Cinematical Seven: Most Overly Used Lines in Trail...

Part of my job involves watching every single movie trailer that comes down the pipeline, and, in most cases, writing about it. Thus, it pains me to keep hearing the same old voice-over lines from the guy with the deep voice. A comedian friend of mine named Jeff Sussman once did a bit on the movie trailer voice-over guy. In it, he speculated what it would be like to live with the movie trailer voice-over guy. Do all of his dinner conversations begin with "In a world ... where chicken cutlets and mashed potatoes come together ..."? It was a pretty funny routine, and Jeff had the voice down good. Unfortunately we lost Don LaFontaine (the legendary voice-over guy) recently, but there are still a host of guys with deep voices there to tease us at every turn with the same overly used lines again and again.

Well I'd like to take a stand today! No more of this! The following lines have been used in countless movie trailers, and I feel it's about time we officially retire them. From this day forward, I urge all of you to take a stand and help us ban the following lines of dialogue from showing up in future trailers. Think about the children, people! This one is for them ...


"What he/she needed most was right in front of them the whole time ..."

I just heard this one ... for the umpteenth time ... in the trailer for an upcoming film that I won't mention. First off, why even say this line? Doesn't it ruin the entire ending of a film? If Jack (a struggling artist with a fear of circus clowns) meets Jill (a beautiful single girl who just happens to be a circus clown), isn't it obvious that finding her will help solve his problems? Do we really need to add on the extra line, "And what Jack needed most was right in front of him the whole time." Who cares, honestly? This line shows up in the trailers for a majority of romantic comedies, and every time I hear it I want to throw something at the screen. Let's come up with something a tad more original, like, for example: "And what Jack needed most ... was to get laid ... a lot." Now that I'd buy a ticket for.

"In a world ..."

I couldn't even begin to count how many times I've heard the words "In a world" open a trailer. In what world? This world? Is it me, or does every movie take place in a world? Where else would they be? We know every film takes place in some world; do we need to constantly be reminded of this? Lose it, we don't need this anymore and never needed it in the first place.

"And everything was fine until (blank) entered their life ..."

And that's when they'd cut to Robin Williams doing something bizarre -- cue laughter. This line is used in trailers for films that revolve around seemingly ordinary individuals who, for some reason, wind up watching someone complete wackjob stroll into their lives. It's a plot that's been around for ages, and a line that's used way too much in trailers. Not that it doesn't make sense, it does (even though the majority of our lives are not fine, were never fine and will never be fine), but this one makes the list simply because I'm sick to death of hearing it.

"There was only one problem ..."

There's always one problem, ever notice that? It's not three problems, or seven problems, it's one problem ... and if that problem gets solved, everyone will live happily ever after. Just once I think I want to hear the following: "Jack has seventeen problems, and if he can just solve eleven of them, the urge to jump off a building should go away." No one ever has one problem -- when will Hollywood admit that?

"Now he/she's got one last chance to make it right ..."

The way movies are today, that "one last chance to make things right" usually turns into several last chances -- and if you're talking about an M. Night. Shyamalan film, then most likely that one last chance never existed in the first place. Why not be up front about it, and tell us in the trailer that, while the character thinks they have one last chance to make it right, they'll go through several attempts because, well, they need to fill up an hour and a half with something.

"It was supposed to be a routine ..."

If it's a cop movie, then this line will almost always be in the trailer. "It was supposed to be a routine traffic stop ... but when Smith showed up, EVERYTHING changed." Problem is, when it comes to police officers, nothing is ever routine. Every call is different, every assignment has the potential to go wrong, so why is it this line always shows up when a cop is on screen. I don't get this line. I'm sick of this line, and I'd like it to go away. And whenever it appears on screen, you already know where they're heading. Like we'd ever hear, "It was supposed to be a routine drug bust ... and, as always, it was routine. Nothing bad happened. Phew. Maybe next time."

"For anyone who's ever had a dream ..."

Whenever I hear this line, uttered during the trailer for some uplifting, tear-jerker (used mostly for sports dramas, etc), I've always felt bad for the people who've never had a dream -- because then this movie wouldn't be for them. And then I realize -- wait a second -- who hasn't had a dream? We all dream at some point, and some of us remember our dreams, while some of us do not. And who hasn't had a long-term dream -- like, to win the lottery? Yup, yet another line that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Why even say it? It's pointless.

Bonus: The hilarious trailer for Jerry Seinfeld's Comedian that made fun of all the obvious trailer lines featuring voice-over guy Hal Douglas.