| Movie | Rating | Review | Date | Your Rating | Match | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| The Benchwarmers - PG-13 |
Pointless, debilitating, and tediously moronic. This movie lacks the one thing that is usually imperative in a comedy, humor. Betwixt the endless fart jokes, puke gags, titty-twisters, and mindless stupidity, I found nothing that even resembled a movie. This film, is quite honestly the worst I have ever seen in my entire life. Rob Schneider is probably the best character in the film, which, isn't saying anything at all. He just doesn't have as many stupid gags and discusting jokes as the rest of the mindless cast of imbeciles. David Spade has never been worse, and I wonder just what forced him to be in this picture. Jon Heder, is not close enough to his character in "Napoleon Dynamite" to like him, and not far enough away to think he is trying something new. Instead he is stuck in the middle of the two, making the whole movie all the more painful. The rest of the supporting cast is just as severely unintelligent and witless. I am not sure if the cast could be good in the roles or not, as the script is so mind-boggling terrible, it is hard to discern one nonsensical scene from the next. Past all that, the movie tries to have a heart, and it failed miserably. The direction wasn't quite as bad as the rest of the movie. Then again, what is? The direction was fair at best, leaving me hating the entire thing more than I ever thought possible. This film fails on every account possible. There is nothing in here that is even remotely interesting, and often times it is really offensive. The whole movie was so incredibly rude and crude, if I wasn't watching it to write this review, I would have turned it off five minutes in. There you have it, the review for the worst movie I have ever seen. |
July 15, 2007 | N/A | |||
| The Goonies - PG |
It is interesting to me that so many people enjoy this movie, that so many people have such fond memories of it, because I myself thought it was very poorly made, acted and scripted. I really do think this is a bad movie, it had nothing really going for it. It was random, awkward, and unfun the entire way through. I have no clue why people enjoy this movie. It was just stupid and bad. Waste of my time. |
March 29, 2007 | N/A | |||
| Clockstoppers - PG |
I wish it were more entertaining. Really I do. It is unbearably mediocre through most, and really bad in some other areas. Clockstoppers is a pretty bad Nickelodeon movie that would probably have been better if it had never been made. They just couldn't make me care enough. If they were trying to make a good movie, they weren't quite there. If they were trying to make a Bad/Good movie, they weren't close enough. It was just dull and uninspired. If I were to design a watch that could speed me up to a speed fast enough to make others look like they were standing still, I would have included waterproof as one of the specifications. Not good... |
March 15, 2007 | N/A | |||
| Material Girls - PG |
A Disney Channel Original movie with a better budget. The acting and direction are really bad. It is a wonder that this movie ever made it to theaters. When is Hilary going to figure out that she isn't a good actor. When is she going to figure out that she is a washed up disney channel star who was turned into a teenaged pop sensation? I don't understand why people still enjoy her. As far as I am concerned, I can't understand how she is still making movies. Another question to consider when watching this movie is, what the crap is Data doing here? I myself was a little confused at why he would do this movie. I have never had too much good to say about women directors. I'm not being sexest when I say that I have never seen a movie directed by a women that was well done. It is just a fact. I haven't, however, seen too many movies directed by women, so I can't be too sure there isn't a good one out there. I shall await the day. There is one thing that Material Girls, New York Minute, and Confessions have in common, a women director. Three crappy teen movies, all with women directors, I could be on to something here... The one thing I enjoyed above all others about this movie was that both Brandon Beemer and Ty Hodges from Suits on the loose were back together in a movie. The plot of Material Girls was just too confused and uninteresting that I couldn't help but wonder why I was still watching. In fact I still don't know why or how I finished it. |
March 11, 2007 | N/A | |||
| Tonari no Totoro (My Neighbor Totoro) - G | Good film. Weird, but still good. I do usually like Miyazaki better than I did in this film, but I realize that it was one of his first films, which is probably part of it. It is harder to get into than most of his other works, but still has an interesting plot and likable characters, who, are two little girls. | March 11, 2007 | N/A | |||
| Majo no takkyûbin (Kiki's Delivery Service) - G |
Though the story focuses on a more than ordinary character, the overall feel of the movie is more close to everyday life, which isn't bad, I just don't like it as much as the more fantastic Miyazaki's like Castle in the Sky or Spirited Away. Again Miyazaki explores the life of a young girl, this time a young witch who starts up her own delivery service. |
