The 10 Worst Films Ever

Misogynistic, pretentious, offensive, unfunny and fronted by two truly horrible characters, don't even bother watching it for irony value, you'll regret it.

When it becomes clear early on that Elizabeth "Jessie Spano" Berkley aspires to become an erotic dancer on the Las Vegas Strip, you know you're in for a stinker, and having sat through the whole ghastly shambles, I'm in no doubt that conceptually this is the worst film I've ever seen. Director Paul Verhoeven wants you to buy into the idea there is a marked difference between lap dancing and erotic dancing, which frankly I didn't, and as a result the idea Berkley is making the journey from the grimy world of lap dancing to the starry world of erotic dancing failed to convince me. It doesn't help that all the characters are morally vacuous cretins and the script is appalling, but with a basic idea like Verhoeven's, this film was never going to be any better than terrible.

Several talented comic actors appear in this abomination (Johnny Vegas not being one of them, obviously) and it's a marvel they had careers left afterwards. Unbelievably crass and devastatingly unfunny.

Club 18-30 with murders. Awful.

With names like Billy Bob Thornton and the Coen brothers on board you might think this would be passable fun, but Bad Santa is proof that a few high-profile names don't make a movie. The puerile, obvious humour is somehow shoved into second place in the awfulness stakes by a plot so unbelievable it gives Lord of the Rings credibility as a work of non-fiction, while the characters are annoying, inconsistent and underwritten. Unfunny, cliche-ridden and a waste of time in all respects, this makes your average Christmas movie look a veritable delight.

Remarkably boring and unfunny. With this, Club Dread and Dukes of Hazzard, Jay Chandrasekhar is building up a substantial portfolio of terrible work.

Hard to think a film could be insulting to the memory of a movie as lowbrow as Dumb and Dumber, but this horrific prequel manages just that. Everything about it is completely awful and even the most die-hard fan of the original will be repulsed by the catastrophic script, annoying characters and complete lack of funny material.

The widespread appeal of this monumentally amateurish junk remains baffling. There's nothing more annoying than self-conscious wackiness, and when you add to that a level of comic acting that could easily be surpassed by the local dramatics society, you have a recipe for cinematic disaster.

Formed on an utterly woeful idea, this is clear evidence that Shearsmith and co had well and truly run out of ideas by the time they came to write this.

In film parlance, feel-good is a term that would appear to describe a movie which is badly acted, badly plotted, sentimental and asinine. Millions is all these things and so much more, or more correctly, less. A young boy discovers a bag filled with hundreds of thousands of pounds-worth of bank notes, and after informing his brother of the discovery, the pair set out on a spending crusade. Don't be fooled by the almost all right-sounding set-up, this is British film at it's worst, the kind that makes you yearn for the eye-scratchingly awful Run, Fat Boy, Run. The brothers, the younger of which has an odd habit of seeing saints every now and then, don't really do anything with the money. Extravagant purchases are not on the agenda for these young chaps. The entire point of the film disappears as the boys, from a relatively early stage in proceedings, repeatedly have attacks of conscience about what to do with it. It barely helps of course that they could be acted off screen by a comatose Orlando Bloom, but then the adult characters are barely better. James Nesbitt probably comes out with the greatest credit for more or less managing a miscellaneous northern accent, but that's about it. Even the solid talents of Nesbitt cannot bring credibility to a pathetically brief romantic sub-plot, nor can the cast as a whole create comedy from a script that was at some point, probably intended to be funny. This being a feel-good film, the ending ladles on the emotion and moralising, with the final frames a triumph in cringe. Feel-good film-making it seems, is alive and well.