If the film/comedy industry had a body, THIS "movie" is the testicular… MoreIf the film/comedy industry had a body, THIS "movie" is the testicular cancer that attacks it.
This "film" is disgusting even by Adam Sandler standards. Seriously. It's mere existence is why terrorists hate us. It represents what
I cannot ever unsee what I watched. CANNOT. EVER. UNSEE.
I'll repeat, this is a disgusting film even by Adam Sandler standards (how I wish I was making that shit up). Instead of using the vile topics I'm about to discuss later below as a way to make them realistic (i.e. demonstrate how they're a problem in today's society) this bubbling cauldron of buffalo diarrhea & pig fecal matter GLORIFIES them!
This is easily the most disgusting movie I have ever seen in my life! I kid you not. Not only disgusting, but it's also so mean-spirited, cruel, offensive, unrealistic, racist, & horribly scripted that I think I got cancer watching it! I seriously can't think of a film worse in quality than this right now. Yes, even my most hated bad quality films, Jonas Brothers the 3D Concert Experience, Epic movie, Grown Ups, Pulse, You Don't Mess with the Zohan, Manos the Hands of Fate, & House of the Dead are in questionable position right now whether they are still worse than this!
It's the Chris-Chan of filmmaking!
If this is what comedy is turning into as of recently then not only is Comedy dead, but frankly so is the American population if this is what they consider entertainment. (we did get a Grown Ups 2 after all). One can't be more retarded than those who enjoyed this excrement of cinema, even if they were the special Olympics' worst participant. I'm normally against judging some by what they like (except my siblings of course), but watch this & tell me that they wouldn't deserve it. (Ok, maybe that "retarded" explanation was a bit too far but I'm sorry, it couldn't be helped with the pure wretchedness of this "film" spewed from Adam Sandler's ass).
But trust me, despite the wretchedness & pure awfulness of what I had previously said being the most obvious of its problems, it just doesn't end there. Believe it because it's true!
You guys have seen Prometheus, The Human Centipede, Bruno, & even Borat right (or at least one of those I assume)? Well, those films aren't even as icky or gross as That's My Boy. Again, I am not kidding you. This is easily the WORST Sandler film I have ever seen, as well as one of the worst films! I thought Zohan or Grown Ups were his worst films (and take note that I REFUSE to watch Jack & Jill, & Bucky Larson; I wish to avoid damaging my brain cells any further than this already did), but this film proved me wrong. Dead. Wrong. Up to now there is no doubt in my mind that Sandler is an absolute IRL troll who likes to spew the worst of the worst.
To call this sequence of moving pictures "Shit" is an insult to shit. The film doesn't even scrape the bottom of the barrel because it's far below that! The worms below the barrel cringe at this!
How bad is it? Well, if you haven't seen it, let me explain while also encouraging you to avoid this like the cancer it is:
Plot/Story: Let's start off with the plot/story (or lack thereof). Not once in this film do you get a more clear plot other than "Donny must find a way to get 42K from back taxes that he owes the IRS & he needs to leech it off his currently soon-to-be rich son". Now, if from just reading that "plot" summary doesn't give you an idea of how aggressively mean-spirited this trash is, then continue reading & be prepared to almost go "Ugh!" when you go further.
When it comes to story...sorry, I couldn't keep a straight face when I wrote that. This films lacks to put a story in itself, & it doesn't even bother to try.
Script: I'm going to make this as clear & straightforward as I can. If someone walked into my company & handed me the this script to this, I swear I would have called for security & had the writer sent to a therapist right after he gets a mandatory court order to head to a mental asylum.
I don't know how one can consider this a movie, let alone even get to produce it. Once again, the only logical answer as to how Sandler manages to get these atrocities made is because he most likely has some truly incriminating pictures of the people up in the companies that produces his excrement in film.
Apparently Sandler finds topics of statutory rape/child molestation, shock humor, poor parenting, obese strippers, pedophilia, incest, & harassing the less unfortunate comedy material. Srsly.
Here's what the whole movie is, so be prepared:
A young Donny Berger (Sandler) gets seduced by his hot-ass teacher (in which he happily complies with) whom he later gets it on with. As Donny & his half-witted teacher breed like rabbits, it is revealed that they were doing it while an entire assembly was being held. (Because it's very hard to hear someone speaking over a microphone behind curtains) Instead of being shocked, a good amount of the stadium roots Donny & finds the act between them both hilarious.
