Worst. Movies. Ever.

I feel I must clear something up right now. This is not so bad it's good. It has NOT got kitsch entertainment value. Even for the biggest Star Wars fans in the world. It IS the worst thing you are EVER going to see. Really. It has Carrie Fischer singing an unbelievably cheeseball song while people dressed as teddy bears float around with candles. Wookies cooking their dinner for a solid 15 minutes while NOTHING goes on. Imagine the WORST TV christmas special you've ever seen. Except 100 times worse than that; it makes the Star Wars episode of The Muppet Show look like Dostoyevsky. Just DON'T DO IT.

An unconvincing schmaltz-fest involving people running around waterlogged corridors and a crap CG boat sinking, drawn out for an utterly absurd length of time. I am invoicing James Cameron for 3 hours of my time. Appalling.

Speed. Without Keanu Reeves. On a boat. Even worse than it sounds.

King of tasteless exploitation Wes Craven's most unpleasant piece of trash, and that's up against some very stiff competition. Grotesque, sleazy and nauseating.

More exploitative crap from Wes Craven. At one point one of the characters rips up a poster of Jaws, apparently Craven's way of saying "That was not horror. THIS is horror." But it isn't. There is no tension or suspense to speak of. Just a series of deeply unpleasant and tasteless sensationalism with no wit or intelligence behind it whatsoever.

Unbelievably offensive 70s "comedy" that seems to think that racism and police brutality is hilarious. The decent cast (all at a very early stage in their careers) would probably be less ashamed of appearing in hardcore bestial porn.

Why doesn't Wes Craven just f*** off and die...?

I'm sorry, but I just don't see any entertainment value in watching a bunch of bored, middle class white yobs injure themselves and each other. Moronic.

More f***witted sado-masochism.

Which is more crap? The crap, or the crap that follows the crap...? Similarly moronic welsh rip-off of Jackass.

The worst Bond film by quite a long way. Walken is wasted, Grace Jones can't act and Moore hobbles through the "action" on a zimmer frame. Hopeless.

Shockingly misjudged mess of a movie, obviously hastily thrown together in anticipation of their inevitably speedy demise. Only of interest to Spice Girls fans, but surely that particular species is long extinct?

I gave up after 20 minutes. Not even a snigger. Witless and inane

You would not BELIEVE how bad this is. No, really. Probably made Marvel adaptations box office poison for years to come. Truly awful!!

Pointless, retarded "comedy" in which Robin Williams pretends to be a ten year old. Incomprehensibly, this was directed by the same man responsible for Apocalypse Now...*shakes head in disbelief*

Shockingly bad 80s "comedy" resplendant with lame concept (why would an egyptian princess be reincarnated as a shop dummy exactly?), feeble stereotypes (the hilarious gay window dresser is particularly excruciating) and to crown it all, a theme song by Starship. Shoot me now.

Oh dear. A perfect example of how a sequel to a great film can suck so completely. Ludicrous plot, stereotypical characters you couldn't care less about (there's an englishman in this who actually utters the line "Cor blimey, guv'nor". Seriously.), awful effects. The list goes on...at least Jaws 4 was funny.

Or "How to take a nice idea and wring every drop of wit and subtlety out of it." I felt like I was watching a cheap video game; the scene inter-cut with children in Iraq is laughable. Pretentious and stupid.

I have difficulty tolerating GOOD musicals. And this is a really really (really) BAD one.

I do not have the linguistic faculties to express how much I hate this film. Luvvy infested unfunny, pretentious crap.

Richard E. Grant at his smarmiest in a nauseating schmaltz fest that surely could only be of interest to menopausal women. Utterly hateful crap.

Garish, irritating and tasteless 80s musical about shagging aliens.

Oh dear. I approached this hoping for more of the kind of martial arts comic mayhem provided by the like of Mr Vampire and A Chinese Ghost Story. Instead I got a cross between a school pantomime and Scooby, no SCRAPPY Doo. Pitifully directed, dreadfully dubbed, and by the time the "plot" had descended into a kind of live action version of Pokemon, I reached for the OFF switch post-haste.