March 11, 2007 | N/A | |||
| Porco Rosso (Kurenai no buta) - PG |
All right, Miyazaki is definitely a great director, his movies are inspirational and entertaining. This one, however, was just okay for me. I didn't really get into it as much as say Castle in the Sky, but it still has a good plot and interesting characters. One thing I really enjoy about Miyazaki is his love for flying machines of all kinds. In some of his other movies he has had some pretty outrageous means of flying, so it was really interesting to go back and see him deal with a more realistic flying machine, the airplane. Again we come to a point where we meet a little girl. Most of a Miyazaki's movies have a little girl in them, this one is no different. I think I just more enjoy the movies where Miyazaki takes us more into the unknown, the fantastic. The ones that are closer to everyday life, like Kiki or Totoro just aren't as good in my opinion. Still a soid movie, and a lot better than most of the stuff out there. |
March 11, 2007 | N/A | |||
| Tangents (Time Chasers) - PG-13 |
One of my favorties of all time, truly a bad movie that everyone will enjoy. It is full of amazing dialogue, cheap visual effects, and horrible "action" sequences, yet still manages to have time for an unbelievable (in a bad/good way) story. My favorite part of this story would have to be that the secrets of time travel can all fit on a few floppy disks and can be accesed via a commodore 64. There is nothing quite as sweet as that. Matthew Bruch stars as the inventer of the Time Transport. His chin is amazingly huge, and he has a forehead to match, not your average action star. In fact in one scene where he kisses co-star Bonnie Pritchard, his chin entirely engulfs her face, we literally see nothing but chin. That in itself is a good reason to pick up a copy of this movie, which I found at a cheap discount store. Besides our giant-chinned, huge foreheaded, mullet-sporting star, the cast also features the wondeful Peter Harrington as Matt Paul. This man is so bad, it makes Bruch seem like the God of Acting. My only wish is that everyone could see this movie. It takes you from the early 90's, to the future (which looks just like the early 90's) back to the 50's (a few rented classic cars makes this possible) then back to the days of the Revolutionary War, all in an hour and a half. |
March 11, 2007 | N/A | |||
| The Day After Tomorrow - PG-13 |
OH MY FLIPPIN' HECK! I can't say that this is a good movie without the lie police attacking me and turning me in. The whole movie was completely ridiculous. I must say this is one of the worst movies I have seen in a while. The whole plot was ridiculous. The fact that the little group of survivors could be saved from a storm that can literally freeze someone instantly by keeping a tiny fire burning is ridiculous. The fact that Quaid survived the trip to New York is also ridiculous. The fact that the wolves didn't freeze to death....grrrr....but what really makes me feel that this movie wasted my life is that it was just a big set up for a Public Service Announcement...YAY! That wasn't a waste of time... GOOD GRAVY, save your money, but more importantly, save your time. |
March 10, 2007 | N/A | |||
| She's the Man - PG-13 |
Wow, nothing in this movie could save it from utter downfall, nothing could save it from being a "hilarious" movie. Hilarious being used in the most sarcastic way possible. I have never thought Amanda Bynes had much talent when it comes to acting, but this movie proves it. She can't pull off being a character of her own sex, why in the world would she try to be a man? Despite the title, Bynes is so far from "The Man" it's not even funny. In fact, at most points it was really hard to watch her pretend to act. This is just the type of movie that preteen girls will love, partially for Channing Tatum, and partially because it is just one of the categories of crap that Americans seem to always enjoy. I personally prefer movies that are soo bad that they are good, a lot of Americans seem to think just plain crappy is fine too. So, though the general public might disagree, I am willing to admit that this movie does not work, and I am quite content with that. |
March 10, 2007 | N/A | |||
| Bridge to Terabithia - PG |
It is hard to put into writing just how marvelous and wonderful Bridge to Terabithia really is, yet as I attempt it, I can't help feeling disturbed at how ridiculous people are being about the marketing of this film. I just can't understand why some people find it okay to rate a movie based only on it's advertising. It is basically the same as rating a movie after watching only the preview. Ridiculous! Thank goodness most real critics have looked past the agreeably deceptive marketing, into the heart and beauty of this film, which, with or without the misleading advertisements is impressive. After seeing it, I struggled to think of a better way of marketing this film, without giving away its ending or taking away the only audience that still seems to watch PG movies, kids. After watching it, however, I couldn't