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Martyrs - R
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Martyrs hits the ground running as a badly bruised child is seen running from an industrial warehouse, screaming and bloodied. It turns out the girl was kept hostage and viciously tortured by a mysterious couple. While in an orphanage, she finds a best friend in Lucie, who sticks by her side for the next 15 years, when Lucie tracks down the couple (and their family) and dispatches some long overdue revenge. The task seems to go off simple enough, but the nightmare is far from over for Lucie and Anna in this gruesome and extremely grim French horror epic. While it's clear that America has really failed miserably at delivering intense and truly horrifying films for some time, horror purists have found it in unlikely foreign markets. The two biggest ones to knock legitimate American horror fans out of their shoes include Martyrs and Inside, both of the French persuasion. When weighing these two, I find myself struggling as to which one is superior. In the end, I wound loving both equally. Martyrs is a tad (a very teensy tiny tad) bit less brutal in the gory sense, but the overall theme and end result deliver a grimmer presentation on the world we live in and the pain these two young women endure. Like the directed duo of Inside, Martyrs director Pascal Laugier is a force to be reckoned with; a real modern horror director that has the balls to go where American filmmakers tend to not trend. As evident, Laugier (and the Inside directors) have all budded heads with greedy, simpleton American producers over the eventual Hellraiser remake, a film I would have finally had interest in with any one of these directors behind it. Now that they've long since left the project, so have I. So when that POS Hellraiser remake DOES come out, I'll be at home enjoying Martyrs for probably the 70th time. Overall, it's an extremely brutal movie, in nature and tone. Like Inside, once the end credits roll, you will be sitting there in utter silence by such a beautiful and terrifying film.
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December 8, 2009
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N/A
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Norbit - PG-13
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Never forgetting his roots (not to mention ever being able to rid himself of them), Eddie Murphy once again returns to that slapstick-y sort of comedy where he plays multiple characters under elaborate disguises of make-up in Norbit. The story concerns an orphan named Norbit who grows up in an orphanage/Chinese restaurant (where the hilariously racist owner is played by an unrecognizable Murphy) where his first love moves away and is replaced by a massive entity known as Rasputia. Once they're all grown up, Rasputia (Murphy in another one of his famous fat suit characters) and Norbit (Murphy in a nerdish Bowfinger-esque role, equipped with afro) are a marriage made in hell, as the dominating Rasputia runs and abuses Norbit's life, not to mention is cheating on him (with Marlon Wayans in a short but comical role). Things change for Norbit when that first true love, Kate (the incredibly beautiful Thandie Newton, using an exceptional American accent), returns to town with a sleazy fiance (Cuba Gooding Jr.) looking to purchase the orphanage and stay in town. Other comical black actors such as Katt Williams, Eddie Griffin, and Terry Crews show up in moderately entertaining roles. Lots of shenanigans ensue in what you can easily assume to be a bottom-of-the-barrel, dumbed-down popcorn entertainment. This film will mostly appeal to the lowest common denominator of moviegoers, but honestly, I couldn't help but enjoy this silly movie, especially considering director Brian Robbins usually directs strings of dingleberry crap (The Perfect Score, Meet Dave). Sometimes, a silly comedy does the trick, and Norbit is one of those films. It's not the high-caliber, multi-character Murphy classics like The Nutty Professor or Coming to America, but its not bad.
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December 8, 2009
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N/A
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Creepozoids - R
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In a post-apocalyptic world where World War III wages in the futuristic late-90's, a small group of military deserters take refuge from acid rain in an abandoned research facility where the worst is yet to come as they encounter a large alien-like monster, mutated rats, and human baby/alien hybids in this hilarious campy, corny, low budget monster flick. The film was directed by cult low-budget directing king David DeCoteau, whose list of films stretches for miles and miles; many of which under different disguised pseudonyms. The two most familiar faces in this group include the two female leads: Linnea Quigley (Return of the Living Dead, Savage Streets, etc) in heyday and showing off that hot body of hers before she wrecked it with an overabundance of drugs, and Kim McKamy (aka pornstar Ashlyn Gere) in an early non-nude role before she went on to take cocks in the mouth and butt. Given this films ridiculou name, one should be well away of what they are getting into with a film like Creepozoids. The effects aren't actually that bad (though I'm of the old school and much rather prefer these types rather than CGI), but the overall story and acting scream campy and unintentional comedy gold. Thank goodness it's barely 70 minutes long. Worth a watch just for its corny 80's allure, especially with friends and booze.
