| Movie | Rating | Review | Date | Your Rating | Match | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| The Ugly Truth - R | These all look exactly the same... | July 21, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Ghost Rider - PG-13 |
Can you say generic superhero movie? The dialog was predictable, overused, and just sorta bad. There was absolutely nothing in the love story. Basically, it's just "Two people are in love, then one leaves and 20 years go by", and then they expect us to feel like that has any emotional depth. They make absolutely no effort to make us understand or empathize with the relationship. The main character is an idiot. I couldn't see him as much more than a confused daredevil who had a messed up life. This movie was dummed down, stripped of the depth it could have had. So you'd think it would at least make sense, but no. I'm not the biggest fan of action unless it's really cool. It.. wasn't. Something in me just didn't care. I was, literally, bored to tears at points. The main character wasn't even really a hero. He wasn't a villain either. He had all these inner torments and whatnot, and he killed people who didn't necessarily deserve it... but then it took him a total of 3 days to learn to control himself in his ghost form. But hey, not such a bad idea I guess, could have been good!! But, uhh... it wasn't. |
July 21, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Emma Smith: My Story - PG |
I kind of want to see this to measure how much I hate it.... But... I probably won't bother. Joseph Smith had 33 wives. The only one the LDS church likes to mention is Emma Smith. I was raised Mormon and I didn't know that he was such a polygamist until recently, though I did know that he "supported" polygamy. Mormons have found a peculiar film niche so this movie will be purchased and viewed by that demographic. It seems like a suspicious scheme to me, but, I suppose that many film companies are focused on profit. If this movie has a shred of integrity, modern Mormons will probably hate it. |
July 20, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Samson Versus the Vampire Women (Santo vs. las mujeres vampiro) - Unrated |
Wow.... Even for a wrestler, our hero is dressed ridiculously! This is another "title says it all" film. |
July 20, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Up - PG |
I don't often see a movie in theaters. And I rarely see a movie in theaters TWICE. This is Pixar at it's best. The only film they could compare is Wall-E. It was innocent, inventive, realistic, heart-wrenching, artistic, romantic... The 3D wasn't really necessary... You barely noticed it for the most part, but it was a cute perk. A lot of movies take advantage of the 3D aspect purely to cash in on some cheap thrills, this was not one. This movie made me laugh, surprisingly enough. What's more, the emotion was not forced! Movie gurus know how to affect an audience's emotions with little more than music, tears, and bad lighting, even in bad movies and stupid situations. You may have heard that this movie was a tear-jerker, and that may be true, but it's not a soap-opera. Everything is relevant, and almost disturbingly real. Maybe that's what makes it affect us so deeply. Carl Fredricksen is every child, every husband, and every grumpy old man, yet he's so unique! And Russell... he truly is the lovable misfit. Plus he's hilarious. This is one of the few films where I can forgive talking animals. I hate talking-animal movies, but this was a different angle, and it worked! As strange as it is to have an old man float his house with balloons, the only plot point that bothered me was that Russell's mother didn't seem to care that he'd been gone a few days. . . But really... a beautiful film. The short is also amazing. |
July 20, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - PG |
Terrible things always happen in the mens lavatory.... What can I say about this movie? It's really hard to pin down my exact feelings. Most of the time I was watching this movie I was thinking, "God it's cold. Make those girls stop giggling. God it's cold. Man I need to pee." But I managed to hold my juice the whole time!! So, there were some very cool visual sequences. The beginning was nice, although confusing. When this movie was started I began to assess my random almost-distaste for Harry Potter. There was nothing particularly wrong with any of the movies. I listened to the first few books on tape, and enjoyed them at the time I was listening to them. I came up with a few things that might hinder its success in my eyes, but for the most part... I guess it's not just my cup of tea. The characters? After a while they start to seem like children going on adventures, without a whole lot of true depth. They've clearly grown up in this film. I found myself enjoying