| Movie | Rating | Review | Date | Your Rating | Match | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins - PG-13 | February 4, 2008 | N/A | ||||
| In Bruges - R | February 4, 2008 | N/A | ||||
| The Hottie and the Nottie - PG-13 | February 4, 2008 | N/A | ||||
| Stardust - PG-13 |
Because "Stardust" isn't from a genre that I completely understand, I've probably rated it far too highly but I absolutely loved this as a fairy tale. I would have given it 8 out of 10 if it hadn't been for the highly embarrassing Ricky Gervais cameo. I don't like him as a comedian or an actor and his performance was his usual one-joke act. I was amazed at Michelle Pfeiffer though. In the moments where she was supposed to be beautiful, she really was. She's still not much of an actress either but she's definitely a hottie and was very entertaining. I didn't really think much of the old witch make-up effects but then I'm fussy when it comes to scary witches anyway. The blue fantasy blood and CGI ruined a couple of what could have been gory moments too. I don't expect the audience that this film was intended for to really mind that though. My biggest niggle is that Claire Danes isn't a sparkly enough actress to play the part of a "star". I just found her performance to be very flat and a bit trying especially when compared to the awesomeness of Charlie Cox who I've never even heard of before. This really is his show all the way and I'm sure he's destined for even greater things. He's perfect eyecandy for the ladies too. I would have liked to have seen more of Kate Magowan. She oozed sex appeal as Una but I suppose this is a kiddie-friendly film after all so a tease was all we were ever going to get. The image of Robert De Niro in women's clothes will probably haunt me for a while though even if it was the only truly funny moment in the whole film (other than Dexter Fletcher and Rupert Everett still pretending to be actors). This certainly made up for "The Golden Compass" and "The Dark is Rising" (which I barely endured) and it was 100 times better than "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe". I wouldn't buy it on DVD or anything but watching "Stardust" was a great way to spend a couple of hours. I recommend it to everyone. |
January 30, 2008 | N/A | |||
| Over Her Dead Body - PG-13 | January 29, 2008 | N/A | ||||
| Strange Wilderness - R | January 29, 2008 | N/A | ||||
| Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour - G | January 29, 2008 | N/A | ||||
| Rambo (Rambo IV) - R |
I heard so many great things about "Rambo" that I was bound to be disappointed when I saw it myself. It was ok, I suppose, but it didn't really match up to "First Blood" or "Rambo: First Blood Part II". Anything is better than "Rambo III" though. There was plenty of blood and guts, a higher body count than any of the previous Rambo films, but it was pretty much just the same wafer-thin story all over again. Sylvester Stallone looked excellent in the role but he was even more laconic than usual. Julie Benz, on the other hand, just annoyed me. She's always going to be Darla to me anyway. The less said about the small band of mercenaries who Rambo takes into the jungle on the rescue mission the better. The dialogue in "Rambo" is laughably appalling but it's all about the action anyway. It's not as if anyone goes to see a film like this because it's going to be a classic of the genre. It certainly isn't the best war film that I've ever seen and it isn't the most exciting action film either. It's just average but the gore is brutal. |
January 28, 2008 | N/A | |||
| Meet the Spartans - PG-13 | January 27, 2008 | N/A | ||||
| They - R | January 22, 2008 | N/A | ||||
| Cloverfield - PG-13 |
I absolutely hated it. Not only was it yet another kiddie-rated PG-13 unscary monster film but it sucked on all levels. The acting was pure Hollywood drama school stuff where everyone pauses and tries to convey as much emotion as possible with eyes and teeth before delivering a line, the dialogue was poor and as unrealistic as could be, and the camerawork was so bad that I imagine a lot of people would throw up in the movie theatres or suffer some kind of epileptic seizure from all the whirling and spinning. It was 18 minutes of wedding party, 30 minutes of "Oh my god... oh my god... oh my god... oh my god... boom... bang... shriek... boom... oh my god... oh my god", and then the rest was all "Run... oh my god... shriek... boom.... rarrrr... boom... boom... shriek... bang... run... run... oh my god... rarrrrr... oh my god... oh my god.... oh my god... boom..." I give it 1 out of 10 for the ability to con so many people into watching it. It's just another crappy motion sickness inducing shaky cam film with about 5 seconds of CGI monster in it. It's more overhyped and poorly executed rubbish! I can see it being used for the "Oh my god" drinking game in future though. Alcoholics will love it! |
January 22, 2008 | N/A | |||
| The Air I Breathe - R | January 21, 2008 | N/A | ||||
| How She Move - PG-13 | January 21, 2008 | N/A | ||||
