Ally's Talk

Penelope

Batman Returns

Tim Burton's sequel to his "nice try but no cigar" re-invention of Batman is a big improvement in every department. The production design is fantastic, it has some spectacular, slam bang set-pieces (particularly the explosive finale) and is tinged throughout with his macabre sense of humour. It does have its faults; the dialogue is a little forced, its pitch is a little inconsistent and I never thought that Keaton was the right man for the job. Inevitably the film is stolen out from under him by the trio of villains; Walken has a lot of fun as the malevolent Nosferatu-monickered tycoon, DeVito has most of the best lines and best of all is Michelle Pfeiffer as the down trodden secretary who takes her power back as the sexiest screen Catwoman. Those used to Nolan's dourly realistic interpretations may find this all a little camp, but it's a lot of fun and is the best of the original Batman films by quite a long way.

Vertigo

An emotionally shattered ex-detective becomes obsessed with a young woman who resembles the love he failed to prevent from committing suicide in one of Alfred Hitchcock's great psychological thrillers. James Stewart gives one of his most intense performances as the disturbed acrophobic, and although not really known for her thespian skills, the lovely Kim Novak is actually very convincing in her dual roles as haunted heiress and stalkee. It's one of Hitch's most visually creative films with some very clever and subtle visual tricks and uses of shadow and lighting complimented by a wonderfully other-worldly soundtrack. Mixing elements of psychology, obsession, the supernatural and an extremely clever noir-style plot this is a unique film and one of the true classics. The climax is unforgettable.

Jackie Brown

Aging flight attendant Pam Grier is caught between the police and ruthless gun runner Samuel L. Jackson and enlists the help of bail bondsman Robert Forster to scam half a million dollars in the process. Jackie Brown was met with a level of disappointment when it was released; yes it had the cool ensemble cast, excellent retro soundtrack and prolific use of the "N" word, but where were the violence, idiosyncratic characters and quirky comic dialogue we were all expecting? But the fact is, Jackie Brown is by far the most mature film Tarantino has made so far. The dialogue is more naturalistic, the characters believable and well written, and the statuesque queen of blaxploitation, Pam Grier proves that the years have in no way diminished her charisma and sex appeal. She gives a sensitive, layered performance of a woman who is full of confidence on the surface, masking an underlying fear of a wasted life; her relationship with Forster is full of warmth and sincerity rather than the contrived romantic bullshit you find in most Hollywood thrillers. Jackson is also fantastic as the cold as ice killer, and they spark off each other brilliantly. This film is easily Tarantino's most low key and mainstream, but this most definitely is not a bad thing and deserves to be revisited by anyone who felt that disappointment the first time around.

A Clockwork Orange

Slumdog Millionaire

The most overrated movie I have ever experienced, this film was decent the first time I watched it but I really couldnt bring myself to watch it again. The story is engaging but it definitely wasnt as good as it could have been. Slumdog Millionaire suffers from being a bit boring and just not that interesting. I was never really at the edge of my seat, not once. I drifted off countless times while watching it and I wasnt very moved by the time it was over. Giving a film like this the best picture award is one of the biggest crimes in cinematic history, even nominating this mess of a movie is an unforgiveable crime. The performances are all above average, Dev Patel and Freida Pinto are quite good as the two lead characters but they werent enough for me to care about this film. Danny Boyle is a director I have always been fond of but this is without a doubt his worst film. I found nothing special about this bollywood film and I cant quite understand why it gained so much praise. There's truly no justice within the Academy, they sometimes make some of the strangest decisions. This film winning best picture makes no sense at all, there's nothing timeless or unforgettable in this film. Slumdog Millionaire is a disappointment and one of the worst best picture nominees I have ever seen. Fuck you Academy, for making such a terrible decision. If the Academy cant recognize which films truthfully deserve to be honored, then the Academy can go straight to hell. This film is nothing more than a decent coming-of-age movie that tries to be something more, but fails miserably...

