November 11, 2009
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Thirst (1979)
Written by John Pinkney.
Directed by Rod Hardy.
With Chantal Contouri, Shirley Cameron, Max Phipps, Henry Silva, and Rod Mullinar.
A direct descendant of Elizabeth Bathory is kidnapped by other vampires who want to make her one of their own.
All that charming and wealthy Kate Davis (Contouri) wants to do is live happily ever after with her handsome boyfriend. Unfortunately, unbeknown to her, she is a direct lineal descendant of Countess Elizabeth Bathory. You remember Liz, she was that Hungarian rich chick who drank and bathed in at least 600 gallons of blood from at least 600 beautiful young women in the late 1500's and early 1600's.
I might add that Liz Bathory also sodomized the comely maidens first, then partially ate some of them alive, before torturing and murdering them and drinking, bathing, and masturbating in their blood. But then gee golly gosh, what's a bored aristocratic gal supposed to do for fun in the darned old dark and dusty 1500's, anyway???
So it turns out for poor Kate that there are 70,000 well netwroked, politically powerful vampires in the modern world and some of them come from equally distinguished aristocratic families. A member of one wants to marry her, and probably do a few other things to her that we won't go into here, but suffice it to say that the hapless and desirable Kate is snatched away to a vampire "resort."
While there, she will become fully indoctrinated, get hitched, and . . . and well, I suspect "get" other things as well, seeing as how her vamp suitor has been watching surreptitiously-filmed home movies of Kate getting her groove worked over by her boyfriend.
The resort also happens to be a human blood farm. Kidnapped, tranquilized mortals are put out to pasture and herded in a couple of times a week to be "milked" for, you guessed it, rich, red, raw human blood! They are referred to as "blood cows," and they are drained of a pint or so each time via the latest technology in a huge row of sanitary stalls. They don't appear to be very happy about it either, but then that's good incentive to unionize.
A "direct-to-line vacuum pulsator" (dairy speak for the milking machine hose terminal that is supposed to fit around a cow's udder) is hooked right into the helpless humans' jugulars. Then their blood is sucked, pumped, filtered, pasteurized, homogenized, inspected and certified as safe, just like at a real dairy (hey, vampires have a right to protect themselves from hepatitis too, you know.)
Then, presto. The human Clamato juice is distributed world-wide in conventional milk cartons. Makes you thirsty just thinking about it, huh? It turns out that the facility gives consumer tours and everything. It also has some nice amenities such as swimming pools, racket ball courts, and booze kiosks (vamps only!) Unfortunately for Kate, since she's on a special diet, the program for her consists of involuntary drug-induced hallucinations, coercive brainwashing and blood force-feeding, just to get her in the mood for her wedding night.
It works! -Well, sort of. The problem is that the plan, like most in these hemoglobin flicks, doesn't go very smoothly. In fact after some initial difficulties, then apparent success, it blows up right in everyone's faces with gruesome and disturbing results. This is a solid Australian film and one of the best vampire movies from the 1970's that I have seen so far. If you like odd and twisted cinema, or hot and heavy bloodsucking action, I give it four and half stakes through the heart.
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