Shocktober '09

Where as Blacula was cool shit w/ William Marshall bringing some dignity to the blaxploitation fare so is not the case w/ Blackenstein which is just a lumbering mess of a film & has no funkiness that other blaxploitation flix have. A Dr Stein puts replacement limbs on a Vietnam vet & he turns into Frankenstein's monster; going into town grunting & ripping off people's limbs...Pitiful

The people who I watched this movie w/ boo'd through the entire thing & a have to admit that it's pretty bad (maybe not as deserving to receive so many boos from the peanut gallery). These zombies are so slow (I thought the Zombies were slow in Night of the Living Dead) that the pace of Burial Ground is excruciating. The zombies are introduced quickly so the entire film has our survivors running away from zombies, locking zombies out, running away from zombie, locking zombies out..etc. There is some gut munching once someone gets caught but this film really cheats you in the end w/ 4 victims still remaining; w/ them finally trapped by the zombies (one even going to get a little taste of band saw) & then it freezes the end of the movie w/out seeing anybody get some curmudgeons. What a fucking rip off..oh yeah & Peter Bark is creepy as shit especially when he is gnawing tit

Peter Cushing loves to burn witches. They might not even have to be a witch; maybe just a little slutty & 'whoof', up in flames they go. Things go horribly wrong when one of his nieces falls in w/ some vampires & it's time to set her ablaze. Cushing knows little about vampires this time out but he's lucky that someone does so it's off to chop some heads & drive some stakes because even if you're family you don't get off so easily.

This mix of horror/comedy has some pretty lame jokes (I thought the opening massacre was hilarious though) but I quite often found myself chuckling in spite of myself. It's better then Student Bodies which is of the same vein & it has Vincent Price in a hammy performance which only adds. I like Vincent telling people to piss off.

When I saw that this was released by Crown International I knew that I was in for some B-cheese & when the opening credits started w/ a puppet Satan all doubts were cast aside. Loaded w/ bad acting & terrible dialogue Prime Evil is @ often laughable & sometimes cringe worthy (the kiddie porn angle is a terrible addition). @ times its awfulness grew on me but I am a fan of drive-in fare even if it is from the late 80s

Johnny 5 is alive & he's gonna fucking kill you. Malls of the 80s it sorta reminded me of a robot version of Dawn of the Dead. Some of the kills are okay (I loved the exploding head) but the best thing about Chopping Mall (besides its title) are the cameos of Roger Corman regulars like Paul Bartel, Mary Woronov & especially Dick Miller.

Harvey Korman must have needed a pay check because he is really slubbing it in duel roles (I hope he got paid twice) in this cheap Gremlins rip off. This time instead of getting them wet to multiple you chop them up & they regenerate. Absolutely abysmal but I sorta suspected that going in. I was hoping for a little something since this was produced by Roger Corman. No such luck

Sorta a lost slasher from the 80s that I hadn't heard of until recently & was excepting perhaps a diamond in the rough. Not so the case but Silent Scream (that title always reminds me of the Slayer song..Crucify the bastard son...now that would have been a movie) as it takes its sweet time introducing characters & playing eerie music that something terrible is going to befall. I have to admit (the few there are) the kills are startling but I pretty well knew how the climax was going to play out (they showed you snippets during the opening credits) including who the killer was (but not the twist)...An extra 1/2 * though for having Avery Schreiber in the cast making me hungry for Doritos & featuring Olympia Beer (damn I need to get me a taste of some Olympia someday)

Goddamn DA & their substantial evidence. There's a nut out there killing young girls.. pretty young girls. James Luisi is almost frothing from the mouth as he tries to catch a killer that is picking up hitchhikes in his Ford van going to a local pool. I guess it's standard police work to use the chick that you're banging on the side as bait. Worth a couple chuckles because there is no way that this killer threw his victim's body 25 feet.

The Boogeyman sounds better than it's execution because Ulli Lommel gives this simple tale of an evil spirit trapped inside a mirror a fair amount of confusion & (even w/ it's low running time) a sense of boredom. This also contains one of the most annoying little bastards in horror cinema that I was happy to see go by means of windowpane. Not as a grisly death as he rightfully deserved though...BOOGEYMAN!!