X-Men Origins - Wolverine

X-Men Origins - Wolverine

A Very well done action packed movie. There was also a lot of funny parts in the beginning, and funny lines. Mostly from Ryan Reynolds, but also from Hugh Jackman as the movie progressed. Going into the movie, I knew certain things were going to happen since I've seen first three movies, but it was good to see it all tie in together. One of the best parts, and I'm sure all the ladies agree, is HUGH JACKMAN NAKED! That's right. Worst part was the one character's fat suit. Looked totally fake, could have done totally better. But overall, not a disappointment. Go and see this, you will enjoy yourself!

Double Indemnity

Fast talking insurance salesman Fred MacMurray falls for beautiful but ice cold oil tycoon's wife Barbara Stanwyck and together they hatch a scheme to kill off her husband for the insurance money. Using the classic technique of beginning at the end, the entire story is narrated by a blood stained MacMurray as he gives his insight into the downward spiral his life took the moment he got involved with the irresistible femme fatale. Stanwyck is perfect in this role; glamorous, but with a steely gaze that belies the emptiness of her heart. As is MacMurray playing the sap who thinks he is in control, but Edward G. Robinson still manages to steal every scene he is in as the wily investigator. Anyone looking for a feelgood movie with a happy ending should give this one a miss, but if it's an expertly written, brilliantly played and influential cornerstone of an entire genre you want, this is straight down the line...

The Maltese Falcon

A lot of films that are considered "classic" are viewed because you feel you ought to rather than because you want to, and the result can be disappointment. The Maltese Falcon is an all-time classic that not only deserves to be seen, but demands it. Bogart's cynical anti-hero was far from the square-jawed do-gooder that was the staple of the crime story of the time, and Huston's own adaptation of Hammet's novel has barbed dialogue zinging off every character like a hail of ricocheting bullets. Some examples of this type of film can be too convoluted for their own good, but the comparatively straightforward plot of The Maltese Falcon makes it the perfect entry point for anyone interested in Film Noir, and what you'll find is a wealth of taut, witty dialogue, timeless characters and one of the best detective movies ever made that arguably was the starting point for an entire genre. And to think... this was John Huston's first film! Remarkable.

Desperado

Antonio Banderas takes up the mantle of the wandering mariachi hunting the drug dealer who murdered the woman he loved and ruined his life. Although Desperado continues from where El Mariachi left off, it's more a bigger budget re-invention of the original than a true sequel, in a similar vein to Evil Dead II. With more resources at his disposal, Rodriguez fulfills all the potential of the idea, with some fantastic John Woo influenced action sequences which have a kind of ultra violent dance choreography and employs his now familiar ensemble cast including Cheech Marin, Quentina Tarantino, Steve Buscemi and Danny Trejo. Banderas has never been cooler, Salma Hayek never more gorgeous, and it's a sexy, stylish and hugely entertaining left-field shoot-'em up with just the right amount of tongue in cheek humour. Still my favourite Robert Rodriguez film.

The Bridge on the River Kwai

A stubborn English Colonel locks horns with a similarly duty-bound Japanese prison camp commander over the building of a strategically important railway bridge during the second world war. David Lean's prisoner of war story is a tale of obsession, and it is the battle of wills between Alec Guiness and his Japanese counterpart that forms the core of the story. Examining the cliche of the British stiff upper lip, although Guiness' obstinate refusal to co-operate with the enemy gives his men the spirit to carry on, it is more his own personal obsession (bordering on insanity) than heroism that eggs him on. On the other side of the coin, it is William Holden's hustling commander, actually more interested in self-preservation (echoing his role in Stalag 17) who must show him the error of his ways during an unforgettable finale that brilliantly captures the madness of war. It is maybe a little longer than it needs to be, as the central section away from the bridge itself is rather less interesting, but Guiness' performance is superb, and this film is rightly considered as an all-time classic.

Cape Fear

A lawyer finds his family terrorized by a brutal woman hating sociopath who blames him for sending him to jail for 8 years. Gregory Peck was the perfect casting choice as the morally upstanding husband and father who finds he must question his principles when the law fails to protect them from such a wily and dangerous predator. But it is Mitchum on top form who steals the film and brings a real sense of underlying menace to his character; the scenes he shares with Peck crackle with tension. There's also some strong support from the ever reliable Martin Balsam and Telly Savalas (sporting a full head of hair!) and the family scenes are refreshingly syrup free. With a very memorable score and great showdown featuring a classic closing speech, this is far better than the uncharacteristically crass Martin Scorsese remake.

