoying music, flashbacks, memmories, first flashback, one dialogue from the hospital, same flashback again and then some random footage of some ducks. Then it starts over again, but this time, footage of some wave in the water. That's it.
It also annoyed me heavily that she cuts the guys' head of, puts his heart and intestines on the grill, then she goes on a scooter and walks around for what seemes forever until FINALLY the "daddy" reads a letter and she heads back... only to turn the heart and intestines over and go for another pointless walk. *headdesk!*

It's very obvious that Ulli Lommel who I guess wrote this mess has no understanding of how cannibals think, and how a normal person would feel about somebody telling you to eat their heart. It is so wrong on so many levels, but he makes it seems that it's OK and you should just accept it.
The constant "excuses" as I call them, that are used to try to understand a cannibal, were in my oppinion used in the wrong way. We don't ever get the understanding why eating somebody's heart is the true act of love, why did this guy believe it and how could his mom simply be oblivious to the fact that her son wanted to be killed by his lover?
For a good example, I watched a movie called "The plane fought back" that was about the people who died in the last plane that would have been delibilatery crashed into the Pentagon, but was "saved" because the passangers fought back. Instead of the movie making the Al Quaida members into bad-guys, they were treated with a proper explanation as to why they would do such a thing, what they believed in and what drove them to such a thing. That didn't make you feel sympathy for the Al Quaida, but it gave you a feeling of understanding why they would do such a thing.
this movie, to work, needed the same respect, but never got it, instead it was filled with endless excuses, like Jesus was a cannibal. There was something he said "Drink my blood and eat my flesh and something something you will be one of me". I don't think that was his way of saying "Eating people is good! You will be one with your lover if you eat them! Bon Appetite!"
Honestly, I don't understand why a cannibal can bring him/herself to do such a thing, that is why I watched this movie, but even though I haven't read about cannibalism I can still see through how this movie dosen't give an accurate view.

I would recommend you to avoid this movie, you don't learn anything about cannibalism, the movie isn't scary and there story is so shallow you will fight sleepiness to follow it.

Just one question that will tell you how bad this movie really is: If you know that a killer-swarm is coming to town, why do you need the mayors permission to warn people? Why not just warn everbody to get out.

I'm pretty sure the panic would make people run....

Overall, the acting was bad and the movie was really boring. It wasn't Ulli Lommel awful, but it was way too predictable for my liking.
The reason I don't like is because how stupid the characters, as mentioned above.
Also, why dosen't the mayor think the main characters are crazy who tells him there are genetically modified wasps killing people? That would kind of make me think "WTF?".

Unfortunately, it's not one of those "so bad they are funny" movies.
The acting isn't that bad, it's just annoyingly bad.

What I did find funny was how SLOW the characters were and making up excuses to be even dumber.
So they find out a whole group of people have died in a camp, but instead of going to the nearest town calling for help (in their perfectly working car), they just walk around and look at the dead bodies!!!
hello???
And then they constantly make up excuses as to why not take their perfectly working car and go to another town!
Then, like 10-15 minuter later, they get the brilliant idea to take the car elsewhere because the mosquito's might come back.
They W-A-L-K S-L-O-W-L-Y to the car.
And then they think their own car isn't good enough, so they get another one, which they also walk to!
Do these people have a death wish or what???
But then when they hear the sound of the mosquito's, 20-30 minutes after first discovering people have been dead, then they suddenly try getting away in a hurry!
*headdesk*

I don't know if these people were more stupid than in "Open Water 2" or not.

UH!!! I've tried to watch this movie several times now, but I get such a headache from the stupid everything in this movie! Dad gets new wife, teenage daughter hates her (how typical) and there's a son who is 10 I think. Dad is working, so new mommy (Amy) decides to take the kids on a safari trip. Well, son (David) needs to take a dump, so he and the guide gets out of the car so he can do it in some bushes. COME ON!!!! Go to the frikkin' bathroom before going on a safari!!! take a dump by the car!!!
Anyway, the guide gets slaughtered by a lion and the wife and kids tries to survive in the car.
It's basically "Cujo in Africa".

Unrealistic, BORING and there's no suspension. You know they're going to make it and all they do is whine and complain about the situation. I gave up on the movie when 'new wife' gets the keys and manages to wreck the car. Stupid!

This movie was so unintentionally funny!
I was laughing so hard, especially this:
"They are eating her... they are going to eat me... oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!"

