John's Talk

Two Lovers

Repo! The Genetic Opera

How do I detest thee? Let me count the ways. I admit I was intrigued by the whole idea of a company that sells human organs on installment to people in need, and then repossesses them if the payments are not met. It's a concept that's definitely rife with possibilities, absolutely none of which are realized in this dismal film. There were some nice visuals, especially the Repo Man in full regalia, but otherwise this was a complete waste of 98 minutes. None of the characters are anywhere close to being likeable or even sympathetic. If the Repo Man had paid a visit to each and every character (including himself), and ripped the hearts from their chests, It would've made me so very, very happy. The music is a horrible metallic drone with something that slightly resembles singing being yowled over it. The acting is a joke, which is not that surprising in a cast that includes Paris Hilton. But how the hell did a good actor like Paul Sorvino get roped in to playing the part of Rotti Largo, the head of GeneCo? I suppose he needed the job, and he does his best with what he's given to work with. Too bad what he's given to work with is garbage. If I'd had any sense, I would have pressed the STOP button after the first 15 minutes, but I forced myself to watch the whole bloody thing, like the good Flixsterite I am. It really makes me doubt my faith in Flixster, when being a member leads to such catastrophic consequences. But, just knowing there are people out there like evillincoln gives me the strength to carry on. In closing, I would like to quote his concise and wonderfully scathing review: "this movie made very little sense and most of the songs were annoying, but it was nice to see Paris Hilton's face fall off."

Nothing But the Truth

Watchmen

Clocking in at 162 minutes, Watchmen is the embodiment of the old saying that 'Time flies when you're having fun'. Time definitely flies while watching Watchmen, and Watchmen is undoubtedly fun to watch. If you've seen 300, you know that director Zack Snyder can pile on the special effects like there's no tomorrow, and as we enter the wonderful CGI world of Watchmen, we discover that there may indeed be no tomorrow, unless a nuclear holocaust can be averted. The film is set in an alternative 1985 version of the United States in which Richard Nixon is still President, costumed super-heroes are a part of everyday life, and the Doomsday Clock that indicates the state of tension between the US and The Soviet Union is at 5 minutes to midnight and ticking down. Apparently people have become fed up with the activities of superhero types, and have taken to demonstrating against them in the streets. As a result, the Watchmen have ceased their crime-fighting and gone into retirement. Well, most of them have anyway. The exceptions being the large blue man known as Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup), whose physical appearance is the result of an accident at a scientific research facility, and an odd little fellow named Rorschach (Jackie Earle Haley), whose face is covered by a mask displaying an ever-shifting series of inkblots. Dr. Manhattan is in the employ of the US Government, and many see him and his research as the world's greatest hope of surviving the seemingly inevitable nuclear war. The accident has given him the power to traverse time and space, and for some unexplained reason he walks around completely naked through most of the movie. I kept hoping for Clint Eastwood's character from Coogan's Bluff to show up and issue his famous line, "Put your pants on, boy.", but unfortunately that never happened. Maybe next time. The film opens with the murder of one of the retired Watchmen, known as The Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), which leads Rorschach to begin his own investigation into the crime. This, in turn, leads to the eventual uncovering of a sinister plot, which the Watchmen re-unite to thwart. I loved the Rorschach character, and Jackie Earle Haley's performance is very good, especially after he's unmasked, framed and imprisoned for the murder. The scenes in the prison are a riot (pun intended). Jeffrey Dean Morgan is also a lot of fun as The Comedian, seen in flashbacks as a vulgar, cigar-chomping SOB, who would just as soon shoot the victim of a crime as he would the perpetrator. Malin Akerman (27 Dresses) is hot stuff as Laurie Jupiter, who becomes even hotter when she dons the tight latex costume of Silk Spectre II, and starts kicking ass. When her relationship with Dr. Manhattan hits the skids, she ends up in the arms of Dan Dreiberg (Patrick Wilson), who is something of a nerd until he takes on the persona of Nite Owl II, the equal of Silk Spectre in the ass-kicking department. I was surprised to discover that it was Matthew Goode who played Adrian Veidt/Ozymandias, the so-called Smartest Man in the World. It's hard to believe he's the same guy who played the nasty bank robber Gary Spargo in The Lookout. Nice range, dude. I loved Carla Gugino in Entourage, and she gives a fine performance as Laurie's mom Sally Jupiter, the original Silk Spectre. Even in old lady make-up, she still looks beautiful. The extended running time gives us a chance to get to know all these characters, which makes it all the more interesting when the proverbial shit hits the proverbial fan. I'm not familiar with the graphic novel on which the movie is based, but I think Zack Snyder has done a fantastic job here. Some of the CGI effects, in particular the scenes that take place on Mars, are truly spectacular. My only real complaint is with the somewhat predictable ending, where the Watchmen attempt to stop the apparent villain from putting his plan to save the world into effect. Pretty ho-hum stuff. But that's a minor quibble that doesn't really diminish a fantastic movie experience, which I'm sure would be even more mind-blowing in IMAX. No doubt we can expect a sequel, which is alluded to in a conversation between Silk Spectre II and Dr. Manhattan near the end of the film. She asks him a question concerning life, to which he replies, "Maybe I'll create some." Maybe he's thinking about starting his own personal Blue Man Group, but I kind of doubt it.

Happy-Go-Lucky

Il y a Longtemps que Je T'aime (I've Loved You So Long)

The Wrestler

RocknRolla

Guy Ritchie returns to the territory he mined so successfully in Snatch and Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, and makes a pretty enjoyable movie in the process. The plot is wildly complicated, maybe too much so for its own good, and if you can keep things straight while also keeping track of the large cast of characters, you're a better man (or woman) than I am. It involves a real estate scam by a London gangster named Lenny Cole (Tom Wilkinson), a missing rock star named Johnny Quid (Toby Kebbell) who also happens to be Lenny's stepson, a gang of crooks called The Wild Bunch whose de facto leader is a man called One Two (Gerard Butler), a gang of Russian mobsters using Lenny to broker a real estate deal, the theft of 7 million Euros (twice), the search for a stolen (lucky) painting, crooked accountants and lawyers, and various other lowlifes and criminals hanging on the fringes trying to scam whatever they can. Gerard Butler is rock solid in the lead, and check out his hilarious reaction in the scene where he finds out one of his cronies is gay. It's priceless. Thandie Newton plays an accountant supposedly working for the Russians, and Mark Strong (Body of Lies) does a nice job as Lenny's right-hand man. Jeremy Piven and Ludacris have minor roles as record company types trying to track down the aforementioned Mr. Quid. If any of that piques your interest at all, and you've enjoyed the previously mentioned films of Mr. Ritchie, then this one is probably for you. There are some slow stretches where not much is happening, but the director and his DP David Higgs keep even those scenes pretty interesting, so boredom does not rear it's ugly head. Of course there are also some killer action scenes, my particular favourite being the second theft of the 7 million, which starts quite serenely with two Russian security types playing show-and-tell with their battle scars, but explodes into violent action when the thieves attack their vehicle. The Russians turn out to be a couple of mad dogs who don't take their job lightly, and who will NOT stay down no matter how much punishment is inflicted on them, including one being thrown from the top of a speeding vehicle. Note to the thieves: The first rule when committing a robbery is to make sure you leave your mask on until you've safely made your getaway. Uh, that's so the victims of the robbery can't identify you and track you down later, in this case putting Mr. One Two in a world of hurt. Be that as it may, things are tied up fairly satisfactorily in the end, and Mr. Ritchie proves once again that despite 2005's awful Revolver, he really knows how to make a cool crime flick.

The Wackness