| Movie | Rating | Review | Date | Your Rating | Match | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Paper Heart - PG-13 | I really wish I had one of those mind erase devices from Men In Black. The very first thing I would do is wipe away any memory of the annoying Charlene Yi. There hasn't been someone who has made my eyes water or my ears ache this way since Lori Petty or maybe Cyndi Lauper, when she wasn't singing. A woman-child with a grating laugh and a robotic disposition is just pitiful not entertaining. The nervous nerdy interplay between her and fictitious love interest Michael Cera…is not amusing or cute. It is uncomfortable and embarrassing to watch the over-the-top unease. Michael Cera, your recycled sad sack act is not endearing any longer. A pseudo documentary about love that won't tell you anything you don't already know. | January 1, 2010 | N/A | |||
| Avatar - PG-13 | Avatar looks VERY nice. That's about all I can say about this bloated and boring waste. You could fit the plot on the back of a matchbook cover and it has all the complexity of a 70's Saturday morning cartoon. Invading humans bad. Indigenous aliens good. And, yes, James Cameron thanks for beating us over the head with your simplistic Iraq War references. The 3-D presentation really adds nothing at all. It is used for depth perception and nothing more. See it in regular 2-D and save your precious coin. The final battle rocks but it is too little, late at that point. | December 29, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Daybreakers - R | Fuck Twilight and all that other fluffy nonsense. Not since Near Dark, Vampires or 30 Days of Night has there been such a clever vampire movie that goes for the throat, heart as well as the brain. Vampires and humans struggle to co-exist in 2019. As a vampire hematologist who is sympathetic to the human cattle, Ethan Hawk struggles to find a cure to the "disease" as Sam Neill farms humans for their viscous red fluid. A deeply perceptive roller coaster ride reminiscent of the grand old Hammer films. | September 12, 2009 | N/A | |||
| The Spirit - PG-13 |
Six people walked out of the screening. They were the smart ones. Even if all they did was count ceiling tiles for an hour or so, they would be have been better entertained than those they left behind who watched 'The Spirit' stumble and stagger its way to a mangled conclusion. Barely a notch above 'Dick Tracy', 'The Spirit' is just as corny and just as pitiful. And like 'Dick Tracy', there is no real reason to ever watch 'The Spirit' again, except if computer generated snow somehow fascinates you. Frank Miller's attempt to bring his hard-boiled pulp fiction to the Big Screen all on his lonesome fails miserably. Nothing works at all, except for the aforementioned snow. Everything is so ludicrous and so over-the-top that you not only have to suspend your disbelief, you have to pretend you had a lobotomy. Usually, Samuel L. Jackson can be counted on to bring some credibility to even the most preposterous story. His casting in 'The Spirit' though is like throwing gasoline on a raging inferno. His boisterous ways makes things worse. Much, much worse. In contrast to Jackson's maniacal outbursts, Scarlett Johansson mopes around in some fine looking clothes uttering her lines as if she is on Novocain and as the title character, Gabriel Macht does his best Dark Knight impression as he curls his lips, snarls and says every line as if he were reading the Ten Commandments from that famous mountain top. Although I can understand why Miller was drawn to one of his idol's creations, one cannot fathom why the studio flipped the bill for such a self-indulgent project that focuses on an out-dated and frankly, quite dull superhero when there are so many others that are crying out for the Big Screen treatment. Oh, yeah. I forgot. The whole 'Sin City' thing. Sorry, Frank. Recycling the look is just doesn't cut it. Good on you for convincing the studio to part with the cash so you could pay tribute to your mentor. Good for you. To the six brave souls who bailed, next time, take me with you. |
December 22, 2008 | N/A | |||
| Star Wars: The Clone Wars - PG | My high hopes fell very, very hard. You would think that by making an animated movie, the filmmakers would be able to take the Star Wars saga into places it has never gone before. That the limitations would be gone and their imaginations could run wild like a gang of Ewoks in the Endor jungle? Not so, young Padawan. Logging in as one of the greatest missed opportunities in recent memory, The Clone Wars is about as exciting and interesting as watching a Bantha scratch itself. The Jedi Knights saving Jabba's maggoty son? It pains me to say it but the Star Wars video games have better animation and plots. I feel a disturbance in the Force and it is George Lucas trying to squeeze blood from a stone. Give it up, pal. Give it up. | August 27, 2008 | N/A | |||
