6 People We'd Rather Elect Than Either Of These Gu...
6 People We'd Rather Elect Than Either Of These Guys
Posted by
Petes1234567
415 days ago
Tomorrow America elects a new president, forced to choose between two party nominated contenders. Sorry, we can do better. This country needs real change, and odds are that four years from now, no matter who gets elected we’ll still be mired in more of the same. We have a better idea. Instead of nominating real people with fictional platforms, perhaps it’s time we considered nominating fictional people with real agendas.
Forget Obama and McCain. Here are six people who we’d rather have in charge than either of those mud-slinging yahoos.
Morgan Freeman
Not only has he played a president on film, he’s also played god. George Bush claims he gets orders from the big guy in the sky, Morgan Freeman as president is kind of like actually having the almighty creator right there in office. Plus, just imagine the speeches. You think the hopemeister is inspiring, just imagine Freeman there delivering the State of the Union with those deep, dulcet tones. Ok, so he’s an actor and he’d have no idea what he’s talking about, but is that really any worse than some of the other guys we’ve put in charge? I’m pretty sure it’s all Bush can do to read the teleprompter. At least when Morgan Freeman speaks, you feel comfortable and safe, even if there is a giant, flaming, asteroid headed straight towards the planet.
Senator Palpatine
I know what you’re thinking: Palpatine? He’s evil. Sure, but he’s also a man who knows how to get things done. Maybe a few Wookies get wiped out in the process, but party infighting won’t stop him from pushing through his Sith healthcare plan or from winning the war against the rebels… er I mean terrorists. Osama bin Laden? Prepare to eat lightning. While other presidents only talk about making changes, Palpatine keeps his mouth shut and simply sends out his minions to make them. His presidency will almost certainly be bad for Jedis, but it doesn’t seem like such a bad thing for the rest of us, most of whom are not infested with midi-chlorians. Doing something, anything, is better than doing nothing, and lately we’ve had a whole lot of nada. Bring on the Dark Lord of the Sith.
Aslan the Lion
Sure, handing a member of the cat family the keys to the most powerful office in the world might seem foolhardy, but stranger precedents have been set. McKinley was one-eighth walrus, an animal, which it must be said, cannot even survive out of water. So, hell yes, I would willingly vote for The Lion The Witch And The Wardrobe's Aslan before McCain or Obama. He's benevolent, mysterious, and a lame literary shadow character to a one Jesus Of Nazareth, Esquire. Plus, we owe China billions of dollars. They have more people than us and fancy weapons like Tae-Kwan-Do. But with Aslan as President, well, Economic Theory bows to the Laws Of The Jungle, at least according to the most recent Risk rulebook. Give us your tired, your hungry, and your Fancy Feast. We'll be acting aloof, yet still intimidating in no time.
Forget Obama and McCain. Here are six people who we’d rather have in charge than either of those mud-slinging yahoos.
Morgan Freeman
Not only has he played a president on film, he’s also played god. George Bush claims he gets orders from the big guy in the sky, Morgan Freeman as president is kind of like actually having the almighty creator right there in office. Plus, just imagine the speeches. You think the hopemeister is inspiring, just imagine Freeman there delivering the State of the Union with those deep, dulcet tones. Ok, so he’s an actor and he’d have no idea what he’s talking about, but is that really any worse than some of the other guys we’ve put in charge? I’m pretty sure it’s all Bush can do to read the teleprompter. At least when Morgan Freeman speaks, you feel comfortable and safe, even if there is a giant, flaming, asteroid headed straight towards the planet.
Senator Palpatine
I know what you’re thinking: Palpatine? He’s evil. Sure, but he’s also a man who knows how to get things done. Maybe a few Wookies get wiped out in the process, but party infighting won’t stop him from pushing through his Sith healthcare plan or from winning the war against the rebels… er I mean terrorists. Osama bin Laden? Prepare to eat lightning. While other presidents only talk about making changes, Palpatine keeps his mouth shut and simply sends out his minions to make them. His presidency will almost certainly be bad for Jedis, but it doesn’t seem like such a bad thing for the rest of us, most of whom are not infested with midi-chlorians. Doing something, anything, is better than doing nothing, and lately we’ve had a whole lot of nada. Bring on the Dark Lord of the Sith.
Aslan the Lion
Sure, handing a member of the cat family the keys to the most powerful office in the world might seem foolhardy, but stranger precedents have been set. McKinley was one-eighth walrus, an animal, which it must be said, cannot even survive out of water. So, hell yes, I would willingly vote for The Lion The Witch And The Wardrobe's Aslan before McCain or Obama. He's benevolent, mysterious, and a lame literary shadow character to a one Jesus Of Nazareth, Esquire. Plus, we owe China billions of dollars. They have more people than us and fancy weapons like Tae-Kwan-Do. But with Aslan as President, well, Economic Theory bows to the Laws Of The Jungle, at least according to the most recent Risk rulebook. Give us your tired, your hungry, and your Fancy Feast. We'll be acting aloof, yet still intimidating in no time.
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