This movie is terrible in every way possible, the funniest thing must be that the movie is truly taking itself seriously!!

The mother actor was soooo terrible, she looks like a psychopath and talks like one!
"GO TO BED. I LOVE YOU. GOOD NIGHT."

I was seriously crying and screaming with laughter while watching this, this movie was just SO terrible!

****SPOILER WARNING***

The funniest thing about this movie, besides it tries to be serious, is that the movie is aimed at 13+, but the story seemed more like a Disney movie.
Kid sees dead grandfathers ghost, the ghost tells him to beware of Goblins. Then family moves to a town called... NILBOG.
Hm, hm, hm, what is Nilbog backwards?
Oh my god! It's Goblin!!!
It actually takes a good 20 minutes before the youngest in the family actually discovers this.

The story just gets dumber and dumber, in the town Nilbog lives Goblins that are disguised as humans and they hate meat, so they transform people into vegetables and eats them. XD
The town-meeting seriously made me laugh unstoppably for 5 minutes.
Mayor: We hate meat!
Uninterested towns people: .........yeah...
Mayor: And we hate hot dogs!!!
Uninterested towns people: ...........yuck.
Mayoer: And we hate hamburgers!!!!
Uninterested towns people: ................ew.
I was laughing so much I was laughing through the whole part when things got suspensful (if you can even call it that!)

The plot gets EVEN DUMBER.
There's a witch in town and she transform people into trees. (???!!!)
So she transforms a guy into a tree, so scary. XD
The dumbest thing is that the witch seduces another teenage guy, and while doing it, she tempts him to eat a corn and says "We are going to get hot!"
What do you know, when they get "hot" popcorns starts flying!!

Ending is the stupidest. Grandfathers ghost appears and tells them "The only thing that can defeat Goblins is the power of happiness!", so the family touches a rock and think happy thoughts and the goblins die!!

The masks of the Goblins are ugly, but there is one of them that made me scream and cry with laughter. The son in the family has a nightmare that his family has turned into goblins. The dad and mom has ugly masks... but OH MY GOD!!! The sisters mask is beyond words!!!!
And because of the low-budget, that mask returns several times in the movie.

I was thinking of what movie to put next on my "10 worst movies of all times", and honestly, I didn't expect this one to land there.
This is one of the most stupid movies I have ever seen, I'm seriously concidering if these characters were more stupid than the ones in "The thing"!

***SPOILER WARNING***

So we have Mr Perfect Daddy of the year, mr Farmer... and he is a farmer! *rolls eyes*
He is an ex-military space whatever, he was excused from the job, probably because NASA already realized what a maniac they were dealing with.

Anyway, Farmer has a perfect daddy dream, not the usual like making your family sucessful, living in a nice home, getting the dreamjob or going on a vacation around the world.
His dream is to build his own little rocket, launch it into space - and that's it.

Unfortunately for mr perfect Daddy, >his< perfect daddy killed himself because he couldn't make his dream come true (whatever that was), because the mean goverment decided to stop him. So he put a gun against his head and shot himself, leaving his wife and kids. And perfect daddy tells his air-headed wife the bullet is still going and heading his way, but she dosen't get the hint.

Anyways, Mr perfect daddy has a perfect little family, a wife Aubrey, their son Shepherd (the name is a reference to farming stuff, but it's a nice name still) who is 15 and a set of twin girls who look 6, who has the worst name combination in the world: Stanley and Sunshine
I thought they were joking when they called one of the girls "sunshine", I thought it was something instead of calling them "Darling". Yikes!
I don't know what was worst though, Stanley or Sunshine. Terrrrible names.
They could have named them Uniqueaella and Harry, wouldn't have made a difference!

The wife is an airhead and her purpose in life is saying "Yes hunny!" to anything that perfect daddy desires. Even though in reality she hates the rocket, she just brushes it off.
He even looses his weddingring in the rocket, she throws a fit about it, but he dosen't even bother looking for it. Because he is perfect daddy!

The son has no friends and loves the idea of daddy going to space. He never says no and does as he is told. Perfect daddy has a perfect son - convenient.

The two girls excist to promote people to name their kids badly.

Also, the mommy has a daddy, so that will be grandpa, who only has one purpose in this movie: Telling perfect daddy what a perfect daddy he is.

Back to the story. Perfect Daddy has decided he IS going to space, so he puts all of the familys money towards building a rocket from scraps from a "rocket yard" with stuff that NASA obviously didn't need anymore, you know, like a full-working engine and parts to make a perfect rocket and capsule.

