Five Stages of Beer (2003)

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When most people say they lost a love to 'some clown' it's a figure of speech. For Dennis, it's a sad fact.The Five Stages of Beer an all-digital feature hits the ground running when the main character Dennis arrives home on his anniversary to find his apartment empty, and his wife… More When most people say they lost a love to 'some clown' it's a figure of speech. For Dennis, it's a sad fact.The Five Stages of Beer an all-digital feature hits the ground running when the main character Dennis arrives home on his anniversary to find his apartment empty, and his wife gone. She's left him for a clown.Still in shock he heads to his favorite bar where most, okay, all of his friends hang out. Mick the owner and his best friend, Sunny the cheery but skeptical bartender and Buck the proverbial bar fly who can be found sitting at the end of probably any bar in America.A light beer drinker, everyone knows something is amiss when Dennis orders "a glass of Vodka," And Mick, who is just had a drink thrown in his face by a beautiful blonde decides to help Dennis forget about his clown loving wife by introducing him to his "chick of the week" life style.Unsure of Mick's idea, Dennis wants to stick to his own plan for life long happiness. Buck encourages Dennis, the only way to be sure is to have a plan and stick to it, otherwise love will cloud your mind and suck you dry. Dennis agrees to try Mick's methods.A few weeks later Dennis is still stuck on trying to get that first date. Mick demonstrates the method of looking like a fool and lowering the girls' expectations before charming them. This works for Mick on the lead singer of that night's band, Staci. Dennis gives it a try on a drop-dead gorgeous blond firefighter, Audrey, and despite his clumsy attempt she accepts.Both Guys go on their dates, Dennis to a fancy restaurant, Mick to a local dive. Dennis gets a kiss, Mick gets laid. Both couples end up back at the bar for a kind of date debriefing. They all find out that Dennis, despite the fabulous restaurant, wont stop talking about his wife. The guys all give Dennis crap about being such a bore. All but Staci, Mick's date. She makes a bad excuse to meet Dennis outside so she can get him to ask her on a date like that. Dennis doesn't get it. Meanwhile inside Audrey is already working on Mick. They have instant chemistry.At the prompting of the whole bar gang Dennis calls Staci, and they set up a date on the same night Mick goes out with Audrey. It seems chemistry works for Staci and Dennis as well. This time Mick gets the kiss and Dennis gets laid. Audrey is clearly toying with Mick, has he met his match?A few nights latter Staci and the band are setting up to sing a new song she wrote for Dennis. And he is nervous, not because of the song but because his ex is supposed to call to finalize their divorce. Of course she calls in the middle of the song and Dennis is forced to yell over the music. The phone call does not go well and tempers flare. Name-calling begins and to get an extra dig at his ex wife, Dennis blasts out "I'm fucking a Bimbo I met at the Bar." This, just as the song ends. Everybody hears, Staci runs from the room as Dennis heaves his wedding ring across the bar.Dennis goes on a drinking binge winding up out cold on the bar the next morning. The morning of Mick and Audrey's second date, kick boxing. Mick tries to put up a tough guy front but Audrey kicks his ass. She's done this a lot. Mick, a wrestler in high school, finally trips, pins, and lays a big kiss on Audrey. Mick and Audrey wind up in bed while Dennis explains to Sunny and Buck that he, while drunk, accidentally got a date last night while calling a wrong number to apologize to Staci. Dennis has fully embraced the "chick of the week" Lifestyle.On her third date with Mick, Audrey is a little paranoid. As they sit at a fancy restaurant, Mick is the "perfect gentleman." Her fears peek when Mick whips out the dreaded little box. To small to be a book, and to big to be a cheap ring. She tries to avoid the inevitable but Mick insists. Inside, much to her relief, is the worlds smallest thong teddy. She's relived and tells him how much she loves it. Relieved until Mick slips with "I knew you'd love me."The next day at the Bar the gang is playing a game. "Where is the strangest place you've done it?" Dennis is there with his "Chick of the week," Mick is with Audrey. As Dennis' "date" goes to the women's room, Mick talks Dennis into going in there and getting a strange place story himself. He does. Unfortunately, the band is at the bar and Staci walks in on them. She bolts from the bar and Dennis chases after her. They have it out in the street. It's not so much that she's mad about the bathroom episode, it's that he's turned into someone he's not. But Dennis doesn't get it.Returning to the bar Dennis searches for an explanation to what's going on in his life. Everyone tells him what he doesn't want to hear, basically what Staci told him. But still, he just doesn't get it and the more he doesn't, the more pissed off he gets.He ends up in a fight with Mick and calls him married, this strikes deep at Mick. After everybody is gone Mick asks Sunny if people can ever change, but Kate, an old flame from years back, interrupts him. He ends up going home with her perhaps to prove to himself that he isn't "married" and that he's still a believer in the "chick of the week" life style.The next morning, however, Mick feels terrible, but Kate sets him straight. She was just his denial screw. He's got honest feelings he has to deal with. Mick finally agrees and decides to ask Audrey to move in with him. That same morning Dennis makes one last phone call trying to explain that he's "not been himself" to Staci's machine.That afternoon at the bar Dennis and Mick make up and Audrey arrives to talk to Mick. Just as he's about to ask her to move in with him she tells him they have to break it off. The dating was fun, but she's not ready for a relationship. He's devastated but tries not to show it.At the bar, Dennis finds his wedding ring in a dish of peanuts. He's about to put it on when Staci arrives. She's decided to give Dennis another chance, but on her terms. He agrees and is about to shove his ring in his pocket when Staci grabs it and tosses it in Buck's beer. He grumbles pulls it out a throws the ring out the door where it rolls and lands next to a piece of old gum. -- © Binary Film