| Movie | Rating | Review | Date | Your Rating | Match | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Dario Argento - An Eye for Horror - Unrated |
Damnit, why can't I have a top producer as a parent? Was intending to use this as a guide to his filmography so I could decide which to view next. Didn't work out for that purpose, but gave me a very nice profile of how this master works. Good for film students and horror fans. Highlights: Romero talks the making of "Dawn of the Dead" and also describes Argento as a "impressionist" film-maker. Savini talks about his work with Argento. Asia Argento discusses (or refuses to discuss) the perplexing psychological implications of her father having filmed many scenes across his filmography in which characters played by his wife and daughters are subjected to the horrors of murder and rape. |
March 11, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Zombies Zombies Zombies - Unrated |
You may know this crapfest better as Zombies vs Strippers (or Strippers vs. Zombies). Intolerable acting, continuity problems abound, terrible CG, "zombies" without any makeup, blood the color of syrup, intolerable acting. And none of this falls under the "so bad it's good" file. Hell, there's not even that many titties, and that's usually the only damn thing these crap movies are about. The thing that irks me most is the movie begins by showing a scene of a poorly done zombie movie on TV, and a chracter remarks summat to the effect "WHo makes this garbage?" I thought the movie would then proceed to do all the right things after demonstrating all the wrong things. NOPE. Just even more wrongness. And I am convinced this is not hidden satire-parody a la Re-Animator. No this is just shit on shit. AVOID AVOID AVOID |
March 10, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Inferno - R |
I like this WAAAAY better than Suspiria and I dun care whats peoples gots to say bout dat! I'm not saying it's a better film (I'd have to rescreen both multiple times to determine that) but I prefer it, and is under-rated for not being as popular as Suspiria. As usual for Argento productions, the sets and lighting are astonishing and beautiful. Unusual for Argento, this movie is quite plotted while also maintaining Argento's signature impressionist style. I found this story to be the most revealing of the "Three Mothers" trilogy. There is too much good to be said about this film. Favorite scenes: the submerged room in the cellar, following sounds through the elaborate pipe system, the library closing scene, the end sequence (which gives the film its name). |
March 9, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Motel Hell - R |
Re-watched this again a few days ago. Has gotten cheesier with age and I can, for once, see why a remake might be justified as every plot point that isn't gore or grotesque related is flimsy and paperthin. For example, keeping that girl as their sort of "pet", who is supposed to be the protagonist, is really odd and feels misplaced. The relationship between her and the farmer is not believable because neither actor is trying to sell it. Onto the goodness: the "farmer's" whole process is great. Any scenes with the grounded people are fascinating and funny yet scary. The part which I remembered from childhood, which I still really love today, is when the ground people have escaped and begin their zombie-like descent upon the farmhouse; the lighting is great and it's one of the better examples of making victims frightening to the audience. The chainsaw showdown is great because although illogical to don a pig head mask, it's damn weird and creepy. |
March 9, 2009 | N/A | |||
| The Crazies - Unrated | March 7, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Blood River - Unrated | March 7, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| La Terza Madre (Mother of Tears: The Third Mother) - Unrated |
NOTE: please read my Suspiria review if what I say here inflames you. On second screening, I GOT the genius of Suspiria, but out of respect to my former self (and other viewers) who was able to view the film as "pretentious" and to also make my point about what modern horror should be, I leave those defaming comments on Suspiria intact. The murder ataboutaround 10minutes in is AMAZING. Goretastic like one craves and with a great use of guts. And they just keep getting gorier and more creative. From Udo Kier's priest character to the medium's girlfriend, this is full of crazy kills. And the antagonists - the demonic forces, followers, and possessed people are just damn scary with a cool edge. From the ancient language speaking ravers to a fully fleshed pointy eared demon, the design is well done and the result is some very unique characters. The monkey is probably the coolest though. The acting is over the top melodramatic to say the least, but that didn't matter much to me when the version I'm watching has French audio and English subtitles. People complain that the story moves around too much, thus lack of atmosphere (am I the only one that equates "atmosphere" to a more static setting and slower pace with fewer plot details), but I think that a fast film overloaded with details fits this horror subgenre of end of the world sorcery battle much better. I'm a sucker for Catholic mythology, and unless you're going to do it perfectly as in The Exorcist, the "atmospheric" approach should be avoided. This is an action thriller