| Movie | Rating | Review | Date | Your Rating | Match | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Runaway - PG-13 |
I really had my aspirations set for this film. I could have cared less that it was written and directed by Michael Crichton ('Westworld', 'Jurrasic Park' 'ER', etc.). It didn't matter that Tom Selleck was in it, or even eye-candy like Cynthia Rhodes and Kirstie Alley. Not Stan Shaw, whom I liked in 'Tough Enough'. Not even G.W. Bailey, who was able to sneak away from the first 'Police Academy' movie for this (as it turned out, 'Academy' was the 6th highest grosser that year).
What was important to me was that my hero, Gene Simmons, was in it. This would be his first major role since 'KISS meets the Phantom of the Park'. Can you see why I was hoping for a little more? As it turned out, it wasn't nearly as bad by that standard, but Lord, it wasn't good. Selleck plays Jack Ramsey, a futuristic cop with acrophobia and a thing for electronic crime and criminals. He runs afoul of some gagetry that seem to have minds of their own and decidedly don't like some people enough to try and kill them. Some further investigating turns up a geek-minded criminal mastermind named Charles Luter (Simmons) who comes complete with a special gun with bullets that will literally hunt you down and little spider-robots that shoot acid. Simmons was not overtly heavy-handed as Luther, but it's apparent no one ever gave him lessons on restraint. It's as though he still wore the Demon make-up underneath his suave suit and cropped hair. When pitted against Selleck, the good guy-bad guy conflict could not have been any more black and white than if it appeared in the daily comics page. As a science-fiction fan, I was sorely disappointed, but as a Kiss fan, I was all right with the end product. I suppose it goes without saying this film really made me reassess what I thought I liked and what I really liked. |
November 4, 2009 | N/A | |||
| The Badlanders - Unrated |
I'm still learning about a movie I was sucked into while loading the dishwasher early one morning.
To hear it was a Western remake of 'The Asphalt Jungle' does not suprise me. For a Western (and I don't cotton to Westerns in general), it kept my attention. Alan Ladd plays Peter Van Hoek (does he have an Asthma-Hound Chihuahua?), a.k.a. 'the Dutchman', a well-educated miner framed for a crime and sent to the notorious prison at Yuma, Arizona, where he meets McBain (Ernest Borgnine), who wants to do his time and get back to life. They meet as part of a chain-gang at odds over a rather sadistic guard (know any other kind?). Once they are released McBain can't help but come to the aid of Anita (Borgnine's real-life wife Katy Jurado, best known for 'High Noon'), who is being hassled by the local rabble. Fate pulls McBain and the Dutchman back together for a measure of revenge against the local racist toughies and the robber baron who pays them (and, incidentally, sent the Dutchman up the river). Ladd is his usual cool self, while Borgnine is refining his character of the 'heavy with a heart' (which got him an Oscar for the lead in 'Marty' three years earlier). For the big brawny type, you can see him almost melt around Jurado...and who can blame him. That's honest chemistry captured on film. A shame the marriage lasted only two years. While it does indeed have a happier ending than 'Asphalt', there is a reason Hollywood endings aren't as memorable. Nonetheless, the lesson this film teaches seems to be 'Handshakes don't work out West. Get it in writing'. |
November 4, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Drag Me to Hell - PG-13 |
You would have thought there was a deeper meaning behind the title. You don't expect to see someone literally dragged to Hell.
I was optimistic. That optimism shriveled and died right after the opening credits. --- Alison Lohman plays Christine Brown, a farm-raised girl trying to get ahead in the Big City banking industry. To that end, she tries to bury her nice-girl image for Clay Dalton (Justin Long), her rich boyfriend with the blueblood parents, the avarice-minded bank supervisor (supporting icon David Paymer) and the suck-up who's challenging her for an assistant manager's vacancy (Reggie Lee). Into this 'Wall Street' jockeying comes nice old one-eyed gypsy lady Mrs. Ganush (Lorna Raver) who's behind on her mortgage and begs Christine for one last chance...right in front of her boss and toady. What's a girl to do? Of course if she said 'yes', her banking career (and the movie) would have ended right there. More fool we. Lesson for the day: Always appease the Gypsy. They are incapable of taking 'no' for an answer. --- The shock and awe of Sam Raimi's 'Evil Dead' legacy has apparently been all but smothered like Sukiyaki sauce on a prime steak. The only glimmer of hope for some real scare tactics came from, of all things, a sacraficial goat. The rest was recycled 'boo' moments we've already seen in the uncounted slasher flicks of the past 20 years. Someone has apparently put a bug into Raimi's ear saying 'This is the approved Hollywood method. This will make you the big bucks'. I am willing to concede this may have been one of those 'gimme' films that he had to do under his contract and I can live with that. Everybody has one or two, even Scorcese and Spielberg. I am praying he has something more sinister in mind for the near future. Fervently praying. |
October 29, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Valkyrie - PG-13 |
The story of the July 20, 1944 plot to assasinate Hitler is a story that needed telling. Singer (best known for helming the 'X-Men' saga) follows the tale of Col. Claus von Stauffenberg (Tom Cruise) from his days in the Afrika Corps under Rommell to his joining a number of German generals and high-ranking officers, all convinced Hitler will destroy Germany. The movie denotes most of the generals are reticent on eliminating Hitler, prompting von Stauffenberg to become the military arm of the movement.