There's a simple lesson to be learned here - don't go to Dracula's castle. Dracula wasn't really hurting anyone until people showed up where he lived; only then must they be subjected to his sadistic ways. Christopher Lee as always is the best Dracula but I hated the twist of fate that caused his demise. He may be the Prince of Darkness but he has some pretty rough luck

I don't know what created the urban legend of the Alligator that got flushed down the toilet that grew to monstrous size but it was something that I had heard of as a kid so I don't know if it was based on this movie or this movie is based on that urban legend. Robert Forster is a cop w/ some mild male pattern baldness who is investigating some limbs & extra large dogs found in the sewers. He soon discovers that it's a giant fucking alligator that's been snacking on things below. A good cast (Forster should have gotten more work) that adds Henry Silva to the alligator hunting fun.

Vincent Price is almost a one man show sometimes as he is possessed by an invisible evil tormentor that drives him to kill. His doctor suggests a little time off to pursue some leisure activities (which is what all physicians suggest when you're on the verge of a breakdown & borderline schizophrenic) so Price decides to take up some sculpting. Price finds a model that he soon falls for & asks her to marry him. Everything is great except she's already married (she's a money grubbing whore so a little thing like already being married Isn't too much of a problem). Soon the evil forces (that had left Vincent for his sabbatical) return & plague him once again so it's time to kill..kill..kill

This little Canadian made horror flix w/ SCTV regulars Eugene Levy & Andrea Martin has a certain charm that can only really be found in Canuxploitation (it sure wasn't making me look forward to Canadian winter in a few months). Made on the cheap w/out looking too cheap making great use of it's cold Ontario location & cast that almost seem like locals. And then there's our three cannibal lovelies who really know how to get down to the bone

These sorority girls are pretty stupid. They kill their housemother by accident (leaving a live bullet in the chamber), weigh her down w/ some towels (WTF?) to sink her in the pool & decide to throw a party anyways. In typical slasher fashion the girls are killed off one by one. Could it be the housemother who's returned from the dead & using her trademark cane as the murder weapon? Probably not but Im not going to tell you who it is even though I should to save you the time if you're ever going to watch this

Ive never read Salem's Lot so I can't draw comparisons but after investing 3 hours of this miniseries first half is kinda inconsequential but it's not boring; the 2nd half is where you really get to the vampires & I must say I do like the fang work in this. I may have been better off watching the shorter abridged version but I thought w/ Tobe Hopper directing w/ a good cast from King source material I should see every frame. I would have been better off watching 2 movies for the time invested

Roger Corman supplies a good horror trilogy w/ Vincent Price in all three tales. Laced w/ black comedy throughout w/ the best segment in the middle featuring Peter Lorre & Vincent Price in a wine drinking competition. Lorre is such a wife abusing drunk that he reminds me of Andy Capp

Like Witchfinder General Vincent Price once again is a witchhunter & does a damn fine job of it (not quite up to scale to Peter Cushing in Twins of Evil though). After he & his henchmen slaughter a coven of witches Price is cursed by the head witch & he goes out of his mind w/ suspicion even burning a village girl because she had blonde hair & big tits

The first of the atomic mutation films that spawned a dozen rip offs has giant ants on the attack. The effects are pretty dated (hell this flix is over 50 years old & I'd rather watch it over Starship Troopers any day) but that's half its charm. Treated more like a criminal investigation then a monster movie until military action must be taken..Originally this was supposed to be in colour & 3D

While not as fun as Herschell Gordon Lewis's other blood soaked flix like Blood Feast & 2,000 Maniacs this does have one golden shining moment when Don Joseph is mopping the canvas w/ his girlfriends bloody head. For a split second I thought 'wow that's almost art..well gutter art anyways'.

When a priest hangs himself the gates of hell are opened letting Fulci go wild w/ the gory visuals including skull drilling, maggot blizzards, bleeding eyes, the living dead & someone literally puking their guts out. A brain smooshing good time!