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December 7, 2009
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N/A
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Black Sheep - PG-13
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Black Sheep is another 90's "classics" that re-teams the Tommy Boy/Saturday Night Life duo of Chris Farley and David Spade. Much like the Austin Powers movies, the guys pretty much do the same tried and true comedy gags throughout this film about a political candidate (Tim Matheson) whose brother (Chris Farley) gets into all sorts of trouble that catches a lot of attention from the media and sours his brother's campaign. It's up to one of Matheson's aides (David Spade) to try to keep Farley under wraps and away from the media, but good ole Farley can't help but get himself tangled up in wacky, very physical comedy-induced situations. Gary Busey shows up to scene-steal in a small role as a backwoods former soldier that is a comically loose cannon. Overall, not bad for its time. While the film is heavily dated by today's standards of comedy films, I still found myself actually laughing at moments, thus assuring myself that there still are some funny moments within this film, which is definitely inferior to the far better Tommy Boy. This always makes me wonder what would have happened to Farley if he had been alive during these times when physical comedy-oriented movies (a la Paul Blart: Mall Cop) are made few and far between and only seem to cater to mouth-breathing morons? Interesting thought. Still, with Black Sheep, it's a nice reminder of a simpler time.
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December 7, 2009
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N/A
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Office Space - R
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After finding much success in the world of animation by creating such classics as Beavis and Butthead and King of the Hill, Mike Judge attempted to try his hand at live action motion picture by expanding upon his early work, the Milton shorts and creating one of the heavily regarded, modern-day cult comedy classics Office Space. Office Space finds depressed office worker Peter Gibbons (Ron Livingston in his breakthrough role) who contends with a boring, mundane exist inside an office with unbearable bosses and employees, save for his friends Michael (David Herman) and Samir (Ajay Naidu). One night, Peter is put under hypnosis and sent into a deep relaxation, and then they hypnotist dies, and Peter now lives a happy-go-lucky life where he stops caring about his job, pursues his love interest (Jennifer Aniston), and finds unusual success as a result. Judge uses simple tools and relative humor to deliver one of the funniest films ever. Aside from the aforementioned, the cast is a who's who of familiar faces, including Gary Cole and Stephen Root as Lumberg and Milton, the two inspiration characters from Judge's original animated shorts that inspired this movie. Also, using several songs from the Geto Boys catalog as the film's soundtrack was pure genius, as the songs arise in some of the most comically humorous scenes imaginable. This is a truly a comedy classic that I honestly cannot see anyone disliking, save for morons. Excellent film.
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December 7, 2009
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N/A
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Maskhead - Unrated
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Maskhead is the story of two lesbo model scouters/porn directors who enlist all kinds of "actors" and "actresses" for their fetish porn films. Little do these people know, the lesbos incorporate another actor into the film, known as Maskhead, a hulking menace that proceeds to rip every single one of them to shreds during each film. There's the general plot of the movie, but there is definitely a lot more going on as filmmakers Scott Swan and Fred Vogel (who brought us the notorious August Underground trilogy, a set of films so vile and disgusting that only the elite of horror fans know of and have seen) venture into the ultra-sleazy. Given the film's subject matter, it certainly delivers on heinous acts of violence and sexuality. You can expect ample amounts of gore, but surprisingly little nudity (though it does pick up a bit in the last 15 minutes of the film) as everything is left up to suggestion and letting the viewer use their imagination, which is effective, but when in you invest in this kind of film, we pretty much expect it to be hand-delivered to us. Between all of the mountains upon mountains of built up shock value, the coup de grace is the climactic ending which incorporates a death so over the top, bloody, and somewhat nauseating, it actually makes up for the hour of ho-hum, by-the-books torture movie. Now, granted, I say things like ho-hum and by-the-books, but after witnessing films like Martyrs, Gutterballs, and (ESPECIALLY) Hanger, Maskhead doesn't seem to phase me all that much (save for the ending). Those unfamiliar with the aforementioned films (as well as the August Underground ones) will definitely be in for a surprise if you somehow are able to track this film down and watch it.