Ok, let me pause there & point out something I noticed about the whole statutory rape thing when it comes to films, or even real life. When it comes to gender & age-difference rape people are complete idiots. The world finds it hilarious when an under-aged boy bangs his adult female teacher, but when an adult male teacher does his under-aged female student, the young female is the victim, the male teacher is the criminal, & the whole world goes apeshit over it. But how is that any different from a female teacher molesting her male student? Before I continue on this subject let me make it clear that I am NOT trying to justify one act of rape by comparing it to another. No. In fact I'm trying to point out how it only takes a switch of sexes for people to get different reactions to them. A teacher-molesting their under-aged student regardless of their sex is not comedy, no matter the situation. Even South Park made that shit clear & you were able to find me laughing at that more than this.
Anyways, so the result of the act gets the teacher knocked up & sent to prison, while Donny becomes a huge celebrity for banging his hot teacher.
The baby gets left to Donny, whom he named "Han-Solo" Berger. Here's a really huge hole in the goddamn film; apparently there is not such thing as child services to rightfully take the baby away from a KID.
Not only does Donny become a celebrity at school, but also a celebrity in the media as well, because apparently banging your older teacher is something to really become famous over in Sandler's excrement of a mind. Moar "realism" for you.
So over the years Donny actually proves to be to worst parent in the world. (again, child services anyone?)
When Han turns 18 he leaves home, legally changes his name to Todd, & forgets his childhood. Like anyone with sanity would.
So now Donny is screwed over when the IRS contacts him saying that he needs to pay $42K within a short amount of time. And knowing how irresponsible & moronic Donny was as a youngster by blowing out his fame money on crap, you know a guy like him is definitely screwed. But he gets a chance to earn easy money when some moron gives him a shot at a reality show of Donny reuniting with his son & the teacher he banged (still in prison). Donny accepts this of course, but just for the money; he doesn't give a damn about actually trying to reunite with his son, mend their bond, & attempting to actually have a loving reunion with him & the teacher behind bars.
That further showcases how viciously mean-spirited this movie is. If that isn't enough for you then I don't know what more you'll need to read to tell you.
The remainder of the film consists of Sandler's character f-bombing around 4 times (minimum) every two minutes, making crude & sexual remarks to everyone in his atrocious Boston accent, & touching himself (which everyone but Todd is completely fine with). That's about it.
We then have Todd (Samberg) aka Han-Solo, a very squeamish, irritating, & completely pushed around character that is living a better life without his father. Todd moved away once he turned 18 because Donny was literally the worst father in the world, & legally changed his name. He ended up making Todd a diabetic.
Donny shows up completely uninvited & out of the blue to Todd's home looking like some washed up drunk that was thrown out of a band, meet's Todd's new family & his fiance Jamie (Meester); like that's every going to happen.
Now, here's another thing about all of Sandler's recent films: None of his pairings are ever realistic. Does anyone honestly believe that a character like Todd will ever have a shot at a character that looks like Meester? Really? Not just this, but we're also talking about Sandler & Hayek, Sandler & Holmes, & Swardson & Ricci. Would you ever buy these pairings? I sure wouldn't, ever. The ONLY actress any Sandler character has ever had any actual chemistry with, & looked really cute together was Sandler & Barrymore in 50 First Dates (one of the only 2 or 3 Sandler films I actually like).
So Donny quickly takes a liking to what he sees in the diner room & starts with his "Wazzaaaaahhh!!!" attitude, a beer in his hand, f-bombing the hell out of himself, & more sexual/gross remarks towards the women. And again, EVERYONE in the family is perfectly fine with that except for Todd. If any guy came into my house looking & spitting garbage out their mouth like Donny's character I would have called the damn cops. I cuss often & make some stupid jokes every now & then, but come on, I have standards, unlike this movie.
Whatever comes next of the film is to be expected from a crude Sandler film, nothing but shock humor, sexual remarks, aggressive racism at a particular race, hostility to the secondary wimpy character (Sanberg's character), & no story.
