juan's Talk

Fläskfarmen

Fläskfarmen or "The Pork Farm" is a forgotten swedish pearl about some alcoholics that decides that the life in an asylum is grander than their current ones.

Gitarrmongot (The Guitar Mongoloid)

I had hoped for a real documentary, but sadly it's just a pseudo-documentary..
Real life people portraying themselves(?)...
It's odd I tell you and a real pain to watch from time to time too.
Still it has it's amusing parts.

Definitely not something for everybody.

Grey Gardens

Come see the breakdown of two Park Avenue débutantes.
From riches to rags, Big and Little Edie Bouvier are marvelously portrayed by Jessica Lange and Drew Barrymore.
No mather if you see the original 70's documentary before or after, this is spot on.
Drew have grown into a fantastic actress and I hope to see her in more parts like this one instead of crap like Charlie's Angels.

No foolin', this is a good f'in' movie.

Dirty Mary Crazy Larry

Great car-chase film.

The Forgotten Ones

Bullshit movie about two couples and their friend on a sailing trip somewhere, can't remember and really don't care either.
They are shipwrecked and stranded on an island inhabited by some Uruk-hai looking beasts.
The movie is basically just clichés and wotrhless music to make you want to flee your own skin.

After watching this movie I got this sudden urge to ram my head in a brick wall or throwing myself in speeding traffic. When the temptations had finally cooled down, the hate for the people involved with this piece of shit still remained. Jorg Ihle and his whole posey should be killed over and over untill they die the worst death imaginable. At the moment I can't think of a suiting death, so lets just force them to see Killer Klows from Kansas on Krack, Clockwork Orange-style!!

Blood Sucking Freaks (Bloodsucking Freaks)

I'd say that this is Troma's version of the 1970 horror-film "The Wizard of Gore".
Though this one is better than The wizard of Gore, it doesn't make it good.
A pathetic script, awful actors and lame effects should give this a very low rating, but the whole spectlacle is actually funny to watch.
The perverted porno dwarf Luis De Jesus was one funny little fucker.

Why did they rename it?
The Incredible Torture Show was a far more superior title.

Most of you will most likely not like it, but a few will.

Sette note in nero (Murder to the Tune of the Seven Black Notes)(The Psychic)

A girl has a vision of her mothers suicide. Years later a new vision arises. This time it's murder. Who is the guilty and is her visions really a glimpse of reality or is she just stark raving mad?!

God Told Me To

Not the movie I ad expected, but that doesn't mather. This was a joy to watch and Tony Lo Bianco does a great portrait of the officer hunting down the truth to the killings. As I sad earlier, this was not the movie I had expected. So prepare for some surprises. My rating would have been higher if the sound, light and some of the suporting actors were replaced.
All in all it was definitely watchable.

Sukiyaki Western Django

Takashi Miike's adaption of Akira Kurosawa's Yojimbo is nothing less than awesome.
If you want to see Quentin Tarantino once again prove that he is a lousy actor, this is for you. On the other hand, he is the only downside to this film.
The visual treats in this film are many. The set is fan-fucking-tastic and the score is ace. The best part though is that they are speaking jap-english!!
-Leally? You might ask yourself.
I can only answer; -Fuckin' A!!

Violenza in un carcere femminile (Violence in a Women's Prison) (Caged Women)

Not to be confused with Bruno Mattei's Emanuelle fuga dall'inferno (Womens Prison Massacre), which also stars Laura Gemser.

LolliLove

It's been in my stack of unseen films for a long time and I don't know why, but it took me a very long time before I finally watched it.
Now I see it as if I've been missing out.
Jenna Fischer's debut as a director is a spot on mockumentary about a married couple trying to make a differnce in society trough suckers wrapped in art.
This is a Troma Production film, but don't expect the usual.
There are no mutated gym cleaners or police officers dressed as kabuki vigilantes.

This might be something for the fans of Christopher Guest's films.

An extra 1/2 star for the acting.

Kindergarten Ninja

If you are looking for a "new" favourite best-worst film, look no further.
With acting as bad as Mariah Carey's songs and dialouge that most likely was written by Mrs. Petersons third-graders this film leaves you haunted by the worst and best of emotions.
So sit back for a ride that offers you evil drugdealers, cranking kids and the mandatory asian martial-arts master.

The somewhat high ranking is for the unintentional parody that this movie makes of itself and in no way for it's artistic merits.

Bronson

Many will disagree with me on this one, but I don't care. I loved it.
I had never heard of Michael Peterson (aka Charles Bronson) before yesterday, so I don't know what parts of the story seems real and what might be bull.
If you are a fan of the old ultra violence and looking for a film with lots of raw fights however, this is something for the likes of you and I.
The fights are many and intense. Tom Hardy does an excellent job, kicking and punshing the living daylight out of people.
The movie isn't all violence though. Only 80% or so. The rest is mixed with both laughter and cries.
It was really exciting to see an international film by danish director Nicolas Winding Refn. If you haven't seen any of his earlier films, like Pusher and Bleeder, I suggest you do.
All in all, this is a kick-ass film!

July-30-09

Sukeban gerira (Girl Boss Guerilla)

"The Red Helmets" has come to Kyoto to fight their way up in the crime underworld. You'll get a lot of foxy ladys, nudity, violence, love, STD's, pissed off yakua's, pissed on people and quite a few more laughs than expected.

The Way Things Go

That was really creative.
Two guys builds contraptions from ordinary household things
Then trough gravity, fire, water friction and chemical-effects they set the contraptions off. Causing fun chain reactions.

Alucarda

La Chiesa (The Church) (Cathedral of Demons)

Creepy feeling trough the whole movie.
Michele Soavi has done a great job directing, and you can easily recognise his style from The Sect.
Co-written with Dario Argento (also producing). This screenplay was originally intended to be Dario's and Lamberto Bava's third instalment of the Demoni-series, but was then handed over to Soavi instead.
A little weak ending drags down the rating for me.

The Tale of the Floating World

That was sureal. But I don't think it was in a good way.
It became to much of a blur.
Really nice though.

Kyôryuu: Kaichô no densetsu (Legend of Dinosaurs and Monster Birds)

Not as bad as some gaytards say.
Sure. It aint a good movie, but it's not THAT bad.
Some things in the plot is just ripped right out of Jaws.
But instead of a shark or a crock tormenting the summer-guest it's a Plesiosaur and a Rhamphorynchus.
The monsters look really stiff and wooden-like. The fact that the monster changes in size from scene to scene can be a bit disturbing.
I got my hands on the "uncut" version. Don't know what they might have cut out from it otherwise. There aint much visable violence. Just a puddle of blood here and there.

Charles Manson Superstar

I liked it. No one is as loco as Manson, talking here, there and everywhere at once.
Nikolas Schreck takes himself a bit to serious though .(Frickin' neo-nazi retard.)

"You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Now everybody's crazy."
//Charles Manson