| Once Bitten - PG-13 | January 21, 2008 | N/A | ||||
| Kaze no tani no Naushika (Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind) (Warriors of the Wind) - PG | January 20, 2008 | N/A | ||||
| Something Evil - Unrated |
I'd forgotten all about this until I was looking up a list of made-for-TV horror movies on another website. This was apparently Steven Spielberg's last TV movie before he went on to direct "Jaws" and in many ways is a scarier prototype for his later "Poltergeist". It seemed to get shown on ITV in the UK at least twice a year in the 1980s. Now that I've discovered the Steven Spielberg connection, I can understand its longevity. Sandy Dennis looks gorgeous in it. It's a shame she died before making a bigger impact on the film world. Darren McGavin of "Kolchak, the Nightstalker" fame is in it too but mercifully he doesn't get that much time on screen. The plot description on Flixster is slightly wrong. All the action really centres around the barn and the couple's little boy. It's all very supernatural; not quite a ghost story and not quite just a witchcraft story either. It's something different... it's "Something Evil"! Unlike modern horrors, it's actually scary too! If you haven't ever seen it, this is something you should track down. I think there is a special edition DVD out there somewhere but it must be quite rare as I've never seen one for sale ever. |
January 18, 2008 | N/A | |||
| Planet Terror (Grindhouse Presents: Robert Rodriguez's Planet Terror) - R |
This was such utter crap that I'm not even going to review it. Marley Shelton looked gorgeous in it and that's all I have to say. If you think that this film is in any way good, clever, or ground-breaking then you need your head examining as soon as possible because obviously you have a similar vacuous cavity inside it to Fergie's zombie-eaten corpse. I want the life back that I wasted watching this. This gets a 0 from me but unfortunately the stars system won't allow me to give it less than 1. Actually, no, I rate this as a -10. That's more like it. What a load of bollocks! |
January 18, 2008 | N/A | |||
| Return to the House on Haunted Hill - R |
Hot lesbian ghosts, gore scenes that have you saying "Lush!" everytime they occur and enough CGI to keep video gamers entertained for years. Yes, this had it all! It wasn't as clever as the original by any stretch of the imagination but it was about equal to the remake. You can't really hope for any more than that when it comes to sequels to remakes anyway. At least this one had a lot more ghosts. I liked the first hour of it but things started to run out of steam towards the end. All the best death scenes were used up by then. It all started relying on far too much CGI and was verging on the crappiness that was "Silent Hill" by the time everyone reached the crematorium. None of the jump scares worked and it lacked any real atmosphere. Characterisation was quite minimal but adequate and it looked good for a straight-to-DVD product. There really isn't much more to say about it. It was predictable and unoriginal but still very gory and quite entertaining. Jeffrey Combs was completely wasted in it though. I hope he got paid a lot for his one line. |
January 16, 2008 | N/A | |||
| The Attic - Unrated |
It's hard to believe that "The Attic" is by the same director who made "Pet Sematary" even though it is all over the poster and DVD sleeve. It's awful! Not only is it one of the most badly acted, badly scripted and generally lacklustre horror films that I've ever watched but the stupid ending that was tagged on to make it a bit more supernatural ruined it completely. The predictable story is all about Elisabeth Moss' character, Emma Callan, slowly descending into madness because she believes that her twin sister, Beth, is haunting her. The trouble is that she doesn't do the mad thing all that well and just ends up being a very poor imitation of Angela Bettis. This same story has been done many times over the years, from "The Man Who Haunted Himself" to "The Machinist", and they are all better than this. There is just nothing new here for anybody. It all looks good though as it was either shot on film or a high quality digital camera with one of those lenses that makes it look like film. As usual, it isn't particularly spooky or scary. Apart from one scene there isn't much gore to speak of either and there aren't even any good nudie bits. Even the bath scene right at the start is disappointing although it has more tension and suspense than anything in the rest of the film. I think we already have a contender here for the worst horror film of 2008 and it's still only the second week of January! |
January 15, 2008 | N/A | |||
| Juno - PG-13 |