If Radish's philosophy that someone just wakes up one morning & decides that they are going to kill is correct then Final Exam's killer must have been watching Halloween one too many times because he borrowed Michael Myers' stalk & butcher knife..actaully a little motive would have been nice

Oh my girlfriend will never forgive me for having her watch Harvey Keitel torture that cat to death in Argento's half of these Poe tales (actually I saw these better done in Corman's Tales of Terror). I do have to say that cat didn't look like it was having a very good time. No wonder they had to have that huge disclaimer @ the end that no cat's were physically or psychological abused.

Some genuine laughs in a witty script that's fun for old horror bluffs as well. Poor Count Dracula will never be able to enjoy the simple things in life like garlic toast..fun to see both The Jefferson's (Isabel Sanford & Sherman Hemsley) in cameos

Hitchcock serves up the paramount slasher w/ enough psychological meat on its bone to satisfy. Bates is the ultimate mama's boy that many films tried to emulate but never able to duplicate. Classic & probably my favorite Hitchcock flix

22 years later Norm is released from the asylum & everything seems to be alright until shorty someone starts bending his twisted mind to believe that mother is still alive & wants him to do away w/ the whores.Pretty good sequel to a classic but its a bit too long though..Norm sure does like his toasted cheese sandwiches.

If anything Psycho III is an all in out slasher in comparison to the previous 2 entries. It's not shy on the blood or nudity & I like it all the better for it (maybe a little more than part 2; it's certainly is leaner). Psycho 3 also has a fair amount of comedy to it; black as mother Bate's heart but it's there & it's not off put like many horror movies that try to add humour like Jason Lives or (just pick) A Nightmare on Elm Street film...hey, watch the guitar.

Hey buddy! Wanna date? Sometimes hilarious; sometimes just plain cheesy. This is probably my favorite Frank Henenlotter flix; it's macabre sense of humor works so much better here than in his Basket Case series

A Lincoln from hell possessed by evil will run your ass down. Although this came out before Christine (King may have even borrowed from this flix) it's not nearly as good (Elliot Silverstein is no John Carpenter) but James Brolin in the cast makes this killer car outing acceptable (making up for the slow spots)

You would figure w/ the title Blood of Dracula that Dracula would actually be in this movie but he isn't. A boarding school girl is hypnotized & she turns into a vampire & the police refer to vampires as Dracula but the Prince of Darkness is no where to be found..what a fucking rip off & there's no blood either

Wes Craven made some really good horror flix (Last House on the Left, The Hills Have Eyes & A Nightmare on Elm Street..even Serpent & the Rainbow is decent) but then he produces some real shit like Shocker. Craven had such a bevy of ideas this time out he even had to rip off his own source material w/ Nightmare & toss in a little bit of the Hidden. It all jumbles into one stupid shitty mess & that version of No More Mr. Nice Guy by Megadeath sucks ass

Andy returns from Vietnam & just quite isn't himself; in fact he's a zombie. Bob Clark was truly an under rated director giving us this, Black Christmas & Children Shouldn't Play w/ Dead Things. This one is a slow burner & only adds to his catalog;; see good things do come out of Canada

Vampire lesbians w/ no fangs. That is my only disappointment w/ this blood sucking tale really. The girls cut their victims & drink their blood (even keeping one alive so they can drink his blood night after night). This has a good amount of sex both straight & homosexual (lesbians & I do love lesbians) so it does keep things moving along

A pretty good Giallo that reminded me a lot of What Have They Done To Solange? (but not nearly as good). Jokingly I guessed who the killer was & damned (if sadly) I was correct. Has one of the happiest endings that I have ever seen in a Giallo; just letting the killer get a way w/ it w/ a good chuckle.