There is absolutely no jokes in this trash, & what it tries to sell as "jokes" is bodily fluids, masturbation, f-bombing, & molestation/incest. And again, the ENTIRE film is fine with it until the end.
The performances in this film aren't even that great either, except for Vanilla Ice who plays himself. But it saddens me that you have actors like him, Susan Sarandon (cameo), & James Caan stepping this low to make appearances in here. I'm guessing Sandler must have offered them one fat paycheck to be in here, because that's the only way you'd ever catch me in his cinematic atrocities.
I kid you not that the grandmother realizes Donny masturbates to her pictures & she's perfectly fine with it, & ends up actually getting into bed with him. Really. Really!
And we then have the fact that Donny is friends with this obese black stripper (Luenell), & said obese stripper has a daughter that works at the strip bar while she watches her own mom "work" & eat an omelet while on the pole.
The film manages to end to Donny's luck being hit, since the bet he made around the beginning of a movie on some lard ass actually managed to win a race, & this fat fuck was racing against OTHER TRACK RUNNERS THAT HAVE TRAINED THEMSELVES FOR THIS TRACK EVENT. If that isn't screaming unrealistic to you then I don't know what will.
And I repeat, this is Sandler's most unrealistic film to date. Other than the fact that Samberg has about as much a chance of getting with someone like Meester as this film does to be better than New Moon, everything else just sets the bar of realism on the worst scale. EVERYONE is fine with Donny's crude personality, all the guests can play baseball like professionals except for Todd (hell even a toddler does better), women (who are portrayed as bimbos who shu their traps & watch Donny's flopping dick) actually want Sandler's character, young Donny keeps the baby instead of being sent to child services, a fat fuck actually wins a race filled with trained track runners, incest is attempted to be justified in the film (like that'll ever happen), & a young boy that screwed his hot teacher can become a celebrity.
I seriously can't think of a film worse in sheer wretchedness than this. And anyone that seriously expects me to believe that That's My Boy is "still better than Twilight" is a bonafide retard! No excuse.
It's racist, it's gross, it's trash, it's incompetent, it's unrealistic, & any other negative word you can think of. Sandler also managed to involve gender stereotypes at their fullest: that men are all idiots who drink, think about sex all the time, & act like apes; while the women are nothing more than mindless bimbos that are meant to be seen as sexual objects to men while being perfectly fine with them doing the most asinine of things. And to think that it has the nerve to ruin perfectly good classic rock songs as background songs.
And you guys would be surprised how many people out there actually try to defend this "movie" with pitiful "It isn't trying to win Oscars" or "You guys took it too seriously" or "You need the right attitude for this" or even the types that go "You're all idiots who listen to "professional" critics reviews to trash it". To all of those people, That's My Boy is far too retarded to be taken anywhere near seriously. I don't watch movies to take them seriously because if I did I'd be liking movies like The Dark Knight (films created that take themselves too seriously for people who like films that take themselves too seriously whom also take themselves & reviews too seriously), & if there was anyone out there who took this movie way too seriously then they have problems. That's my Boy is an abortion of cinema, & I'm being generous calling it that. And when it comes to critics, I don't give two barnacles about those idiots & their reviews; if I based my thoughts on what they said then I'd be practically praising crap like Slither, Cars, & Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (the old one). Yes, I agree with this excrement in "film's" score...actually it deserves FAR LESS than what it has now, but just because I agree with that doesn't mean I'm automatically going to the critics' side.
Now, before you ask me "If you hate Sandler so much/didn't want to watch this movie then why did you go watch this?", let me answer you: I did NOT have interest in this excrement. At all. I was practically forced by my friends to sit through this. They ended up hating it too, but I still wanted to punch them all in the face for having me sit through this Sandler equivalent of Bruno. 2012 was a phenomenal year in film because we got The Hunger Games, ParaNorman, Prometheus, Breaking Dawn Part 2, Rock of Ages, The Cabin in the Woods, Sinister, Skyfall, The Avengers, Men in Black 3, Frankenweenie, Django Unchained, The Amazing Spiderman, Madagascar 3, & even The Woman in Black, but it could have been completely ruined for me by this one film, but thankfully the abundance of superior films that came out before it are great enough to make up for it. Not even Silent Hill Revelations was as bad as this.
To call this pig fecal matter a "comedy" is like calling The Haunting of Molly Hartley a "horror" movie.
