Featured Audience Ratings

• Bob S

  
  Did not kick ass.

• Jens S

  
  By all means, I am no fan of the genre of the Samurai swordsman, but I can still expect more than slow story-telling, wooden acting and unfunny slapstick. It doesn't help that the swords, wounds and the gushing blood are computer animated and you see it. Sure, the film… More
  By all means, I am no fan of the genre of the Samurai swordsman, but I can still expect more than slow story-telling, wooden acting and unfunny slapstick. It doesn't help that the swords, wounds and the gushing blood are computer animated and you see it. Sure, the film doesn't take itself too seriously, but it's still plain boring at times. Given the mostly positive reviews I expected a lot more but this did not work for me on any level. Maybe it's the Western world viewing expectations, maybe it's me. Maybe the film is just crap, though. I gave up after an hour.

• Mark W

  
  'Beat' Takeshi Kitano made his name as a standup comedian before entering into cinema with a surprising array of serious and very violent roles. Here he tries to recapture the successful character who was a popular figure in Japanese film & television throughout the… More
  'Beat' Takeshi Kitano made his name as a standup comedian before entering into cinema with a surprising array of serious and very violent roles. Here he tries to recapture the successful character who was a popular figure in Japanese film & television throughout the 1960's to the 1980's. Nineteenth-century blind nomad known as a gambler and masseur is also a lightning-fast master swordsman who stumbles into a town run by gangs and a powerful samurai. When he meets two geishas who are out to avenge their parents' murder, the fireworks begin. I've never seen the very successful series of films or television program of which this is based upon, so i'm not in a position to compare but it doesn't hinder the enjoyment of this visceral yet playful bloodfest. Kitano stages the whole yarn in a very theatrical style, with extremely exagerrated bloodletting, combined with an excellent soundtrack to fit with the rythmic moments and movements from the characters, like workers plowing the fields or rain pattering off an umbrella. It's beautifully shot and really captures the ingriguing Japanese culture with several stunning shots. As much as I admire the almost mystical and stoic tradition of the Japanese, I'm not the biggest Samurai fan, so the whole thing worked for me only to a certain degree. However, if your a fan of swordplay, then this will be right up your kimono. There's no denying the visual style throughout this serene yet kinetic bloodbath. It's like an eastern spaghetti western, but if your not interested in the genre then harikari may be a better option for you.

• xGary X

  
  A wandering blind masseur with unsurpassed skills as a swordsman finds himself allied with a quirky collection of misfits against a ruthless criminal gang, including a brother and sister impersonating a pair of geishas and an unlucky would-be gambler. I'm a big fan of Beat… More
  A wandering blind masseur with unsurpassed skills as a swordsman finds himself allied with a quirky collection of misfits against a ruthless criminal gang, including a brother and sister impersonating a pair of geishas and an unlucky would-be gambler. I'm a big fan of Beat Takeshi, and I love samurai movies so I was never going to dislike this film. It's my first non-gangster piece from him and I have to say, it's got to be my favourite; the great cast of likeable oddballs feel like real people rather than resorting to the kind of contrived wackiness of many indie style films, and it has a mix of ingredients such as a wide streak of gentle humour and even a musical tap number(!) that just don't sound like they'd fit in with a samurai film, but somehow it works! The explosions of artful violence are beautifully done, with an inventive use of CGI to represent the gushing blood that looks like splashes of vibrant red paint against the subdued tones of Beat Takeshi's cinematic canvas. An inventive and beautiful looking samurai film that is a worthy successor to the heritage of Akira Kurosawa.

• Dean !

  
  Ok seems I missed something here?? This film has great reviews but I found it very slow and the fights are far to quick, barely fights at all. I don't know of the other Zatoichi films this was inspired by but this felt like a film made 30 years ago. Some of the scenes become very… More
  Ok seems I missed something here?? This film has great reviews but I found it very slow and the fights are far to quick, barely fights at all. I don't know of the other Zatoichi films this was inspired by but this felt like a film made 30 years ago. Some of the scenes become very boring and repetitive along with minimal dialogue. The end fight is good but it's a long slow numb build up to it!