| Death Race - R | Normally, I am not a fan of remakes but in the case of Death Race, I will make an exception. Not only is it an improvement on the original but it stands on its own as a cult classic. Death Race is cranked in drive for its entire running time and rarely gives you time to roll down the window and take a breath. The tributes to seventies exploitation flicks and drive-in classics from the bygone era, are very clever and elevate Death Race above your typical action flick. And, yes, Jason Statham is still very, very cool. | August 27, 2008 | N/A | |||
| The X-Files: I Want to Believe (The X Files 2) - PG-13 | The crap is truly out there. Only bested by Twin Peaks as one of the greatest television series ever made, X-Files had some of the most recognizable and unique characters ever to grace the small screen. Sadly, the second feature film forgot about its roots and focused the whole film on Mulder and Scully to the point that even die-hard fans like myself were begging for a double alien abduction. When you stick larger than life, beloved characters in a really weak and diminutive plot, the entire experience becomes quite underwhelming to the extreme. Stem cell research? Missing people and body parts? A small screen plot for the Big Screen just doesn’t cut it. At least Mulder and Scully were left in a good place as ‘Believe’ is probably the last time we will ever see them. What a way to go out with a whimper. Boo. Hiss. | August 6, 2008 | N/A | |||
| The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor - PG-13 | You gotta love Yetis. Not anywhere near as intense as the first two, the third Mummy movie is perfect check-your-brain-at-the-door summer fare. Really, really light in tone, ‘Dragon Emporer’ has great laughs, stunts and zombie warriors…and we all know zombie warriors rock solid. I just wish they used Jet Li to his fullest extent as a martial artist instead of reining him in. | August 6, 2008 | N/A | |||
| Hancock - PG-13 | Much like M. Night Shyamalan’s ‘Unbreakable’ (Remember when he used to do good movies?), ‘Hancock’ puts a new and intriguing spin on the superhero genre. Will Smith lives it up as a cranky, depressed hero whose image is in the need of some serious rehabilitation as is his liver from all the booze he drowns his sorrows in. Along comes Jason Bateman, to do just that. Cleverly tinkering with the superhero genre but never slipping into parody, ‘Hancock’ will keep you guessing as to its true intent. It is unique. It is spirited. And, in a summer full of familiar and flashy costumed heroes, ‘Hancock’ maybe end up being the one that has more heart and soul than any of the others. | July 1, 2008 | N/A | |||
| WALL-E - G | There is so much to love about Wall-E and so much to hate. The movie begins promising enough with a lonely robot caretaker roaming a desolate planet Earth; his only friend a chirping cockroach. The mostly silent scenes are hauntingly poignant, Wall-E piling up garbage into skyscrapers which nobody will ever appreciate or see. When an alien spacecraft lands and a Macintosh inspired robot scavenger emerges, the entire movie begins a slow slide into sheer blandness. Since both characters speak like Pokemon, uttering different intonations of a single, solitary word, the plot withers away into a feeble robot romance without a heart. Even the clever homages to ‘2001’ cannot stop the drop. The humdrum ‘Cars’, the lifeless ‘Ratatouille’ and now this? I hate to say it but with the increased work load, Pixar is losing its touch. | June 30, 2008 | N/A | |||
| Get Smart - PG-13 |
Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway are wonderful in their roles, updating the characters with modern sensibilities but it is not until the back half of the film that they are really given anything to do. They wander here. They wander there. All this, while The Rock steals the show whenever he appears. So much missed potential and too many unneeded sexual jokes. I mean, seriously. Enough already. Where are the clever spy gadgets? Get Smart shines but not for long and not too brightly either. So generic. So It could have been so much more. I actually hope there is a sequel with the same cast and smarter writing. |
June 25, 2008 | N/A | |||
| The Happening - R |
I cannot remember the last time I actually walked out of a movie halfway through but I did after being bored and insulted for an hour by this utter waste of celluloid. When a poor sap threw himself under a moving lawn mower, I actually felt envious because at least his agony had ended. Mine went on and on. Nothing works in this film. Nothing at all. The dialogue, the acting, the pacing...everything in The Happening is completely off kilter. Mark Wahlberg must have realized the picture was doomed because he actually tries to save face partway through. His tone goes from dead serious to lightly comedic. It only make a bad experience worse as the effort is clearly the actions of a desperate man. The source or origin of The Happening is ridiculous. The stuff of junk science and doomsday scientists. A group of frightened people running away from...wind...as it chases them through a field. I have just one thing to say...Fuck the hell off. When will someone finally stop M. Night Shyamalan. His two-bit Stephen King act isn't even funny any more. It is just pathetic and very sad. All copies of this movie should be incinerated in a landfill. Maybe after 40 or 50 years the radioactive glow will disappear and so will people's awful memories of this mindless drivel. |