If there's any reason for foreign countries to hate us more than they already do, That's My Boy is it.
The Last Shitbender does so many things wrong that one should consider… MoreThe Last Shitbender does so many things wrong that one should consider themselves a sinner to label it "based on" the original show.
My cousins were attacking the film & harshly pointing out the flaws, & mind you guys that they werr kids themselves pointing those flaws out. So when some kids are calling you out on how bad the movie is compared to the cartoon, you KNOW you did something wrong.
The most painful & agonizing thing about writing this review was TRYING to find out where to start on writing about the bad parts, & if there were any parts that one could consider THE WORST of the entire film itself.
If you love the original animated series that this so called 'adaption' is adapted from, like I do, then avoid it at any cost. I am not kidding you. You're better off watching the weakest/worst episode of Avatar the Last Airbender over & over & over again for an entire day, & it would still be far less agonizing than watching this horrible excuse for a movie.
I adore the original show, I really do, & to this day I'm still a huge fan of it, but this movie BUTCHERED the show, & practically almost ruined it for me. This is a crime against Avatar, & Shayamalan should have paid for it. It frankly has NOTHING to do with the original show other than the characters, & that's it. Actually, I take that back; the characters aren't from the show either, because a lot of their names aren't even pronounced right (Aang's name is pronounced Ong, seriously).
The script is horrible, the story is rushed, cut, poorly written & makes no sense, a plot that isn't there, laughable dialogue, & mediocre, lifeless characters. Katara makes Bella Swan look useful! And don't even get me started on the inconsistencies. The water tribe is the whitest water tribe that has ever been seen! Who the hell ever told Shayamalan that the water tribe was pale as hell? Did he even pay attention to the show that he clearly stated that he & his daughter adored? Because clearly something went wrong in his brain if he made such severe changes.
I recall getting in an argument with some moron who adored this movie & thought critics had something up their asses (yet they said that the Kill Bill movies were the biggest abomination to cinema ever) because they despised this movie, they particularly got really aggressive when someone pointed out how the water tribe color change & Sokka's change of character were a terrible move. I don't give a barnacle about those idiot critics, but that doesn't mean I don't see how they DO point out flaws & virtues to a film. But the question here is, is the change of skin color of the water tribe really that bad of a move? The answer is obviously, yes!
I don't know what that person was talking about (trust me, arguing every single flaw that movie had with said person who liked said movie was the most aggravating waste of time I ever had seeing how dim & empty brained they were; it was not worth it as they pretended they had all the right answers to it) as they clearly have no knowledge of the show (even though they said they had watched it completely 3 times) & no brain to actually reason with, but yes, the skin color changing of the water tribe was a terrible move, as the tribe has always been depicted as dark skinned; frankly every water tribe has always been dark skinned, & to say making them white was not a big deal is like saying that Cars ripping off Doc Hollywood's storyline note from note is not that big of a deal.
I wouldn't have made a big deal about the whitewashing of the water tribe if they could have at least given believable performances. But trust me, the pale-white water tribe is the least of this movie's problems, but some of the most obvious.
Let's get back to the characters, which this movie isn't even close to having. The characters are not the characters from the show. Shayamalan didn't even get the damn names right. Ang is pronounced "Ong", & he went from being a very fun-loving, jolly, & energetic character to a whiny, weeping, bland, over-serious, & highly boring kid. He doesn't even have a personality to begin with because all he does is whine. And not to mention that the word "Avatar" is also pronounced completely fucking wrong. Shayamalan decided to have it pronounced "Ahvitar".
Sokka, now pronounced Sokkoo, went from being goofy, not-so-bright & dedicated to his friends & adventures to a boring, over-serious, & laughable shithead with nothing to like about. Kitara, who's name I don't ever recall ever being mentioned in the film, is a whiny, boring, useless, pathetic, & completely brain-dead character who serves no purpose in the film. I kid you not. She's worthless.
Zukko isn't even Zukko. Fact. He was missing the ponytail he had around the first half of the first season, & there were so many missed plot points about him that it's painful to think about, especially since he's one of the most likable assholes & villains in animated history. He didn't even have his signature face burn!
Uncle Iroh...sorry, he doesn't exist. The actor looks nothing like him nor is he anything like the character.