horror movie, and not an atmospheric psychological-subjective horror like Susperia. I haven't seen Inferno yet, and I didn't really see what was so damn great about Suspiria on my first two views, so now I'm going to go back and see that again and Inferno the first time because I really like the story. As a horror movie, this has no "atmosphere" because it has a fast pace instead. But fuck atmosphere; that's not what modern horror needs. This is what modern horror needs - absurd kills and insane amounts of violence and a heavily loaded plot. Not some minimalistic over-lit underwritten character piece with not nearly enough blood like Suspiria. This movie piles it on, and I like it like that. Suspiria is slow and overimportant, read too pretentious for its own good; this is fast and rude, read made for the blood-addicted ADD generation. I prefer the latter style for this millennium and leave the former style to actual masters of it like David Lynch. My only complaint is that the ending isn't so much a showdown as it is a letdown. I expected a full on witch fight or at least a more hyped scene, and instead the main character just gets lucky without having to struggle for it. |
March 7, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Storm Warning - R |
A huge flaw in the premise: taking a small boat through unknown areas WITHOUT any form of navigation, nevermind Global GPS which even experienced fishermen in my local Louisiana waterways have had since the 90s. Another small flaw: who grows indoors when you have so much unmonitored land? (actually, unlike the former point, this one can be explained away) Still, these dumbasses give a bad name for marijuana farmers everywhere, but unfortunate for my entertainment, the yuppies are none too brighter when it comes to negotiating their circumstances with a bit more common sense. On the positive, I feel like the characters of the two brothers and father are very well developed. The boys do a good enough job dropping hints at their father's disposition that by the time he is ready for screentime, we already know his character just as well as if he'd been around all that time. Perhaps one of the scariest elements is how much implied incest and bestiality has taken place on the farm. For the final third of this film, the woman takes on the traditional empowered asskicker role as her man has been temporarily disabled. One striking bit of originality is the dick-deadly diaphragm she devises for use as her anti-rape kit. Also, the trap the couple sets in the barn will no doubt be referenced for the new Hellraiser's chains-n-hooks sequence. The set design is killer - detailed, grimy, and wholly believable and suited to the characters it represents. This is pretty decent for its genre, but treads no new territory in the story format of "rural male vs urban male = the contended female was the only one who ever had a chance at winning". But what of the gore?, you other blood fiends ask. Well the version I saw was the "Extreme Edition" (and unrated) one. The final kill scores for originality, but too little wind in the sails too late. The blood is colored beautifully and used effectively (sparingly for the genre). But what isn't used sparingly and nearly gave me a seizure? The crew's strobe light throughout the entire climax. Hungry gorehounds will wonder: who copied who in for the dog eats dicklet scene (between this and Teeth - same breed of dog, same idea of vagina dentata)? |
March 6, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Imago Mortis - Unrated | March 6, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| The War Zone - R |
Review addendum March 6, 2009: I realized just now what would/could have made this film perfect: more scenes with dialogue between the brother and sister. Just more verbal communication between those two would have altogether changed the dynamic of the film from nihilistic and bleh to ambiguous and arresting. -- For the most part, I will just bitch because I'd get quickly tired of making a list of all the things that this film does well. I will say the setting is my favorite component. This is quite emotionally loaded for being so slow, uneventful, and unevenly paced; that's because when something does happen, it is gigantically dramatic like (SPOLIERS) a graphic car wreck with the entire family racing an in-labor Mum to the hospital or Dad anally raping Jess while Tom watches . A family has moved from London to a remote seaside area where they are isolated with their immediate familial problems: Mum has just had a baby, Tom is coming of age sexually, and Dad is fucking Tom's older sister who is close in age to Tom. The story is meant by cinematic suggestion to be told from Tom's point of view, but that is a major deficit as I feel his character is so underdeveloped to the extent that he has no uniqueness besides his detached demeanor. Everyone besides the actor for Tom delivers intriguing and multi-layered performances or real people. Perhaps Tom is meant to be stilted and removed, like the camera that simply records. It would mean that we have to do a lot of filling in the blanks for Tom's internal monologue, so in a way, our thoughts could become projected as Tom's. So whether or not the director intended this, it works. There are some detrimental sound mix issues, as some of the dialogue is inaudible even at quiet moments, and then the ocean roars or engine drones over the already near-muted speaking. This is a very bleak film, both in color tones and story theme. I doubt there is much of a traditional market for a work this serious about itself, but those who do see it certainly will not feel any closure about this film. Ultimate in conveying the ambiguity of reality to a point that you will be left in an ambiguity haze after seeing this film. That's what makes this so good and ALMOST earned it an extra half star; it is an art house melodrama that does what it's meant to. Watch to find out. |
