My Favorite Movies

I thought they got it right with 2004's.

I was wrong.

Because boy howdy, they FUCKING got it right with this one. A flawless movie. Absolutely beautiful. It's unbelievable how great this movie is.

By far the superior entry in the franchise. No annoying Furlong. No over-bearing Hamilton. Just a bad-ass machine, and bum-pants wearing Kyle Reese.

Hands down the greatest vampire movie ever made. An awesome mix of horror, homage, and style. It's the bomb shit, kids, honestly.

A sequel that's just as much everything that the first one was. It doesn't get the attention that it deserves, but it will one day. Mucho worth checking out, if you can track it down.

Oooh yeah, baby. I don't think James Woods gets his credit as a bad-ass. Because when he plays it, you fucking better well believe it. In no other picture does he do such than this; John Carpenter's Vampires. It's an ultimate hybrid of western/horror. The master to end all master vampires, the original, has made himself known. He's taken out almost all of Jack Crow's vamp-killing squad, and tends to finish his work in progress. The vampires are portrayed exactly how I feel they are in real life. It's as Jack Crow says "You ever seen a vampire? No?...Well first of all, they're not romantic. It's not like they're a bunch of fuckin' fags hoppin' around in rented formal wear and seducing everybody in sight with cheesy Euro-trash accents, all right? Forget whatever you've seen in the movies: they don't turn into bats, crosses don't work. Garlic? You wanna try garlic? You could stand there with garlic around your neck and one of these buggers will bend you fucking over and take a walk up your strada-chocolata WHILE he's suckin' the blood outta your neck, all right? And they don't sleep in coffins lined in taffata. You wanna kill one, you drive a wooden stake right through his fuckin' heart. Sunlight turns 'em into crispy critters.

A worthy sequel? Well, some feel it is, some feel it isn't. I do, however. Although Bon Jovi isn't even close to being the bad ass that Jack Crow is, he does the job well, even as King of the Jersey Shore. The lack of gore is noticeable when compared to the first one, as is the fierceness of the master in this compared to Valek. But all that aside, it's a stand-up vampire movie that I think does the original justice. My only serious complaint is that Eddie Winzlow comes on as a great vamp-killer, yet, he doesn't get much, if anything, to do.

Oh hell yeah. To know me, is to know I love bad-assed action flicks with wooden acting and sweet martial arts. Well, Seagal is a fucking factory in those regards. Check out myspace.com/thecheapseat to see my full review. You won't be disappointed.

Van Damme's best. The story is simple, yet original. Tong Po is still one of the baddest of the bad, and Dennis Chan was the mob as Van Damme's instructor. Little factoid, Eric Sloane is in fact a world champion kickboxer. Some consider him the greatest of all time....

Probably my favorite of the series. John McClane toyed with the idea of a side-kick in the first three. I don't much consider Zeus a side-kick, as he was on even playing field with McClane. But a nerdy computer kid, dig it. It enabled McClane to stay stuck to his old ways, while still being able to compete in a digital terrorist's world.

This movie doesn't get it's due. What's great about this, as with all Die Hards, they don't take themselves serious. The best is when John says to himself "How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?". Brilliant.

Goddamn is this movie excellent.

This is pretty much the 'lost' Die Hard. Willis' character, Joe Haddenback is an exact John McClane. They do the buddy-up picture that's been done 1000 times, except it isn't cliched all to hell. There's no scene where Damon puts on rap and Willis acts as if he's never heard such a thing.

Where would my life be without Jason Vorhees? I grew up with these movies, and out of the 13 or so that have featured our hockey mask hero, this is my fav. Drawing inspiration from the old Universal Horror, the director brought an awesome old-school gothic feel to the movie, as well some of the franchises best deaths.

This review is for the Director's Cut. The theatrical version was horrendous. This was much darker, didn't focus so hard on Gardner, and had a deeper storyline. No wonder Hollywood didn't want it.

I truly don't understand the backlash towards this. I guess, with anything beloved, you'll get some folks. I thought they did the series justice. It's a fucking kick ass movie.

This is an easy one.

I do believe this one to be my favorite in the series. Why yes, I do believe.

This has the most exciting first 15 minutes to a movie, EVER.

The sequel to this was so horrible, it almost puts a tarnish on this one. But then I remember Ryan Reynolds goes shirtless, and all is forgiven.

If you haven't seen this, grow a set and check it out.

I'm a shameless Punisher fan. This movie is quite excellent, as it takes the story from Welcome Back, Frank and plasters it in celluloid. It's worth the look.