imagine taking anyone under ten to see it, nor could I imagine anyone under ten enjoying it as much as young adults, or even older audiences would. So, as deceptive as the advertising was, I myself realize that the fascinating story, the charm and skill of the actors, and the good direction of newcomer to live action film-making, Gabor Csupo, more than makes up for the slightly skewed first impressions. And I am eternally grateful that it did not turn into what everyone seemed to want, a cheesy Narnia rip-off. If anything, the movie was a lot better than the preview made it seem to be, and I was pleasantly surprised. Instead of the brash and rude approach to filming movies, that seems to be the standard today with effects-driven movies, Terabithia focuses on the characters, the story, and the heart when telling this beautiful tale. Which, is part of the reason why I enjoyed it so much. Too often now days the story is built around the effects, not around the characters. A rather cumbersome and annoying way to tell a story, or be told a story, if you ask me. Instead, Terabithia uses the talents of both the amazing young actors, and its adult cast to enthrall and absorb the viewer in the magic of imagination and the reality of every-day life. The story focuses on young Jess Aarons, whose school life and home life aren't all that ideal. He deals with bullies at school, and four sisters at home. Josh hutcherson, who I haven't particularly enjoyed before, plays the part of Jess perfectly, his emotions and reactions spot on, throughout. What is a school without the new girl? Leslie Burke, played by AnnaSophia Robb, takes on the part of imaginative and friendly new girl and brings to Jess gifts of imagination and friendship. Robb truly does a superb job in bringing to life the thoughtful and imaginative Leslie Burke. All of the supporting cast was also brilliantly portrayed. I especially enjoyed the performances of Robert Patric as Jess's father, and young Bailee Madison as Jess's little sister May Belle. Together, Jess and Leslie create a world to call their own. A place that no one else can get to, a place in their imaginations. Terabithia, a land of beautiful creatures and dangerous enemies, springs forth from their imaginations, and becomes a place to call their own, away from the bullies and monotony of everyday life. What really struck me as brilliant was the limited, yet still perfect number of glimpses into the childrens' imaginations. We don't see a lot of Terabithia, which is good, because it is more about the journey of the characters, than the land of Terabithia. That said, it still has quite a few more scenes of advernture that the book by Katherine Patterson, all of which add to, not take away from the story. The writing, also is quite good. David Patterson, son of the novel's author takes great care when adapting the beloved work of his mother into a screenplay. Most of the lines from the book aren't there, but there are a few which make it in, revealing the care and love that was put into the scripting of this movie. Personally, I enjoy the screenplay of the movie more that the words of the book, but that is just my opinion. The movie's script greatly aided in the believability of the characters, and the motion of the scenes, where were crisp and well-planned. The movie touched on my every emotion, bringing me to tall peaks of happiness and leaving me teary-eyed and disconsolate, but still had a perfect and satisfying ending. I also, personally thought, the scenes and situations were more powerful, poignant, and realistic, than the book, which surprises me. Usually, the movie can't live up to the book. In this case, the phrase seemed switched around. The book didn't live up to the movie. As weird as it is for me to say this about a movie, Terabithia touched my heart like no film has ever before. And I doubt any film will give me quite the same feeling, ever again. |
March 7, 2007 | N/A | |||
| Gremlins - PG |
If this was supposed to be a horror, I won't believe it. If it was supposed to be a comedy, I think the joke was on them. It answers the age old question. How horrible does a movie have to be for America to love it? Usually, it has to have a lot of special effects, action, limited story, potty humor or other equally as unfunny or rude "comedy", and sexed up action heroes for Americans to enjoy it, at least nowdays. So, I can't quite understand why they seem to like it at all, because it has none of those, and also not much of anything else. It isn't funny, it isn't scary, it isn't fun, it isn't psychological, entertaining, realistic, or intersting. It really is terrible, in scripting, acting, direction, story, etc. I can't understand why anyone would even consider watching it after they have seen the atrocity once. It blows my mind. |
March 4, 2007 | N/A | |||
| Beetle Juice (Beetlejuice) - PG |