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December 6, 2009
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N/A
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Triangle - R
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Looks great. Can't wait to see this.
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December 6, 2009
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N/A
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Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street - R
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Utterly perfect in every sense. Anytime director Tim Burton and actor Johnny Depp are together, magic is created and the big screen adaptation of the famous play Sweeney Todd was a perfect choice for both of these people. The story, about young, successful barber Sweeney Todd (Depp) screwed over and jailed for 15 years because another man (Alan Rickman, perfection) loved his wife. Upon his return to town, Sweeney Todd has only vengeance in his mind, and that's when the overabundance of throat slashing occurs. The story may seem tried and true, but there is so much more to this film, not to mention the beautiful songs and gothic scenery (a Burton tradition perfectly used in this film). Helena Bonham Carter shows up as Mrs. Lovett, who runs the Meat Pie Shop where Todd's doomed customers met an even grimmer doom. Carter is always terrific, especially in Burton films and the rest of the supporting cast was top notch, even the humorous small appearance from Borat himself (Sacha Baron Cohen) as a competing Barber. I really enjoyed this film. As a rare uber-fan of both musicals and horror films, this movie seemed like a match made in heaven for me, and it did NOT disappoint. Easily one of my favorites of the year.
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December 6, 2009
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N/A
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The House of the Devil - R
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I really, really, really, REALLY cannot wait to see this movie. I've loved everything Ti West has done thus far and the trailer for this looks amazing. I want to see this and I want to see it now, god dammit. Can't this come out any sooner???
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December 6, 2009
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N/A
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The Book of Eli - Unrated
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Denzel Washington as a post-apocalyptic badass hero? Gary Oldman as the sadistic villain? Mila Kunis and Jennifer Beals as hot eye candy? I must to see this movie....NOWISH!
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December 6, 2009
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N/A
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The Killer Eye - R
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In a film riddled with awful, unlikable characters, The Killer Eye was something I once thought as interesting, but I can now chalk that up to ignorance with youth because this movie is excruciating! The Killer Eye has moronic scientist performing over-the-top experiments in his studio apartment where he recruits a homeless kid to be a test subject in being injected with eye drops and seeing into the 8th Dimension. While the scientist deals with his at-first (more on that in a sec) bitch wife Jacqueline Lovell (who shamelessly keep the nudity brief in this), the kid dies, his eye pops out, grows to enormous proportions, and crawls out via air ducts to harass the other 5 tenants in this enormous apartment complex. This includes two naked, stoned dudes who emit a lot of homoeroticism, another husband and wife (the husband is the assistant to the scientist, while the wife is a nag who gets completely naked and shows off her titties, bush, and cottage cheese ass), and finally, Creepy Bill (played by a completely unoriginal actor who pretty much mocks Beetlejuice to a tee). Anyways, the eye moves around from room to room and proceeds to rape/fondle/whatever both girls back to back. By the end, the bitch wife is now the nice, good guy, the scientist loses it, the eye starts to act annoying, and at 70 minutes, I'm ready for this film to end before I blow my brains out. What's funny is I was wondering (I kid you NOT) if this Richard Chasen was another lame pseudonym for David DeCoteau, and sure enough it was. This would certainly account for all the homoeroticism throughout the film, not to mention the sheer laziness in filmmaking. What was supposed to be a fun, campy, cult film (though it had moments of hilarity) wound up being a tragic piece of crap. Too bad.
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December 6, 2009
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N/A
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The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen - PG-13
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The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (based upon the graphic novel work of Sir Whiney Pants Alan Moore) focuses on several great literary characters, including Allan Quartermain (Sean Connery), who comes out of retirement in 1899 when the British Empire begins to fall due to a madman who uses top of the line weaponry (tanks, machine guns, etc) to commit grand acts of terrorism. His team includes Dracula vampiress Mina Harker (La Femme Nikita's sexy Peta Wilson), Tom Sawyer (Shane West), the Invisible Man (Underworld 2's Tony Curran), Captain Nemo (Naseeruddin Shah), Dorian Gray (Stuart Townsend), and Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde (Jason Flemyng) who all embark on a mission to stop the madman before he completely destroys the world. Amidst a bevy of production problems, storyboard writing, and actor disputes (this film famously made Connery retire), The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen really isn't THAT bad of a movie. Cheesy...yeah kinda, unfaithful to the original source material...oh yeah, unrealistic...yep, over-the-top...sure, bad special effects...yeah, that too, fun and entertaining still...yes, I am confident enough to say that. The story was engaging and I feel as though director Stephen Norrington (Death Machine, Blade) got a unnecessary bad rap for this film. Still not convinced? Well, I can always go the "guilty pleasure" route with this film. Not bad.
