| Movie | Rating | Review | Date | Your Rating | Match | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Die Hard - R |
5 Reasons Die Hard Is The Best Christmas Movie Ever Made!!
#5 The Spirit of Giving Giving and charity are the central points of the holiday, and many Christmas movies reflect that: In A Christmas Story, all Ralphie wants is a Red Ryder BB Gun. He is consumed by this desire, despite the inherent dangers of the gift, because he is only thinking of himself. Eventually his wish is granted, but it quickly turns on him, thus illustrating that selfishness is not the true meaning of the holiday. Similarly, in Die Hard, all that our protagonist, John McClane, wants is a peaceful holiday with his estranged wife; he too is only thinking of himself. But, unlike the selfish Hans Gruber who only wants to take, McClane eventually learns that giving is its own reward? in that he bakes a lovely bullet casserole for every god damn foreigner he sees. He becomes so charitable that, by the end of the film, he even presumably gives it hard and fast to his ex-wife in the back of the limo, despite her most closely resembling an orangutan with a jerry curl. #4 Thankfulness In It?s a Wonderful Life, Jimmy Stewart learns that, despite all of his economic woes, he is both loved and needed in his community. By the end of the film, Stewart finds that his life really does have meaning and importance by virtue of his worth to the community around him. Though he faces some personal trials, Stewart realizes that it?s the intangible things - love, friendship, and faith - which are truly important. In Die Hard, John McClane faces his own trials by virtue of his fear of flying. A nearby passenger with a dim grasp on foot anatomy advises McClane to toss away his shoes in favor of ?making fists with his toes? as an antidote to the fear, and he reluctantly takes the man?s advice. After callously abandoning all footwear, McClane suddenly learns that what he?s taken for granted all his life is what he needs most?when he has to run barefoot across fucking glass! Both It?s A Wonderful Life and Die Hard espouse the same philosophy, that you shouldn?t take things - yourself, your value to the community, shoes - for granted, it?s just that Die Hard does it in a much more effective way: With extravagant torture! A Charlie Brown Christmas doesn?t teach Charlie Brown the meaning of the holiday by putting lit cigarettes out on his face until he learns to appreciate warmth, Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer doesn?t that learn that everybody is special in their own right by being thrown into Auschwitz, and The Santa Clause doesn?t teach Tim Allen that he should?ve loved his son more by skinning him alive and covering him in ants. Die Hard is simply willing to go much further - willing to violently ream its characters in every orifice of their soul, if necessary - just to impart the true meaning of Christmas. #3 The Importance of Family All notions of giving and receiving aside, many movies hold that the real purpose of Christmas is to emphasize togetherness and family. We are here to appreciate our loved ones and bask in the glory of community, they say, regardless of our material possessions. The Grinch Who Stole Christmas learns this lesson when, after stealing all the presents in Whoville, still finds the Whos singing - actually singing! - and just grateful to be together on this holy day. Through the adversity of others, the Grinch learns family is most important, and his heart grows three sizes that day? at which point he immediately drops dead from an over-enlarged heart. In Die Hard, the giant blonde terrorist, Karl, learns that all the untraceable bearer bonds in the world are not nearly as important as his dear brother. Unfortunately, he learns this after John McClane casually murders his sibling in the face until dead. Karl is so overcome by vengeance and grief at this realization that he abandons all thoughts of self-preservation and dies futilely trying to kill Bruce Willis. He was so torn apart by the loss of his family that he wasn?t thinking logically, and was killed much easier. So you see, John McClane also knows family is the most important thing; that?s why he makes sure to take them out first. #2 All Glory Be To Christ Christmas is, by and large, a celebration of the birth of Jesus. It is a day to give all acknowledgement and glory to the lord. Bruce Willis screams ?Jesus fuckin? Christ!? like eighty times in Die Hard. That counts. Mark that shit. #1 Faith And Miracles Which brings us to the final theme of the holidays: Faith. Whether that faith is in Our Lord and Fuckin? Savior, Jesus F. Christ, the goodness of human nature, or even just the existence of Santa Claus - belief in a greater force is an integral part of the Christmas experience. For example, in Miracle on 34th Street, Susan Walker learns that Santa Claus is real, because her unwavering belief in him makes him so. Die Hard, likewise, is absolutely riddled with Christmas Miracles: Hans Gruber has absolute faith that the FBI will cut the electricity to Nakatomi Plaza and they do it right on schedule, Argyle has faith that he?ll be the first jive-talkin? black sidekick in cinematic history not to die a horrible, disposable death, and he is (controversially) still alive as the credits roll, while John McClane regularly demonstrates remarkable faith that