The dead are coming back to life & are ready to munch on you. Borrows heavily from Romero's dead series even lifting the commando unit from Dawn & using the music of Goblin. If you're a fan of zombies you could do much worse (even if this entry is sorta stupid). The zombies are menacing & take nice big gory bites of their victims & there is even a little maggot eating to put you off your chowder

Saxon & the boys picked up some cannibalistic tendencies while over in Vietnam but have remained dormant for many years. The hunger starts again so they are on the run from the police who are in full force to gun them down. For being banned as a Video Nasty Cannibal Apocalypse wasn't that bad; it just goes to show that the British Conservative government was on a witch hunt mostly based on titles

A pitiful slasher flix which showed a little promise @ the beginning (I loved seeing that orderly stabbed in the groin but Im just a sick bastards). Students @ a local University are being killed off by stab or slice (how that girl ever died from a slash across he forehead I'll never know) as a new teacher tries to figure out who the killer is. I figured it out but that dumb bitch was way off. I'll let you know it is one of the staff so you would figure that they checked references better than they did

Horrendously cheap & unappealing horror flix that has people being ground up for cat food. Often laughable w/ some pretty pathetic cat attacks & a corpse grinder that is very low tec. Thank God for its low running time. Followed 28 years later by a sequel that I (glutton for punishment) need to track down.

Auntie Lee & her slutty nieces need to fill their meat pie order & find just the meat they need from a stranded rock band. The best part of this is the strange casting of Karen Black (who does her best Mother Firefly before Zombie ever got a hold of her), Pat Morita & Micheal Berryman (who has a hilarious scene will a flat tire..no one can play off a tire like Berryman)

The first time I saw Sleepaway Camp I hated it. Sure it had the curling iron up the hooey & its shocking twink ending but I didn't care for it. Now I think its pretty good. It's sorta like Meatballs (w/out Bill Murray) w/ a mean spirit...& a transsexual.

Sorta a cross of Creepshow w/ a Pulp Fiction time line Trick r Treat has lots of Halloween goodies: Serial killers, vampires, werewolves, folklore & pumpkin boy (the best part). I only wish this was a little scary. The opening is tightly edited that it gives you some jump scares but the rest is just horror tales w/ punch lines. Not the holiday classic that I hoped but still pretty fun none the less

Being possessed by the marquis De Sade is a great concept (just look @ Bloody Pit of Horror; it's great campy fun) but the Skull is pretty dull which is too bad because it has both Peter Cushing & Christopher Lee in it. All De Sade's skull does is float around & drive Cushing mad. Not to good & really only for Cushing & Lee completists

Part of Romero's original dead trilogy (but he has gone on to do Land of the Dead & Diary of the Dead) is not nearly as good as Night of the Living Dead or Dawn of the Dead. The zombies have a little more depth (Bub anyways) but the rest of the characters suffer in the shallowness as there is more gun play then character development as in the previous 2 entries. Really just a show case for Tom Savini which he does an excellent job

Good stop motion feature that has an all star ghoul cast w/ Dracula,Frankenstein, the wolfman, the mummy, Jekyll and Hyde, the invisible man, Boris Karloff as Baron Boris von Frankenstein & Phyllis Diller (now that's fucking scary especially the way she dances). Fun Halloween feature but does included some terrible songs (expect for It's the Mummy which has a great skeleton band). Destined to become a holiday classic

Ever wondered why Norman Bates went off the dead end. I sorta liked drawing my own conclusions but here it is. Surprisingly the back story is pretty good (Norman sure did go through a lot of verbal & psychological abuse) but the wrap around in the present day (especially his final breakdown) is terrible. Thankfully there is more flashback then present day. A fitting swan song though...goodnight Norman

Ive probably watched Vampire in Brooklyn more often then I should; I keep thinking it's going to be like Blacula but it isn't. It was made when both Wes Craven & Eddie Murphy's careers were heading in the shitter & it doesn't help their causes much. A little dull, none too scare & kinda void of laughs except for Kadeem Hardison (Dwayne Wayne from A Different World) as a ghoul w/ just some rotten luck & Murphy as Preacher Pauly...Evil ass is good

Mama's boy who was burned by dear old ma as a child enjoys burning women after mom kicks the bucket. A Psycho rip off w/ a torching twist & a great disco scene where our loony Donny smashes a candle into a woman's face...& I though disco was supposed to sooth the soul

Of all the titles that this one goes under I think I like The Sexorcist the best. An sleazy Italian Exorcist rip off complete w/ foul demon language, uncontrolled masterbating, stigmata & even a little green puke. Contains a great scene w/ Stella Carnacina breaking out of a convent after being driven out of her possessed mind from the singing nuns & running hysterically through the street screaming w/ the police in pursuit. Hilarious...& Stella Carnacina is quite the little naked hottie when she is sexually possessed. Satan is one horny devil you know

Half nightmare/half reality I was glad I was a little under the influence while watching All the Colors of the Dark. I think it is always good if you've had a little trauma in your life & just aren't quite feeling yourself to go to a Satanic cult & get your brains fucked out. I tell ya a good ole evil molestation will fix you right up.