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December 6, 2009
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N/A
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The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (Il Buono, il Brutto, il Cattivo.) - R
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The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly stands neck to neck with The Wild Bunch as the two best westerns of all time. I'm sorry to all of you cookie-cutter, John Wayne-loving, old school buffoons, but historically, the aforementioned films hit much closer to how the wild west was, albeit without all of the Italian flash and flare. Truth be told, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly set the standard for Spaghetti Westerns, a sub-genre of westerns where the Italians took the genre and created their own interpretation of the films by implementing mass amounts of plot, violence, and extravagant music. The story concerns Blondie (the immortal Clint Eastwood, the Good), Tuco (the great Eli Wallach, the Ugly), and Angel Eyes (the excellent Lee Van Cleef, the Bad), 3 very different men whose paths connect intermittently throughout this long film as they go in search of a stolen loot of 200,000 dollars hidden away in an unknown grave at a cemetery, where each of the men know a separate piece of the information towards obtaining that loot. All 3 suffer some form of trial and tribulation as they embark on their journey's where they meet an assortment of characters, embrace the on-going civil war, etc. Overall, this film is beautifully made. I can only see retards and douches not liking this cinematic masterpiece. While this has always been known as an Eastwood vehicle, a mass amount of credit MUST go to Eli Wallach, who absolutely steals this movie away, not to mention is featured much more prominently (and frequently) throughout it. I enjoyed his character most of all. Eastwood was almost like a very nice side. Lee Van Cleef was excellent of course. As I said before, this is a true masterpiece and a perfect example of ditching the old, outdated westerns of before and adapting to far superior ones.
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December 6, 2009
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N/A
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Napoleon Dynamite - PG
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In 2004, I had the great privilege of catching Napoleon Dynamite at a local Art Cinema where it was virtually unheard of and well before it's huge success and evolution into current trend/fad bullshit where everyone within a 5 feet radius quoted from liberally like a douche. The story takes that timeless tradition of the underdog nerd and turns it down several notches as young Napoleon Dynamite, a funny, imaginative kid with an attitude who contends with the usual assortment of bullies, girl problems, and annoying family members, but on such a unique and different scale, it's no wonder this film found such cult fame. Things start to change for Napoleon when he finds a best friend in Pedro (Efren Ramirez in a role that's a night and day difference from his Crank roles), a crush in Deb (all grown up Tina Majorino whom I remember from her kid roles in the likes of Andre and Waterworld), and some new-found and very sweet dance moves. Also present (and in some scene-stealing roles) are Napoleon's brother Kip (Aaron Ruell) an older, yet still geeky computer nerd who dreams of being a cage fighter, and uncle Rico (the great Jon Gries) whose looking for new business ventures but still lives in the past. Overall, this movie broke new mold in terms of being clever, unique, and very original. Plenty of laugh out loud moments are abound in this friendly, non-threatening, PG movie (a rare feat these days). I absolutely love it and am proud I got to be one of the few people that saw it and knew of its glory before the world took it away from me. Still, I'm happy this small, underdog, independent film found such success amidst a bevy of horrible, awful comedies made for idiots (Eurotrip, First Daughter, Johnson Family Vacation, Meet the Fockers, The Passion, Van Helsing); it deserved every bit of it.