X-Men Origins - Wolverine

"Become the animal. Embrace the other side."

Let's face it: we pay to see summer movies for the explosions, the fight scenes and the action in general. They aren't required to engage us on a cerebral level; they merely offer an abundance of action during which we're required to suspend our disbelief. X-Men Origins: Wolverine, however, is definitive proof that a plateful of action is not enough to create a satisfying summer movie. For a film to attain the status of an excellent popcorn-munching cinematic experience, it's required to pay at least some attention to narrative coherence and character arcs, not to mention the action has to occur in an actual context. In Wolverine, the action sequences just...happen. To arrive at an action sequence, one has to suffer through badly-paced scenes of trite dialogue and terrible acting. Plot holes also flourish, logic is quickly discarded, and it leaves too many things unexplained. Instead of a deep character study, X-Men Origins: Wolverine is merely an action film masquerading as something more. There's no human drama (ala Spider-Man) or witty dialogue (like Iron Man). Even the other X-Men movies had a political resonance to them which isn't retained here. This is Hack Filmmaking 101!

X-Men Origins: Wolverine was ostensibly a labour of love for poor Hugh Jackman who also served as producer, but unfortunately his efforts didn't pay off. About a month before the film's scheduled release, an incomplete workprint was leaked online. As it turns out, though, this leak was the best thing to happen to the film industry during 2009. Those eagerly anticipating the movie (this reviewer included) were given the opportunity to see how awful it truly is. Fox immediately attempted to cover their blunder by claiming footage from the reshoots was missing from the workprint (fourteen minutes in total, apparently). Curiously, closer to the release date, Fox's story changed: ten minutes of reshoots are missing from the workprint version, and these ten new minutes are replacing ten particular minutes which have been removed from the final cut. However, the workprint was indeed the final cut sans finished special effects, sound effects and music. The alleged "missing footage" never existed...it was a lie manufactured by Fox in a frantic attempt to convince audiences to go see the completed movie. But those deceptive chairmen at Fox couldn't manufacture a lie to cover one particular fact: Wolverine is completely beyond salvation. No amount of reshooting could salvage this mess. Nothing short of a total remake - with a completely new script and plotline, and a bunch of new actors - could rescue this awful film.

In a failed attempt to distance the franchise from 2006's X-Men: The Last Stand, Fox green-lit this prequel instead of another sequel. Wisely, Wolverine was selected as the focus of this first origins adventure...yet this motion picture fails to illuminate the breadth of Wolverine's tale. His back-story is complex and lavish, traversing over many centuries and veering off into numerous sub-plots (and countries), all the while navigating through various relationships with an assortment of characters. This is all condensed into about 105 minutes, and it falls apart in less than a fraction of that time. No-one cares about where Wolverine got his jacket - a Wolverine-centric spin-off following the main character kicking butt in Japan would have been far better!

The film opens in Canada in 1845 (which is very strange, considering Canada wasn't established 'til 1867) when a young James Howlett first discovers his bone claw abilities. A few deaths occur, and James goes on the run with his half-brother Victor. This prologue, however, is very rushed; it's more confusing than compelling. Following this, a montage is presented as Wolverine and Sabretooth (Jackman and Schreiber, respectively) fight alongside each other in every major U.S. war. Never mind that it's impossible for these two to always be assigned to the same unit, as this indiscretion is reasonably minor compared to the other sins of logic to be found within. For instance, they're also Canadian... I guess no-one checked their papers when they enlisted in the U.S. Army...

After their experiences in Vietnam, the brothers are recruited by William Stryker (Huston) to be part of a team of mutants assigned to carry out missions in third world countries. Off-tangent sub-plots then appear in abundance; the main one concerning Wolverine seeking revenge after his lady friend meets with a violent end. Some betraying also occurs, more mutants are introduced, and this culminates in an endlessly silly climax. Instead of one solid plot, Wolverine is merely a tonne of sub-plots mashed together.

"All the horrible things in your life... Your father, the wars, I can make all this go away. You can live knowing that the woman you loved was hunted down, or you can join me. I promise you will have your revenge."