They family is 600.000 $ in debt, but the wife is oblivious to this because perfect daddy handles and spends all the money on his rocket to persue his dream.
Who cares about sending the kids to collage when you can be in space for 2 days?
One day, daddy's "mean" friend at the bank decides they aren't going to give him anymore cash (because you know, he is a risk for not paying back), so perfect daddy throws a tantrum and smashes a brick in to the window of the bank where his "mean" friend is working.
The police is summoned and they both go to court to settle things.

The judge tells daddy to apologize to the bank and then everything is fine. I mean, he just broke a window, of course he dosen't need to pay for it since he owes the bank 600,000 $ already!!
The judge decides that daddy should see a shrink, because he thinks he is nuts.
Daddy character throws a tantrum there too and then walks away, so shrink let's it go.
Good thing temper tantrums works when you are over 40!

Oh, and while he is in debt with 600,000$, what is the most important thing to buy for your family?
A CAROUSEL!!!
Where the ¤"#¤ did he get the money???
I'm starting to think this guy lays golden eggs or something, because honestly, neither mom or dad seems to WORK!

So let's talk about >where< he plans to build this rocket.
They have a little house in the middle of nowhere and have a little wooden barn beside the house.
Yes, he is going to build a rocket inside the barn, a barn that is, what, 200 meters away from the house?

At this point I was feeling extreme headache and nasious, but believe me, it gets a LOT worse.

Daddy needs permission from the evil government to launch the rocket, and you know, all the "meanies" in this movie was thinking the same thing I did: This guy is nuts, but him in restrains or shoot him!
He gets newspress to promote his rocket launching and FBI shows up to inspect the rocket, because what he is doing is illegal and dangerous to others.
But this movie has one theme: Perfect daddy has a dream, and you should do whatever you can to fulfill that dream!

The government has a meeting with perfect daddy to discuss the permission to launch the rocket.
They ask him an important question, "How do we know you aren't building a missile?"
His perfect daddy answer: "If I was building one, you wouldn't know about it."
That right there and then would have made him locked up if I was judging this thing!

So they say no, but perfect daddy dosen't give a !#¤"!, so he takes his kids out of school to stay home for one month and work on this rocket - whaaaaaat?
What could they possibly contribute?
Especially the 6 year old girls!
Mommy throws a fit, but gives into daddy's perfect charms and let's the kids stay out of school. *headdesk*

The government dosen't like that daddy dosen't stop, so they freeze the family's bank account. Now airhead wife realizes that the family is in big debt when her credit cards don't work at the store.
For the first time, she gets really mad and screams and yells at perfect daddy for not telling her about the debt and that they will have no food.
Well, perfect daddy has one of his temper tantrums and airhead mommy forgives him.
I mean, he's just destroying their lifes to fulfill one stupid dream, not so bad, eh?

Anyway, one day perfect daddy just randomly decides to go up into space, so he starts the rocket and, whoops, two things.
1: The blast makes all the windows of the house shatter and his wife was standing right next to them. She could have been killed!
2: The rocket fails to launch, and seconds whoops, it tilts.
Now the weird and most stupid thing of the movie happens. For some WEIRD reason the rocker dosen't blow up, instead it shoots the capsule perfect daddy is sitting in and it shoots out of the rocket in like 500 mph... heading straight for a fair filled with people!
But magically, not only do they see this capsule in time, EVERYBODY jumps out of sight in perfect time so that nobody gets burned or hurt, though magically you see the whole fair destroyed. Come on!

Perfect daddy crashes several miles away, but it takes airhead wife just 5 minutes to drive there just in time to take her #"¤#"¤head husband to hospital.
I was actually kind of hoping for him to die, I mean, he could have killed both his family and a lot of innocent people!
Come on, if that rocket had tilted the wrong way, the capsule would have shoot straight through the house!

At the hospital things look good, he has... "Severe headtrauma, 6 broken ribs, mulitble facial lacerations" and the rest I don't remember, because I was just enjoying the fact that the idiot was seriously hurt.
When airhead wife asks how serious, the doctor says "You should be glad he is still alive".

While wife and kids bawl their eyes out, I'm sitting in a cozy armchair grinning from one ear to the other, finally the idiot is going down - what a great ending!

But nooo, not only does he fully recover - despite of "severe" headtrauma - within a week he is up walking with only need of one crutch. So he is back to - rebuilding his rocket!!! *headdesk*
But boohoo, they don't have enough money, so they can't - HAHA.