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December 6, 2009
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N/A
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Find Me Guilty - R
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Famed filmmaker Sidney Lumet directs (and gives this film one of his rare writing treatments) Find Me Guilty, the factual-based story of one of the largest cases of the century involving the prosecution of dozens of suspected mobsters, including one Jackie Dinorsio (played by heavily make-up'd Vin Diesel in a GREAT role that showcases his acting abilities beyond brainless action movies) who refuses to rat out anyone. Already facing 30 years on a drug charge, Jackie rids himself of his useless lawyer and decides to defend himself (much against everyone else's wishes, save for the prosecution) in this decisively comedic and dramatic courtroom movie. Though all of these defendants are clearly guilty of the crimes they're in court for, everyone cannot help but to sympathize with them, especially Jackie, whose charming and likable, not to mention they all have pretty exceptional lawyers, which are led by the always excellent Peter Dinklage (great in this movie). Through the span of over 2 years, we are given tidbits of the case's most dynamic moments, most of which involving Jackie's fiery charm and antics in (and out) the courtroom. Though the film is predominately male, there are two small, yet effective female roles from the likes of Annabella Sciorra (The Sopranos) as Jackie's ex-wife, and Aleksa Palladino (Wrong Turn 2) as Jackie's daughter. The film also features the late, great Ron Silver in one of his last, possibly best roles as the judge of the case. Overall, this movie is excellent. A real treat to watch, even if its centered in just a few small settings. It goes to show that a small scale production can go a long way, especially with a great director like Lumet behind it and Diesel in front of it. Terrific film.
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December 6, 2009
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N/A
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The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past - PG-13
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My biggest fears came true when I was forced to sit down with my wife and watch a Matthew McConaughey starring romantic comedy in the form of The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. The story concerns a super-sexy man-whore photographer who's with a new girl just about every hour (literally) and is forced to attend the wedding of his brother (Breckin Meyer) and wife to be (the beautiful Lacey Chabert), which he's uncomfortable with, especially when his only true love (Jennifer Garner) is there. As expected, the film takes a Christmas Carol path, where important figures in McConaughey's past, present, and future show up, including dead uncle Michael Douglas (playing against type in a surprisingly funny role), his first Emma Stone (also hilarious), and weird future ghost that shows obligatory death and sadness future. Much to my surprise, this film manages to be good. Yes, shocking. With direction from Mark Waters (Freaky Friday remake, Mean Girls, Spiderwick Chronicles), and writing from Jon Lucas & Scott Moore (who both gave us the Hangover), can you surmise a guess over who helped to make this movie actually funny? Unless you're a retard, you guessed the writers, who brought some actually funny characters to the table. Next big surprise: a lot of these people playing against type to deliver funny characters. From small roles by singer Christina Milian, Robert Forster, Anne Archer to bigger ones like Douglas, Stone, and McConaughey, all these people managed to show they were capable of being a different kind of funny. The fact that this movie didn't follow the McConaughey's current trend of awful films (Failure to Puke, How to Lose a Douche in 10 Days, Sacrapa) is the sole reason is bombed. Moronic McConaughey fans didn't know what to think of a movie with such different humor. Be that as it may, this is still only moderately entertaining. I enjoy my comedies with a little more balls and risque factor. Key takeaway: better than I thought it was going to be (a real-life twist for me). Best part of the movie: the Michael Jackson kid at the dance. Didn't see him coming and, as a result, I burst out laughing.
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December 6, 2009
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N/A
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Rosemary's Baby - R
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Rosemary's Baby is one of those rare films that, by all accounts, NO genuine fan of horror films canNOT dislike. Any such person is clearly an idiot. Rosemary's Baby is the Roman Polanski classic about a young married couple who move into a nice high-rise apartment in NYC. As they grow to know their kindly neighbors, they start to see success, with the husband Guy (John Cassavetes) getting steady work as an actor and Rosemary (the excellent Mia Farrow) finally gets pregnant. One weird night where she suffers an incredibly realistic nightmare, Rosemary starts an uneasy several months of pain, unhappiness, and unease as she starts to suspect that all the tenants, her doctor (the late Ralph Bellamy whom I'll always remember as Randolph Duke from Trading Places and Coming to America), and even her husband as witches who are set on using the baby to perform satanic rituals. As the days close in on her due date, Rosemary makes attempts to find out the truth and escape with her (and her baby's) lives, but that proves to be easier said than done. Aside from the likes of Farrow, Cassavetes, and Bellamy, there are small roles from Charles Grodin, Ruth Gordon (of Harold and Maude fame who won an Oscar for her performance in this film), and Tony Curtis (see if you can place him in the movie). Rosemary's Baby deserves every bit of praise it gets, as it was well ahead of its time, and a real benchmark for the mainstream work that Polanski has built. Even after all these years, (like Psycho), the movie still retains a lot of that creepiness and suspense it's known for. All in all, a riveting film that every REAL fan of horror films has to see AND enjoy. No exceptions whatsoever. Great film.