Harry as a character. Unpretentious, yet no longer so naive. Every character has at least a small amount of humanity. Dumbledore has human error and even Malfoy still has some empathy. No one is wholly evil, it's an impossibility. I like to see that translated in film. Characters with dimension are far more interesting. Some of the Harry Potter characters seemed perfect replicas of "hero" "villain" and "infallible" archetypes, and I'm starting to see more of a stray from the typical mold which is very beautiful. <3 However, the "chosen one" angle? Is a very clear-cut cliche. The reluctant hero off to destroy the ultimate evil is over-done and not all that exciting. One of the things that bothers me about Harry Potter is Muggle prejudice. Don't laugh. The wizard world looks at Muggles as inferior, much the way we may look at other races as inferior, and it's just as ridiculous. The author is alienating her audience!! My sister pointed this out first, reminding me that despite the lack of magic, us "normies" are incredibly inventive. We can fly, too! What is a wizard without magic? They're like anyone else, only, without the knowledge of how to build a fire or make a danish the normal way. I got pretty hung up on this as the movie was starting. I actually began comparing it to my Brits and how they feel about Americans. And then the moment came. And Harry spoke. He said that one of his best friends was Muggle-born! And that she was brilliant! All was forgiven. This movie was almost like the "Valentine's Day" episode of Harry Potter. I got the feeling it was supposed to be a film that dealt with normal teen emotions and feelings. And they conquered it, I think. Only, I wouldn't know. So it's sort of like watching a guy get maimed when you have no idea what pain feels like. Sort of like... "huh". Although this was a large part of the movie, it wasn't too awkward or wooden. They also refrained from lewd humor. It sort of cleaned up the mess that Transformers 2 left. It was clean, but accurate. As for the main plot points, it took a while. And I was kind of pissed because everyone, whether they read the book or not, knows exactly what happens. Because people are morons who like to ruin everyone elses' lives. >_> I have to go on about the visuals. They were pretty epic. I probably just didn't notice last time, but Hogwarts has a lot of beautiful, intricate architecture. I've a sucker for Gothic anything. I loved Luna. They didn't make a gimmick of her, she just was who she was. Bellatrix was awesome. They could have messed up her character easily... but then, we are dealing with Helena Bonham Carter. Excellent casting choice. In fact, as far as cast members are concerned, there is hardly a dud in the bunch! They also toned down the "ZOMG ITS HARRY POTTER" part. We do get kind of sick of that. There was still a little, but then, I suppose it is kind of necessary to remember... you know... that he's going to save the world or whatever. There were no Harry step-parries... Not sure how I feel about that. A little empty inside, but meh. There wasn't really any excuse for them to be there. And they might try to blow up more aunts. When a movie is one part of several, it's hard to keep it interesting, so I forgive this for seeming a little unfocused. You really can't make every installation revolve around one idea or incident. So to be able to make each one interesting and individual is incredible in itself. Heheh. That's a tongue-twister. |
July 20, 2009 | N/A | |||
| The Castle Of Fu-Manchu - Unrated | I do not remember Chris Lee being in this. Perhaps I blocked it out. This movie was boring. Confusing. Racist. Colorful, though. I can barely remember what happened. In fact, I can only remember red smoke, old architecture and Asian stereotypes. | July 19, 2009 | N/A | |||
| The Starfighters - Unrated |
With a name like Starfighters, it has to be good! Hahahahahahaha no. All the reviews for this film are spot-on! This movie was a whooole lot of nothing. They fly planes. Again and again and continuously. There's some really boring dating involved. A concerned father. A lot of refueling. I'm not sure exactly why this film was made. It seems like an excess of plane footage made into some sort of cohesive film. They must have had connections because I can't imagine someone utilizing a budget large enough for airplanes and jets on such a lackluster premise. I would never call it a "blazing adventure". I think whoever made the cover art for this film was being ironic. Or perhaps he never saw the film. |
July 19, 2009 | N/A | |||
| The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent - Unrated |