• Lorenzo v

  
  <i>"Even with my eyes wide open I can't see a thing."</i> The blind masseur/swordsman comes to an town in control of warring gangs, and while bunking with a farming family, he meets two women with their own agenda. <center><font size=+2… More
  <i>"Even with my eyes wide open I can't see a thing."</i> The blind masseur/swordsman comes to an town in control of warring gangs, and while bunking with a farming family, he meets two women with their own agenda. <center><font size=+2 face="Century Schoolbook"><b><u>REVIEW</u></b></font></center> Kitano's remake of the classic multi-part samurai tale keeps with the spirit of the old pictures, but adds a feeling only 'Beat' Kitano could add. Zatoichi again finds himself in a heap of trouble not his own when he takes shelter in a village controlled by violent gangs. At first half-heartedly avoiding the conflict, he is soon drawn in when he meets up with some colorful characters with vengeance in mind. Kitano has never been shy about bringing on the bloodshed and this samurai swash-buckler is no different. Limbs get sliced off, skin gets split open, geysers of red spurt left and right, but he treats the violence with a near comic over-representation; it's simply too exaggerated to be taken seriously. He has also chosen to incorporate his off-beat sense of humor which makes for an interesting union with the traditionally serious trappings of a samurai piece. On the technical side he is at the top of his game. Color, lighting and sound are all excellent. The only real down side to the film is the actual plot; while the writing is good, the story is all to familiar and cliché. Recommended to any one who wants to watch a good, fun movie, but especially to samurai film fans as this is the best one of it's kind to come out in a number of years.

• Luke B

  
  This is what opened my eyes to Zatoichi 6 years ago. Back then I saw it as a Kitano fan, and it was an absolutely beautiful piece. Now I watch it after the original 26 movies, and it's even more striking. Kitano has done an excellent job of fusing his own style and calm with what… More
  This is what opened my eyes to Zatoichi 6 years ago. Back then I saw it as a Kitano fan, and it was an absolutely beautiful piece. Now I watch it after the original 26 movies, and it's even more striking. Kitano has done an excellent job of fusing his own style and calm with what makes a Zatoichi film great. Kitano is obviously not trying to fill Katsu's shoes, he shows this instantly with Zatoichi's bleached hair. This has some truly memorable shots, and great supporting characters. It has the humour and the violence and enough badarsery to keep you glued. Underneath it all is Kitano's wonderful subtle way of dealing with emotions. With the two geisha "sisters", we have a dance scene where it is the one playing the music that is overwhelmed with sadness at what her brother has endured over the last ten years. The music and cinematography are sublime in every way. The music talking on an original slant, often creating the illusion that it is coming from the actions on-screen. This is a great stand alone film, a beautiful Kitano film, and a fantastic companion to Katsu's legacy.

• Anthony L

  
  Takeshi Kitano's take on the classic Japanese story of Zatoichi, The Blind Swordsman. A risky move seeing as the series has a massive loyal following around the globe. Luckily the risk paid off as it was an international success and fans of the franchise embarrassed it. Shintarô… More
  Takeshi Kitano's take on the classic Japanese story of Zatoichi, The Blind Swordsman. A risky move seeing as the series has a massive loyal following around the globe. Luckily the risk paid off as it was an international success and fans of the franchise embarrassed it. Shintarô Katsu will always be Zatoichi but he can rest in peace in the knowledge that the character remains unspoilt and still kicking ass! The end sequence is fantastic!

• Stella D

  
  i mostly enjoyed it but what was up with the hoedown at the end? tres bizarre

• Tsubaki S

  
  Kitano's take on the popular japanese character of Zatoichi is both fun and interesting. Kitano manages to add his unique ambigous touch to the character while preserving it's roots. I did missed Joe Hisaishi's music on this one, even that the soundtrack is not bad. The… More
  Kitano's take on the popular japanese character of Zatoichi is both fun and interesting. Kitano manages to add his unique ambigous touch to the character while preserving it's roots. I did missed Joe Hisaishi's music on this one, even that the soundtrack is not bad. The CGI blood ocasionally breaks the atmosphere, but eventually becomes part of the film. Some purists of the original flicks might have not liked this one, this wasn't suppose to be an exact copy of the originals. Kitano and Katsu-shin are two very different performers. So take this as what it is, a different take on a well known character.