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December 5, 2009
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N/A
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Reform School Girls - R
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During the 80's, every sub-genre of film imaginable was fun, entertaining, and riddled with over-the-top cheese, especially the women-in-prison films, and Reform School Girls is no exception. After a botched robbery with her boyfriend, Jenny (Linda Carol) is sent to an unpleasant reform school for juvenile girls where she has to contend with all sorts of threats. After the girls go through their prerequisite showers, butthole cleansing, delousing, etc, they are thrown into their dorms where buxom, half-nude women walk around, touching each other and themselves whilst listening to good ole 80's rock (yes, over the top). Jenny and the other new girls have to contend with top dog of the dorm Charlie (late rocker Wendy O. Williams, with a face like a train wreck, but god damn, that body was rocking), touch, sexy warden Sutter (Sybil Danning, another freaking hot body of the 80's that tragically does NOT get naked in this film), and head guard Edna (the late Pat Ast, the film's key villain). All the key elements to a female prison film (showering, torture, sex, violence, mass amounts of nudity, and death) are all abundant in this film. Top billed Wendy O. Williams is fun to watch, especially since she's pretty much in thong and bra throughout the film's entirety. Aside from Williams and Danning being the top stars, the prisoners are also exceptional, including Friday the 13th alum Tiffany Helm (Violet in part 5) and Darcy DeMoss (Nikki from part 6). Most of the women get naked in this (always nice), save for the token fat, ugly chick (very considerate of the filmmakers). Ast is a great villain in this, but thankfully, she stays clothed as well. Director Tom DeSimone was kind enough to take a break from directing gay porn and give us this (and Hell Night!). Definitely a campy, corny, and cheesy film of the 80's, so if you are into that sort of thing (like myself), you'll dig this film. If not, stop being a dumbass and move along to something more suitable.
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December 5, 2009
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N/A
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Dead Air - Unrated
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Before the likes of Pontypool swept audiences throughout the horror and independent circuit, a small, yet very similar film was made just before it entitled Dead Air. Dead Air revolves around a radio show where shock jock DJ Logan (the great Bill Moseley in an excellent role) starts the night off with the theme of paranoia where him and his sidekick (David Moscow, also good in this) listen to weirdo callers and make fun of them. Before this happens, the opening sets up a strange occurrence at a local basketball game that hints at biochemical terrorism. Midway through the radio broadcast, all kinds of news starts to hit the station about small explosions around the US, which are then proceeded by people becoming extremely rabid and violent towards one another by attacking and building upon the race of rabid people (a la 28 Days Later). The majority of the movie focuses on how the employees of that radio station handle such a tragedy, with small bursts of outside communication (and action), not to mention elevating tension when main players on the terrorism side also happen to be in said radio station. Quasi-popular movie and TV star Corbin Bernsen (The Dentist films, JAG) directs his first horror film and manages to make a surprisingly successful effort from such a small budget. Aside from some pretty good performances from Moseley and Moscow, there's also still-hot cougar Patricia Tallman (Night of the Living Dead remake, Army of Darkness, Knightriders) who also turns in a fine performance as the radio station boss. Also, keep an ear out for Larry Drake (Dr. Giggles, Darkman, Pathology, Dark Night of the Scarecrow) as on of the callers. Don't expect much in the blood and gore department, not to mention anything special effects wise, as this movie focuses its efforts all on building tension, dread, and genuine scares. Small, simple and subtle, yet pretty effective. This film is yet another reason why Bill Moseley should be doing bigger, more mainstream horror roles. I enjoyed it.