I won't go into every character because that is a huge change of them & frankly that's a lot of writing to do. But if it isn't enough that they got the names & personalities wrong, they also miscast everyone, especially the fire lord, whom Shayamalan must have forgotten that he had LONG FUCKING HAIR, & he was never nothing but a silhouette until like halfway through the series.
The special effects are the only redeeming factor of the movie (for what it's worth). But as gorgeous as they are they are all inconsistent. The fire-bending in this movie is shit, utter shit. Not only must the fire-benders grab fire in order to bend it, but the bending happens a few seconds after the swing their arms, & a lot of the times the coordination of the bending is far off. Zukko's face makeup is crap. Either Shayamalan has the worst face application team ever or said face application team have never done research on what a burn victim looks like, because Zukko's burn mark was really HARD to see throughout the entire movie, if you could see it at all.
As far as fight scenes go, Shayamalan can't direct that for shit either. The fighting in this movie is so basic & fake-looking that it would make Bruce Lee roll in his grave. The show actually used beautiful martial arts moves & used them seriously in their animations while also having the elements blend perfectly with them. That's what makes it look so believable, fitting, consistent, & awesome in the show. This atrocity didn't even do that. All it did was give you shitty fights with generic-looking martial art moves that make even WWE wrestling look like the real deal. I started laughing hysterically when one fire bender in the Earth-bending camp scene started flailing around & screaming like an idiot in order to simply launch a ball of fire. In another part of that same scene it took around 6 earth benders to send a soccer ball-sized rock (which looked like nothing than a pile of dusty molded shit) flying towards one fire bender. It takes that many people to move a rock, yet it took only one Shayamalan to nearly destroy a franchise that had potential as a film.
The bending of the elements are inconsistent, the movements of the actors' arms & legs are poorly coordinated, the non-benders' fights look like crap, & we have some hilariously unnecessary Zack Snyder-wannabe slow motion scenes. And even if the slow motions scenes were necessary to put in here they were completely out of place.
We then get the length of the film. The film packs in a shit-load of hours worth of first book material into less than 2 hours. That's not just bad writing, but also bad directing in general. What happened Shaymalan, did you forget how to write? How can one possibly not bother to make this movie at least 4 hours long or at least split it into two parts for the first book, I will never know. This results in quite possibly some of the worst pacing in a film ever. Try to prove me wrong on that.
Then we get the casting choices. Aang, is the ONLY actor in this movie that looks similar to the original character, but that's using the term very loosely. Dev Patel is NOT Zuko; Dev Patel is perfectly suited to play Sokka, NOT Jackson Rathbone (who shouldn't even have been considered as a joke). I'm not saying this as a fan, but because it's true; Dev Patel is practically the twin lookalike of Sokka. I don't even wanna get to the other actors.
The performances are wooden. To be frank, the actors in here almost took their roles far too seriously & gave some horrible performances. I don't know why the hell critics "praised" Noah Ringer's performance if it was just as wooden as the rest of the actors'. The show managed to mix fun, action, themes of friendship, teamwork, trust, religion & family, & seriousness altogether. This movie didn't have any of that. Instead it replaced it with nothing but an over-serious tone & mood, the complete opposite of the show.
The dialogue...oh Neptune, I have never heard such atrocious words get spewed out of an actors' mouths in my life. This is hands down the worst dialogue I've ever heard in a movie to date. New Moon, The Haunting of Molly Hartley, & Crossroads don't come anywhere close to having such terrible dialogue as this movie did. I kid you not. It's as if the actors were saying their lines after reading them from tab cards. That's all I can say for now because if I try to say anymore I'll make my brain explode.
And finally, we get the "plot" & "story" that Shayamalan completely destroyed. This movie has nothing to do with the show & it suffers from the three "I's": inconsistent, incomprehensible, & incoherent.
Not only was it completely rushed & changed a lot of story arcs, but it also DROPPED a lot of IMPORTANT story elements. For those of you who haven't watched the show, most of the following is mostly just "shit no one cares about" in your eyes, but trust me, when you see a lot of what was left out it makes more sense as to why I'm ranting about it and how it would have worked better:
- Katara & Sokka found Aang under a thick layer of ice while walking instead of underwater while on a tiny boat.