• Saskia D

  
  Saw this one again, but I'm sorry to say this: Kitano lacks the charisma that Shintaro Katsu has, the charisma that ís Zatoichi. I missed the dry and silly humour, that and the lack of personality makes this a slow and dull movie. The character played by Tadanobu Asano makes up… More
  Saw this one again, but I'm sorry to say this: Kitano lacks the charisma that Shintaro Katsu has, the charisma that ís Zatoichi. I missed the dry and silly humour, that and the lack of personality makes this a slow and dull movie. The character played by Tadanobu Asano makes up for that what Kitano's Zatoichi lacks: charisma and personality.

• Stephen M

  
  If Takeshi Kitano was more concerned with telling his story rather than making himself look cool, this could have been something special. The flashback sequences are sometimes confusingly inserted and the rival gangs are not clearly enough differentiated. Despite these weaknesses, the… More
  If Takeshi Kitano was more concerned with telling his story rather than making himself look cool, this could have been something special. The flashback sequences are sometimes confusingly inserted and the rival gangs are not clearly enough differentiated. Despite these weaknesses, the identity of the Kuchinawa boss is still too easy to spot. Some of the comedy works, some doesn't, but the dance sequence at the end does little but undermine the period feel. The CGI bloodletting is unnecessary and poorly done.

• Khris N

  
  Lolololz!! Action COMEDY?? Yes it is!!! This is an unusal outing for Beat Takeshi (Kitano) but it shows that he still has a unique vision in making his movies. Lolz, bad pun on my part, as pretty much he plays a bllind man in this one!! XD But this is an interesting take on… More
  Lolololz!! Action COMEDY?? Yes it is!!! This is an unusal outing for Beat Takeshi (Kitano) but it shows that he still has a unique vision in making his movies. Lolz, bad pun on my part, as pretty much he plays a bllind man in this one!! XD But this is an interesting take on Zatoichi, and it uniqueness is probably what sets it apart. Dont expect a full blown humourless drama, expect something like Kill Bill with some fresh humor at certain points, and its actually an interesting movie to watch. The ingredients - a blind samurai, a ronin assassin/ bodyguard, a brother and sister geisha duo who pose as assassins, gang lords and the village idiot, and your probably thinking what the hell is going on here?? But it all makes sense! There is a very credible story of revenge behind this, so noone will get lost. The cast are interesting, Takeshi playing the lead character that packs quite a few surprises, especially at the ending. Then you have a transvestite geisha, a ronin, gambling and humor which can be wry or slap stick and a mystrey which is not revelaed until the end. And of course, lightning fast action and violence! Very similar to Kill Bill, though done better with a bit of panazz and its good Takeshi cut down on the gore and was content on just showing the blood spills and spray, as the restricted rating might have dampend the immense popularity this movie has recieved! Winner of the Venice and Toronto Film festivals for Best Film.

• Ken S

  
  This movie is a fried slice of gold. Asano transcends badassery

• Aaron N

  
  Shinkichi: Massuer, did you see that? Zatôichi: I don't see much Back in the day, the series about Zatoichi, the blind swordsman was more expansive than James Bond, and he has returned, with a new approach, compliments of the Japanese filmaker Beat Takeshi, who knows how to… More
  Shinkichi: Massuer, did you see that? Zatôichi: I don't see much Back in the day, the series about Zatoichi, the blind swordsman was more expansive than James Bond, and he has returned, with a new approach, compliments of the Japanese filmaker Beat Takeshi, who knows how to combine humor, action, and drama very well. The movie is about Zatoichi and his journeys, as well as some of the characters he encounters. These include: a masterless samurai, seeking a match, and two siblings searching for vengeance. These plotlines take just as much of the movie, as things involving Zatoichi. The action in this movie comes quick and brutal, and is vivid with the color red. The blood effects are delibertely made to look fake because as Kitano puts it, wanting to "soften the shock to the audience" due to the high body count. Kitano told the CGI artist he wanted the blood to "look like flowers blossoming across the screen." Mixed with a good score and nice visuals, Zatoichi's return to cinema is very nice to see. Shinkichi: Aren't you betting? Zatôichi: I'll just watch for now. Shinkichi: Watch? But you're blind!

• EightThirty .

  
  This is absolutely cool, well done!

• Dean M

  
  Takeshi "Beat" Kitano is incredible as a blind, nomadic samurai whose word has made him a hero and whose courage has made him a legend. Great sword-fighting in this Japanese thrilling action-adventure film.

