Mean Machine (2001)

34% of critics liked it
(56 reviews)
74% of users liked it
(37,329 ratings)

The classic Burt Reynolds football-behind-bars flick The Longest Yard crosses the pond and gets an appropriate British accent in the process in this rough-and-tumble mixture of sports and action-comedy. Danny Mehan (Vinnie Jones) was one of the biggest stars in British football (what Americans call… More The classic Burt Reynolds football-behind-bars flick The Longest Yard crosses the pond and gets an appropriate British accent in the process in this rough-and-tumble mixture of sports and action-comedy. Danny Mehan (Vinnie Jones) was one of the biggest stars in British football (what Americans call soccer), until he was caught rigging a game during a championship tournament. In the wake of this scandal, Danny's career takes a nosedive and his life spins out of control, until he finally ends up in prison for three years on an assault and battery conviction. Danny discovers there are a number of football fans behind bars who still hate him for fixing the game, but Danny has one powerful fan in this prison. The warden (David Hemmings) is a devoted football supporter with a taste for gambling; he's been trying to assemble a semi-pro team comprised of the prison's guards, but Danny is just smart enough to know this would seal his fate with his fellow prisoners. Instead, he offers to put together a team of inmates, who can play practice games against the guards. A new inmate, Sykes (John Forgeham), gets wind of Danny's idea and arranges an exhibition match between Danny's new team and the guards, though Sykes' motivation is more than just good fun. A powerful bookie, Sykes lost a fortune on the game Danny threw, and expects betting to be heavy for this game. If Danny and his men win, Sykes could make back the fortune he lost, but if the guards come out ahead, Danny's goose is cooked. Can Danny turn a gang of losers, misfits, and violent psychopaths -- including muscle-bound lunatic Monk (Jason Statham), creepy but loyal Billy the Limpit (Danny Dyer), tough guy Massive (Vas Blackwood), pyromaniac Nitro (Robbie Gee), and enthusiastic but out-of-shape Raj (Omid Djalili) -- into a proper team with a fighting chance of winning? Mean Machine was produced by Matthew Vaughn, who was also behind Guy Ritchie's tough-but-stylish crime comedies Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch. Star Vinnie Jones, by the way, enjoyed a career as a professional footballer in Great Britain before turning to acting. ~ Mark Deming, Rovi

Rating, Runtime: R, 1 hr. 38 min.
Directed By: Barry Skolnick
Genres: Drama, Art House & International, Comedy

In Theaters: Feb 22, 2002 Wide
On DVD: Jul 16, 2002
Studio: Paramount Classics

Critic Reviews

Robert K. Elder, Chicago Tribune
Holds its ground as a mid-budget Hollywood knockoff.
Steven Rea, Philadelphia Inquirer
A likably energetic star vehicle for English sports god Vinnie Jones.
Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel
It's still a hoot, sports cliches, prison movie cliches and all.
Rex Reed, New York Observer
Another incomprehensible trash explosion from the Guy Ritchie school of cinematic slugfests.
Eric Harrison, Houston Chronicle
It's mildly entertaining, especially if you find comfort in familiarity. But it's hardly a necessary enterprise.
Desson Thomson, Washington Post
Dramatically lackluster.
Harry Guerin, RTE Interactive (Dublin, Ireland)
By the final whistle you're convinced that this Mean Machine was a decent TV outing that just doesn't have big screen magic.
David Cornelius, eFilmCritic.com
On its own, it's not very interesting. As a remake, it's a pale imitation.
John Venable, Supercala.com
Some of the acting is average, the direction is below average at times, and the writing is way below average most of the time.
Luis Martinez, Cinenganos
La cinta comienza intentando ser un drama, rápidamente se transforma en una comedia y termina por ser una parodia absolutamente predecible
Robert W. Butler, Kansas City Star
The whole affair is as predictable as can be.