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December 5, 2009
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N/A
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The Vagrant - R
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The Vagrant stars Bill Paxton as an ordinary businessman who buys his first house in an area that's not really one of the safest, especially when he finds out a mutilated vagrant (Marshall Bell) has been squatting there for some time. As a result, the two engage in a small war against each other as Paxton is convinced the vagrant haunts him every night and kills people around him. Everything is questioned though as the audience starts to wonder if the vagrant is actually doing all of this bad stuff (or if he even exists), and whether Paxton's character is mentally stable. Detective Michael Ironside is definitely one of those convinced it is Paxton committing the heinous crimes. As if this cast weren't already badass enough, Colleen Camp (Wayne's World), Stuart Pankin (TV's Dinosaurs), and Patrika Darbo (Hatchet) show up in some fun roles. In the mid-90's, before he became an A-list star, Paxton had already amassed a sizable cult following in many cult classics (Aliens, Predator 2, The Dark Backward, etc), however, The Vagrant was his chance for a leading role, one that is pretty fun to watch him in. Underrated actors Bell (Total Recall, Starship Troopers) and Ironside (um...Total Recall, Starship Troopers) finally get some great, sizable roles in the Vagrant as well. The film was directed by Chris Walas, normally an effects guy (who more than makes up with this film after debuting with the awful Fly 2), and written by Richard Jefferies, who also wrote Scarecrows and Cold Creek Manor. Overall, the Vagrant plays as a horror comedy, and manages to dish out both elements pretty well, especially for being a small-scale early 90's film. One particular scene that had me laughing my head off involves the lead character's mom and her exit from a courtroom. Tried and true gag, but definitely a good tool to use for a rather dark film. Good movie overall. The Vagrant definitely deserves to be taken out of VHS limbo and brought back to life on glorious DVD.
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December 2, 2009
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N/A
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Shooter - R
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An elite sniper (Mark Wahlberg) goes into retirement after his best friend dies behind enemy lines when they're left by their own country to fend for themselves. After 3 years, he's convinced to come out of retirement by Army Colonel Danny Glover, who needs his assistance in providing sniper techniques on a potential president assassination. When it comes down to it, an assassination happens and Glover and his secret agency convinces the entire world Wahlberg committed the crime. On the run, Wahlberg begins a counter attack on everyone who set him up with some assistance by his dead friend's ex-fiance (Kate Mara in a nice role if you can get past the excruciating southern accent) and disgraced FBI agent Michael Pena (good in this). I feel bad it took me a long time to finally watch this film, as it manages to be really entertaining. A lot more graphic violence and action than I thought it would have, Shooter plays out as a very fun and engaging political thriller that I'd take ANY day over the dreadful Bourne films. Shooter doesn't help much in the department of trusting the government, but then again, neither did George Bush, so go figure. Other familiar faces show up, like Rhona Mitra (Skinwalkers), Elias Koteas (The Haunting in Connecticut), and Ned Beatty (Deliverance). Great director from Antoine Fuqua who has REALLY progressed and grown over the years of directing films (starting with The Replacement Killers, then Bait, Training Day, Tears of the Sun, and King Authur). Overall, much better than I expected; in fact, a lot of fun. Good movie.
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December 2, 2009
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N/A
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Paper Heart - PG-13
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Musician, comedian, and actress Charlyne Yi (Knocked Up, Semi-Pro) and her director friend Nicholas Jasenovec (played by Jake M. Johnson) create a documentary (though I presume that good bits of it are actually mockumentary style as evident with an actor playing the "director") on Charlyne's journey towards understanding love and whether it is real or a myth. She travels throughout the country, especially a good bit of the south, which scared me at first, but as it turns out, there are some genuine smart and engaging real-life people who share stories articulately and beautifully that really add a lot of charm to this small documentary. Along the way, Yi does the unexpected and begins to fall for fellow actor Michael Cera (Superbad, TV's Arrested Development, etc) who share some sweet moments, though most of it is conflicted with Cera's uncomfortableness about being filmed all the time. Overall, Paper Hearts manages to be a sweet, little film for me, however, it is because of the engaging people she talks to and the wonderful, uplifting stories they tell. As far as Yi goes, I honestly didn't care for her parts, and her "inability to love" mumbo-jumbo sort of irritated me. The BIGGEST irritation, though, is when she sees and obviously phony psychic, which they call her out on afterwards (would have been better doing it in person to the psychic's face). Overall, not bad.