June 20, 2008 | N/A | |||
| The Incredible Hulk - PG-13 | It wouldn't take much to beat the first flick in the saga. Thanks so much Ang Lee for depressing the holy living crap out of us. The new Hulk is leaner, meaner and a whole lot more fun. The filmmakers still tell a tragic story of a man who lives in the shadow of the monster he has become but there is way more than enough slam-bang action to counterbalance the personal drama that never gets too heavy. It is the little creative touches that makes this movie more than just another summer blockbuster. Banner learning yoga and martial arts to calm his anger. Banner wearing a pulse monitor to keep an eye on his excitability. The fun cameo at the end. The origin of The Leader thrown in for good measure. Hulk bash! Hulk smash! Yep. Louis Leterrier has used the paddles effectively and brought this series back to life. | June 15, 2008 | N/A | |||
| Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - PG-13 | Dare I say it? Oh, yes. ‘Crystal Skull’ is the best Indy film ever made. Although we never want him to grow old, Harrison Ford has that infamous wry smile on his craggy face throughout the entire film and so do we as he takes us on an astounding adventure which rarely gives you room to catch your breath. Taking her cue from some Bond baddies, Cate Blanchett is the ultimate Indy villain with her severe bob hairdo and her kick ass martial arts skills that are more than a match for Indy’s fisticuffs and his whip. The in-jokes and nods to the veteran filmmakers’ other works will bring smiles to the faces of those in the know. No wasted motion or energy, ‘Crystal Skull’ never takes itself too seriously and that is the film’s greatest asset. | May 23, 2008 | N/A | |||
| Kung Fu Panda - PG | Wild animals kicking ass martial arts style? Jack Black as a lazy, obese Panda? What more could you ask for? Although it doesn’t have as many laughs as you might have hoped for, ‘Kung Fu Panda’ offers enough roundhouse kicks and hearty chuckles to make it all worth while. The animation and the colouring are really spectacular. It is just a shame the script couldn’t have been more of a send-up. Someone really missed an opportunity to poke some fun at the genre. Very good but not great. | May 21, 2008 | N/A | |||
| Speed Racer - PG | With a title like 'Speed Racer' you would think that...Well, I dunno...there would a lot of wickedly sick racing footage? You'd be wrong. Dead wrong. Most of this irritating, cheesy crapfest is devoted to Speed Racer's annoying family members who you'd wish were fed headfirst into a wood chipper the very first time they appear. The film has a great look but the over-the-top treatment is just awkward. We expect more from the makers of The Matrix. Even the racing footage is generic. Nothing revolutionary here. An absolute embarrassment for all involved. One of the worst films of the year. | May 12, 2008 | N/A | |||
| Iron Man - PG-13 | An outstanding job in translating the over-the-top character from the pages of Marvel Comics to the Big Screen. The reasonable evolution of technology and thus Iron Man himself in the film is quite satisfying and thrilling too for us geeks. Downey nails the Stark character from his playboy ways to his respect and heart-felt gratitude towards the few friends he has. Incredible visual effects (especially the flying bits with Iron Man) and some really biting humour throughout the entire picture make this movie a rarity. It is one you will want to see again and again. Fans will be grateful their Armoured Avenger has been handled with such reverence and newbies will feel they have stumbled along something truly special. A truly amazing journey from start to finish. | May 3, 2008 | N/A | |||
| The Forbidden Kingdom - PG-13 | Jet Li and Jackie Chan in the same movie? How can you go wrong? It is true that bits and pieces of 'Kingdom' are somewhat cliché but overall, the movie does a fine job of poking fun at those entertaining kung fu films of old. Bing Bing Li...you and that killer hair fucking rock. | April 28, 2008 | N/A | |||