When I saw this movie, it was just called "The Viking Women Versus the Sea Serpent"? o_o Funny they should call it that. The sea serpent was barely in this film. Most of it was viking women kicking ass. Although I appreciate the sentiment, it can only carry so much of a film, and they should really put some pants on at some point... Again, a good "bad" movie to watch just for fun. MST3K style, of course. |
July 19, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Ercole alla Conquista di Atlantide (Hercules and the Conquest of A) (Hercules and the Captive Women) - Unrated |
Hercules and the Captive Women. Says it all, don't it? Let's not forget the timeless one-liner, "I'm so sleepy I can barely keep my eyes open". Really, Hercules? I'm smiling as I write this. What can I say about this movie? Not a lot. I think Hercules was supposed to be a sex object but I think women are interested in more than muscles and hair. Unless of course, they're the queen of Atlantis. Boy did she want a hunk of him. I'll never understand that dynamic. "I could kill you, or you could be my sex slave!" Oh yeah. I'm sure he's real scared. And I'm sure that keeping your enemy alive would have no unexpected consequences.... You'll see a lot of B-movies in my ratings, and keep in mind that for entertainment purposes, you should really only watch them with MST3K. . . With the intent of watching something bad. |
July 19, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Zombie Nightmare - R |
This had Adam West in it!! The main character is not Adam West, however. The main man in this ...."horror" film is some sort of... young, mulleted bodybuilder. Not so fast! I actually don't hate him. It's a B-movie to put it lightly, but they managed to make the main character believable and likable! And then he gets killed. And he's running around trying to kill everyone involved in accidentally running him over. It's not much of a horror movie, because although most of these kids are semi-normal, they're trouble. If I were a zombie, I'd kill 'em all too. Especially the one who likes killing people and attempting to rape waitresses twice his age. ...And throwing pasta at his mum. It's a great movie to watch for lols. Get some pizza, some cherry coke, and some good friends and laugh it up. It's a budget zombie flick from the 80s. What more could you want? It's a terrrrible movie, but I can't help but rate it well because it's such a good terrible movie. |
July 18, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Santa Claus - Unrated | LOL. Cheesy movies are always better than boring movies. This is a cheesy movie. There is no God in this film... It's Santa versus that pesky Satan! More specifically, a crazed minion called "Pitch" with shiny face paint. Sure, Santa can't face a tiny dog on his own, but he gives an "aggressively cute" little girl her holiday wish, and that's all that matters. <3 | July 18, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - PG-13 |
This movie wanted it all. It wanted to be a war film, an epic, an action/adventure, a fantasy, a romance, a college film, a comedy. It wanted to be Lord of the Rings, the Fast and the Furious, the DaVinci Code AND Indiana Jones. It wanted to make you laugh and cry and think. It accomplished nothing. This movie made a mockery of good film. In fact, it made a mockery of about everything. Particularly college students. Particularly women. Particularly the 30-foot robots who were once our heroes. Oh! And the humping dogs actually aren't funny. But let's be specific and outline every bleak failure of this sad little piece. Ladies first! Sam's mother started out cutely reminiscent of anyone's mother. Particularly mine. "Baby Booties Boy"? Totally her. She saved all of our old baby clothes. But then second by second she seemed to get worse and worse, including her accidental purchase of cocaine brownies which was apparently suppose to be amusing. They made a mockery of her. And whatsherface, the character whose name no one can remember because she's Megan Fox? Not only am I not buying that she's anywhere near college-freshman Sam's age, I'm not buying that she has a soul! She is extremely beautiful. What else is cementing the attraction? Oh right. The fact that she spends hours in a garage making erotic poses on erotic machinery. Sure. The blonde chick had a mutant cyborg tail and tried to choke Sam to death in his own college dorm-- but is it really worse than dating Megan Fox? Yes I know, too mean. She's probably a delightful person under that sickening beauty. But did they reaaaally need to fall prey to the "misunderstanding" scene? In fact, it seems like almost all of that could have been avoided with a little more force than "no, umm... no I have a girlfriend who is megan fox". The other painful scene was the cliche "I love you" running gag. No no no no no. We don't care. Don't make us sit through your awkward romance scenes. The random college girls. Look carefully at this movie. They know their audience. Let me let you