Video Game Transfers

The ill fated trend of video game movies continues with this woeful interpretation of Dead or Alive. You know what? It wasnt even the acting that let this movie down, many (not all) of the cast are actually talented actors, but they simply do not fit the characters from the game, plain and simple. Therefor its painful to watch them no matter how beleivable they are.

Hollywood REALLY needs to realise that they cannot just slap together any old plot, force in a bunch of actors and give them the names of the game characters and expect to have an enjoyable game to movie tranfer. It just doesent work that way. In fact, the only guy who fit the bill for his character was Kevin Nash (Bass).

The fight scenes did not reflect the styles of the game, the plot had almost nothing to do with the game and if i havent mentioned it yet, the actors do not fit the characters!!

Speaking of characters, this movie left out screen time for some of the most fun and brutal ones, like the high pitched dragon cry of Jann Lee, or the precise and powerful hits from Hitomi, who didnt even make an appearance.

There are a few saving graces to be found though. Holly Valance is a suprisingly talented actor, and much of the film is spent with the girls bodies on display, which is nice to look at. But thats pretty much it.

All in all there were way too many downfalls that make this movie painful to watch to even consider picking it up. Really makes me wonder why I bought it. Probably the bikini's. Yeah the bikini's.

Justins Best Bit: Sarah Carter has without doubt THE best torso of the femal species.

This movie is one of those extremely rare successful video game movies. In fact, I think it's the only one. Its just plain enjoyment from start to finish.

Justins Best Bit: Start, finish and middle bits

I thought it best to update my review of this writhing pile of utter scrotum lickery. Shitty everything, shitty fights, stunts, storyline, acting, characters, fricken everything! Its really not worth anyones time at all.

Van Damm is a damm terrible actor, and this movie is just another example of Hollywood slapping a whole bunch of mismatched elements together and expecting a good game transfer. Horrendous failure.

Goddamn you to a pus spewing blood gutted hell Uwe Boll! You completely destroyed something that had awesome potential you douchbag. This can sit right along side you other video game movies youve dragged kicking and screeming to the silver screen.

Now bloodrayne and bloodrayne 2 may not have been THAT greater games, but they had the potential to become fantastic, gothic stylish violent movies. Certainly deserved better than the sheer butchering they got here.

You know what? Not so bad. In fact, this is a major step up from traditional video game to movie fare. Its still far from perfect, couple of bad plot choices, innefects fight sequences that zoom in too far on the characters so you cant see whats going on properly. But still, not bad indeed. Sick violence, black humor, Milla Jovovich. Take THAT Uwe Boll.

Justins Best Bit: Its very rare Ill even consider a "best bit" for a video game movie, but this one earned it by not being completey crap. The zombie dogs and the grizzly uber zombie type dude look fantastic.

This is little more than another zombedy without having seen and understood the previous two Resident Evils. For people who havent been following the lineage (like me, ive seen this one and the second) it presents questions more puzzling than "What is the Matrix?" Having said that there are still some marverlous zombies, zombie dogs, zombie crows, super zombies and pyrotechnic zombie slaying kick arsery. Most notably the main eviil villain, whom I have dubbed "Squid Fingers". Yet another step forward to making video game to movie transfers not shithouse.

Justins Best Bit: If not squid fingers, then sexy Milla using pshycic extravagance to incinerate the sky itself, frying thousands of zombie crows.

Ugh. Is it even worth me revieweing a video game movie by Uwe Boll? I mean really? *sigh* ok lets go through the motions. Slater is utterly terrible as a lead actor. The action sequences are hammy and poorly shot and digitised. Tara reid, although cute, should not be wearing a lab coat unless she's actually a test subject. Horrible plot (gateway to hell under an orphanage anyone?) erratic music, just a terrible terrible movie.

I would not even be reviewing this if it werent for the fact that Angelina Jolie is both incredibly sexy, and actually fits the role of the video game character she's portraying! Having said that, it's still a bit of a shocker of a movie. The environments dont look too bad, buts its the drudgery of bad special effects and predictable movie formula that make this only worth watching to ogle Jolies boobs and butt.

Was a sequal really nessacary? Maybe it was, just for the sake of trying to make video game movies just that little bit better. Gotta break alot of eggs to mae the perfect ommelette. This is essentially just another broken egg, but, as before, Jolie is super sexy and theres a few specklings of saving graces that make this worth watching once and only once. You will probably want to bulldoze an orphanage in anger when you see her punch a shark though. What utter crap, she would have been chum.

I saw this when i was about 5 years old and have been itching to revisit it ever since. Not sure im gonna like what i find though

Far too often video game to movie adaptations will completely abandon the plotlines of the console and make up its own crap for the sake of being on the big screen. Hitman remains very faithful to the game, Think of it as playing the game through, then watching a replay with a few extra plot nuggets thrown in for good measure. I think everyone whos seen this has realised that Jason Statham would have been a far superior choice, but Olyphant (olympic elephant?) manages to pull it off just fine. Plenty of greatly stylised deaths and battle sequnces with some full frontal female nudity thrown in for good measure.

Justins Best Bit: Silently wiping out anyone you please.

A valiant effort, but runs out of steam in the vital scenes. I was suprised to be genuinely gritting my teeth during some parts, and by and large the creature effects were very well done. What lets this movie down is the fact that, yet again, it strays from the game plotline and makes up its own shit. But its not the biggest offender in that department (is it Street Fighter?). Good amount of gore, well done action sequences and black army humor, and the end first person sequence is without doubt the best choice ever made in a video game movie transfer. Why? Because its a loved aspect of the game, revamped and done WELL!! Rosamund Pike is also a major cutie pie and not a bad actress.

Justins Best Bit: Nausiatingly familiar first person demon killing.

Highly disturbing, but thats the aim of a horror isnt it? Using the ever creepy "little girl" element, and a hauntingly beautiful soundtrack, Silent Hill goes far and beyond what most of us would consider a nightmare. The twisted hatred of a tortured little girl is delivered to the old fashiond and misguided witch burners of Silent Hill, who attempted to burn her at the stake, in the way of coating the town in brutal darkness and horrid beings. Revenge via the devil is definately the ultimate punishment. A rare triumph of video game movies.

Justins Best Bit: Paying back the stupid woman who beleived that burning an innocent 9 year old girl alive was the work of god and not the devil. Dont worry though, because you couldnt think of a more horrific death for that mole if you tried.

This movie. Is bad. And when I say bad, I mean this is the abysmal atrocity of a movie abomination (and its predeccesor) that branded the words terrible director into Uwe Bolls forehead.

Zombie movies have to be the hardest movies to screw up because theyr so damn simple. It should just be blood brains and bullets with every ready opportunity. This movie completely avoids these easy principles and turns out to be the shittest zombie movie ever. Dont even bother with this crap. Emmanuelle Vaugier should be in something more like American Pie than this waste of $40. Also, this Sticky Fingaz character is obviously some washed up no-hope ex-rapper who should accept the reality that rap is shit, and he clearly wasnt even any good at it. Sticky Fingaz? What sort of shit name is that?

An utter abortion.