Then randomly grandpa just dies - he just falls asleep on the coach and never wakes up again. Come on, the guy wasn't even coughing - how could he just fall asleep and die? Ruptured artery in the brain?!

Conviniently, grandpa leaves an insane amount of cash behind - enough money to both cover the bank-debts AND for airhead wife to give her husband money enough to buy a new rocket!!!
What, was he just sitting on millions of dollars and didn't even bother to help them with the debt???
I also love how the wife shows perfect daddy the cash, she has put millions of dollars in - a paper bag!

So daddy is back to persue his dream, so he rebuilds the rocket within a couple of days (if he magically builds the rocket so fast, why did it take him so long the first time??)
Oh, and he does this aaaaalll by himself and the help of his family.

And when the rocket launches, the only person who is the techincian is... *drumroll*.... the 15 year old son!
And of course perfect daddy goes to space, finds his wedding ring and then come back to earth perfectly safe and the movie ends before they realize they've got no money left because they spent it all on the stupid rocket!!

UH!

The first list this one ended up on was "Most stupid characters", because the characters were beyond pathetic.
The bear killing effects were also pitiful, it's way too obvious that the bear just plays or is told to shake it's paws.
The acting was awful and I didn't care about any of the characters.

It's unfortunate that I can't read the book that this was based upon, because I think they changed the most important thing of the story.

***SPOILER WARNING***

In the book, the teenagers accidently run over a little boy, which changes the whole thing dramatically.
However, in this poor attempt at a horror movie, they switch the boy with some man and then some crazy fisherman hunts down the teenagers one year later.
It's the usual "pretty characters last longer", so you predict who will surive right away.

Another problem with this movie is just how stupid the killing is. It's like all the people except for the teenagers are completely stupid, deaf and blind, because the killer kills the teenagers just some meters away from them and they don't even notice!
The dumbest moment being in the alley where the killer kills the blond girl, an orchestra is walking just a few meters away. Come on, even if they would be drumming really hard they could still have heard that screaming easily!
By the way, the killer himself seems stupid, deaf and blind because he can't even kill the last two.

They also tried for a "shock ending" that was very predictable, the ending scene also lasted way too long.

Oh god. This movie sucks sooooo bad. I can't believe I used to watch this a lot as a kid and thinking the characters were so smart. -_-
I couldn't even stand watching the whole movie, but here goes...

***SPOILER WARNING***

OK, so Hammond has a second island filled with dinos and no fences (which dosen't work with the first movie - why didn't Nedry just send the people to that island and get specimens?), and for some unknown reason Ian Malcolm, who Hammond hated, is going on an expedition to that island to "save"/help/talk his wife back to coming home. Whatever.
She, a photographer and a fat guy is on her team. And there's the "meany" company InGen, who wants to capture dinosaurs and keep them in a petting zoo.

The most obvious thing with this movie is just how god damned stupid it is. The characters are beyond "most stupid people of the year award" dumb.
First of all, Ian's wife, Sarah, goes to the island alone to photograph some dinosaurs.
She walks all alone in the forest without a single weapon in hand, because magically, not a single carnivour is walking by. Her only way of defending herself is her charms and her expensive camera.
On the other hand, the three guys, looking for her, carries one hell of a gun.

So Miss Smart Sarah decides to photograph some Stegosaures that are passing by, including a baby.
She borrows Nick, one of the guys, camera, which she obviously never have used before.
The baby dinosaur wallks up to her, but when the camera starts making noises she baby gets spooked and mamma dinosaur tries to kill Sarah.
Of course Sarah crawls in a log and survives without a single scratch.
They also never even try to shoot the dinoasurs for some weird reason, so that we should feel sorry for Sarah.

Oh, and let's not forget Ians daughter (adopter I assume) that sneaks into one of the cars so that she can join him on the island. What for?
Because Speilberg loves kids and wants her to fight some velociraptors by doing some gymnastics moves. -_-
If this would have been Jaws 5, I would have referred her as "Sharkbait".
So basically, here she is dinobait.

Anyway, when Ian gets everyone back to the cars and find dinobait, they discover the evil InGen that hunts dinosaurs and keeps them in cages.
Being the good samaritans they are, they decide to free them from the cages.
The dinosaur basically destroys the camp without magically hurting a single person, so that the good gang can't be accused of anything.