Wow, for a movie that is supposed to be a comedy, I found myself saying "what?!" more often then my mouth opened to let out a chuckle. I decided after a while that I would stop trying to make sense of the crap that was dished out to me, and at least try to finish the movie...which was both painful and tedious. Interesting idea that really became one of the biggest mess ups in cinema history. I have no doubt that the same people who loved this movie would also enjoy Ace Ventura, which is one of the worst movies that I have ever seen. Tim Burton might be a genius, but some of his earlier stuff is excruciatingly hard to watch. The perfect example of how annoying actors, ridiculous plots, and trying to put out a effects movie before its time can really go the wrong way. Lets just say it is one of the worst movies I have seen in a long time. Mark Cox is right this movie is total crap and very weird. Don't waste your time, though, you probably already have. |
March 4, 2007 | N/A | |||
| The Lord of the Rings - The Return of the King - PG-13 | Good, but not great. I do not think that it is worthy of Best Picture, nor do I think that it lives up to the first movie in the trilogy. Like all of the movies in the Lord of the Rings series, it is rather lengthy, not to be viewed unless you have a lot of time set aside to view it. There is too much going on to really care as much about it as the other two in the series. It is just seems to me that too much was put into the movie, and none of it was really that great. The story dragged on and on, and the endings also dragged on. It was, though, a good traslation from book to screen, the writing was again wonderful, and the acting equally well done. So, maybe the real reason it failed in my mind had something to do with how Tolkien originally wrote the lengthy end to the series. I'm just glad the "Scouring of the Shire" was not in the film, which would add greatly to the monotony and length of the picture. | January 5, 2007 | N/A | |||
| Dante's Peak - PG-13 |
Interesting movie, and no mistake. Wasn't the most solid movie out there, but it wasn't all that bad as everyone seems to think it was. It was probably better than The Day After Tommorrow, and more realistic. I wasn't very sure about Linda Hamilton's acting, it was okay I guess, but Pierce Brosnan is good, the rest of the cast is also pretty good. For a movie about Volcanoes, not that bad, but it wasn't spectacular. I am not going to go out and buy it or anything. |
November 12, 2006 | N/A | |||
| Willow - PG |
Willow isn't at all the epic fantasy that the Synopsis says it is. It is actually a rather poor excuse for a movie in the fantasy genre, especially after PJ's The Lord of the Rings hit theaters. The whole first half of the movie is very tedious, boring, and unfun, but it does get better past the halfway point, but not by much. It is just a zany whimsical movie that no doubt came from the bowels of the very zany and whimsical George Lucas. I don't think that it was worth watching, at least not more than once. Poor Ron Howard is stuck with this movie on his resume, though, I am willing to forgive him. |
November 12, 2006 | N/A | |||
| The Prestige - PG-13 |
Wow, truly one of the stand out films to come out in recent years. Made me believe that the movie industry still has the guts to make a movie that isn't based around special effects, but can use them wisely. I was blown away the first time I saw it that is for sure. The story is so completely engrossing it is hard to turn away for one minute. I don't think that I have been that interested in a movie for a while. It really gives that suspenseful feeling the whole way through. I am sure some people guessed the secrets before the ending, but I must say I had no idea. It wasn't quite as good the second time, when the ending was already revealed, but still it made for an enjoyable experience to find all of the clues. I did see it two days in a row though, if that says anything about the quality of this movie. Jackman and Bale are a stunning combination I must say. Bale has come a long way since Newsies and Little Women. Great cast including David Bowie and Michael Caine, make this movie even better. All around, one of the better movies I have seen in a long time, and certainly the best that I have seen in theaters for many years. Great job to everyone involved, you have given me hope in the movie industry after all hope had faded. |
November 4, 2006 | N/A | |||
| Monster House - PG |
Wow, my honest reaction to this film was "What the crap!?" Who was this movie aiming to please...I still am not sure who the audience was...What the crap?! Like what was up with the plot?! What the crap!? I am so confused at what this movie was going for. I really don't understand why this movie was ever made. Even fake laughing at the theater wasn't enought to make this movie an enjoyable experiance for me. The graphics were pretty good, some of the best I have seen for this type of CG film, and it did have a few funny parts in it...but I still don't know what this movie was going for. I just can't understand it. I wouldn't waste my money on this one, you just might find yourself saying "What the crap?!" |
October 21, 2006 | N/A | |||
| Sleepover - PG |