March 6, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Kataude mashin gâru (The Machine Girl) - Unrated |
Looks like I'm the only person on my friends' list this underwhelmed by this movie. Following Tokyo Gore Police may have effected my downgrading of Machine Girl's rating. This is a boring revenge flick that plays off comedic/cartoonish stylings as seen in Evil Dead. None of the gore is inventive - and gore action is the only thing this movie is about. Some of the fight scenes look like practice choreography instead of the filmed version. This movie wasn't terrible, and if you want action gore it may satisfy, but I didn't find anything unique or memorable in this one. Well, except the drill boobs. |
March 5, 2009 | N/A | |||
| ¿Quién puede matar a un niño? (Who Can Kill a Child?)(Death is Child's Play)(Island of the Damned) - R | March 3, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| The Tenant - R | March 3, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father - Unrated | March 3, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Renaissance - R | March 3, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Slipstream - R |
As I write this segment at 59mins in, I can't decide if this film is brilliant or pretentious. Certainly the first third (and pretty much all) of the camera work that isn't a jump cut is pretentious (esp the color changes are not earned). And this second third I've just finished is plain brilliant, a new sendup of movie production on par with The Player, Swimming with Sharks, and Day of the Locust. I do know that however I turn out feeling about this movie in the end, I will probably rent the DVD and do tons of research on how/why Hopkins put this project together. Okay, resuming screening. 1:hr10mins: this movie is tripping me out, but also annoying me too(again with the unearned color and cutting "style"). Okay, the SAVE creen is awesome! I'm totally geeking out on the writer aspects too, cuz it's like very much in the vein of a William S. Burroughs or Philip K. Dick confrontation b/w the self and reality. Perhaps other writers oft wonder if their lives will turn into that blur of story and objectivity; the multiple layers of reality that stack themselves before us cannot be ignored and must be grandly experienced, like a fever dream spanning a few decades. This film captures that very well. It is all really hinging on the last 10-15mins though. Alright, I thought it was awesome with the horror detour to the framed beginning/ending tragic device. Awesome as Schizopolis or Adaptation or Naked Lunch? Hellz NO. But I enjoyed; others will rate 3 to 3.5. I give it that extra bump just because the stylistic blend confused and angered me in a kinda fun way. |
March 2, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Mondo Cane - R | March 2, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Avalon - R |
Was not at all disappointed. The key here is that in scenes set in the game, it feels set in a game and scenes set in "real realities" look real (though both the game and real worlds utilize the same effects palette, just producing starkly different results). The story is also tops, but the intrigue of falling deeper into the game ultimately overshadows what the script props up as the character's real motivation. I'm really suprised this film doesn't have more of a cult following. I highly recommend it to scifi fans, dystopia fans, gaming fans, technophreaks, VFX freeks, philosophy phreeks, animator/animation junkies, film-makers and just film fans. |
March 2, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Thriller - Unrated | February 28, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| Suspiria - R |
I expected more from Argento; the only bits of this movie I remember are the ones that were highlighted in a documentary on horror films. - I need to give this one another chance after reading what other respected horror fans have written about it. - Revised Viewing Feb 26, 2009: 3 to 4.5 Can't believe I was underwhelmed with this before and I think that's because it is very minimalistic on story. Minimalism in story is frustrating for me and makes it tough for me to sit through a first view. Next time around, once I already know the story and have my thirst for details quenched, I can better absorb the image and see its affect on the story and how that creates the film. In case of Suspiria, the image creates incredible tension and SUSPENSE. Argento really knows how to use his camera in this flick. I take back all the negative things I said about in in my Mother of Tears review (but am leaving those complaints up to frame my opinion on MoT). He uses his lighting incredibly well and every shot is framed so nicely. The colors are dazzling, powerful and can be, as a result, overwhelming. The other key killer here is the score. I have not been so creeped out by a score in such a long time, and this is also a shining moment for infamous Goblin. Pretty minimal on gore for an Argento, but the "creature/ghoul" pulled out at the end totally creeped me. The feeling of being within the witches' den is so perfectly captured here that countless films since have aimed for this very high goal. Cannot recommend this enough, though I do caution that if you are not floored the first time around, let it sit a few months and return to it. |