It's hard to begin detailing exactly what's wrong with this movie, because the truth is, it's just about everything. X-Men Origins: Wolverine is a disaster of monumental proportions.

The first major problem is the screenplay. It's a string of well-worn clichés we've seen a million times before - including not one, but two "don't do it, you'll be just as bad as him" moments as well as a conventional, cheesy, embarrassing romance subplot which concludes on the most clichéd note possible. Dialogue is another issue: it's AWFUL! I have no idea what's worse; the dreadful dialogue or the abysmal way the actors disperse it. The script also skims through crucial character development and more or less eschews Wolverine's origins entirely. If it's truly an "origins" tale as advertised, where are the explanations? When initially introduced to baby Wolverine, he's already a mutant with bone claws. How did he get them? The best we can assume is his biological father was a mutant, although the implication is irritatingly vague. These things are brushed aside in a hurry in order to dive straight into the action. The screenwriters never considered, however, that an audience needs a reason to care for the characters that are stuck in the midst of the action (only small-minded, ADD-inflicted individuals will overlook this). Another thing regarding the action: virtually all of the characters are invincible, which jettisons all hope of any emotional investment with them. When Wolverine and Sabretooth battle pointlessly over and over again, we know neither of them will die and the fight will conclude with them just walking away. Why should we care?

Wolverine is never given an opportunity to come to terms with his mutations. Even after his skeleton is coated with Adamantium, he's automatically cool with it all...except for the customary "looking at self in mirror while testing abilities" (TM) scene which lasts one or two minutes. Another major gripe: the name "Logan" is never justified. In the original comics, Wolverine was a Samurai and he was given the name Logan. In this muddled mess of a movie, the name Logan just...appears. We have no idea where it came from...he's just named Logan for no reason, and other characters mysteriously pick this up.

Neither does the script justify why Sabretooth becomes Wolverine's sworn enemy. Reasons for other happenings in the story - such as Sabretooth killing a perfectly harmless mutant, and beginning a Watchmen-style elimination of all mutants in his former team - also never become clear.

"I'm coming for blood. No code of conduct, no law."

The script is beset with absolutely preposterous moments. Like there's a high profile facility on the mysterious "Island", and Wolverine is able to simply stroll through the front doors. No security? No locks? And when mutants are escaping, a grand total of four armed men try to stop them. The cages containing the mutants are also just metal wire fences. Some mutants have powers to cut through these wires easily, like Cyclops who can slice through bricks. On top of this, Stryker is so dumb he decides to erase Wolverine's memory after coating the guy's skeleton with Adamantium, making him indestructible. Characters also pop up at the most appropriate time (an entrance from a particular character during the final showdown is embarrassingly terrible and way too convenient...it will elicit groans). Wolverine is beleaguered with logic problems, primarily from the "Why don't you just...?" variety and the "That's just totally stupid / What the fuck?!" range (like the aforesaid examples). One should suspend their disbelief for a comic book movie, but this takes things to the next level. It's worse than your usual brainless summer actioner. The film's concluding 10 minutes in particular are absolutely retarded. On top of this, the continuity of the entire series is wrecked. Certain conversations in the other X-Men films now make no sense (like Stryker telling Wolverine he gave him claws when in reality Stryker just strengthened the claws).

A plethora of infamous Marvel characters are dispatched not long after their introductions. Virtually every single character is flat; appearing in name-only form to entice fans. Deadpool's treatment is most heartbreaking. Perhaps Ryan Reynolds was behind the workprint leak after he viewed the incomplete version and realised the gross misuse of Deadpool. The character's appearance is no more than a cameo. Don't get too attached to other much-hyped characters such as The Blob, John Wraith, Agent Zero and Bolt, as (like Deadpool) their appearances amount to a mere cameo. Team X is formed at the film's beginning, but after a brief first mission Wolverine has a stroke of moral conscience and leaves the group. Why Wolverine and Sabretooth are so willing to join Stryker in the first place is a mystery. Due to the rushed nature of the opening twenty minutes, there's no way we can get emotionally attached to the characters. A lot of potential is wasted.

