No Such Thing (2001)

29% of critics liked it
(42 reviews)
57% of users liked it
(3,393 ratings)

Beauty meets the Beast, and neither is sure just what to make of the other, in a modern-dress comic variation on the ancient folk tale, written and directed by the eternally offbeat Hal Hartley. Beatrice (Sarah Polley) works with the office staff of a sleazy tabloid TV news show, run by a harridan… More Beauty meets the Beast, and neither is sure just what to make of the other, in a modern-dress comic variation on the ancient folk tale, written and directed by the eternally offbeat Hal Hartley. Beatrice (Sarah Polley) works with the office staff of a sleazy tabloid TV news show, run by a harridan producer (Helen Mirren) eager for something other than the usual spate of violent crimes and natural disasters that are her show's bread and butter. The producer sends her camera crew to Iceland in search of something new and unusual, and they certainly find it when they run across a village that has its own monster (Robert John Burke), a large part-mammal and part-lizard with a short temper and habit of killing people who get on his nerves. The show's camera crew (including Beatrice's boyfriend) doesn't survive their first encounter with the monster, and Beatrice is sent to find out what happened to them. En route to Iceland, Beatrice's plane crashes into the waters off the coast, and while she survives the accident, a group of unsympathetic locals decide (after a few drinks too many) to take her to the monster's lair, where a grim fate doubtless awaits her. Except that the monster is a bit depressed and Beatrice isn't in the mood to take any guff from anyone; after the monster wonders aloud why folks aren't as frightened of him as they once were, he asks Beatrice to help him find Dr. Artaud (Baltasar Kormakur), a mad scientist who might be able to cure him of the curse of eternal life. No Such Thing received its world premiere at the 2001 Cannes Film Festival, where it was screened as part of the Un Certain Regard series. ~ Mark Deming, Rovi

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Rating, Runtime: R, 1 hr. 41 min.
Directed By: Hal Hartley
Written By: Hal Hartley
Genres: Drama, Science Fiction & Fantasy, Comedy

In Theaters: Mar 29, 2002 Limited
On DVD: Jul 9, 2002
Studio: United Artists Films/ MGM

Critic Reviews

Rex Reed, New York Observer
I watched the brainless insanity of No Such Thing with mounting disbelief.
Stephanie Zacharek, Salon.com
No Such Thing may be far from perfect, but those small, odd Hartley touches help you warm to it.
Desson Thomson, Washington Post
Everything's serious, poetic, earnest and -- sadly -- dull.
Ann Hornaday, Washington Post
By the end of No Such Thing the audience, like Beatrice, has a watchful affection for the monster.
Edward Guthmann, San Francisco Chronicle
Hartley never gets a firm grasp on this material.
John Anderson, Newsday
What [Hartley] wants, and gets, is a fablish mood.
Emanuel Levy, EmanuelLevy.Com
Instead of arresting a downward-spiralling career, Hartley's latest folly (one of the worst movies in Cannes 2001) shows what happens to an iconoclastic director when he neglects his intsinctive talent for small, quirly indies and goes uproariously big.
Oz, eFilmCritic.com
For a guy who has waited three years with breathless anticipation for a new Hal Hartley movie to pore over, No Such Thing is a big letdown.
Kevin N. Laforest, Apollo Guide
Like the world of his film, Hartley created a monster but didn't know how to handle it.
Dennis Schwartz, Ozus' World Movie Reviews
It's not a particularly good film, but neither is it a monsterous one.
Erica Abeel, Film Journal International
Why did such fine actors sign on to this lollapalooza?
Scott Weinberg, DVD Clinic
Laced with liberal doses of dark humor, gorgeous exterior photography, and a stable-full of solid performances, No Such Thing is a fascinating little tale.
Bill Chambers, Film Freak Central
No Such Thing breaks no new ground and treads old turf like a hippopotamus ballerina.
Jason Clark, Matinee Magazine
A stirring, funny and finally transporting re-imagining of Beauty and the Beast and 1930s horror films
Prairie Miller, WBAI Web Radio
Can a philosophical monster movie work when it's not meant to be scary? Apparently indie bad boy Hal Hartley thinks so.
Christopher Null, Filmcritic.com
It's Splash without the jokes.

Read all 16 critic reviews

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Featured Audience Ratings

A.D. V

Robert Burke is brilliant as the monster as is his makeup; Sarah Polley plays against him very nicely; director/composer Hal Hartley's score is a masterpiece; the rest of the film however is a frustrating mess of worthless subplots and underused castmates all rolled up into a… More
Robert Burke is brilliant as the monster as is his makeup; Sarah Polley plays against him very nicely; director/composer Hal Hartley's score is a masterpiece; the rest of the film however is a frustrating mess of worthless subplots and underused castmates all rolled up into a lackluster film with a (anti)climax that most will feel cheated by.
Bill C

This is a well written story made on a shoe string budget. All the character are well developed and there are some beautiful shots of Iceland. The story is about of an immortal rock like creature who has lived since the world was formed. He watched animals evolve to the current period… More
This is a well written story made on a shoe string budget. All the character are well developed and there are some beautiful shots of Iceland. The story is about of an immortal rock like creature who has lived since the world was formed. He watched animals evolve to the current period in time. He lives in isolation to avoid the human race, he had a bad run –in with them several hundred years ago. He meets a naïve and beautiful reporter and she convinces him to come back to society. It all goes wrong through the middle of the movie. Helen Merrin plays her exploitive editor. The Movie start and finishes good , but the middle is a little slowly paced and predictable. The shoe string BBC production value can only be compared to the final days of the 70’s era “Doctor Who” I would only recommend this to hard core sci-fi or movie buffs.
Marion R

I found the main characters inconsistent. A lot of things in the film seem to be have no point. I just didn't get it.
FanGirl B

A very unusual film and well worth your time.