This little nugget just gets better & better every year. Throw your Michael Myers preconceptions out the window/ learn a little more about the history of Halloween and lap up the canned cheese. You'll never get the Silver Shamrock song out of your head when the leaves begin to fall...ever

Carrie was the first horror movie I saw & it scared the shit out of me because I had a religious mother & a sister named Carrie. I had seen it again some years later & didn't much care for it thinking Sissy Spacek was such an unappealing mutt; if you watch the movie Prime Cut Spacek is hot..here not so much but I guess that's sorta the point. This time out I really enjoyed it. It has been awhile since I watched a Brian DePalma movie that I forgot that he was such a good director (even if he does rip off Hitchcock) & I like the supporting cast of Travolt, Katt, Irving & Allen (she's quite the bitch). If anything Carrie should be a moral lesson to high school girls not to be such cunts or someone just might torch you @ the prom

Blaxploitation exorcist (w/ Kentucky Fried Chicken & all) that was unfairly sued by Warner Bros for being a Exorcist rip off & now all we have is a crummy 16mm transfer because there isn't a 35mm print available anymore. Shitty because it's alot of bad fun. This demon spirit is so evil he'll kick you right in the nuts

All I have to say is if you let a spirit take sexual avantage of you don't think he's going to give you some gentle love making; no he's going to fuck the shit out of you

Another Jesus Franco fiasco w/ plenty of zooming & filler of kidnappers searching the jungle for their kidnappie. There is a tribe near by who love munching on womens labias & not in an oral sex way. Gruesome as we get a Franco zoom as the savage chews away. Not much else happens which chalks this up to one big borefest

You would figure w/ Robert Englund, Sid Haig, Ray Walston & Erin Moran (freakin Joanie from Happy Days) that this would be alright but sadly its just one big mess. I think Sid Haig only has two lines in this entire thing. A space crew is killed off one by one on a menacing planet including death by a giant maggot that will slime your clothes off..well the nudity was nice

Ive come to the conclusion that Im not a Nightmare on Elm Street fan. I mean I like the first one but it is turning out that is about it. I went through hell originally to see part 3 (I was turned away @ the theatre because of its R rating & Kessler & I loitered @ the video store for about 3 hours on its video release until the staff finally gave us a copy). Then i liked it but time hasn't worn well on what I thought was the best of the series. Patricia Arquette's screaming is fucking annoying (someone shut that bitch up; she screams about everything) & I don't like Freddy as the punch line killer. @ least John Saxon makes a return if only to be killed off. About as good as part 2 in my opinion now

Fire welding cockroaches from the earths core are burning people; some to death as they go up like kindling on the old Brady Bunch set. It just goes to show not to fuck w/ nature as these dangerous insects were dying off from the surface pressure but a professor had to fuck w/ genetics & mates the fire bugs w/ an ordinary cockroach w/ disastrous results. If those mother fuckers weren't hard enough to kill why would you give them the power to start fires

I don't really blame John Carpenter (even though I give this movie a pretty low rating) for this flix short comings even if his direction is a little passive for the material (which he didn't write) & he did do he music which is good. I guess it didn't help that the studio cut the budget by 2/3rds. I was just really disappointed that this is what we get for a Carpenter vampire flic

Canned ham all around as Vincent Price does away w/ his critics one by one in Shakespearean fashion even serving up a couple cooked poodles. Deliciously campy but maybe a little long. Vincent Price is melodramatic even in death..twice

I haven't seen this remake of Night of the Living Dead since it came out in theaters almost 20 years ago & I thought it sucked. Well I have watched a lot of horror flix over the years & have a lot of respect for the original NOTLD & as well as Tom Savini's work. On paper this remake is almost a fan boys wet dream but Savini is terribly restrained in his big screen debut directing & is nothing but boring & rewrites it enough that all of the power of the original is lost