Nick decides to be an even gooder samaritan, he finds a T-Rex baby which has broken its leg. Nick carries it to the good gangs car because Sarah should treat it.
HELLO????????????????
It's like ringing the dinner bell for the T-rexes, who obviously, gets there and bumps the car with their heads.


Now the characters back in the car are even more stupid. (if that was possible)
They take the baby outside and let it get back to its parents.
BRILLIANT!
Obviously, now that their baby is out of the car, the dinos can destroy the car all they want without risking the babys safety.
So the t-rexes pushes the car over a cliff, but because there are two carts, one hangs on top of the cliff to give enough time for the good characters to get back up. (as if I was wishing for that)
A long unneeded scene, oh, and Sarah falls onto a glass floor which will break any second, making her fall to her death. Boo-f***-ning-Hoo.
Of course they survive, but the only decent character, the fat guy, comes back to save them. He saves their lives and the t-rexes kills him. Convinient.

This is the kind of movie, just like all else: Oh no, the ugly character fell into the water, suddenly the monster gains superpowers and eats him!

The acting was below abysmal. The main guy acted drunk (!) when he wasn't. I'm sure he was supposed to act like normal, but he looked and talked like he was completely smashed!

The love story was sooooo plastic, even worse than Barbie and Ken. Woman reads a boy's "I lost my dog note", basically asks "You got a brother?", kid says "yeah" and she goes over to his house and she and the big brother falls in love. X_X
Ewww?

*****SPOILER WARNING*****

I also need to add this to "Most stupid character" list.
A female scientist is shown keeping an eye on a room where they are raising 2 killer dinocrocs.
One of the crocs kill the other and she see's that through the camera.
What does she do?
Of course she yells to the other croc to stop (!), then she opens the door (!!) allowing the croc to escape, then she walks into the room and waits for it to eat her, her only weapon is just an electrocuter. It would be one thing if it was on a long stick, but it's about the size of her hand. (!!) So the croc kills her. Then the janitor finds her, but because the door was open the whole time, the croc escaped into the wilderness. (!!!)

Oh, and I need to mention.......... THE KID DIED.
When the "drunk actor" brother finds out, it looks like he has worst case diarrea.... the acting is sooooo bad!

Strangely enough, this movie had an AWESOME soundtrack.
The music was truly haunting and should have been used in a vampire movie.
It's so sad it was used for such an awful movie.

A bunch of teens, 5 in a speeding car, hits a woman that kills her instantly and NOBODY NOTICES???????????????
"Did you hit an animal?"
"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh....."
"Okay, let's partay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Acting was abysmal, especially the annoying teens.
Oh wow.
I heard the budget for this movie was 4 million dollars (!), I guess they had to bribe people to star in this awful movie. because the snake effects had a budget of 300 bux... at the most.

The acting was so appaling I was laughing more than I felt sorry about the stupid characters.
If I ever make a "10 top most stupid characters", this will be number 1 without a doubt.

***** SPOILER WARNING *****

Okay, so we have a supereel which is hiding in the waters. Several stupid characters don't even notice it first, so you can understand why they die when it comes up on land.
But then they figure out that the eel IS in the waters, so of course... they make every attempt to be close to the water. *headdesk!*

The most stupid attempt is a woman and a man that feels flirty. They take a boat out in the lake and sits there making out.
"Surprisingly", the eel comes.
Okay, if that wasn't stupid enough, here comes a fat guy and runs into the water.
He asks "Hey guys, whatcha doing??"
They tell him, "it's here, it's in the water".
Yeah, they ALL know about the eel, yet they all go out in the water.
He has a "Gaby Hoffman ala Volcano" moment, he just stands there shouting "Oh my goood, it's here? Eeeeek! What should I do??? Eeeek!"
My jaw literally dropped to the floor.

The animal control guy was soooooo annoying with his pitiful attempts at acting cool. Every single time he opened his mouth he added some smarta-- comment so that he would sound cooler.
EVERY SINGLE TIME!

The eel was so stupid, the characters are running IN FRONT of it, yet it slithers from side to side which slows it down.
Why wouldn't that eel easily outrun a human, even if it slithers?
And when "mr Cool Animal control dude" stands in the water, why does it raise it's head above water and not attack the guy UNDER the water?
Stupid eel.
And "mr animal control dude" wrestles with the Eel, when the same eel could easily kill 20 other people without them being able to get out of its grip???

Th eeel also looked kinda funny. There was just something about it that made it look so... not scary.
It almost seemed kind of cute, which is what I guess the animators wasn't aiming for.