the laws of physics will temporarily suspend themselves every time he calls somebody a motherfucker, and he pulls off so many reality-bending shenanigans I?m almost certain he was using hacks. Unlike other, slightly less terrorist-based Christmas movies, however, in Die Hard having faith let?s you bungee jump through explosions on a fire hose, hurl office chairs that detonate with the force of an atomic bomb, and hang Germans with lengths of industrial chain. Unless there?s a deleted scene in Miracle where Susan Walker parachutes through an inferno on the American Flag, Die Hard?s faith makes all other faiths look like pussies. So when it comes time to choose that Christmas classic for the family to gather ?round this year, take your lessons from John McClane and make it Die Hard. If you run into any resistance, simply strip down to a tank top, accuse everybody present of copulating with their mothers, and shoot somebody two dozen times in the groin. Bruce Willis has done it in literally every movie he?s been in, and look at him! He grew up to be Bruce Willis! Thanks to Robert Brockway of cracked.com for this wonderful article! |
December 23, 2009 | N/A | |||
| The House of Mirth - PG |
I watched this shit with my moms yesterday. I'm sorry to say that it was boring as Heeeeell. No one in their right mind can say that Gillian Anderson did a good job in this jawner. It was just as fun as watching Winona Ryder in 'The Age of Innocence'.. Poor, poor acting.
Dan Aykroyd is so out of place, he goes out and then back in again, if you follow me. Eric Stoltz is the only one that shines. But that's just one mans opinion.. go make one for yourself! |
December 23, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Il cacciatore di squali (Guardians of the Deep)(The Shark Hunter) - Unrated | December 23, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel - PG | December 23, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Sherlock Holmes - PG-13 | December 23, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Macskafogó (Cat City) - Unrated | December 23, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Eden Lake - R | Do I.. really? | December 22, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Moon - R |
This one-man show is worth all the praise it can get.
The ambience is eerie, but never gets awkward. Sam Rockwell is amazing as always. The man never gives a dull performance! I'm really looking forward to Duncan Jones next film. |
December 22, 2009 | N/A | |||
| The Messenger - R | I refuse, even though it is Woody. | December 22, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - PG-13 |
"I sure hope it's better than the first one." That's what I wrote back in the days, when I was young and naive. To ever think that Michael Bay would direct anything that might even be considered as "good", "better", "decent" or "half-bad" is just the thoughts of a madman. I watched this box-office smash hit yesterday. Big fuckin' mistake. The robots are even bigger clowns than in the first one and makes Gimli from LotR look serious for a brief moment, the humans are so annoying you just want to shove your hand down your troat and rip out your brainstem. I failed in that endeavor.. pity.. "-Well.. at least it has some frikkin awesome effects, dude", you might say. Man, if you dude me one more time over special-effects I will end you and your F/X based cunt life, Bear Jew style. That's right.. Eli Roth ain't the only ma-fakker that can swing a bat. I could just tell you the truth too and say that the effects looked like whore-shit(that's right, whore). It's just a mosh of robot parts that move to fast for me to really appreciate. As you might have understood if you stayed with me this long, is that this is a God-awful film and that you should stay the fuck away! Peace to the mighty! |
December 21, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Whatever Works - PG-13 | I'm watching it right now. | December 21, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Bakjwi (Thirst) - R |
Thank you all for recommending this one!! This is the best vampire-movie to be released in about 15 years. Kang-ho Song is a delight to watch as usual and teamed up with Ok-bin Kim, they form a super-duo. Watch this instead of that ridiculous Twilight-saga. |
December 21, 2009 | N/A | |||
| The Private Lives of Pippa Lee - R | December 21, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Yi ngoi (Accident) - Unrated | December 21, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| The Forty-First - Unrated | December 21, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Castaway on the Moon (Kimssi pyoryugi) - Unrated | December 20, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Did You Hear About the Morgans? - PG-13 | December 19, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Crazy Heart - R | December 19, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Gli Orrori del Castello di Norimberga (Baron Blood) - PG |