Read all 11 critic reviews

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Fresh (60% or more critics rated the movie positively)

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Featured Audience Ratings

Lady D

This was a role Footballer turned Actor Vinnie Jones was meant to play. Mean Machine is full of known British faces, perhaps topping the film off with Jason Flemyng's banter and commentary of the game. This is prison polictics versus Team tactics. Predictable, yet none the… More
This was a role Footballer turned Actor Vinnie Jones was meant to play. Mean Machine is full of known British faces, perhaps topping the film off with Jason Flemyng's banter and commentary of the game. This is prison polictics versus Team tactics. Predictable, yet none the less entertaining
Anthony L

A cross between The Longest yard and Escape to Victory (Without the escape). Its crap. I couldn't stop laughing at the dodgy set. Skolnick gets carried away with the editing and repeats the same shots too much and although it?s a likable cast, none of them can act very well… More
A cross between The Longest yard and Escape to Victory (Without the escape). Its crap. I couldn't stop laughing at the dodgy set. Skolnick gets carried away with the editing and repeats the same shots too much and although it?s a likable cast, none of them can act very well (apart from the wasted Kelly & Hemmings) and the mix of 'Drama' and 'Comedy' is poorly executed. It makes the British film industry look amateurish and quite frankly it?s an embarrassment.
Al S

A laugh out loud and gritty action-packed good time. A film with an unlikely heart that you wouldnt expect brings out solid entertainment pleasure. Colorful characters, hard hitting action, outragious comedy and a great story. A solid enjoyment that will not let up till the end of… More
A laugh out loud and gritty action-packed good time. A film with an unlikely heart that you wouldnt expect brings out solid entertainment pleasure. Colorful characters, hard hitting action, outragious comedy and a great story. A solid enjoyment that will not let up till the end of this awsome movie. Wickedly entertaining and cool. A field goal of laughs and drama. Vinnie Jones is teriffic. David Kelly is excellent. Jason Statham is wildly intentive and fun.
Film C

this is a very british film and if you have seen the longest yard its exactly like it but americian style but reli reli gd jason statham is gawjus
Khris N

The Brit humor in this one is tops - the best are the two gaolbirds commentating the 'match' in all its hilarity!! The goal keeper is 'psychotcially' funny!!!
Deb S

Before acting Vinnie Jones was actually a tough football player playing for the English Football League in the U.K who leapt to fame when a photographer caught him grabbing Paul Gascoigne by his testicles. It will therefore come to no surprise then how totally believable he is here as… More
Before acting Vinnie Jones was actually a tough football player playing for the English Football League in the U.K who leapt to fame when a photographer caught him grabbing Paul Gascoigne by his testicles. It will therefore come to no surprise then how totally believable he is here as Danny Meehan, a former professional player who gets busted for fixing an international soccer game and then assaulting police. Predictably he lands in prison. Whilst there he accepts an offer from the gambling warden to stage a football match between the prisoners and the officers. I had a blast watching this one. It's a no brainer for sure but all of the characters were very amusing and I was thoroughly entertained and absolutely loved Jason Statham as psychotic goalie "Monk." It's a tad repetitive but I guess I never tire of seeing guys getting kneed in the groin oops my bad... <a href="http://tinypic.com?ref=2iuc02g" target="_blank"><img src="http://i54.tinypic.com/2iuc02g.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic"></a> <a href="http://tinypic.com?ref=30j4dqu" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.tinypic.com/30j4dqu.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic"></a> <a href="http://tinypic.com?ref=2uxwx95" target="_blank"><img src="http://i52.tinypic.com/2uxwx95.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic"></a> <a href="http://tinypic.com?ref=24yv05k" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.tinypic.com/24yv05k.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic"></a> <a href="http://tinypic.com?ref=2jbl83b" target="_blank"><img src="http://i51.tinypic.com/2jbl83b.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic"></a> <a href="http://tinypic.com?ref=2wexx8i" target="_blank"><img src="http://i51.tinypic.com/2wexx8i.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic"></a> <a href="http://tinypic.com?ref=wh00zq" target="_blank"><img src="http://i53.tinypic.com/wh00zq.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic"></a>
Jonny C

This is the British version of the Longest Yard. Vinnie Jones is the ex-footballer who puts together a team of inmates to compete against the guards. I prefer this to the Adam Sandler version, as I thought this had a bit more heart.
Adam M

A british version of The Longest Yard that is probably better that the Adam Sandler version of the same name!Its ok,nothing special.Vinnie Jones plays a footballer in jail for assault and forms a football team with some of his fellow inmates in order to play a match against the… More
A british version of The Longest Yard that is probably better that the Adam Sandler version of the same name!Its ok,nothing special.Vinnie Jones plays a footballer in jail for assault and forms a football team with some of his fellow inmates in order to play a match against the prisons guards and obviously,theres some trouble along the way.Pretty good,some funny moments.
Barry L

The original will always be better but I loved this. British humour at its best.