There is no Allied help here, no American, British or Russian inspiration to guide the officers. Despite the presence of many American and British actors (including Branagh, Wilkinson, Izzard and Nighy), it is correctly depicted as a German movement, concieved under the Fuhrer's nose, to cut the losses and stop the war where it was. Sadly, history dictates that was not the case and nearly 5,000 people were executed as a result. Even so, the conspirators are remembered with reverence in their native country to this day. It is a complicated story and not all areas of the plot leading to the explosion at the 'Wolf's Lair' HQ of Hitler are necessarily covered, but the background, the plan and the eventual failure are all captured with great clarity. Singer and Cruise (himself a WWII history buff) lead us to understand that not all of Germany was under Hitler's thumb. In fact, there were many there who were appalled at the Nazi regime and knew that the war would only bring death and dishonor to the nation. |
August 30, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Inglourious Basterds - R |
'When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.' - Carleton Young (as Maxwell Scott), 'The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance', 1962.
~~~~~ Chapter 1: Once Upon A Time In A Dark Loud Theatre First thing...my wife loved it, which I did not forsee. That is to say, I believed she would like it (I'm not that cruel as to take her to a movie she would hate), but was sure she would at least be put off by the blood and languge. Not that much, apparently. My kind of woman. ~~~~~ Chapter 2: The Facts 1941. A group of Allied soldiers of Jewish descent, led by the very rural Lt. Aldo Raine (Brad Pitt) are sent into Nazi-occupied Europe to wreak havoc among Hitler's soldiers. At about the same time, a young Jewish girl, Shoshana Dreyfus (Mélanie Laurent) is allowed to escape the slaughter of her family by the maniacal Nazi Col. Hans Landa (German actor Christopher Waltz, in his American debut). She vows revenge. ~~~~~ Cut to 1944. D-Day has come and gone. The Basterds are making their mark (literally) among the Wehrmact, the Gestapo and the SS. Even the Führer himself (Martin Wuttke) has seen first-hand the trail of death and destruction, particularly at the hands of 'The Apache' Raines, renegage German Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz (Til Schweiger). and Sgt. Donnie 'Bear Jew' Donowitz ('Saw' and 'Hostel' mastermind Eli Roth, who packed on 35 lbs. of muscle for the role). Meanwhile in Paris, Shoshana has re-emerged as Emmanuel Mimieux, owner and operator of a modest movie theatre and the object d'amore of German Pvt. Fredrich Zoller (Daniel Brühl), who is himself connected to an upcoming production by Reich Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels (Sylvester Groth). The plan to show the world premier at her theatre, with the cream of the Nazi crop in attendence, gives Shoshana the perfect opportunity for revenge...but the Basterds have plans of their own. ~~~~~ Chapter 3: Surveying the Evidence There is a lot of this movie that you just have to take at face-value because it is, to paraphrase Edmund Blackadder, 'the greatest work of fiction since vows of fidelity were included in the French marriage service'. You know a lot of what happens here did not in fact happen, but it's nice to sit back and watch someone else's alternate history. I don't know that I liked the overall portrayal of Germans as people were questioned everything to the point of paranoia (not that they didn't have reason, mind you). Even so, Waltz as Col. Landa was delightfully evil on the level of Tim Roth in 'Rob Roy' or Alan Rickman in the first 'Die Hard'. Pitt showed why he is one of the lead actors in Hollywood right now...he can pull out more acting with one twangy Tennesee accent than a lot of people could with years of training in various dialects. Laurent was given her own little subplot in the film and she took total control, from the anguish of her family's demise to her relationship with the theatre's only other staff, Marcel (Jacky Ido) to the film's final reel as her plot comes to fruition. A scene you have to see to believe. There are a lot of homages to various film styles and film makers, ranging from Sergio Leone to Ennio Morricone to Lalo Schiffrin (a snippet of his soundtrack to 'Kelly's Heroes' can be heard at one point). It's exceedingly gratifying to know Tarantino not only knows his film history, but treats it with all the respect it is due, but is it wrong of me to wonder how much of the film is Tarantino and how much is 'Tarantino's Heroes'? Are his films that popular because they harken back to days and styles we remember however briefly but fondly? Truth...it matters not. Quentin Tarantino is happy as a kid in a sandbox who used a pail and shovel to build a Medieval castle and we marvel as his accomplishment. |
August 30, 2009 | N/A | |||
| H2: Halloween II - R | August 30, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| The Final Destination - R | August 30, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Taking Woodstock - R | August 30, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Surveillance - R | Why does it sound so much like 'Rashomon'? | August 18, 2009 | N/A | |||
| 17 Again - PG-13 | No offense to the excellent cast and crew, but if I can't do it, why bother seeing someone else get a chance to rewrite their lives. It's just psychological torture. | August 18, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Hannah Montana: The Movie - G | August 18, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Gake no ue no Ponyo (Ponyo) (Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea) - G | August 18, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - PG | Warning: The further you go, the darker it gets. These are not the little kids from days of the Sorcerer's Stone. | August 18, 2009 | N/A | |||