in on it. It consists of two disturbingly similar demographics-- The 14-year-old boy and the 34-year-old boy. Those who grew up with the old, pure-of-heart Transformers, and those getting acclamated to this new rage. So item number 1 of this formula means the women are all clad in tiny, tiny shorts and frilly tubetops. Even the passerby in the background look like models. Beautiful girls are, well, beautiful. But the model-look and lack of clothing is over-the-top. This is not Montreal. They can't ALL look like that. So I began to count the reputable women in this film. 2. With about 4 seconds of screen-time combined! Yes, they were both army wenches. Extras. But one of them actually had a line! Bringing back our beloved demographic, item number 2 is the lewd humor. We sat through humping dogs, robot testicles, perverted roomies, and so much more. Can dirty humor be funny? Perhaps. Was it? No. What about our new robot duo? Stereotypes. Clowns. Fakes. The humor in this movie was off. It felt like something you'd seen before-- and not liked the first time. One thing I can say? There were no more robots peeing on people. Thumbs up on that one. Men, please! Tell me you're not all perverted pathetic shallow drugged-up conspiracy theorists!! And more importantly, tell me it wasn't funny. Time for plot holes! I must admit, I have a hard time even sitting through some movies, let alone analyzing every detail of the plot. Normally when something is amiss, I don't notice. If I'm picking up plot holes... there's a problem. I'll make this sweet and simple. 1. They're trying to blow up our sun. First off: LOL. Second-- there are a bajillion suns out there. Ours isn't that great. 2. The U.S. government is trying to cover up the existance of 30 foot robots. 30 foot robots who blast city buildings at the blink of an eye and chat it up with Shia LeBeouf in broad daylight. 3. Wait, the army is dropping a dead robot in the middle of egypt because of a phone call? Oh America... 4. Here's a popular one-- millions of dollars, beautiful buildings, and even ancient architecture is being destroyed every second. No one cares. And of course no one noticed the secret wonders inside said monuments. 5. He's leaving his incredible robot car at home while he goes off to college. HMM. There are more, I'm sure. I don't really understand what was happening with the shard that Sam apparently hadn't noticed for like 2 years, and the disintigrating key to ending the movie and all of that. I think they just wanted to end the movie in an epic way without thinking it out too much. Keeping in line with that "epic" feel, they decided that Sam's parents, who I thought were in France, are now in Egypt, exactly in the line of fire. Cheap! The Optimus voice-overs were a bit on the cheesy side. Sam almost dies *we all had our fingers crossed* and of course, they felt the need to play the pretty elf music and make everything slow motion with lots of running and screaming (Noo Gandalf!!!). Other than that, most of the music was lacking! The first had Linkin Park. We were expecting great things. What did I like? The effects were on-par. It didn't gleam the way the first one did, but it was obviously high-budget mayhem. I liked the very, very old Transformer. The idea of that old jet being on display and actually being an awesome high-tech alien? What kid isn't going to think that's magic? It was too long, but it did move along at a pace that wasn't unbearable. Even though the dialogue was wooden, they didn't screw up Optimus or Bumblebee too much. At the rate this movie was going, I wouldn't have been too surprised if Optimus Prime jumped out of the bushes and screamed, "Pull my finger!!!". I mean, that's rididulous. Sam can't even reach that high. Though I have been as harsh on this new movie as new Oxi-Clean with Arm&Hammer Baking Soda is on tough stains, the good points were enough to merit something above a half star. But what am I supposed to do with my Transformers blanket now? :( |
July 18, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Donnie Brasco - R |
I wonder how many times the word "fuck" came up in this movie... [looks it up] 172. They said it 172 times. Way to desensitize! If this movie were not based off of a true story, it might be half as interesting. A lot of it is character development and a lengthy introduction to the lifestyle. . . Not incredibly plot-intensive, unfortunately. But not a bad movie, either. It's a realistic-type film, and I prefer the epic overly-artsy kind, but it was well-done and pretty true to the story. I don't like how they omitted the trial-- which seems to be one of the key elements of this drama, and I don't like the way it cut off without a whole lot of closure. I did not like watching people get screwed over time and again, in a situation where not even the "hero" wants to do something about it (or may be the cause, as it were). As always Johnny Depp stands out more than seems fair for any mortal man, but there were some really good other actors at his side this time. The saddest part of this movie (besides the beginning where he had that ewwie mustache) was the part where his 6 years of Mafia infiltration ended in a $500 check. |