• Caesar M

  
  I decided to checkout Takeshi Kitano since the last time I saw him in a movie was the completely unsatisfying sequel Battle Royale 2. The Blind Swordsman: Zatochi is not for everyone, but luckily I was one who enjoyed it. The Blind Swordsman: Zatochi is about a blind swordsman who… More
  I decided to checkout Takeshi Kitano since the last time I saw him in a movie was the completely unsatisfying sequel Battle Royale 2. The Blind Swordsman: Zatochi is not for everyone, but luckily I was one who enjoyed it. The Blind Swordsman: Zatochi is about a blind swordsman who comes to a town in control of warring gangs, and meets two women (one that looks like a woman but is man) with their own agenda. The pace of the movie is very slow in terms of plot, but it's very quick when it comes to action which is the reason it's not for everyone. The plot was actually quite interesting and it what made keep watching. It's unfocused with moments despite being well executed are entirely distracting, I could have done without the dance number at the end. The secondary characters do have interesting back story and it does keep you guessing til the end, but ultimately its Kitano that'll hold your attention. Kitano makes convincing Samurai and performs the choreographed sword fight are surprisingly good despite our swordsman being blind. I did enjoy the sword fights, but they do look fake thanks to some unconvincing special effects and the CGI blood doesn't look convincing. The photography is amazing making this one visually appealing movie thanks to some colorful scenery, and they even have Kitano signature of maintaining a shot for a long period whether time or not something is happening. Yet despite being uneven in some areas it an artistic Samurai flick that I ultimately enjoyed thanks to an interesting approach to the genre and with a interesting swordsman. The Blind Swordsman: Zatochi is a artistic Samurai film that'll leave some unhappy due to its distracting slow pace plot and action that moves too fast for some to enjoy. For others, it'll be an interesting take on the genre with an visionary artist who made one best take of Zatochi character.