I'm not sure why I watched this but I sort of liked it in a "Napoleon Dynamite" kind of way. It's a Canadian production which is obviously based on the similarly named Korean movie "Jenny Juno". Both deal with the same subject of teenage pregnancy albeit in a slightly different way. No big points for originality here except that nobody is ever likely to watch the Korean version in the first place. If you think that I've gone soft by reviewing a "girlie film", think again. Ellen Page was the nasty little know-it-all in "Hard Candy" (so no change here!) and there is a section in the middle where she watches a really bad horror movie with Jason Bateman and loses her argument about Argento's "Suspiria" being superior. I hate Argento too so I had a chuckle to myself about that. Anyway, it was a quirky little film with a soundtrack comprising of those horrible "acoustic guitar and badly sung" songs which you'd find in something like "Weeds" on TV. Everything here was chosen specifically to make this an off-beat cult film for teenage girls who get knocked up everywhere. I didn't like the dialogue too much as it tended to be more than a bit ridiculous for a 16 year old to say half the things which Juno came out with. A lot of it just made me just want to kick her in her big fake pregnant belly. I did like the overall effort and thought that went into this though even if it did rather ooze with trendy manipulation. It's all filmed really well and it looks as if a lot more money was spent on it than was probably the case. Good production values in a low-budget independent? Well, there's a first time for everything. It's no "Ghost World" or "Amelie" but it will certainly satisfy a gap in the niche market for the not-too-arty arthouse film lovers who are really into selfish, wise-cracking, little girls. |
January 14, 2008 | N/A | |||
| 27 Dresses - PG-13 | January 14, 2008 | N/A | ||||
| Mad Money - PG-13 | January 14, 2008 | N/A | ||||
| Cassandra's Dream - PG-13 | January 14, 2008 | N/A | ||||
| Control - R |
As a big fan of Joy Division I really wanted to like this but it was woefully inadequate as a biopic of Ian Curtis and was even worse as just a film in its own right. Most of the actors look very similar to the members of Joy Division especially James Anthony Pearson as Bernard Sumner. The problem is that they don't really act like them. That's not to say that Sam Riley doesn't do an excellent job as Ian Curtis but it just feels wrong and he comes across as a particularly dull person. Too much time is spent on trying to get the little anecdotal stories into the picture rather than showing him as the musician. I also found the beginning of the film slightly confusing as it went from Ian at school to suddenly being in a band with no real explanation as to how and why he got there. Joy Division fans already know the story but I think the film would have benefited from showing Joy Division (or Warsaw as they were then known) in their pre-Tony Wilson days. I'm surprised at how many things were left out too. If you aren't a fan then you'll need to do a lot of background reading to fill in the gaps. For instance, the story of how they sacked their first manager, got him to check the tyre on the car and sped off and left him, was completely missing yet is still one of the most amusing from their early days. The only light relief comes from Tony Kebbell as their plain-speaking manager Rob Gretton. It is a very depressing film otherwise but I suppose it can't really go any other way since we all know how things will end. I didn't like Samantha Morton in the role of Deborah Curtis either. They made her out to be far too frumpy in comparison to Alexandra Maria Lara (as Annik) who just oozed Belgian sexiness from every pore (even if she is Romanian in real life). Anyway, I suppose it's not the worst biopic ever. It's just not a particularly exceptional one. There's a good chunk of Joy Division's music in it which is performed surprisingly well by Sam Riley (rather than lip-syncing to the original vocals) and that's what everyone really cares about anyway. |
January 13, 2008 | N/A | |||
| Joshua (Joshua: The Devil's Child) - R |
Yet another rip-off of "The Bad Seed" which is supposed to make you think that children can get the better of adults. They can't. Just watch this movie and marvel at the stupidity of whoever thought it would be a good idea to even make it. Some of the acting is good but everything is far too slow. It really couldn't have been much slower without stopping altogether. This, of course, wasn't even a horror film. It looks like one to the casual observer but it's what they now call a "psychological thriller". Usually that means that you are supposed to think about it but there's nothing really to think about here. You already know that Joshua is a twisted little monster from the beginning and you know that one good spanking would cure him. It could have been made far more ambiguous as to whether or not he was doing anything. The most ridiculous part of the whole story is that Joshua's motivation is just that he wants to live with his gay showtune composing uncle instead of his parents. If you can stay awake long enough, you might find something to praise in this but I don't think it's going to end up on too many lists of favourites. |
January 12, 2008 | N/A |
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