I was expecting much from Michael Lehmann after the wonderful Heathers, and this is what I got. Witless, mindless bilge. Some of the "jokes" made me physically cringe, and Richard E Grant & Sandra Bernhardt manage to be even more unwatchably irritating than Andie MacDowell. Far too many things wrong with it for me to list here. Awful in every department.

A travesty of the original, and one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Complete shit.

Jamie Hewlett's classic comic book creation is utterly butchered in a stupid, loud, unfunny, witless mess. Truly embarrassing.

I hope Faye, Peter and Mia got paid a HELL of a lot of money to embarrass themselves in this ludicrous drivel...

Singularly unwatchable 80s "comedy" that's country & western cross between Fame and My Fair Lady. With Sylvester Stallone. Draw your own conclusions...

Michael Keaton haunts his son from beyond the grave as...*braces himself* a snowman. I am not going to grace this insipid tripe with another word.

Dumb preachy nonsense that pits superman against a caped plank of wood in a non-stop po-faced cheesefest. Laughably bad.

Docu-drama about bodybuilders featuring a very young arnie. Sound entertaining? Thought not...

Witless, cliched nonsense in which all life's problems are dealt with using a liberal dose of extreme violence and a dickless love of fast automobiles. Offensive testosterone infused crap that I can only assume was the result of Clint having a severe mid-life crisis.

Schumacher surpasses himself, and manages to make a film even worse than Batman Forever. George Clooney and Uma Thurman laughed all the way to the bank, we all made our way to the exits. Abysmal.

A real missed oppurtunity this one. The series lends itself to adaptation perfectly and Thurman and Fiennes were actually quite good as Steed and Mrs. Peel. Even Sean Connery couldn't salvage anything from it though, the real villain of the piece being the appalling script. Now if only Joss Whedon could get the rights...

The half star is for the undeniably thrilling bombing sequence. The rest is an unbelievably trite flag-waving soap opera that is a total insult to the intelligence.

A "star" vehicle for a pair of tits attached to a vacuous Barbie doll with no charisma or acting ability at all. Only of interest to 14 year old boys with a box of tissues and no internet connection.

I can't stand Robin Williams at the best of times, but this saccharine soaked mush had me reaching for the sick bag. Like the similarly nauseating AI with a frontal lobotomy.

Shockingly bad Tarzan clone in which a playboy bunny brought up in a jungle that's obviously very well stocked with cosmetics and hair care products talks to the animals to foil the usual 80s bad guys. Absolute drivel.

Steven Seagal expresses his love of the environment by blowing stuff up and killing off a vast number of extras in his usual dour and bone headed way. Caine's penchant for cinematic self-prostitution is well documented, but this is something else entirely...MICHAEL, YOU ARE A WHORE!!!

Sly humourlessly butchers half of Vietnam in a risible homo-erotic test-fest. Imagine an ultra-violent po-faced episode of the A-Team but with less complexity or depth.

The original was a flashy, witty action comedy. This virtual remake however, is an idiotic, tasteless, crude, ugly pile of crap.

Paul Verhoeven manages to make films I either love or utterly detest. This is the latter. Ugly, cheap production design, Gerry Anderson effects, pointless gratuitous violence and a plot that makes no logical sense whatsoever. Terrible.

Feeble sci fi based on a computer game, which was actually more convincing, and had bigger stars (Malcolm McDowell and Mark Hamill, vs. Jurgen Prochnow and that bloke who was in...erm , that thing, you know....) Tries to be Top Gun in space, but manages to be even more cliched and simplistic. And the aliens are bollocks.

From the idiotic flag-waving intro to the tearful reunion with the obligatory Pammy-alike wife and doe-eyed daughter (to the strains of "How do I live without you"- I kid you not!), this piece of garbage ticks every box of the bone-headed Hollywood blockbuster. The "story" is even confined to a fifteen minute list of ham-fisted exposition at the start, the rest of the dialogue being a collection of witless and unfunny one-liners. Utterly moronic.

Absolutely ludicrous drivel. Mission To Mars was bad, but this takes badness to a whole new level. Absurd.

I can't believe that this is what Kubrick intended. Like watching sugar-coated paint dry.