• Mike N

  
  [font=Verdana][font=verdana]Hello. My name is Neum. I am a human being (contrary to popular belief). As a human, I experience such typical feelings as self-indulgence, pain, and hunger. There are other sensations too, I think. But they're all overrated. I'm just kidding. I… More
  [font=Verdana][font=verdana]Hello. My name is Neum. I am a human being (contrary to popular belief). As a human, I experience such typical feelings as self-indulgence, pain, and hunger. There are other sensations too, I think. But they're all overrated. I'm just kidding. I don't even know who rates this stuff, let alone overrate it. I'm too busy indulging myself in distractions to care.[/font][/font] [font=Verdana][font=Verdana]And kidding. I'm busy doing that too.[/font][/font] [font=Verdana][font=Verdana]They say humans have dreams & ambitions, a want to accomplish things. But, [i]they [/i]wonder if it's just an illusion humans keep to maintain stability in a world full of tragedies and miracles. They say a lot of things like that; usually in doubtful whispers. As a human, I won't kid myself into thinking that reality doesn’t have its vice on many an aspiration. Yet I also like to indulge in fantasy, in beautiful optimism, and know that there is more to dreaming than simply guiding you for that next step. That there are a thousand steps to be taken yet. There will be many accomplishments to speak of! If I ever get un-busy being distracted, that is. And alas, pain sometimes keeps me from dreaming too much. Or, I illogically dream of reasons why I shouldn't dream. Hmm. I'm obviously experiencing some atypical human sensations. I should look into this. Maybe even go with it. Infrequent or not, experiencing such sensations is important to me. As a human.[/font][/font] [font=Verdana][font=Verdana]I took about several hundred thousand steps this past weekend in [/font][font=Verdana]Yosemite [/font][font=Verdana]National Park[/font][font=Verdana], a sort of epic playground for the Gods, with stone chutes, granite ladders, and ranks of trees crowding around them. On Sunday, I walked close to 17 miles with about 5000 feet in elevation change in my trek to the top of Half Dome. For a frame of reference (and to spice up the entry), here's a picture:[/font][/font] [font=Verdana] [font=Verdana][img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v293/neumdaddy/Yosemite1.jpg[/img][/font] [font=Verdana]It was no easy task to be sure. First, I had to deal with my [/font][font=Verdana]Yosemite[/font][font=Verdana] camping cohort & official provider of the vehicle, [b]the Roommate[/b]. The Roommate was nothing short of a loud whine 3 feet from your ear on repeat. With his attitude, I'm surprised he could even will himself to walk. Over and over he would complain about wanting to shorten the trip, refusing to listen to my camping & hiking advice, and explicitly stating his lack of desire to wake up in the diminishing darkness before dawn to attempt [i]the[/i] paramount hike in [/font][font=Verdana]Yosemite[/font][font=Verdana]. Such the defeatist. Though we did find bear paw marks and even bear slobber on the car in the morning (we had no food inside, though), he took it rather well. But aside from that, bleh. One night he hit the sack before 8, so I made the campfire by myself, roasting 'mallows…by myself. He had no interest in the campfire. *sigh* The s'mores were good as usual, but has anybody tried half a roasted marshie between two Nilla wafers with some peanut butter? A name for that would be inconsequential, since it's darn good no matter what you call it. Maybe humans should be like that too; content over categorization... Yyyyeah. :rolleyes: :p Anyways, to be fair, the Roommate claims that he had a headache. To be fairer, the Roommate's just a damn lame-o. :D (I kid, sort of) He doesn’t realize that it's not a camping trip unless you get sweaty socks, dirty fingernails & smoky pants. He's got a horn so green he'd make any heffalump or woosel jealous. In short, he was such a draaaag, maaan. [/incessant complaining][/font] [font=Verdana]Embellishments aside (not really), the Roommate was plodding at a frustratingly slow pace on the hike. Half Dome felt a year away with his literal "baby steps" hiking philosophy, and he probably wouldn't survive the winter. Not that I worried about him like that. In fact, my desire to reach the top was temporarily transformed into hatching a plan to extort 3 months of rent out of him before I dispose of his non-whining carcass somewhere in the shadow of the mountain. [i]The valley echoed with scattered whispers.[/i] But then I thought of the daylight I'd lose in doing so, and the insanely weird process of picking a new roommate ("I'm sorry, but you're just not qualified to live with me."), and then my mind tried to wander into brighter thoughts, but d'argh!, pain was tugging it back.