If you are expecting something down the line of 'Bloody Pit of Horror', you are just like me and dead wrong. I was on pins and needles the first half hour, just to be let down. There is nothing about 'Baron Otto von Kleist' that even come close to the awesome 'Crimson Executioner' in 'Bloody Pit of Horror'. On the other hand one is supernatural and the other one is just a madman driven by the lust to kill. Where was I? That's right! Back to the story.. The young heir 'Peter Kleist' comes to his ancestors old castle to supervise the sale of the place. There he meets the stunning 'Eva Arnold' played by Elke Sommer. He has only just arriwed and struck a pose before people start disappearing and all traces points to the mentally retarded groundskeeper. Yeah right! That twat could kill an afternoon on his back. But who is it then? Watch it and find out. PS. This movie totally turned me off Elke Sommer. Her acting is awful in this one. The beautiful, blonde, german goddess with the seductive eyes unfortunately ruined the movie for me, and I will never be able to look at her the same way again. Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ic_vEsIeod8 |
December 19, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Star of David: Hunting for Beautiful Girls - Unrated |
This might be up your alley, but chance is that it isn't. The whole thing starts of one rainy night with an escaped sex-convict, a happily married couple and some rope. You can sort of figure out the rest of that evening. The wife ends up pregnant and her housband can never get over the fact that it isn't his cgild, so he humiliates and tortures her untill the day she 'off's' herself. The sons grows to be a man unworthy of his 'fathers' love and constantly reminded of his horrible heritage. Whit a dick like that as your dad, you just have to search for your roots, don't you? Hooking up with chicks isn't a problem for this rich playboy, so he builds himself a dungeon to store them in. The rest of the film is filled with torture, murder and mayhem, but also real lust and true love. Wait a minute, you might say. What ever happened to his biological father? What? You want me to tell you the whole fuckin' movie? Just watch it already! PS. All timid girls aren't as timid as they might look. Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UU_sNI3JjAo |
December 19, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Slaughter's Big Rip Off - R |
Hey all you jive hustlers, you stone foxes, you mean dudes. Watch out cause Slaughter is back in town! If you are looking for a bad-ass, funky film to watch some night, this is just right. 'Slaughter' is back and trying to take it easy n' relax after his adventures down in Mexico. But if you are a narrow-minded gangster like 'Duncan', you are bound to seek revenge. Why, I don't know. Was 'Hoffo' in the first one his brother or what? Any who. The movie starts off with the old "assassination from a plane" routine. We all know that that is THE most effective way for taking out one guy in a picnic, full of people. Needless to say Slaughter survives the ordeal, but Cmndt. Eric Lassard, sorry George Gaynes I mean isn't that lucky. SMACK!! Also Slaughters best friend Pratt is killed. This is the start of a grand adventure, filled with the hippest, funkiest music James Brown himself has to offer. That's right 'The Godfather of Soul' has put his signum up on this bad-boy. In addition to Jim Brown in the lead part, this movie is filled with some of the biggeest names the blaxploitation scene has to offer. How about Scatman Crothers, Dick Anthony Williams, Gloria Hendry and Brock Peters. In other parts we see none other than Judith M. Brown and last but fuck-all least the fantastic Don Stroud as the evil henchman. PS. Just fuckin' watch it! Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1xhIRj0QZM |
December 19, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Wolfen - R |
[SPOILERS AHEAD] At first glance Wolfen might look just like any other werewolf-movie, but that's a big no-no. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. This 80's horror isn't just missleading it's downright awful. Albert Finney stars as detective Dewey Wilson. A New York police-officer that does things his own way. When dismembered bodies starts to turn up around the city, Dewey naturally turns towards the native-americans, because as anybody who has seen a western-film knows, 'injuns' can shape-shift(?). Anyhow, this worthless excuse for a police runs around the ruins of south Bronx trying to find a supernatural beast that can rip peoples head straight off. But he never really does any police work and he runs as soon as he suspects that there might be something dangerous in the surroundings. Of course he hooks up with his partner without any previous flirtations. I guess that's just how it was in the early 80's, before AIDS and work ethics was invented. Dewey is nothing more than a puppet, standing in the side-line, observing without grasping jack-shit. I can understand that he just stands, gun lowered, when his boss is attacked (who wouldn't), but he just lets his friends drop dead one by one too. Act ffs!! The summation and standing impression of this film is that Dewey Wilson is the worst police EVER, and I don't talk Bad Lieutenant bad. Just totally worthless. PS. If you hear something that sounds like a baby crying, stay the fuck away!! It could be Wolfen. |
December 18, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Hatchet for the Honeymoon (Il rosso segno della follia) - Unrated | December 18, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Laugh, Clown, Laugh - Unrated | December 18, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Moebius - Unrated | December 18, 2009 | N/A |
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