Byron Van Pelt (QueenCityFilms)

Early John Carpenter 80's action goodness.

It was a bit stiff, but the visuals were pretty sweet for what they were doin in the 80's (altho yeah, dated as 80 year old whores).

Snake Plissken was a total badass...loved the ending.

Fucking queef inducing pig sucking goat shitting dog urinal pounding asscrack slamming shart swallowing testicle trimming anal evacuation machine pump.

All of the above words were more poignant and beautiful than this shit for brains cinema.

FUCK YOU NANCY MEYERS, YOU TASTELESS CUNT. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOUR WHALE VAGINA, YOU TRASHY WHORE. GO BACK TO YOUR HOME ON WHORE ISLAND YOU BELLIGERANT OLD SLUT BAG.

Still haven't gotten it all out of my system. It's been 2 days since I saw this in Dallas and haven't been able to review it, so there's been a WHOLE LOT PENT UP INSIDE ME just AWAITIN' to ERUPT.

Fushit! (That's when you want to say both "fuck" and "shit" simultaneously).

Now, this is definitely not a movie I chose to see. I was dragged along by relatives. I had to play nice and bite my tongue during the movie. I nearly chewed it off entirely and almost swallowed it. Have I told you how much Nancy Meyers needs a spiked 14 inch dildo up her asshole?

If you are moronic enough to give this a decent rating, God help you. I seriously just deleted one of my friends off of my list because he gave it 4 stars...the fuck is wrong with you, dude. You're off the list . Sorry to sound like some pretentious fourth grader picking teams for dodgeball, but Jesus Chrisssttttttttttttttt my respect for you is now zero.

And my respect for the thousands of people that go see this movie willingly is absolutely nothing. John Krasisnski, what the fuck are you doing in this movie. Stop it.

Steve Martin, you're turning into an old chode.

Alec Baldwin, I just read an interview in Wired where you said that My Best Friend's Girl had the worst script you've ever read and that you'd never do a movie that lousy again...WELL WHAT THE FUCK ALEC YOU GOD DAMN TREE FUCKING HYPOCRITE?@??!?! ShiFUCK!

I'm not even going to begin tearing this movie's asshole wide open. The shittiest script I've seen to a movie in quite some time. Crank 2 was almost better than this. And that's REALLY saying something.

20-something kids who've seen their parents divorced for 10 years now suddenly break down and cry together on a bed. Riiiiiight. Because my parents have been divorced for about a year now and I know I'd toooootalllly break down and cry 10 years for now if they teased me with getting b ack together and then said no...riiiiiiiight. (By the way, whichever actor was the blonde dude, some 20something chode, holy hot fuck, dude. You scared the fuck outta me. You're creepy as shit. Get off the stage. I need to gouge my eyeballs out. Queef)

The hideous Meryl Streep chuckling with her fat 40-something friends about boning Alec Baldwin again post-divorce. Giggle giggle, snort snort, inhale wine and chocolate, you fucking cliche mongrel, Meyers! It wasn't bad enough for you to write this smut, you had to fucking direct it too, eh?

Streep and Martin getting stoned and going to her son's college graduation party?!?! CLEVER IDEA MEYERS YOU PANDA FUCKER.

Dull, absolutely lifeless opening credit shots of the TOPS OF HOUSES...great inspiration there, team...beautiful way to start off the movie, you UNINSPIRED DIARRHEA GUZZLERS.

EVERY SINGLE ELEMENT of this movie was lazy and hackneyed, so that it ended up amounting to absolutely nothing. I'm giving it 1 1/2 stars because the fucking sound synched up with the video. And that's really the only reason. The actual ending sums up the laziness so perfectly...I thought to myself...THAT was the resolution...an ANTI-RESOLUTION that didn't even RESOLVE ANYTHING?!?!?!? I OHH MY OAJHDFIOJS GOODIHJFOISHJ DFOIFUCK FIUS DIFHLKHJFLI HTOIHSFL:DKF I:EJWOIHJOI:HJA HJSHOELFU CU FUIFULK DHSLGHKlo

In short, FUCK EVERYTHING THIS MOVIE STANDS FOR AND THE AUDIENCE IT TRIES TO CATER TO. YOU ARE WHAT'S WRONG WITH HOLLYWOOD NOW.

I'm so pissed, I can't even sleep. God damn it. I can't even...I'm hyper ventilating...silfahidhfioahjfiahjlgkwerf

The end.

David Fincher is sick in a perfect way. My #1 film of all time currently. NOTHING tops it...STILL. I've watched this movie like 25 times and every time I watch it, even if I gotta go take a piss, I PAUSE THE MOVIE cuz I can't miss a scene. Every actor is on point. Pitt is simply badass. Norton is amazing. Bonham Carter dominates. Fincher has such an unrelenting need to film each shot perfectly that he routinely uses over 50 takes for important scenes...dude takes his shit seriously. I think that's why I love this movie so much - every single shot is painstakingly crafted. No movie comes close to this masterpiece.

I've heard the creators have ripped off several sources...I honestly don't care. This is the most imaginative movie I've ever seen.