[/font] [font=Verdana][img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v293/neumdaddy/JournalHikingSign1.bmp[/img][/font] [font=Verdana]Pain is a leash. You can't think too far from it. Your body is manacled by it. Yet somehow, we must overcome it by whatever faculties we can summon. We must cut the leash. If we want to "prevail" anyway. But, what if we don't want to? What if we want to give up sometimes, and embrace pain like a cold pillow filled with rocks? Indulging in masochism, wallowing in failure, being that defeatist. Besides, failure's a more powerful lesson in life. Sure, many humans have their own tales of victory in the trenches, overcoming one thing or another, and that's wonderful. But it's failure that we can all really relate to. The victories are the things we dream about. And as we dream, the memories of our missed opportunities gently fade into a refocusing for that next step or the aspiration towards making the next thousand. But of my leash, well, I was still feeling a medley of bouncing pain when I began the march to Half Dome. Stupid body and its stupid defectiveness! Stupid mortality! Now, I'm not trying to elevate myself above other humans with a tale of accomplishment and overcoming pain while everybody else is "wallowing in failure." (Or do I? ;)) I, too, have failed countless times. This is merely one tale. You're just all gathered round the campfire with me to listen. :)[/font] [font=Verdana]Funnily enough, the hurt I brought to the hike ebbed as I carried further along; sort of an exchange for the soreness I was to receive later. Fighting pain with pain. So, as the dull pains began subsiding (and it wasn’t that bad, really), I was able to concentrate on the really important things…like looking at my fingers. The burn mark on my finger (mentioned a few journal entries back), once crispy and caramelized (mmm…finger injuries), now was almost completely flaked away to reveal a newer skin with a pinkish hue (I'm just using these parentheses again for more subliminal nonsense. Wheeeee!). Interesting how our own bodies can regenerate new skin. Humans...they are stranger than science fiction. Our brains live in a different dimension when we sleep, our fingers grow their own calcium-based helmets, and our innards, the supposed "gears that keep our bodies turning," look like an oversized dish of spaghetti with meatballs. But perhaps most convincing of all, Michael Jackson is a representative of the human race (contrary to popular belief). Now, whether humanity is more interesting than science fiction is another matter altogether (here's a hint: Blargh). [size=1]I'm a proponent of umprompted blarghery.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v293/neumdaddy/JournalHikingSign2.bmp[/img][/font] [font=Verdana]There were several stretches on this hike where a steep climb of natural stairs towered before me like the Endless Stair. "From the valley floor to the top of the waterfall I fought him, until at last I threw down my backpack and smote the ruin of my Roommate upon the mountainside." So yeah, my patience was being flicked too often to endure the Roommate’s slow-motion shuffle. I had to cut the leash and fly on ahead for a bit. Walking alone, stinky, sweaty, dirty...it was only logical that I befriended the local squirrel community. Initially I didn't think of the squirrels as anything more than a fleeting splotch of fur in all corners of my eyes. But as they began encircling me with greater numbers, I started taking notice. The squirrel is a peaceful animal, so they naturally came seeking friendship (after I convinced them to set down their pointy twig spears). They seemed to enjoy keeping up as I was walking along, but I suspect it was because my food. Yes, squirrels like food. Unusual trait for a splotch of fur. As I came to find out, they'd jump through invisible hoops to earn a wee morsel of your snack. So, I held an audition for the 15 most nimble squirrels, abandoned the hike, took them home, and began touring the US and Mexico with my traveling troupe of flying and tumbling squirrels. I bought them all miniature goggles and named them all "Rocky." It was a rollicking good portion of my life, up until the lawsuit. It was then when I conveniently stepped into that wrinkle in the fabric of the space-time continuum (hey, I thought it was a quarter!), and was transported back in time, back to Yosemite, to where the squirrels were still squeaking at me for food. Given this second opportunity, I decided mid-chuckle that I should finish the hike this time. However, if a punning moose came clambering up to me at that moment... Alas, my deep and loving friendship with the squirrels could remain, but only at a distance. Don't want those little bastards taking my food.[/font] [font=Verdana]This carried on for quite some time, or felt like it anyway. I had little concentration going on other than keeping one foot in front of the other. The tree-lined path was like an endless hallway. As much as I love nature, it does tend to repeat itself. Which is why granite behemoths like Half Dome & El Capitan are so prominent. Don't see too many of those in the world. The most exciting part of this leg of the ascent was the occasional tree rustling and a sudden thud. "Ooh, a thud!" *is excited* Of course, I'd curiously look around upon such a thud. [i]The forest echoed with innocence. [/i]Just a pine cone falling from a tree. Or it could've been a squirrel spontaneously petrifying. And I'll have my stink to thank for that.