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December 2, 2009
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N/A
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The Whoopee Boys - R
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The Whoopee Boys is another one of those lost 80's comedies where two misfit friends (Michael O'Keefe and Paul Rodriguez) hightail it to Palm Beach and make half-assed attempts to grift rich socialites. Instead, O'Keefe falls for Lucinda Jenney (whom I'll always remember as the head-giving wife in Thinner) who needs to marry someone in 30 days in order to inherit millions to save her orphanage. The husband to be must also pass her uncle's rigorous gentleman test, so O'Keefe and Rodriguez head to a charm school out in the middle of the swampy bijou where husband and wife Denholm Elliot (Trading Places) and Carole Shelley teach them and a large group of crass, raunchy, charmless dolts some manners. The two guys take a special side class from Elliot on the finer ways of grifting and manage to use their newfound skills to take on the Uncle (as well as an antagonist boyfriend) at being charming gentlemen, well as least O'Keefe does. The Whoopee Boys seems to be one of those lost 80's comedies that got shuffled deep under a pile of superior 80's comedies. As far as though films go, Whoopee Boys certainly can't hold a candle to them, but in all honestly, there were some pretty hilarious moments, which I wasn't expecting. The biggest highlight is Rodriguez, whose really given the chance to shine and unload an epic proportion of filthy, crass, adult humor all throughout. Aside from him, a lot of moderately popular character actors of the 80's show up to add additional humor to the film, like Eddie Deezen (Laserblast, Grease), Marsha Warfield (D.C. Cab), Joe Spinell (Maniac), Taylor Negron (Easy Money), and Greg Germann (Quarantine). Not the best of 80's comedies, but definitely better than I expected.
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December 2, 2009
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N/A
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Basement Jack - R
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Basement Jack has buxom teen Karen Cook (Michele Morror) and boyfriend happening upon Karen's entire dead family and a young serial killer coming after her in her house. She barely manages to escape as the sole survivor in his all-night-long murdering spree. In magical fairy world, the serial killer, now dubbed Basement Jack, is freed from his hospital and resumes his killings once again by laying in wait in families basements until lightning storms arrive, then kills the entire family. This is thanks to all the years of strange, outlandish abuse from mother Lynn Lowry (The Crazies, I Drink Your Blood). Now, Karen Cook embodies hard-nosed Sarah Connor-type chick that is hellbent on following Basement Jack and killing him before he kills her. Along the way, she meets a rookie cop (Sam Skoryna) who tries to help her, even though she is irrationally accused of being the murderer herself several times. As far as realism and authenticity goes, this movie blows it hard. Aside from Lowry, some other familiar faces include chicano character actor Noel Gugliemi (here, with hair and playing a detective, lol), rocker Billy Morrison (another detective, lol), and scream queen Tiffany Shepis (Abominable, Death Factory, about a 100 other films) in a rare wooden and stale performance as another cop. Director Michael Shelton (usually an effects guy) means well on his debut film, and even manages to stretch out the budget well enough to where it almost doesn't even look like a low-budget film, however, the end result is somewhat ludicrous, unbelievable, and EXTREMELY recycled (the film is very reminiscent of any Halloween movie). There are plenty of good parts strung about it, especially all scenes involving kills and gory effects. Had its moments, but nothing special.
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December 2, 2009
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N/A
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Horrible Dr. Bones - Unrated
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The "Oh, so appropriately titled" Horrible Dr. Bones concerns a notorious record producer, Dr. Bones, who is quickly established as an evil supernatural force that plays the hip-hop field by looking for fresh talent to use in a fiendish plan to control living people and turn him into his zombie army. In walks Urban Protectors, a lame positive R&B group whose members are desperate to hit it big and cannot believe their instance success when Dr. Bones wants to sign them, not to mention bang the shit out of curvy frontwoman Sarah Scott Davis (some may remember her as the better looking, not to mention unlucky, one of the two black militant chicks from Phantasm 3). After an overlong dream where Dr. Bones haunts the group collectively, he finally begins his fiendish plan, which pretty much goes nowhere. Rather than a good film, the Horrible Dr. Bones winds up being just plain horrible with awful special effects, amateur acting (no surprise), and a paper-thin story where the unnecessary is streeeeetched out way too long, leaving all the horror and action bits to just come and go in the blink of an eye. Adding to the crappiness of this film is the large body count (normally a good thing) which is primarily unsympathetic characters and bad guys. Not a single genuine protagonist is killed, let alone hurt in this film. Though it incites plenty of unintentional laughs, this film is pretty much dumb, boring, and lifeless.
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December 1, 2009
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N/A
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2105 ratings
2105 reviews
