"What the hell did I just watch?" Is the best way I can summarize my… More"What the hell did I just watch?" Is the best way I can summarize my reaction to this entire crap. Everything done here was just a big mess of desperate ideas to grab any idiot's attention. It's so incoherent that I wonder who honestly passes the scripts. Anyone here who can sit through this movie without face palming at least once is a better person than I am.
In all honesty, this film just feels like a parody of the Transformers film. As proof of this, you get Optimus taming a giant robot dinosaur, riding on it's back & wielding a giant sword.
We then get some of the large amounts of inconsistencies to the actual Transformers franchise & stuff that makes no sense. Such as how the hell can Crosshairs have a trench coat form out of his mechanical body? Unless the metal was some sort of liquid metal he could control, there is no possible way such a thing would form. Then there is Drift; now in the franchise Drift always had an Asian/Japanese-esque influence to him, that's it. Bay decides to stereotype this Japanese influence to the max such as making a Samurai & giving the accent to top it off. Then comes Optimus Prime who in reality should be called Bawwptimus Whine! The majority of the film consisted of Prime whining & complaining, & how he was only going to set his friends free & after that he was done helping humanity. Seriously.
Finally, the biggest lack of logic are the Dinobots themselves. Who are these bots? Why the hell do they transform & act like dinosaurs when these aliens are only supposed to transform into other vehicles? Why do they not speak? Nothing about this makes any sense.
This actually leads me to the plot itself...lol sorry couldn't a straight face on this one. The "plot", or lack thereof, is so bloated & overdone that it amazes me. Bay has not only butchered the Transformers characters themselves, but the entire franchise. The whole film revolves around the Autobots being helped by humans in order to save their friends & that's it. After that the Autobots don't want anything to do with humans. The "plot" then goes on this blasted rampage of almost nonstop action & explosions & special effects that I actually got bored through it all. Let's also not forget how Bay suddenly decide to make "history" by lecturing everyone that the dinosaurs were actually wiped out by the mechanical alien race (seriously), hence where they discover the Transformium.
But the ultimate death of this film, prior to any of the weird fight scenes, was that desperate move to add a quick cameo of Rainbow Dash from MLP. Was Bay so desperate to give propaganda that he resorted to putting a character from a little girls show that will give a raging hardon to the horse fuckers that worship it? Really? Maybe Bay is a brony too. The film as a whole is nothing more than a large amount of product placement, but the desperation was there when one of the scientists was holding onto the MLP character created out of Transformium. (this product can transform into anything the holder wants it to, & the guy decided on Rainbow Dash. Fucking seriously.)
I also lol'd so hard at the Superman-ripoff ending this had.