[/font] [font=Verdana]There were times when I had to wait for the Roommate for over an hour to catch up. Lizards, squirrels, and squirrel wannabes aka chipmunks all stopped by to say "I'm hungry." Despite the selfish reason they were surrounding me for, St. Francis of Assisi would still be mildly proud. I not only seemed friendly to the squirrels, but to all animals of the forest! All the glorious, spectacularly dull creatures of the wilderness - unite with me!, I declared. Except for birds. Foul demon-creatures that squawk their wretched siren songs to scramble your brains they are! *is suddenly banished to a Hitchcock film* ACK![/font] [font=Verdana]A[/font][font=Verdana]ctually, it would be kind of neat to live inside a movie. Live a cliché, have a simple cast of one-dimensional characters in your life, knowing what you want to do, and survive all the whiz-bang destruction and gut-wrenching drama your story has to offer. My soundtrack would not suck. Plus, all the zombies and hilarious one-liners I could ever want. Sure, the zombies would grunt but they'd never whine, and I wouldn't feel guilty for leaving them behind in a hike. As long as the happy ending expectantly came rolling around. Really though, there are some emotions you experience in film that would be nice to relive. And not just film, but other forms of art too. I've often wished I could live in a Beach Boys chorus, on the Candy Land game board, in a Shakespeare comedy, or heck, even living in a pretty smile (so long as there were no toothpicks involved). Not to mention the worlds within art yet to be created. It's one thing to have impossible abstract wishes like that, but trying to recapture moments of passion and exuberance found in such art is an honest pursuit. I want that in my life too. ...Um, this has nothing to do with anything, really. I'm wasting your time and I don't care :). Actually, now would be a good time for a bathroom break if you need it. I’m not going anywhere.[/font] [font=Verdana][img]http://www.patc.net/images/outhouse.gif[/img][/font] [font=Verdana]Oh, while you're up, you might as well grab a snack. I recommend snicker doodles. I recommend lots of things, but this time specifically, it's snicker doodles. And why not? Snicker doodles have reached knighthood in the kingdom of cookies. They know how to taste good. And, it's fun to say "snicker doodle." If you're lucky, a band of rabid squirrels will come to you for your snack. Opportunity is clawing at the foot of your door.[/font] [font=Verdana][img]http://www.donnab.com/nss-folder/scrapbook/Feb09_12.jpg[/img][/font] [font=Verdana]I'm not going to ask you if you're comfortable, since I gave you ample opportunity to ensconce yourself in a relaxing position.[/font] [font=Verdana]*clears throat*[/font] [font=Verdana]*slightly escalates intensity of moving background music*[/font] [font=Verdana]*belching noise*[/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Oops. Wrong button.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana]*distant dramatic thunder*[/font] [font=Verdana]As I progressed even nearer to the top, the number of visible hikers actually increased. I would walk past a number of hikers, some I had recognized earlier in the day, or a quite a few would be on their way down. "It's worth it" all the downhill trekkers kept saying. I wondered when I'd get to be one of those people, offering tiny nuggets of faux-encouragement with a robotic "It's worth it" to hopeful passersby. Then I beguiled myself to think that people were being randomly generated over the horizons to just appear before me, with their various Hello's and Hey there's. None of these people are real, I thought. Their ambitions, their dreams...not real. Their accomplishments, their past...never existed. They were made to say what they said. It was what happens to those who disappear over horizons. [i]They[/i] replace you. You cannot trust- *thud*...a pine cone falling from a tree? [i]My mind echoed with laughter.[/i] *shakes head* Even when pretending, the sun can warp your thought processes to produce interesting results. :p[/font] [font=Verdana]The final climb to the top was treacherous. After a mercilessly steep stairway of carved rock, you still have the final cable walkway on the cliff face at a 50 degree angle or worse. I couldn't imagine being one of those daring souls who even [i]created[/i] this path. It was your standard issue hike before all of this. On either side of the cable pathway, you could see fleece jackets, cameras, and pagers sitting there on the rock face, waiting to catch a greater breeze to take it all the way down to Half Dome's stony toes. There was even a cell phone out there (probably some poor sap trying to get better reception). It is much too dangerous to even attempt to go retrieve them. That’s how "safe" this cable walkway is. :p When walking so vertically, there was one inescapable certainty in my mind at that point: this is not a place for those with a gripping fear of heights. Just to get beyond the intimidation factor of how steep it looks from afar takes a small dose of derringdo. Oh boy, more pictures![/font] [font=Verdana]It's not so bad...right?[/font] [font=Verdana][img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v293/neumdaddy/Yosemite2.jpg[/img][/font] [font=Verdana]Here's me, watching the world. I must be careful as to not overexpose myself to you guys. I don't want to de-mystify the Neum (except for those who have met me - it's already ruined for them).[/font] [font=Verdana][img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v293/neumdaddy/Yosemite3.jpg[/img][/font] [font=Verdana]A nice cliff overlook...[/font] [font=Verdana][img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v293/neumdaddy/Yosemite4.jpg[/img][/font] [font=Verdana]Me eating people. Hey, I was hungry! (flattering pic too ;))[/font] [font=Verdana][img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v293/neumdaddy/Yosemite5.jpg[/img][/font] [font=Verdana]The top. Sweet, sweet topness. "It's worth it." *robot head pops off*[/font] [font=Verdana]At some point, I realized that I brought my credit card with me on the hike. The reason why hadn't dawned on me until I reached the top, where there lay a Starbucks. *cue foghorn*[/font] [font=Verdana]I had expended a lot of energy making a speedy final push, so the first thing I wanted to do on the top was to find a comfy rock to die on. Instead, I dreamed. [i]The skies echoed with deep breaths.