- Katara's mother was actually murdered in her own home while Katara was a little girl, but instead kidnapped & then killed in this film.
- Aang doesn't accidentally go into the Avatar state during the escape from Zukko's ship.
- After Zukko kidnaps Aang after fighting Katara he doesn't travel into the snow with him, but instead takes him into a building in the water tribe while the fight between both nations occurs. This is not only a lack of logic (because one could easily find them), but also a lack of understanding that during previous mentioned snow traveling gives us more story to Zukko.
- The previous Avatar, Roku, before Aang isn't even present in the movie (and I'm surprised how many people familiar with the show are actually overlooking this), which is actually a VERY NECESSARY character in the whole series. Instead Roku is replaced with this "Dragon Spirit" that has nothing to with any of the series; unless you count the dragon that the other Avatar had as a pet in which even then doesn't make sense because dragons haven't been known to talk with Aang in the show.
- The fight between Zukko and Katara doesn't have meaning between the balance of moon and sun powering each others' elements.
- How the Water tribe bending master didn't want to teach Katara water bending because she was a girl (this is actually one of the most important things with character development around the first half of of the first season).
- Sokka's romance with Yue isn't complicated. The two are just so infatuated with each other even though Yue was actually ENGAGED during the time Aang & the gang arrived there. Not once is that mentioned, & in reality Yue really DID like Sokka but she didn't want to admit because of said engagement. This is not only a beautiful development between characters, but also a good romance tale. Also, Sokka & Yue in this movie have about as much chemistry as glitter on horse shit.
- Aang doesn't meet the Face-Stealer to discover who the water spirits are. The Face-stealer is, once again, a really necessary character in the story, one creepy ass character at that.
- The spirit world Aang travels to doesn't get elaborated properly, & it isn't even clearly shown what it looks like. It's just a very murky, blue foggy place that is very difficult to make out anything around it.
- Let's also mention that Commander Zhao is killed by water tribe benders rather than a large aquatic being created by Aang in Avatar state...
- ...that's another thing, Aang never even goes into the Avatar state when he needs to. In fact when he DOES, it's all wrong (like the water tribe scene).
- Fire benders can't create their own fire so instead they must bring their own source of fire with them to do it. Really, just really. This is just PROOF that Shayamalan didn't watch the damn show. Since the START of the show are fire benders able to create their own fire. In here the benders MUST learn how to channel their chi well enough to be able to do so. The water, air, & earth tribes are the only tribes in that world that need a source to bend.
Trust me, I can't tell you how many inconsistencies this movie has that completely go off the rail from the show.
Yes, SOME things could have been changed to fit the movie, but the director completely ripped all of the important story elements & plot points from the show & left them out. And it isn't just bad, it's unforgivable.
Final summation, this adaption sucks, ass, & is one of the worst TV-adapted movies that has ever been made. This is shit even by TV-to-movie-adaption standards. The only other film that lands on that low of standards is Dragonball Evolution, & somehow that filmed still manages to do better in acting (but not by much), & that's saying something because unlike Avatar, Dragonball Evolution is based on an already mediocre piece of swine excrement manga/anime.
A show as amazing as Avatar that could seriously have been genius & well done in the big screen was turned into nothing but horse shit, & it is just painful to think about. This is one of those movies that should really be rebooted, & FAST! I'll even take Tim Burton for the job, because I'm pretty sure he'll do a far more fantastic job than what Shayamalan did & bothered to have kept it closer to the source like he's done with Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, & Sweeney Todd (not that he's a bad director, oh no, but a movie like this would not be his style is what I'm saying). Shayamalan should have stayed as far away from this as possible, because everything in here was done wrong.
It almost pains me to say it, but this is actually one of the worst films I have ever seen; something I never thought Shayamalan could do a second time. This film will definitely go down in history as THE film that ruined any reputation Shayamalan had left. To think it couldn't have gotten any worse than The Happening, then this came.
If you're a fan of the cartoon, you will not like this, clearly, & I find it impossible that anyone outside of the fanbase & critics could even like it regardless, because it's really that bad. If you call this a good movie, then you need help. If you're a fan of the show, but still call this a good movie or just as good as the show, then you either A) did NOT watch the show correctly or even the same show, B) are trolling, or C) a complete idiot.