Torture Devices

i _accidentally_ caught the movie on hbo and am currently living to regret it. horrible. not to mention scary... i mean god look at those things? they don't come any closer to looking human than alien, plus they're supposed to be... models?! 0.0 great horror movie.

uhmmm... interesting. strange, staggering on the lines of Bad, but i'll be nice and keep to Interesting. this one's just about good for a mindstroll, esp if you're a fan of magic stuff (or, an aspiring chef). that's probably the only thing to look forward to. directing's nothing special. script's pretty... urgh. well let's just say it's another typical no-brainer predictable type movie. to weave it into something of a cultural-sentimental fuse just doesn't make it through, despite the movie "spicing" up with hints of indian/asian culture with the western. personally, all i'd hope for was a little more effort on the soundtrack, (not that it'll save the movie). but what's hilarious about the movie is how they weave such a fantastical story with something as naive as spices. i've eaten spice-dishes all my life, and how they have spices appear threatening, fierce (and i'm NOT referring to "blow-the-fire-alarm-alarm-that-chilli-scorching-my-throat" fierce) godly powerful and miraculous.. is -completely- beyond me. and worse, now i'm hungry. boo!! i'll have curry for lunch later and try to respect the idea that some magic's working its ways into my tummy. and then i'll poop it out and flush it down.

The concept was trying, but interesting. The ghosts' effects were cool, and I loved the broken glass scene! :D but that's it. Storyline could've been saved if the script wasn't so bloody unstable, predictable, and confusingly outrageous at times. The cast looked like they were acting; The only one managing to hit the acting surface was Blair. Everyone else drowned. I loved the bit where grandma died. Annoying lil character she was and redundant enough to be sampled for the ghosts' wrath. That was the only bit of satisfaction I received from this movie. Not good enough for even a home movie marathon, so skip it.

Terrible. Boring. Predictable. Bad acting. And I didn't understand why most of them had to be there, save for Jeremy Irons, and the dragons were beautiful, baby saphira was SO CUTE!!... but it didn't live up to my expectations even when I didn't know what to expect. Don't give me that dirt look, I'm a fantasy movie fan so I'm certainly being honest when I said the movie sucked, even on a biased level, sorry. You'd have seen better by just reading it I suppose, so I'm grabbing the book..

Disjointed and terrible screenwriting. And what's up with those flashy ten million clips of inserts everywhere? To trigger the viewer's attention span or what? I hated how those things distracted me from listening to what they had to say. I thought the show had potential with bringing up some key ideas on defining stupidity, but not like this; The ideas were scattered with hardly any links whatsoever, just dashes of headlining research topics of intelligence, and that's a pretty stupid (pun intended) move on a topic this grounded and vast, especially when one of the topics highlighted was media AND people who thought themselves smart. The only benefits this documentary serves straight on a platter for its viewers are confusion and the crippled debris of crashing an idea into a brick wall.

Here's the movie's worth: Two red-robed men swinging about their own bungee action cords on a CGI-backdrop as realistic as their Versace "monk" shoes that seem to appear only after each cleverly scripted fall, twirling about two giant chopsticks like a baton-throwing cheerleader on crack, only to have their tug-of-war grips broken by a fart; an ancient-seeming Master who appears to have picked up good English accents from his religious scrolls, only to waste it on a vacation to the Afterlife where the dead just meditate to save their Afterlives. Master then repeats to us his disciple's past triumphants by meditating the tattooed notes on his head into his brain, to update the audience with all the painful sacrifices he had to go through, such as falling in love and fighting with the teenage mutants ninja turtles, to protect a piece of paper and lose his name which he probably forgot because it was replaced with digits of a meditative forcefield perimeter measurement of some sort during his recruitment. Master ignores this and resumes brainwashing his remaining name/s off his gene codes via a devil's portrait, thunderclouds, and the witness of two monkeys that seem to be loitering about the camera shots. Insert more early 90s CGI and a bitter-ill dash of band camp music here. Suey, the moment the Master retires, he's made hole-ier than cheese. Even more suey; his replacement can't speak English as well as he can. To top it all off, he tells his Master to enjoy his vacation. A German sergeant covers his ears whilst his soldiers bang a couple of shots. We now see the suggestion of how much balls he had to lick for as long as the clues his receding hairline could give us. After seeing the monk twirl about and break their toy guns, he shouts "Disco!" to grab the attention of the last remaining monkey monk, before reminding him that he's not bulletproof. He shoots the monk. Monk falls off cliff, and German Sergeant calls for his gay lover Mark. Insert agonizing, echoing scream of name "Mark" of whom we will never know of from this scene on. 60 years later, Monk appears scattering about the Underground looking absolutely fine and blatantly lost, still looking like an underaged dumdum in his 70yrs. We assume he survived into eternal life because of the number of trees he rescued from their fiery deaths. This is then the point where I don't have the guts to go watching any further.

I love fantasy movies, saw lots of familiar faces but everything sucked so bad it didn't even gather enough attention for me. I particularly hated the script and characters, that just made my grind my teeth off.

What the hell? Is this a joke?

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I think the only thing that saved it the most for me is the silver surfer... everything else is just soaked with cliches

The only thing worth looking forward to was Connery; everything else is shockingly outrageous

Development was too slow for me, but I figured it was probably because I was anticipating Mel in the aussie ford coupe :P The location's beautiful, I thought the cast was actually pretty good (those big bulging eyes creeped the hell outta me). I hated the soundtrack though, it was just all over the place! I'm adding this under torture devices based only on the soundtrack... otherwise, can't wait to catch 2 and 3, the movie definitely built up an appetite for more.

Sigh. For starters, I have nothing against Hudson's acting, but I hate her character and its development. She's astoundingly annoying and rude for a hospice worker (and obviously has some serious issues). Didn't like this one and I'm just pissed off I had to watch it all the way through even though I just wanted to shut it off. The context is being shoved into the viewers' faces. Didn't keep me in my seat or my mind on the story, just dark corners and dashes of sudden noises with no cause to it. Urgh I hate movies like that, yknow? It's like, WOAH LOUD NOISE WHAT WHAT WHAT, and all the camera shoots is Hudson just looking the opposite direction and back. Or something moves a couple inches. Or the birds outside pooped. What the? Atmosphere is severely lacking here, I had to draw the curtains in my room and use my imagination half the time. The storyline's spoonfed, which leaves nothing for me to latch the suspense on. Nice unexpected twist though, but honestly, you need to just forward the movie to the end and spare yourself the trouble before you realise this isn't a horror movie. I hated that I had to sit through all that shit just for that ending; it wasn't worth my time. Rowlands' and John Hurt's acting made the watching experience worthwhile, and that's it for me really.

Joke.

A well deserved 1/2 rating.

Amazing movie. Amazingly bad. I can't see any sense in repetitive scenes, zoom-ins on continually bad facial expressions, and worst; I don't even get why things ended up complicating. Wouldn't a massive water bag do? Quite possibly the only movie in my list where everything doesn't make sense. Just people trying to shoot wooden arrows at 1) a dragon that can burn them upon impact & 2) a dragon made of ice that arrows break upon impact, thrown in with a giddy princess who keeps being all stubborn and ridiculously airheady (yes yes we know you're a tomboy, so effing what?), a king who appears to have only one facial expression, and an evil villain in a wig who teleports between kingdoms within seconds whilst everyone else has to fend off "Tree People" (people with leaves stuck on them?! wtf?) and has to ride full-on on horseback to travel about. Oh come off it. Predictable storyline, average to bad actors. Some nice picturesque moments but barely enough to keep a movie afloat. I feel sick.