Most jarringly, this film clearly wants to be separate from the comics as it takes a separate path, yet if you're not acquainted with all these Marvel characters you won't care about those who appear and won't understand what they're doing here. The story isn't deep enough to provide the uninitiated with requisite information about everything (the title of 'Team X' isn't even mentioned...if it was it certainly wasn't a memorable moment), and it isn't loyal enough to satiate the fanboys.

Director Gavin Hood previously helmed 2007's Rendition as well as Tsotsi (which won an Oscar for Best Foreign Language Feature in 2006). Hood's inability to direct a genuinely enjoyable and resonant motion picture surfaces here again. Wolverine is a concatenation of action movie clichés, not just from the hackneyed screenplay but also the selection of shots. Like a shot of the protagonist setting off an explosion and walking in slow motion towards the camera, as well as the customary situation of the hero walking away from the bad guy he's decided not to kill, only to turn back slowly as said bad guy dramatically reveals something.

The action sequences are frequently marred by slo-mo shots, whereas other action sequences can't be enjoyed because of the invincibility of the characters, and as for the others...there's no context. An action scene involving Wolverine taking down a helicopter is admittedly awesome to watch, but within the story it makes no sense. Stryker is trying to kill the creature he just created at great expense, and sends his right-hand man to do the job...knowing fully well that bullets made of Adamantium are the only thing that can take down Wolverine. That's just the first of many irreverent action sequences. Others include a boxing match between Wolverine and The Blob that happens for no reason, and even a large-scale battle against Gambit - a mutant who's actually on the same side! For the climax, an unfinished genetically enhanced weapon is unleashed upon Wolverine, when once again Stryker has a full gun of Adamantium bullets at his disposal...and nothing else can kill the (anti)hero. Nothing in this film deals with the immortal characters in a meaningful or interesting way, and no amount of impressive fight choreography can provide the action with genuine tension. The special effects are also quite shonky, and an appearance of a CGI Patrick Stewart is absurdly unconvincing. The pacing, as well, is awful, as spaces between the action sequences are unforgivably sluggish, and this is due to Hood's incompetent direction. Bring back Bryan Singer!

Hugh Jackman has endless charisma as an actor, but his performance here is hamstrung by the badly drawn character. Wolverine is meant to be a badass anti-hero, but he's toned down for the sake of toy sales and the target audience. All Jackman does is strike poses and deliver dismal dialogue. Meanwhile, Liev Schreiber just alternates between sassy one-liners and open-mouthed rage. Luckily, Schreiber is actually a brooding villain, even if his motivations are never explored.

Ryan Reynolds is good as swordsman Wade Wilson (a.k.a. Deadpool), but he's lost far too early into the movie. His screen-time is exasperatingly brief, as is that of Dominic Monaghan whose character of Bolt has an appealing sadness. Taylor Kitsch is a soulless Gambit with a terrible, false accent. Perhaps Lost's Josh Holloway would've made a better Gambit (he was offered the chance to briefly appear in X-Men: The Last Stand as the character, but declined). Not worth mentioning anyone else, as they're all forgettable, especially Danny Huston who isn't at all sinister as Stryker.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine eventually turns into a confusing hodgepodge of uninspired, clichéd fight scenes and loud explosions. The other X-Men films focused on Wolverine at certain times, and he was more or less the central character. You'd think this "origins" tale would, ya know, reveal his origins...but it doesn't! It's just an action film with Wolverine at its core and mutants surrounding him, not unlike the other X-Men flicks. As a whole the film feels very rushed - it's too short to be considered an epic Marvel feature. The action is occasionally impressive, granted, but the whole falls below the sum of its parts. Good action does not mean an excellent movie.

All superhero films are advertisements for their merchandising departments, but Wolverine is more obvious than most, with product placement substituting compelling characters and an engaging storyline. Combined with limp direction and unimaginative special effects, and there's little to recommend. Even Jackman's natural charisma can't rise above the material...but he sure can strike a pose, doing so in every action sequence to ensure the toy department have a field day. No longer will people have to refer to the Spider-Man 3 fiasco - now Wolverine will be the target of conversations concerning bad Marvel movies. Even Brett Ratner's X-Men: The Last Stand is more enjoyable.

Batman