February 27, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Tôkyô Zankoku Keisatsu (Tokyo Gore Police) - Unrated |
If you like absurdity in your gore horror, this is beyond must watch and into new classic territory. Just be aware that the gore here is in the Asian fountain style where it's all about quantity, not reality in any sense. To this effect, those who seek authentic blood colors and consistency will be disappointed, but if you like the blood fountain aesthetic and that's what you're looking for, you probably don't give a damn about coloring or any realism, and you're gonna see some of the coolest gore fountains in cinema history. The story here is that in future Tokyo, police have been privatized and primarily spend their time fighting things called engineers. Engineers are crazed killers that can only be killed by destroying the hidden key-shaped organ within them; any other damage done to an engineer turns the wound site into a weapon. This rule makes for some of the most awesome human-monster hybrids ever on screen. It starts with the Evil Dead tribute of guy with chainsaw hand, and then moves on to all original territory with guy with turret gun eyes, lady with giant jaw lower half, guy with giant dick gun, lady with acid-spewing titties. Even those who fight engineers have some awesomely odd weapons; this movie brings new meaning to the term "handgun". The dubs are not annoying but actually well done. The props/special effects are great for the most part. The commercials throughout are hilarious, as is the majority of this movie. Instant new fave and I can't wait for the next one! "Most Fucked up" highlight: Take your pick. For me, it's the chair person. |
February 25, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Zone of the Dead - Unrated | this looks SO badass | February 17, 2009 | N/A | |||
| Reazione a catena (A Bay of Blood) (Twitch of the Death Nerve) - R | February 17, 2009 | N/A | ||||
| The Midnight Meat Train - R |
First screening: this is a plain thrilling goregasm. Vinnie Jones - or as I know him from Gervais' and Merchant's "Extras", that footballer bloke who just acts hard though Ross Kemp reckons he could definitely beat him up - does a great butcher. He's a naturally mean looking man and a large solid physique that dwarfs his victims and equals one buff and tough wrestler-like guy who ends up as another meal. Jones has the dead stare nailed down! I want to read Clive Barker's original story before I comment on plot elements and the script (as I watched crapfest 'Insanitarium' to get a taste of Jeff Buhler's screenwriting skills, and because this is an adaptation, I can't fairly appraise or praise until I've read the source material. UPDATE 2-11-09: Read the story a while back and just now commenting because I have adjusted the score to 1/2 star less while reviewing my Best Horror 2008 list. The short story is very minimalistic and quite open to adding storylines. I like the dramatic changes done to Mr. Brown (the killer) as I think a badass dude like Vinnie Jones is more effective than a pudgy middle-aged geek type (though really either could work with the right direction). The best thing is that screenwriter Buhler adds a great backstory for the protagonist as a fledgling photographer looking to capture gritty reality and land his first break. And the worst bit, which I've mentioned a bit before, is the ending, not just all the added unnecessary action but how the history of the city (and its elders) is not so clear in the film as compared to the story where it is explained and not just nodded at. I now see what Barker was talking about when it came to fighting to keep this film uncensored, and it's generally fucked that the production and distribution systems clash so much. There's not much holding back on the blood, and gore fans will be in heaven throughout the final reel. I think there were some anticipatory censorship issues with nudity of the corpses on hooks as I saw a few too many unrealistic bodies: obvious simplistic crash dummies next to a more detailed model that had a penis that defied gravity.  Still any wide shots of the corpses displayed in rows on the train cars, drawn and hung like cattle, are sickening sublime. The (primary) murder weapon is just plain cool, from finish to design, it's an iconic horror movie weapon. I did dislike how the beginning of the movie has some bits realistic-striving avant-garde stuff but then splats that against action-geared fights; basically, sometimes the film is playing out like a noir with lingering atmospheric shots, then it kicks into action movie mode of quick cutting and I found that conflict of moods was the biggest detriment. The action geared final act just ruins this movie's potential for greatness. I know now that I will watch this movie a few more times, one or two for serious screening, and loads for the sheer fun of it. |
February 11, 2009 | N/A | |||
| The Dead Next Door - Unrated | February 11, 2009 | N/A |
1678 ratings
588 reviews
