Woody Allen directed an erotic film? Does it involve molested stepdaughters? Look, I know they weren't blood but direct your boner away from the immediate family, perv. It's just a little creepy.

Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz make out and engage in a threesome with Penelope's real-life beau Javier Bardem in Woody's new flick, Vicky Cristina Barcelona.

Can you imagine Woody leering at them making out and slowly massaging his old man nipples through his sweater? And calling for multiple takes? Scarjo plays an backpacker who gets involved with a painter and his jealous ex-girlfriend. Doesn't this sound like Penthouse Forum? Not that I'd know. Shut up!

"It is extremely erotic. People will be blown away and even shocked," is what a source says about the film. Woody wankfest.