[/i] Early on I caught myself drifting, as it seems to get really noisy when you nod off, like all your sensory inputs rising to a crescendo as they cram into your brain at once. Finally I found that smooth passage into short, swift slumber. I dreamt of clouds. Just clouds, passing in the sky above me like little white danishes on a great blue conveyer belt. There were actually no clouds out at all, save for a few small ones lurking behind far-off mountains. I like it that sometimes there is clearer meaning in my unconscious existence, because it's not so easy to figure in my conscious life. ;)[/font] [font=Verdana]I gradually roamed around Half Dome's giant cranium, tickling its scalp with my bitty little feet, trying to grasp for various words for the moment, but I just kept thinking the same ones. I'm sure you've all had certain words latch onto you before, and you find yourself repeating them in a short period of time. They're like monkeys dueling at the top of a banana tree, kicking others off. These words burrow themselves in and volunteer to be used every chance they get. An unintentional "word of the week" mentality. Fortunately, I wasn’t counting on just that moment for words. Plus, there's always these to help:[/font] [font=Verdana]"Rocky #12," lost somewhere in a disbanded future[/font] [font=Verdana][img]http://www.uweb.ucsb.edu/~veggetto/wasted_squirrel.jpg[/img][/font] [font=Verdana]The descent was unmistakably less appealing. First off, you've seen it all before. It's all backtracking. Second, you're tired as hell, the sun is falling, and the winds are kicking up the trembling dust, just so you'd walk right through dust cloud after dust cloud. If you were chewing gum through such dust clouds, it would become crunchy. Third, [insert trademark 3rd example here that somehow makes the point that much more convincing].[/font] [font=Verdana]"Another day's useless energy spent." That's a line from a cool Moody Blues poem (not terribly original). I wonder how much energy I have used in my life, and how much of it has been a waste (relative term). How much energy will I continue to waste? Is my life best spent at a computer each work day? Of course I know the answer to that. However, it's nice to look at my entire day spent hiking while keeping that line in mind, and know that it doesn't apply. Sure, whenever I stopped, my legs would jiggle like somebody inserted a quarter into my ankle, but that just means I did something useful with them. Energy well spent.[/font] [font=Verdana]It's always in the culminating moments of an event like "a big hike to Half Dome" where I begin to think of the memory as a movie. Maybe I was living in the movie after all. ;) Had plenty of one-dimensional characters, a bit of drama, some great one-liners, and some killer pine cone action. "Neum's Memory of Half Dome…starring: Those 2 Older Guys Who Always Laughed! A New-Age German Couple! The Old Man & His Son! That One Hot Girl And Those Other People With Her That I Didn’t Notice! The Drooling Bear! The Roommate (deceased)! Michael Jackson! And: Neum as Neum!" And the soundtrack won’t suck.[/font] [font=Verdana][img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v293/neumdaddy/JournalHikingSign3.bmp[/img][/font] [font=Verdana]Even with all that, I couldn't help but feel that I had a skewed sense of accomplishment immediately afterwards. I thought the failure of not making it to the top would be greater than the achievement. Not quite the catharsis I had in mind. I was probably too grizzled and beat, though, to really enjoy it in the moment. And like the foreteller I am, it settled in the next day, and I felt pretty good about it. Hiking Half Dome is the sort of thing that I didn’t expect to do, but did it anyway, and realized afterwards that it is accomplishments like this, however mild in the grand scheme, was something that I wanted to do all along. It's my scaled mountain…a victory in the trench. Shoot, even the Roommate made it all the way, and he was less amiable than the squirrels. He was a human indulging in triumph, having cut a few leashes of his own. I suppose humans have persistence going for them as well. I did for writing this entry anyway. It took me all evening and some late afternoon to write. No wonder I was putting it off all week. I had no idea it would unfold so long, and I don't want to think about all the superfluous nonsense I can cut out. I'm done with it![/font] [font=Verdana]If you're still reading...Congratulations! You've just conquered a mountain of words. It was no easy task to be sure. ;) You humans have now accomplished something! I am more than happy to contribute something important to your lives. It's a mutual fulfillment. Now you're all ready to continue down the long and winding trail. Run off and dream! Fail! Achieve! Indulge! Prevail! Be pained! Live your movie! Live your art! Just have a donut handy the next time I see you, because I'm probably going to be hungry by then.[/font] [/font] [font=Verdana][img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v293/neumdaddy/JournalHikingSign4.bmp[/img][/font]

• Panta O

  
  If you love a lot of fast action, easy flowing story and a very good photography watch this movie... but do not expect too much. For me is more a DVD movie than one for cinema lovers...

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