| The Bank Job - R | Not nearly as good as the other caper flicks you might have seen like 'Sneakers' and such but it still manages to hijack your curiousity...mostly due to the performance of Jason Statham who plays the everyday man in peril quite convincingly. You have seen this material done before and better but 'The Bank Job' is still a good time waster even though it over extends itself with too many sub-plots. Major point..who the freaking hell goes to sleep in the middle of a bank job? | April 12, 2008 | N/A | |||
| 21 - PG-13 | Although not nearly as good or as gritty as Casino or Rounders, 21 does a superb job of lifting the veil on counting cards and the consequences thereof. The best thing about the film is that nobody is black or white. There is no real good or evil. The characters are flawed and realistic. The pat ending may turn some off but overall, 21 takes elements of caper films and high rolling gambling flicks and blends them together well. | March 21, 2008 | N/A | |||
| Into the Wild - R | Did he truly just want to find himself and stand on his own or was he plotting his own demise? Christopher McCandless' adventure into the unforgiving Alaskan wilderness is a curious and bizarre tale as ever you will find. Part of the experience of watching this film is trying to understand Christopher's complex motivations and why he makes the decisions he does. Sean Penn's work here is challenging and exceptionally insightful. From watching Christopher's triumphs and trials, we all can learn more about ourselves and the society in which we live. Eddie Vedder's soundtrack is just as powerful. | March 15, 2008 | N/A | |||
| There Will Be Blood - R | Proves why Daniel Day-Lewis is one of the greatest actors of our generation. The movie itself though is fairly unbalanced. It needed a lot of tightening and far more editing. Daniel Plainview's slide into pure insanity was brilliant, it just took far too long. The opening 20 minutes and the closing 10 are filmmaking genius and will haunt you long after you leave the theatre. | March 15, 2008 | N/A | |||
| Horton Hears a Who! - G |
On the 14th of March on the big screen. In a darkened theatre, there was something so bland it just had to be seen. Another adaptation of a beloved Dr. Seuss book. Predictably it sunk like a stone in a babbling brook. Why do they keep doing this? Hasn't anyone learned? How many times will they try to stretch 20 pages and be burned? The plots are stuffed with bogus filler. There is not enough real Seuss. All the modern jokes just fall flat. Someone should have cut the cast loose. Would you believe Carrey, Carell and Burnett are just not funny? Hollywood doesn't care about Seuss' legacy. They just want your money. Kids who don't know a sneetch from Yertle may swallow this crap. Adults will be bored to tears but at least they can take a 90 minute nap. The voice work is adequate. The animation is fine. Although it doesn't really matter when there is no charm or humour on the line. A shitty REO Speedwagon song is the very last straw. To defile Seuss’ memory with another lifeless film should be against the law. |
March 14, 2008 | N/A | |||
| 10,000 B.C. - PG-13 | Stampeding mammoths. A cute sabre tooth kitty and really hungry giant birds. '10,000 B.C.' has all of these but not enough of them to make the movie hum. A sappy and awkward prehistoric adventure/love story, ’10,000 B.C.’ spreads itself way too thin and to top it all off, it has the historical accuracy of an episode of ‘The Flintstones’. ’10,000 B.C.’ wasn’t a complete “epic failure” but it is darn close. Like the mammoths depicted in it, the movie plods along without establishing any kind of momentum for very long. And what the hell is Omar Sharif doing narrorating this crappola? Oh, I get it. Since they ignored most of the historical facts, it was probably the only way for the producers to instil some kind of credibility. If you liked romanticized adventures like ‘Clan of the Cavebear’ you will probably enjoy ‘10,000 B.C.’ more than most. If you aren‘t a fan of white chick Daryl Hannah sporting dreads, you are better off watching any of the ‘Walking With...” series created by the BBC and you would probably learn more too. | March 8, 2008 | N/A | |||
| Jumper - PG-13 | A good starting point for a far better story maybe in a sequel? Robot Thespian 2000, also known as Hayden Christensen, is as stilted and mechanical in his delivery as always. Who the hell is his agent? Annie Sullivan? Former 'OC' eye candy Rachel Bilson isn't much better. She has all the range of a decommissioned ICBM. She has one tone - desperately cute and not much else. Her scenes with Hayden are awkward, forced and damn clumsy. The teleportation tricks never get old and the fight scenes are fun but there are not nearly enough of them. What is sorely missing too is any sense of responsibility or obligation Hayden has for using his gift to help others. There is none of that at all and it makes you wonder what the writers were thinking. Sam Jackson with white hair? WTF? Sorry, I just couldn't get past that no matter how much I suspended my disbelief. | March 1, 2008 | N/A |
196 ratings
119 reviews
