The Worst Movies I Have Ever Seen

I've found the worst film ever made! Brown, pointless, and ridiculously talky, the film would be amusingly awful, save for a scene where a live mouse is tortured and killed. Folks, a hundred films like this aren't worth the life of even one disease-spreading vermin.

The absolute worst film I have ever seen. Long, dim, dulll, depressing, fruity, smelly, rubbery, rancid. No chance is missed to get something wrong. Even the usually brilliant Sir Ian stinks in it! How can someone cause that? The original author thought this film so bad, he wrote a short story in which he killed the director for raping his vision, and refered to the monster as "the Incredible Hulk in drag". Poetic words to be wasted on such a turd as this. If anyone ever tells you 'The Keep' is underrated, do all involved a favor and slap them hard for me.

Unfunny, hateful, and dumb as sack of lint. It manages to make a lousy mid-70's robot thriller look sophisticated. The "humor" doesn't seem like something actually written by people, so much as it does by aliens swapping really racist "dumb human" jokes around the liquid molybdenum cooler. Sore-headed misandry for everyone!

Not so much a film as a ponzi scheme commited to video tape. A student film that is empty, so pointless, so derivative, and so bereft not only of any meaning and substance, but anything even remotely entertaining, it gives amateurishness a bad name. A pale, fourth tier Blair Witch rip-off, and that, only marginally. I've seen public access horror films made by 12 year olds that displayed more promise.

Take a cult classic, strip it of anything which made it special, make it loud, all the characters unlikable cretins, and cast a mumbling primate in the lead. Now pickle in the director's pet affected art-house poser misogyny, and stir. Viola! Fresh fecal matter!

Some call Lucio Fulci a hack. This soft core-porn director tried to plagarize Fulci, so there! Cheaply made, poorly lit, and dumbly written. Look for the charming scene where a deformed gnome tries to molest his own mother. (Ick! I need a shower just thinking about this film again!)

Some bad movies leave you annoyed or bored. This one leaves you feeling dirty. Don't even attempt to watch a non-mst3ked version!

A film original penned by a feminist as a parody of slasher films, (Oh, that feminist sense of humor!) it was unfortunately filmed straight-up. More ersatz snuff porn than any type of narrative, its not the type of film I would reccomend to anyone who enjoys having a soul.

It's difficult to imagine just who thought this film would ever be watchable in any way. A Dissrespectfull remake of an indie classic? Check! A total lack of any likable charecters? Oh, that's a big check! Dirivitive visuals, flaccid direction, and a disarming chubby-cheeked comedian as the heavy? Check, check, and check! Crap Yahtzee! If anyone ever tells you that Wes Craven deserves equal respect alongside Carpenter, Romero, or Raimi, point them towards this project. 20 'Scream's couldn't erase this mess.

Loud, disjointed, and pointless. Filled with scenes of rape, hate, ugliness, screaming stupidity, torture, and hate. Offputting and painful on every level. I have no idea why this film is considred a cult classic in some circles. The three name talents are completely wasted in it, and only Price saved it from earning a negative rating from me.

Doom is the perfect claustrophobic horror scenario, and it was just aching for a b-movie adaptation. Instead, we get this loud, dark and BORING abomination featuring no demons, very few weapons, and enough irritating characters to make you want to eat a double-barreled shotgun. A failure on every conceivable level.

Not just awful in itself, but to serve up this pale carbon copy of an 80's slasher as a needless sequel to the brilliant BWP is just insulting. PS, every character is totally unlikable. Suprised?

RE was a game built on mounting dread and suspense as much as thunderous action. Paul Anderson is a director who thinks MTV promos are too subtle an art form. A vapid, childish, and ultimately boring movie. Dumb as a mug of marbles.

Terrible writing, worse acting, and location shots even uglier than the cast. Audio sounds like it was recorded on a used fisher price tape player, that was then hidden inside a bag of kitty litter as not to make the actors self concious. (Didn't work)

A non-stop verbal blizzard of pseudo-woody allen one liners turn a wonderful story about a haunted futon (*snicker*) into a harrowing ordeal. Acting so bad it would make Uwe Boll embarrased.