Wow this movie was like really horrible. Almost as hard to watch, as it is to saw your own leg off with a butter knife...which I don't recommend that you try, by the way. What this movie really makes you want to do, is give up on the movie industry in general. It is the most ridiculous, horribly acted, horribly written eyesore that I have seen in a while. It took real courage to actually finish this piece of crap. Good Gravy! What is the world coming too. I am trying to decide which of the girls was the worst "actress" but heck, its a toss up. What a waste of my life. Good grief! |
October 21, 2006 | N/A | |||
| October Sky - PG |
One of those inspirational movies that can either have a good feel to it, or a corny feel to it. Thankfully this movie wasn't corny at all. It was one of the better movies that I have seen recently. It was just really quite the beautiful plot and I thought that the actors all did wonderfully. I don't know how it is possible to make me care so much about some rockets, but this movie really did make me care about...rockets. It is a classic movie, that I really hope to own someday. I can't believe that I hadn't seen this before. |
October 21, 2006 | N/A | |||
| Edward Scissorhands - PG-13 |
Wow. I don't really know what to say about this movie besides...oddly enjoyable. I can't really place why I liked this movie, but it was probably because of the combination of Burton and Depp that made this flim so interesting to watch. It is one of the strangest movies that I think I have ever seen, but I really enjoyed how everything was put together. For a Wiona Ryder hater, I was a little surprised that I wasn't so annoyed at her performace as I have been in every other thing I have seen her in. I actually really enjoyed the story and I was interested to see how the whole thing would end, and was satisfied with the ending when it came around. All around a pretty good movie. If only Wal-Mart wasn't a Noob. |
October 21, 2006 | N/A | |||
| The Day the Earth Stood Still - G |
Although the special effects are very consistant with the cheesiness of all of the older science fiction movies, this movie is anything but a "B" movie. Insted of focusing on the cheesy effects, they decided to focus on our alien hero, as he discovers more about the planet of earth. I was actually interested in what was happening, a lot more than I thought I would be. I just thought that the movie as a whole ended up being one of the better sci-fi movies from this time period, because it is more focused on the message of the movie than it is on the special effects, which back then, couldn't be helped but made very ridiculous. |
September 17, 2006 | N/A | |||
| Murdercycle - PG-13 |
Wow, this movie is horrible, I cannot even fathom how anyone could make this bad idea so much worse. The acting is atrocious, yet at times very fun to laugh at. The Murdercycle moves in slow motion. All of the time. There is like a billion shots with the murdercycle and only two of them aren't in slow motion. I am guessing that someone thought that slow motion would look good for every single murdercycle shot. Let me tell you, it does not look good. Besides that, the "soldiers" in this movie don't move like soldiers, rather they movie like someone pretending to be a soldier. It is horrible. They also enlist a mind-reader to help them out with this one. One of the worst films that I have ever seen in my life. Not really as fun as it could have been, the slow motion motorcycle and the mind-reader saw to that. |
September 12, 2006 | N/A | |||
| A.I. Artificial Intelligence - PG-13 |
A visual extravaganza? Maybe. A good movie? I am not convinced. What starts out as a rather interesting look into the life of a family who adopt a robo-child after the loss of their son, turns into a mess of ideas, none of which are very interesting. I liked the idea of a robot that could love, and I liked the idea of that robot searching for a way to become a real boy in order to gain that love in return, but the way it was presented to me, just made me irritated. The plot just became confused in the middle, and didn't really work it out until the end. After all that we are forced to suffer through, we are then supposed to care for Haley Joel Osment's character David, and that too seems forced. I think Spielberg tried too hard to make me care about David, and it gave me the opposite affect. I don't think that I have ever been disappointed with Spielberg's work, nor did I think it was possible, but he proved me wrong with this one. |
September 9, 2006 | N/A | |||
| MirrorMask - PG |
I would have preferred puppets, to the uninteresting CGI I was forced to sit through. Although the movie tried to bring me into a magical land, I couldn't help but think that I was being ripped off. The story tries to give a real connection between real life and the magical world that Leonidas is trapped in, but it doesn't really convince me. In other words, I was disappointed in the Jim Henson company, I was really disappointed. What seemed like a good idea, was lost in the randomness of this magical mask-world and in the awkward and mixed up story. Sure, it looks pretty interesting, but it ends up just feeling like a waste of time. I just wasn't interested in where the story was leading our main characters, nor did I care if they ever made it to a beautiful end, I just wanted it to be over, so I could get back to the real world. Merely mundane. |
September 9, 2006 | N/A |
432 ratings
436 reviews
