Movies I've Owned: Part 1

WHY hasn't anyone in Hollywood tried to rip-off the formula for this comedy movie masterpiece?!

I mean for god sakes, even people who HATE all the films done by John Hughes seem to love this movie, and Matthew Broderick's face is about a mile wide on this poster, so you'd think the ass-hole writers and directors who appreciate this pile of soda poprocks puke would at LEAST emulate an awful B-movie version with a goatee, instead of chucking out the most rancid Jersey Girl and Gigli bile you could possibly torture out of a fella with rabies.

...Anyways, this thing is EXACTLY like his other starring role in War Games (specifically just because he had a new computer in the mid' 80's that he uses to further the plot to a varying significance) except billions of peoples lives aren't endangered by a fuck-face and his Short Circuit girlfriend. Instead he has a ménage à trois with her and his best friend... during the daytime... on weekday before graduation... and inevidibly missing school because of this. Thus the film title becomes clear!

Of course, the 1980's pop culture back then was full of censoreship and bullshit, so the 3-and-a-half hour endurance match is masked with symbolism, metaphors, and a moral to the story theme. You're supposed to assume that Bueller promises to marry Mia Sara, then runs off leaving her with embriotic twins, and so later she settles for Cameron, then they divorce and she takes his many hard-earned millions. The sister, however, is pissed throughout the film about Ferris's "many adventures" until meeting with Charlie Sheen, at which point she finally becomes comfortable with her sexuality....

There can be only ONE word that describes the "complex" ideas for this film.... Lesbians with varying facial hair and male genitalia.

(what I meant was it's quite gay)

I highly suggest watching this after or even before watching Yojimbo! (though I seriously doubt my brother even realizes he already "reviewed" this film)

The title character, originally from the movie "Yojimbo", is mixed up in another samarai predicament, volenteering to help for minimal to zero compensation yet again. (considering that Sanjuro hasn't aged much if even a day and the tales aren't linked in anyway, this story could take place anytime post or prior it's prequel...)

By a stroke of luck, a group of samarai's conversation is over heard by Mifune, who interjects an opinion before saving their hide from 1000 swordsman sneak attack DEATH TRAP!

A few things lead to another and Kurosawa's number one Bobby DeNiro samarai silver-screen superstar suddenly becomes some princess-pursuing mutant Mario brother... Metal Gear style. (silent, stealthful, sudden death)

There is sly tip-toes around a few fortresses, some doulbe agent stuff on the side, and a bit of the P.O.W. business, but you'd really have to be watching the thing yourself to care about it...

SPOILER ALERT: EVERYBODY DIES at the very end, except, of course, the film's protagonists!

The new Southern Style Chickensandwich from McDonald's.... (lovin' it!)

Come's optional with a biscuit bun during breakfast! Came free with a large or medium drink at May 15th, but that deals passed.

With whole white-meat chicken breast and a burger bun soft as heaven, this is a VERY tasteful meal indeed! (yo money back)

Lotte Schwartz (Cameron Diaz) enjoys being John Malkovich (the title actor playing himself) while sexually penetrating 40-Year-Old Virgin's wife with his penis... and also John Cusack has a very small cameo somewhere.

This is the BEST acting role Mark Hamill was dared in a bar to play, (punch that Star Wars trilogy in the testicles with a fistfull of lightsaber courtesy of Cocknocker) especially if you do not count any of his voice-over work he's done as the Joker!

I'm sure if anyone thought much on this subject, Trickster suspiciously emulates another DC Comics foe from the 1989 Batman perfectly, with many original changes and twists done to the nemesis thanks to a genuine thespian "Starkiller"... Unfortunately the unique alternative Jack Napier didn't translate well into a live-action, camp serious, million dollars an episode show, so they inevidibly cancelled it! (yes it was funny as hell, but many in the early 1990's just called it annoying)
However, this evolved sense of this media-specific personality was so spectacular and innovative that he replaced the initial characteristics (that the network wanted this guy to vaguely copy as the Trickster) when he landed the voice role of Joker in the great Batman Animated Series!
YAY be triumph of non-conformity! Boo to the Time Warner monopoly that wanted to capitalized by Mickey Mousing earlier success and airing this very show, among other things.
Hooray however on freak originality despite direct attempts to copycat... (Flintstones for instance, Sonic The Hedgehog, Daredevil, Splinter Cell, Watchmen, Snatcher, Family Guy, Nosferatu, Jason Voorhees, Akira, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and of course Flash television series)

Okay, now who's up for Guyver? ;-P

You've see- Shut up, you've seen it... You have FUCKING seen this! You simply don't want to ADMIT having seen it, but I guarantee the VHS was popped in near as many times as Little Mermaid...

Oh, you're going to sit there and tell me that you don't remember a net being thrown over an invisible cartoon dragon, or even anything scenes involving the lighthouse?!
I KNEW IT! You've been on drugs this whole time, and so you can't recall a thing before about age 10 I take it? "BATMAN", huh? You've been telling that campfire story for YEARS, so of course you'd remember. Though let me just get something straight right now, Pot-Face: (hmph, the next Tracy villain?) There - AIN'T - no - bat.

"You shouldn't have turned the
gun on that kid, man. You sho-"
"You want your cut of this money
or not? Now shut up! SHUT UP."
Both punks freeze at the sudden, inexplicable sound of black boots crunching on gravel. They turn
slowly. Their jaws drop. - - - - - - -

At the edge of the roof, bathed in moonlight, is a black apparition.
Eddie freezes, a choked gurgle in his throat. Black figure advances
and spreads its arms, slowly,
majestically. Great shadowy
wings flap in the wind. On its
chest is the emblem of a bat,
in an oval yellow field, glowing
like a target in darkness.

(cue random sex scene)

Uniformed patrolmen drag
a brain-fried Nick past. - - -
"A bat, I tell you, A GIANT BAT
wanted me to do him a favor!"