Modern Vampires

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Plot: The subversive, super-hip television show Buffy, the Vampire Slayer has changed the bloodsucking genre forever. Hilariously campy and self-aware, the show cleverly sends up every exhausted conv...( read more read more... )ention the vampire genre has to offer. It was only a matter of time before someone tried translating the same tone to the big screen (the Buffy film failed miserably before becoming a show). As written by Matthew Bright (Freeway) and directed by Richard Elfman (Forbidden Zone), the silly and seditious Modern Vampires tries a similar tongue-in-cheek approach, flipping the focus instead to the vampires. Sure, it's shameless, it's cheesy, but it's also much more entertaining than, say, the heavy-handed Blade. The filmmakers set the genre piece in Los Angeles, a city cynical and violent enough to allow vampires to roam without much notice. The Hollywood lifestyle has influenced these vampires, though, as they stage elaborate parties where nude humans are kept in cages and carted out for main courses ("Is he Italian? I was wanting Italian tonight!"), as well as feast on the likes of screenwriters, producers, and entertainment lawyers (talk about bloodsuckers). In terms of plot, not much is going on here. A very serious and driven Dr. Frederick Van Helsing (Rod Steiger) arrives in L.A., from Germany, in search of Dallas (Casper Van Dien of Starship Troopers), a vampire who turned his son 20 years ago. Needing a partner, Van Helsing puts out an ad and picks up a Crips gangster member named Time Bomb (Gabriel Casseus), creating perhaps the goofiest vampire-hunting tag team in film history. "Do you believe in vampires?" Van Helsing first asks his young partner. "As long as you're writing the checks, I'll take out anyone," he replies. Steiger is wonderfully over the top (think Donald Pleasance in any of the Halloween sequels), and Elfman fills his vampire cast with other notable charismatic character actors, including Kim Cattrall (Sex and the City), Natasha Gregson Wagner (humorous as a trailer-trash vamp), and Udo Kier. Straight to video doesn't get much better than this. --Dave McCoy

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  • adarkkitten
    adarkkitten
    4.5 Stars
    MCT:
    February 23, 2008
    You've got to see this one! "Modern Vampires" is a delightful horror-comedy. TV's Craig Ferguson is one of the vamps - priceless! I thoroughly enjoyed Casper Van Dien's performance as Dallas; he fit the film well. Like any quality vampire movie, this one offers a respectable amount of blood and nudity. Yeah! Overall, a laid-back, fun movie chock full of laughs!
  • dgrant
    dgrant
    4.0 Stars
    MCT:
    February 19, 2008
    Wow! I had way more fun watching this movie than I expected to. It was everything you could hope for in a cheesy vampire movie. Hilarious!
  • nerdpanda
    nerdpanda
    1.0 Star
    MCT:
    October 26, 2007
    What a piece of poo. I have a feeling somebody who knows very little about vampires or has no interest in them at all wrote and produced this. There is some funny scences though but that doesnt make up for it.
  • joyouskiss
    joyouskiss
    2.5 Stars
    MCT:
    October 9, 2007
    It's alright, kind of boring characters. Dumb teen vampire girl who is annoying in the flick. It's just ok. Very weak and lacking.
  • futsin
    futsin
    1.5 Stars
    MCT:
    July 10, 2007
    Some of the performances are good, but the film was aggravating for me. I hope someday to do something in this vein and top it.
  • kingmob6
    kingmob6
    3.0 Stars
    MCT:
    January 8, 2007
    Funny stuff, a quirky take on the vampire mythos set in LA that features Crips as Van Helsing's minions in his pursuit of Dracula.
  • Jubei
    Jubei
    4.0 Stars
    MCT:
    December 24, 2006
    I know everyone else hates this movie, but I think it is hilarious. Since I'm not big on vampire movies anyway, this was a great change of pace and funny.
  • B2Nfuego
    B2Nfuego
    Not Interested
    MCT:
    October 2, 2006
    Today in Vampire wear we see our models Jeffy and Lulu in some fantastic "modern" black leather. . .
  • RubenBooth
    RubenBooth
    3.5 Stars
    MCT:
    June 6, 2006
    Good fun film that never for a second takes itself seriously. Bonus half star for Rod Steiger's absolutely hilarious performance as Prof. Van Helsing and his homeboy gang.

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