| District 9 - R | August 18, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Shorts (Shorts: The Adventures of the Wishing Rock) - PG | Read: the kids want to see it. | August 18, 2009 | N/A | |||
| The Time Traveler's Wife - PG-13 | August 14, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Inglorious Bastards (Quel maledetto treno blindato) (Deadly Mission) (Counterfeit Commandos) - R | August 14, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Up - PG | July 14, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Fired Up - PG-13 | July 14, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| The Ugly Truth - R | July 13, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Orphan - R | July 13, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| G-Force - PG | July 13, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| The Wrestler - R |
'The only place I get hurt is out there.' (points outside the ring) -Randy Robinson
To paraphrase Larry Lujack, if my children want to have careers in radio, I pull out Harry Chapin's 'W.O.L.D.' and hit them over the head until it sinks in. Now I have something to use if they want to become pro wrestlers. Mickey Roarke's portrayal of former superstar Randy 'The Ram' Robinson was eerily reminiscent of the footage of real-life wrestler Jake 'The Snake' Roberts in the Barry Blaustein documentary 'Beyond The Mat'. Both were big names in the 80s. Both descended to gyms and ballrooms for a fraction of the audience and an even smaller cut of the paycheck. Both have few and far in-between contact with their daughters (in Randy's case, played by Evan Rachel Wood). Both have never seen a barber, though Randy is comfortable with the Asian stylist who bleaches his hair, even though she doesn't seem to understand English. One other person Randy likes to be around is Cassidy (Marissa Tomei) a bare-all grind-it-out stripper trying to keep food on the table for her and her son. I think back to Demi Moore's starring turn in 'Striptease' a few years ago and realize she may have had the hotter bod, but Marisa makes the character real. She still has the beautiful face we saw in 'My Cousin Vinny', but there is a rode-hard put-up-wet overall feel to Cassidy that makes her all the more human. When Robinson gets a chance to recapture some of his former glory in a classic rematch with his arch-foe the Ayatollah (former WCW star Ernest 'the Cat' Miller), a health scare forces him to retire, but then the grim reality of life outside the ring settles in and a stint at a deli counter convinces him it's better to reign in the hell of a wrestling ring than to serve in the 'heaven' of everyday people. Having seen some wrestling-based movies before ('...All The Marbles', 'The One and Only', 'Paradise Alley' and 'Ready To Rumble'), the matches rank among the most graphically realistic, but then again, it's hard not to mess up a no-holds-barred tables-ladders-staple gun match with Dylan 'Necro Butcher' Summers. Definitely worthy of the numerous Oscar nods, this is a film that shows what few wrestlers are comfortable with you seeing...life as a 'shoot' and not a 'work'. |
May 21, 2009 | N/A | |||
| The Loved One - Unrated | May 13, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Dirty Mary Crazy Larry - PG |
First off, give poor Deke some credit here for Diety's sake. He kept the damn car running throughout the freaking film. Would his inclusion have made the movie's title any more sensible?!? It would have been 'Dirty Mary Crazy Larry and Deke the Car Whiz'.
For it's time, it was a great opening film at the drive-in. Then, somewhere down the line, it bagan to grow a Hollywood-based cult folowing. It's been noted that both Kurt Russell and the future mother of the super race of Homo Sapien Stuntmen, Zoe Bell, mention their love for the movie in Quentin Tarantino's 'Grindhouse' film, 'Death Proof'. Whether that's Tarantino script or my favorite Kiwi's sincere belief remains to be seen. What we have here are two people in lust with each other (Peter 'Larry' Fonda and Susan 'Mary' George) who launch a robbery and kidnapping career (cue cameo from Roddy McDowall) to get the fundung for a more legit career on the racing circuit. To that end, they employ Larry's pal, Deke (Adam Roarke) to keep the getaway car (a '69 Dodge Charger for the motorheads) running smoothly. The local police are struggling to keep up with the trio until the archetypical rogue cop (the ill-fated Vic Morrow as Capt. Franklin) shows up and starts running the show. Personally, I have worked under people like this who think they know everything and everone else is mentally disabled. I didn't like them and I didn't like Franklin. On the other hand, it's hard to play a character you're supposed to hate and I give grudging kudos to Morrow for taking on the task. That task, it turns out, is to make someone even less likeable than our 'heroes', who quickly get on your nerves through the constant tantrums, back-biting quarrels and their supreme 'whatever' attitude for the rest of the world. I'm not sure which is worse...Larry's constant use of Deke to talk to Mary (and his pet name for her...you'll never forget the pet name), Mary's contribution to the whole affair or Capt. Franklin's better-than-thou schtick. Needless to say, don't look for any indepth insight into the human condition. It's the car chases that save the film. |
May 5, 2009 | N/A |
103 ratings
36 reviews