The ending was sooo stupid. Oh yeah, kill mama eel, here comes angry offspring for a sequel.
Why didn't they like... attack BEFORE??????????
Seriously lazy animators, I don't believe for a second the offsprings grew 20 feet in 30 seconds, they just took mama eels model!

Anyway, the movie was obviously not taking itself seriously by making the eel BURP when it eats the explosives. O_o

This movie wouldn't be so bad, if it was not for the fact that all the characters are so ¤"#!"#&% stupid!
So everybody knows there's a killer croc in the water... then WHY do they get so surprised when they hear something in the water?
Especially the scene where a girl got a puppy, she sits on the floor in a hut above water and says "The dog is barking, but I don't know why."
The sister, outside, says "It probably is just a crab."
Then it takes ages before hero realizes that, oh, MAYBE it was the killercroc.

Wow...

Do I even NEED to mention the pre-schoolers that goes for a swim and "Don't wanna" come up out of the water?
The guy basically said it: If there's a croc - let them get eaten!

Everybody goes near or in the water despite that they know the croc is there, it's being aired on the ¤"#!"#&% news, so they can't be completely oblivious to it!

Okay, another movie gotta go from the "10 Worst movies of all time" list , because this movie was f:ing awful!

***SPOILER WARNING***

So some random people decides to go on a spooky tour in a swamp. Ooops, boat breaks down and they are stranded in the swamp.
Ooops 2, one of the women tells the story of a elephant-man like guy who was accidently killed by his own father.
The way he is killed was just mindnumbingly dumb, which adds to the "Worst movie of all time", some teenagers bully Victor and then puts the house on fire, he can't get out.
Daddy comes home, takes an axe, and attempts to break the door in, but whoops, Victor was standing on the other side and got the hatchet in his head.
I guess trying to break the %"&#%& window was too much to ask, especially since he could actually see Victor behind it.
The window was like... 1 meter away from the guy...? >_<

Years later, when the people are on this tour, said elephantman, Victor Crowley, comes magically back to life and goes out to kill these people because he got nothing better too do.
Unfortunately for the bunch of idiots, Victor Crowley can't be killed, because... well, because he is much cooler than they are.
Anytime they try, he just magically comes back to life.

Actually, Victor Crowley was the only likeable character in the whole movie, at least he was trying to end the misery...

So these random idiots should try to survive in the swamp, but ooops, the ugly characters starts dying one by one.
The heroine is so f:ing slow it's unbelivable.
She has a gun, she watches one of the fat guys getting slaughter by Victor Crowley... she just stands there!!!!
Shoot him for f:s sake!!!!
Then Victor kills the fat guys wife, THEN she starts shooting. Uh!

The death scenes were hilarious. Mostly because I thought the characters deserved to die, then the acting was so terrible I couldn't help but laugh.

And WTF is up with that ending???
"Oh, we didn't feel like finishing it... duh, spent more times recording booobz!"

This is the kind of movie, unfortunately, you can sit through from start to end if you are in so much pain you can't get up to hit the STOP button.

***SPOILER WARNING****

Okay, so the movie's plot is that a research center is breeding gigantic 60 foot Anaconda's.
The number 1 priority is having unbreakable glass so that the Anaconda's can't escape, right?
Of course not.
If you ever though the kids in Jurassic Park were annoying for flashing the T-Rex with a light, here we have a GROWN MAN doing the exact same thing, agitating the snakes of course they escape and kill a couple of B characters in the process.
The stupid blond on the cover of course wants to warn people, but because she signed some paper work to keep her mouth shut, she lets the snake go and kill people.
*headdesk*

So first it goes to a farm and eats some goats.
Blondie, Hasselhoff and their gang follow the snake there (how they knew it was there I don't know) to kill it.

Now, here's the usual Sci-fi flick.
People shoot the snakes with well over a million shots and it just paint-balls on the snakes, just like in Raptor Island.
Of course they don't bring any explosives, so they are basically chanceless.

What I hated most about this movie was that the snakes don't hurt Miss Blond.
Basically, these supersnakes can pierce people with their tails, cut off peoples heads, squish them to death and swallow them whole.
Of course the snakes just STARES at her when they are close to miss Blond!
SEVERAL !¤"!%"¤ TIMES!!!!!
But if some "ugly" character shoots with a gun, of course the snake goes over there and eat the character in a second. -_-

Need I say the acting was terrible?