Last Lee Dracula/Cushing Van Helsing outing is a pretty good time even if it is set in (then) modern times; it does sorta makes you think that vampire hunting is an old dead lore. Im a fan of these two squaring off & I love how Cushing lures Lee into his final demise. Lee is almost like 'what the fuck. Im Dracula this shouldn't be a problem'. Damn straight & you're the best Dracula. Personally I didn't know vampires could go by the thorns of Christ

Digging this Halloween classic may happen until the day I die; Ive watched it as far back as I can remember CBS broadcasting it; sponsored by Dolly Madison snack cakes..I would have loved to snack on some Zingers this year as Charlie Brown got his trick or treat bag filled w/ rocks

The weather is getting a little nasty out & the Grinch thinks it's a perfect time to scare some Whos w/ his cart of spooks. This follow up to How the Grinch Stole Xmas (I don't quite understand this though..It isn't a sequel because the Grinch is cured of all his Grinchiness & the end of HtGSX & it isn't a prequel because Maxx his dog leaves him & the end of this unless there's a directors cut where the Grinch doesn't stand for such insubordination & drags his dog back home w/ him. the Grinch is a mean son of a bitch. He would do that..There's even a song that Maxx sings about what an evil owner he is) doesn't hold a candle to the original.

Mostly made up of tv supporting members The Midnight Hour tries to pack all it's Halloween goodness in w/ vampires (Dick Van Patten as a vampire dentist is just too evil for words..I still might have nightmares), werewolves & the undead (even a midget zombie). All of it is fun to a point but the plot is as thin as its resolution & this tv horror flix will always just be as 2nd class as Geordi La Forge or Doug Penhall

Herschell Gordon Lewis always has such great titles for his films unfortunately his flix are usually terrible w/ the exception of his excessive blood letting & that you'll see something bizarre. Gruesome Twosome is padded to the hilt w/ one of the strangest segments of girls dancing in their pajamas while eating some Kentucky Fried Chicken..damn that just makes me hungry. I could go for a bucket right now

This is basically Night of the Living Dead in a grocery store w/ fog & giant insects. Well there is some giant tentacles but it's all noticeable CGI & lord knows how much I hate GCI. Maybe this lazy story was written by King in the time he was drinking heavily; I was drinking heavily when I was watching it. Actually I caught it coming on 3 minutes before it started & thought what the hell..a long wast of time

For all the Dracula movies Ive seen Horror of Dracula is probably my favorite. Even though Christopher Lee & Peter Cushing have squared off many times before this one plays the best. Lee dominates every scene he's in just by his shear presence. One of Hammer's shining moments

Even though you get lots of Herschell Gordon Lewis's patented gory Blood Feast falls in 2nd in his blood trilogy (2,000 Maniacs wins out). If you're into the bad acting (even reading their lines off their hands), the padding & just usually terrible direction that you get out of a Lewis outing you can eat it up but the goods come from Fuad Ramses. Those wild eyes are enough under a title Blood Feast to guarantee bonafied cult status.

You would figure that a chainsaw isn't a very discrete weapon to be creeping around the campus cutting up girl but these murders have no problem baffling the police. Stupid grubby fun that has a cringe worthy ending right up there w/ Sleepaway Camp that will have men everywhere holding their goodies in pain

Ive lost count of how many times Ive watched this movie over the years & this Halloween I watched the extended version w/ all the added little bits that were added for tv broadcast. I have to say it will probably be the only time I watch it that way because it made me realize that one of the things that made Halloween such a sleek & gracefully movie was the editing...So the 5 star is based on the version Ive seen a couple dozen times & had landed it @ #3 of my all time favorite horror flix

Dr Death is a great addition to Vincent Price's repertoire (his make up is excellent) but sadly when they show old Dr Death films they are old Vincent Price movies from the 60 s like Tales of Terror & Pit and the Pendulum so unfortunately the Dr Death character is wasted. Hammy fun though as Price goes insane w/ Cushing waiting to step in the fill the role.