July 2, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Eragon - PG |
... >____<" |
June 14, 2009 | N/A | |||
| The Champ - Unrated | WEEE ARE THE CHAAAMPIONS MY FRIIIEEENDDSSS... XD | April 23, 2009 | N/A | |||
| The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift - PG-13 |
So, I haven't seen it all yet... Its an excuse for cars and women. Not really my scene, but generally that doesn't matter. What does matter is the slightly demeaning content our F&Fs always throw at us. Its tough being a woman, and it doesn't help when the media portrays you as practically some other species, one that likes shiny cars and miniskirts, cheap bars and sex. I hate to cry wolf with the media, but honestly? The visuals were well done. Aesthetically, it was not bad at all. Generally speaking, music was well-chosen, pacing was fine, and it wasn't too tedious. Some of the character development was sincere/believable. Most of it wasn't. I always get the feeling that there's a big table of people making a movie; all collaborating their ideas. And some of them have great ideas. But there's always the one that seems to ruin everything with that lowest common denominator and endless cliche, and everyone is too nice to tell him to shut up. By the way, have you noticed that my reviews, which were once witty or intelligent, have turned into bipolar rantings? In closing, I don't like the demographic, I think that its a little sexist, I'm kind of sad that they killed the one semi-decent character, and I should probably watch the end but meh. |
April 21, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Taken - PG-13 |
This is a love-hate relationship... I mean, I'm already terrified of men, do I have to be scared of Europe, too? I liked the sincerity. He wants to rescue his daughter. It's pure; it's simple; it's love. And the daughter angle itself is good. Normally its a love interest or just a "job" where its more about explosions than emotional involvement. I know my dad wouldn't be so devoted, so its a nice thing to see. Glad they didn't throw some cheap romance in there... I can understand to a certain degree, stopping at no ends to save someone you love. Normally when some sort of Bond Jr bursts in and starts killing people, you don't care who wins. Hell, those people are just cronies, they have lives and families, and you have no idea what they're about-- just that they're in the way of the hero. These villains were different. These guys are twisted, and they exist in the real world. Not too many people make a legitimate attempt at taking over the world. Sure, maybe Hitler and Alexander... but it's old. Guys who make and sell prostitutes? Always a heart-twanger. You enjoyed seeing those guys get killed. It was satisfying. Some people he killed were not villains though. Apparently he killed 9 people? A little hypocritical, I can understand the motive but it makes it a little harder to relate to this guy. There was one bigger thing I couldn't get over though. This guy defeats all odds to save his daughter. Now he knows where all the bad bees are, in fact he's killed probably most of them. He definitely has the skills to do it again. He could save hundreds of girls, at 1/10 the effort of his daughter. Buuuuuuut he doesn't. Why can't I have that peace of mind? On that note, what was with the construction site explosion? It was random, and whether all those innocent girls died, guess we'll never know. Jesus, maybe that's why he didn't go in and save them all cheesy-like. Also, did no one notice that Amanda died? Aren't her and Kim best friends? Does anyone care? They didn't even pretend to address that. |
April 20, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Bombon: El Perro - Unrated | I don't like dog movies much. | March 18, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Gulliver's Travels - Unrated | March 10, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Three Colors: White (Trzy kolory: Bialy) - R | March 6, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare - R | Oh noes! Nightmare! What have they done to you!!! TT_TT | March 4, 2009 | N/A | |||
| I Can Do Bad All By Myself - PG-13 | He's ugly. >_>" | January 31, 2009 | N/A | |||
| WALL-E - G | Its a beautiful film, in about every way. I should review it more fully... some day. | January 22, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Samurai X - Trust & Betrayal - Unrated | December 1, 2008 | N/A |
6771 ratings
2236 reviews
